


Love, Camera, Action!

by HJ1



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, Completely Clexa centered, F/F, Fine stud Lexa at times, Hollywood Clexa AU, Movie star Lexa, SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW BURN, Shy Lexa at times, Singer Clarke Griffin, Slow Burn, actress lexa, clexa au, mentions and small interactions with other characters only, mom clarke griffin, slow slow burn, the 100 au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-09-27 00:29:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 120,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9941123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HJ1/pseuds/HJ1
Summary: Singer/songwriter Clarke is starring in one of her first movies with famous actress Lexa Woods.Clexa centered.





	1. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa Woods gets a script for a new movie.

…

Step,

Step,

Step,

Images of a curly brunette visit Lexa momentarily.

Step,

Step,

Step,

…

_Check:_

_Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth_

_Heartrate, good…_

_Speed, good._

Step,

Step,

Step,

She imagines the brunette’s pretty smile.

…

_Keep going_

_…_

Flash,

Flash,

Flash,

 

_Uh, not now._

Lexa raises her arms to block the flashes nearing her from the opposite side of the street.

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

_Check again:_

_Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth_

_Heartrate, still good…_

_Speed, a little lower, but still good_.

 

They distracted her.

She reaches the end of the block and tries to speed up again.  

 

Flash,

Flash,

Flash,

 

“Over here Lexa!” they yell as they approach her.

 

 _Damn it_ , they’re almost right in front of her.

 

“How’re you doing tonight?” they ask.

 

_Did they have to find her tonight? Couldn’t she have one peaceful jog in the evening?_

She tries to look past the flashes.

 

“Give us a smile,” they demand.

 

“Jogging alone tonight?” they intrude.

 

Now they’re right in front of her.

 

She raises her arms to block the flashes and move them out of her way. She pushes her way through them and makes it to the end of another block.

 

_Check again:_

_Breathing a little out of control._

_Heartrate, higher than before._

_Speed, way too slow. Damn it._

 

They slowed her down and practically forced her to a stop when they obstructed her way and compelled her to push past them and their cameras.

She purses her lips and tightens her jaw. She presses her hands into fists and she starts running faster.

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

Faster.

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

Even faster.

 

She glances back, the camera’s are still flashing from a distance, but they’re too far to catch up with her now.

She keeps going. Much faster. She wants them completely gone.

She doesn’t usually hate them, the cameras, the paparazzi. Tonight is different, tonight she does. She doesn’t act like she usually does, she doesn’t act like she’s completely used to being chased around by people wanting a smile and photograph, even though she is. Most nights she gives them a smile, waves, says hello, sometimes she even asks how they’re doing back or makes a joke, but not tonight.

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

She makes several turns, doesn’t look back this time, she keeps going as fast as her legs allow her.

 

Heartrate? Probably off the roof.

Speed? Who knows.

 

She reaches her building, pushes past the front door harshly, and makes her way to the elevator with a slight wave and a greeting to the doorman and the receptionist.  She presses the elevator button and doesn’t have to wait for it to reach the floor she’s on because it’s already there.

 

The doors open, it’s empty. _Thank God._ She steps in, pulls her keycard from her pocket, passes it through the sensor and presses the button with the highest number on it, the penthouse, which she owns.

 

She realizes now that she’s completely out of breath. She pushed too hard. She forgot to control her breathing or check her heartrate or her speed. She sighs and stops her fitness tracker. She should’ve checked but the press ruined her routine tonight.

 

She leans on her knees and tries to manage her breathing. She tries to take deep breaths through the nose and out the mouth, but she can’t help the short rapid breaths that her lungs are pushing out.  

 

She can feel the veins on her temples pulsating and the blood rushing through every limb on her body. She can hear her heart throbbing in her ears as the sweat slides from her head to her forehead and drips on the elevator floor while she still leans on her knees.

 

The elevator doors open and she steps into her place.

 

It is exactly as she left it of course. It’s clean, organized, modern, simplistic. The apartment is actually quite beautiful. It’s the kind of apartment people in their 20’s dream of, and then some. As a whole, it is mostly white and grey with variations of soft tones of other colors. There are some splashes of color and her bookshelf stands out slightly, but the only truly colorful thing that pops is the painting on the wall that her agent Anya gave her.

 

She makes her way to the kitchen to get herself a glass of water.

 

There’s a package on her counter. Probably from Anya. Probably a script judging from its shape and size.  

 

She takes a glass from her cupboard and pours water into it, which she swiftly drinks to quench her thirst.

 

Her breathing returns to normal now and she makes her way to her bathroom to take a nice shower. She turns on the radio and gets rid of her clothing before getting in the shower.

 

She likes the song playing. It’s from a blonde who’s been on the scene for a few years. Clarke Griffin. Lexa thinks she’s talented, and so do the critics. She’s proved herself more than capable, she’s won several awards, her voice is beautiful and her lyrics have range, sometimes they’re cheery, but most times they’re sentimental and cathartic, putting to words what Lexa could never phrase. It’s exactly at times like these that Lexa feels them deeply.   

 

She stands there as the cold water falls on her face and down her body. Most people don’t shower in cold water like she does, but she likes it, it relaxes her and freshens her up, especially after a run.

 

She closes her eyes as she showers and flashbacks of a pretty brunette race through her mind once more. She sees the kisses she shared with her, the laughs, the cuddles, the teasing, the hand-holding, and the happiness.

 

Suddenly, the smile is gone. The cuddles not there as often, practically gone, the laughs diminish and the happiness fades.

 

She recalls the fights, screaming, slamming doors, moving out. Then, her worst nightmare, standing in the office of her lawyer, Indra, who’s telling her to sign the divorce papers so she and Costia can both move on; Anya telling her marriages end sometimes, that people fall out of love; Indra talking to her again about property, belongings, money and arrangements she doesn’t want to deal with; things she’d never thought she’d have to deal with.  

 

Lexa shuts the water off, shuts her eyes hard and sighs heavily. She leans back on the wall of the shower for a moment and takes a deep breath before stepping out, drying off and putting her bathrobe on. She dries her hair quickly and once she’s done, disconnects her phone from the charger where she left it before her run and she heads for the kitchen to make some tea.

 

She stares at the package on the counter as she waits for the kettle to heat up. She grabs her cup of tea, the package, and walks out on the balcony to sit and enjoy the view of the city that the altitude of her apartment provides.

 

She places the package on the table next to her as she pulls out her phone from her pocket, unlocks it, and browses through her unopened messages and missed calls.

 

There’s a missed call from Anya.

 

She dials right back and takes a sip of her tea, which she then sets aside as she takes hold of the package again and begins to open it.

 

“Guess who got you a role in a movie with a genre you’ve never done before?” is the first thing Anya says.

 

Lexa smiles, “My super amazing, smart, sexy, ingenious manager who always takes care of me and gets me fantastic roles?”

 

“Award winning roles. And you forgot to beg for my forgiveness for not answering my call earlier.” 

 

Lexa chuckles this time. “Oh no, the flowers are on their way,” she jokes while she rips the paper wrapping of the package.

 

Anya hums in approval, “such a stud.”

 

“Did you expect anything less?” Lexa asks with a cocky tone.  

 

“No,” Anya answers right back to show that it’s exactly what she was expecting and that has Lexa smiling again.

 

“So what genre is it?” Lexa asks before interrupting herself. “Wait, don’t tell me. It’s a romantic… alien sci-fi with… zombies…” she teases.

 

She hears Anya scoff at that. “How did you guess? That was impressive,” she answers her sarcastically.

 

“I’m gifted like that,” Lexa responds as she takes a sip of her tea.

 

“Psychological thriller. Have you opened it yet?” Anya cuts in.

 

“Oooh, that is new,” Lexa responds intrigued as she pulls the script out from the package. “Doing that now,” she answers in response to the question.

 

She stares at the pages for a moment. She loves the way the paper feels in her hands. The scripts aren’t always that great but if they are, it excites her to have them because they’re like reading a good book.

 

The title of the movie script reads “Infatuation”.  

 

“It’s sexy, mysterious and deep,” her agent points out. Lexa simply hums in return as she takes another sip of her tea.

 

“There’s a catch though,” Anya says.

 

“Which is?” Lexa asks as she eyes the papers in her hands.

 

“The other lead actress.” Anya responds.

 

“What about her?”

 

“She’s a singer and it’s one of her first movies.”

 

Lexa grimaces for a moment. She thinks of backing out. Movies with novice actors are always big risks. Movies need so many things to come together just right and one of the other lead actors being terrible at acting would be a huge flaw in the film no doubt.

 

“Is there a chemistry read? If we don’t click then maybe she won’t get the role,” Lexa remarks.

 

“No chemistry read,” Anya responds.

 

“No chemistry read?” Lexa asks in confusion. “I always have chemistry reads with potential…”

 

“I know,” Anya interrupts, “But, not this time. She’s got the role and it’s settled. There’s no debate.”

 

“Wow. She must be something then.” Lexa comments.

 

“Apparently Kane knows this actress’ mom so… you know how things work in this business, people do people favors when they start boning them.” Anya says nonchalantly.  

 

Lexa purses her lips, “Well that’s definitely motivating me to take the role.”

 

“Well, it is Kane.” Anya reminds her.

 

“I don’t know Anya, what if it’s a terrible idea?” Lexa asks as if talking to herself.

 

Marcus Kane was a well-known director, one of the best in his domain, much like Lexa was in acting.   Lexa had worked with him plenty of times. He was a genius for all intent purposes. However, Kane did most of his work with renowned actors, almost never with newcomers, except for Lexa. In fact, she had never had a significant role before he gave her her first big break. Kane had given Lexa the role that had put her on the map.

 

Her movies with Kane had been such a success that she never needed to work again. Of course, she didn’t quit because she loved acting, but the fact that it was even a possibility to never have to work another day in her life was astounding. The movies were successful even abroad and the trilogy became so famous that most people recognized her solely for her role in it. The name of her character stuck with her and people on the street would call her by it constantly.  

 

 _Heda, the commander_.

 

She had loved that role, put heart and soul into it and it had been worth it. It got her the recognition she needed to make her part of the world of acting she always wanted to enter. She had gotten role offers left and right after that. And she owed that all to Kane.

 

“Well?” Anya asked after Lexa had remained silent for a few moments.

 

Lexa sighed. She recognized Kane had an eye for talent so she decided to trust him, even if he was involved with whoever’s mother. Kane was not one who would tarnish his name in order to do someone a favor. Lexa figured, if he was able to tell that she had the potential to become a brilliant actress just from meeting her once when so many had cast her aside, then surely he was capable of doing that again with a singer.

 

“Okay, I’ll take it.” she answers.

 

“Great! I knew you would.” Anya answers in her version of excitement.   

 

“You always do.”

 

“Okay darling, sleep well, I’ll handle everything, shooting starts in a week, kiss kiss,” Anya gabbles.

 

“Goodnight Anya”.

 

Lexa hangs up her phone smiling as she always does after her calls with Anya. She was one of the few people Lexa cared for and enjoyed talking with. She had been her agent since day one, and she had been the one to introduce her to Kane. Kane usually went about searching on his own for whomever he wanted to cast for a role, but Anya had done the impossible to find Kane and make sure he met Lexa. She had practically stalked him and most likely broken the law for that meeting, but it had been more than worth it because putting Lexa in Kane’s sight was all it had taken to make both hers and Lexa’s career.

 

Lexa turns over the first couple of pages of the script. Anya has already marked her role with a red pen. She starts reading it without much concentration; unprecedentedly, she puts the script down after she finishes her tea even though she’s only read a small part of it. She trusts Kane and Anya enough to know that they wouldn’t give her just any role so she’s comfortable leaving it there for the night. She’ll read the rest as she goes along, she’s quick to learn her lines anyway. She goes back inside, washes her cup and goes to bed.

 

 


	2. A Girl That Fell From The Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa meets Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to turn the movie Lexa is famous for into a trilogy. It's not a big deal and I made the edit in the last chapter but I don't want anyone confused if it comes up later. 
> 
> Also, IMPORTANT, WHEN YOU FIND A (*), copy this url and check out this link for visual help: (No, it's not mine but it's an idea of what a friend suggested) 
> 
> http://images6.fanpop.com/image/polls/1551000/1551836_1459743564882_full.png

 

 

“Don’t sign the papers yet” Indra tells her over the phone.

 

Lexa only listens and gives no answer back.

 

“Lexa, don’t sign them until I get everything in order. Costia’s lawyers are disagreeable and aggressive, and they are trying to make this more difficult than it should be,” her lawyer presses in her usual stern tone.

 

“Indra, it’s best if I get this over with. Even if they keep asking for more…” Lexa speaks as she paces her apartment, ignoring the view people would kill for.

 

“No. I will sort things out and when I have made sure that they are no longer taking advantage of you…”

 

“Indra”, Lexa interrupts slightly.

 

Indra keeps going and adds the next few words only to please Lexa, “… and Costia gets her fair half. Then, and only then, will I allow you to sign them”.

 

She’s tired of all the divorce talk. She hasn’t spoken to Costia in months and everything between them is and has been dealt with through lawyers. Costia’s lawyers, more than disagreeable and aggressive, are assholes looking for a payday, and Indra is unwilling to give them, or technically Costia, a cent more than deserved. Lexa doesn’t know if it is Costia that is asking for more in the divorce, but she likes to think she knows her better and that it is her lawyers that are behind the greedy requests that had been made since the fallout began. Indra of course, thinks Costia is most likely the one asking her lawyers to strip Lexa of as much money as possible because Lexa can afford an expensive divorce like not many others.

 

Lexa sighs once more.

 

She knows that Indra means well and she won’t actually do anything unless Lexa allows it, but she wants to be done with all of it. She doesn’t want to end on the worst of terms with Costia but that doesn’t mean Indra is wrong about not giving her more than initially agreed upon when the divorce papers were filled. In the end, Indra knows best when it comes to theses technical things- she is the country’s top lawyer-, so Lexa will wait until she handles it completely. Then, she will sign the divorce papers.

 

“Okay. I’ll wait until you take care of Costia’s lawyers. I have to go now Indra. Take care.” Lexa says before she waits for Indra’s goodbye and she hangs up the phone.

 

Lexa leaves her phone on the bed and walks to the bathroom. She leans on the counter and closes her eyes.

 

She opens her eyes and finds herself staring at her fingers in her bathroom; in particular, her ring finger and the ring on it catch her attention. She starts rotating the wedding ring in its place, unsure of whether to take it off or keep it on for the party she’s invited to.

 

Kane is having a party with all the cast and crew, among other people, before shooting as he always does. He likes everyone getting to know each other a little better before filming starts, or at least to meet each other. It’s an unconventional method since actors usually meet during chemistry reads or script readings, but no one can resist a good party.

 

She can’t make up her mind. Should she take it off? Or keep it on? She feels it should be more for personal reasons that she chooses to keep it or take it off, but here she is, trying to figure out if she wants to keep it for a party or not.

 

The problem with wearing it for the party is that there will be people there, and people talk. Even though she and Costia have been going through the divorce for six months, the problems started long before that, but until now, they haven’t gone public with their divorce on purpose because they don’t want all the negative attention. The media has found out despite all the denial and the secrecy anyway, so she only has the ring on for formalities since technically, they still haven’t made an official statement to confirm the “divorce rumors”.

 

It isn’t easy moving on of course. Lexa is, and has been, gloomy for a while, but with more time, she knows she will return to her normal self. Either way, sadness, like all emotions, comes and goes, so she doesn’t spend all her time thinking back and bringing herself down. Sometimes, the grief of the loss of someone she cares about overcomes her, but most times, she doesn’t linger on her misery, she is not the type to do so.

 

She takes a deep breath and removes her ring after all. She places it in a small box, puts it in one of her jewelry drawers and pushes it shut. She puts Costia and the divorce aside to focus on the party. She’s hoping something or someone there makes her attendance worthwhile.

 

She looks at herself in the mirror. She doesn’t want to be arrogant but she looks damn hot. She’s wearing black shoes, a black suit on top of a white button up with suspenders, and she has a well-folded handkerchief in her breast pocket*. She smiles, pleased with her appearance and goes to her closet to put the last of her outfit in place, i.e. her cufflinks. She runs her fingers through her hair and flips it a couple of times to fix it up.

 

She checks her watch. It’s almost nine p.m. The party starts at eight p.m. but no one ever arrives on time, so if she shows up around nine, it’ll be just fine.

 

She grabs her essentials and after some perfume, she makes her way down to the lobby.

 

“How are you tonight Oscar?” she asks the receptionist.

 

He stammers as he makes a futile attempt to hide the tabloid he’s reading. “I’m… doing great! How are you Miss Woods?”

 

“Just fine, thank you.” She answers. There’s an awkward moment of silence but Lexa knows why.

 

“Is it bad?” She asks.

 

He acts confused. “I’m sorry Miss Woods but I don’t know what you’re talk…”

 

“Oscar…” She presses with a look.

 

“It’s okay, I can handle it,” she says.

 

He remains quiet and avoids eye contact.

 

“Well at least tell me if it’s juicy or the same old boring thing.” She says with some humor and a smile on her face.

 

He sighs and pulls out the tabloid to give to her.

 

She has a look at it. It doesn’t take much to notice she’s front page. It’s of her jogging. She thinks back for a moment and wonders if she wore her ring that night but she remembers that she did out of habit. The tabloids still managed to get a story out of nothing. The words all over the cover read _Jogging alone! Where’s the wifey? Is the commander destined to be alone?_

 

She keeps calm while she reads it. She’s not surprised. She gives the magazine back to Oscar.

 

“Same old boring things. But hey, at least they got some catchy phrases.” She says managing to keep her cool.

 

“I’m sor…” Oscar begins.

 

“Don’t be sorry,” she interrupts, “I expected it. It’s their job to find out dirt and sell it. And besides, I’m going out tonight, so I’m not letting this put me in a bad mood before I even leave the building.”

 

He smiles, “I won’t wait up because it looks like someone has big plans”.  

 

She smiles, “Just a party”

 

“A party with super famous people that my boyfriend and I probably stalk on the internet” He says.

 

She laughs. “No famous people tonight. Just a cast and crew.”  

 

“Still, you have fun. Maybe you’ll meet a pretty girl yes?” He says as he shrugs and raises both eyebrows. Lexa isn’t one to share secrets but Oscar knew more than most because at some point, Costia had stopped showing up at Lexa’s place and it didn’t take a genius to figure things out.

 

She purses her lips.

 

“Too soon? You’re not ready?” he asks,  “I’m sorry I said anything” he adds, concerned that he’s crossed the line.

 

“I don’t know how I feel about new people yet.” She clarifies, “and anyway, after the 5th person asks about Costia, I’m leaving, so I’ll probably be home in…” she looks at her watch, “an hour tops. Doubt I’ll meet any pretty girls”.

 

Oscar looks disappointed at the idea of Lexa not meeting anyone. “Well you never know. When something is in the stars…”

 

“A girl isn’t going to fall from the sky, but thank you Oscar. You have a goodnight.” She says politely as she makes her way to the car waiting for her outside.

 

\----

 

She thanks her driver as she reaches the party at Kane’s mansion. She gets out of the car and makes her way inside. Kane doesn’t greet her because he’s probably distracted with the guests but it’s okay because there are greeters at the door anyway.

 

There mansion is huge of course, but if it were any smaller, it might not fit the people that are there. She stares and marvels for a moment at all the people it takes for a movie to be made. She knows most of them because Kane works with the same people often, but many of the people she sees are new faces.

 

“Lexa!” someone she knows walks up to her and says hi.

 

“Hello”, she greets them back.  

 

“Where’s Costia?” they ask.

 

 _Number 1._ Lexa jots it down in her mind. She wasn’t kidding about leaving after the 5th person asks. She doesn’t want to spend the night having to explain why she’s alone, especially since she’ll have to lie about it since she doesn’t want anyone going to the press.

 

It exhausts her every time the subject of Costia and the divorce is brought up. She knows she has to discuss it with Indra now and then, but the bigger problem is that she has to discuss it with everyone all the time because people love knowing about her. She wishes that for once, when she goes through some scandal, people don’t bring it up.

 

\----

 

She moves on from this conversation to the next conversations and she finds that maybe she set the number of asks about Costia at too low a number because after 3rd ask in 15 minutes she’s about to call it quits and leave before she even sees Kane. The worse part is she knows must of them are just trying to suck up to her by talking about things they think she’ll like or they’re just trying to get her to disclose her intimate details.

 

“Hey, how’re you doing Lexa? Good to see you,” someone jumps in and interrupts one of her conversations, and she’s thankful. She’s hoping they’ll pull her out from the chat she’s having about what a wonderful artist Costia is, and how she couldn’t come to the party because of a showcase – that’s the excuse she’s giving people.

 

She’s about to say goodbye to the previous person and move on to this new one but then, “I was just talking to Lexa about Costia and how I loooove her art” says the one she was talking to.

 

“Oh yeah… I’m a huuuge fan of hers too. Where is Costia by the way?” asks the new person she was hoping would have something better to talk about, but apparently doesn’t.

 

_That was number 4._

 

She looks around, looking for an escape to this endless spiral of people’s questions.

 

Marcus! There he is. Finally.

 

“Would you two excuse me, I have to say hi to Marcus,” she says as she moves past them and heads towards him.

 

She steps near him. He has his arm around someone.

 

“Marcus,” she calls his attention.

 

He turns around and she can see his face of excitement when he sees her. “Lexa! I’m so glad you could make it.” He says as he leans in to hug her. She hugs him back.

 

“Before anything else, I’d like to introduce you to Abby Griffin, my girlfriend”. He says as he smiles from her to the woman next to him.

 

Lexa smiles and extends her arm to Abby. “Hello. It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she says warmly.

 

Abby extends her arm back to Lexa. “The pleasure is all mine. Marcus has told me a lot about me a lot about you. He’s ecstatic that you’re working together again. He’s been babbling on about you,” she says while Marcus acts clueless in a joking manner before breaking into a smile.

 

“It’s true. I’m so glad you agreed to play the role. I know it was short notice but I had to get some things straight and I was trying to find the right person and little did I know I already had someone perfect for the role. You.” He says.

 

Lexa gives him a cocky smile. “I’m glad you came to your senses and cast me. And, I forgive you for not thinking of me first,” she jokes.

 

Abby and Marcus both laugh.

 

“There’s a lot to get done but for now we just need to shoot one scene, I’ll get you up to date later”, he says.

 

Lexa nods.

 

“It’s a good thing you met Abby because actually…” Marcus starts. Abby continues, finishing his sentence.

 

“…my daughter, Clarke, is going to be your…” Abby gets interrupted by someone from afar yelling for Marcus and gesturing for both of them to go over.

 

They turn to Lexa as if wordlessly asking permission to discontinue their conversation.

 

“Oh please, go, it’s okay,” she says and without finishing what they were saying, both Marcus and Abby excuse themselves and make their way to whoever.

 

Lexa looks around. She’s alone again. Her conversation with Marcus and Abby is the first one that didn’t include Costia, but the others definitely exhausted her so she makes her way to the bar.

 

She grabs a drink and leans on the bar as she observes the guests and her surroundings.

 

She sees Raven Reyes. She’s part of the crew that Kane never works without, she does hair and makeup. She doesn’t have her leg brace anymore and Lexa smiles, glad about it. Raven is hanging out with Octavia Blake, who handles audio, and Octavia’s boyfriend Lincoln who’s in charge of lighting.

 

Lexa is about to go over and say hello – she knows they won’t ask about her personal life –but then she sees a blonde run up to Raven and hug her. She can’t quite see her face but the blonde makes her way around the group and hugs them all hard while her locks fly around gracefully.

 

The woman is wearing a short navy blue dress, some beige heels and a matching clutch. Lexa won’t deny that she has a fantastic figure. Funny enough, she almost looks familiar, but Lexa is sure she’s never worked with her before. If she’s part of the crew she must be new even though they all seemed to know each other well from what Lexa can tell. But if that is so, why hasn’t she met her before?

 

Lexa hears her laugh and it makes her smile. She can’t hear what they’re talking about from where she’s standing but it’s a contagious laugh so she can’t help herself.

 

She decides not to interrupt them and she remains by the bar. Several people walk up to her and try to make conversation. She keeps it light, quick, and a little cocky because she doesn’t know how not to do that, but she keeps her eye on the blonde and those around her.

 

Several minutes in and the blonde-haired woman is still giving Lexa her back. Meanwhile, more people join in on the circle around this mystery woman, among them are more of Kane’s regular crew including Monty Green, editor, and John Murphy who’s the head of the costume department.

 

Lexa could just walk over and introduce herself but she doesn’t mind wondering. It’s got her distracted and intrigued. The blonde seems to have everyone’s attention, and they all look genuinely interested in whatever she’s saying.

 

She doesn’t notice how long she’s been staring until her phone vibrates and gives her an unimportant notification. She doesn’t even read what it is because her eyes fall on the time and she becomes aware that she’s been staring at the group of people and more specifically the blonde for 40 minutes or so. 

 

Suddenly. The blonde seems to excuse herself, turns around and starts walking away from the group and towards Lexa. She now sees that the dress isn’t just flattering from the back because it makes the blonde’s cleavage look fantastic.

 

She finally knows why she looks familiar. It’s Clarke Griffin. _What is she doing here?_ Lexa thinks.  _Wait, Griffin. As in Abby and Clarke Griffin._ Abby was talking about a daughter. _Of course. She’s Abby’s daughter._ _That’s why she’s here_. Marcus also invited her since he’s dating her mom, Lexa figured.   

 

Clarke reaches the bar just as Lexa is finishing her drink, and Lexa is anything but subtle in the way she stares at her. She’s even more beautiful than on T.V.

 

Clarke orders a drink. She’s two seats away from Lexa so Clarke doesn’t see her smirking, with her head cocked to side.

 

Clarke gets her drink and starts moving away from the bar but then she stops abruptly and goes back. She puts her drink and her clutch on the bar. She opens it and she pulls out a necklace quickly – seems like she was in a hurry for the party and forgot to accessorize – in the process of pulling her necklace, she drops her drink on the bar.

 

Lexa notices and from two seats away, she swiftly reaches for Clarke’s purse and pulls it away before the drink reaches it and its contents.

 

Meanwhile, Clarke is blissfully unaware as she puts the necklace around her neck and reaches from the back, trying to get the chain in the clasp but she’s struggling to do so and Lexa sees her chance.

 

She walks to her. Clarke is giving Lexa her back and without a word, Lexa takes the chain and clasp from Clarke’s fingers and finishes the task for the blonde.

 

“Thank you so much, you’re such a gentle…” Clarke speaks before she turns to face Lexa, and just as she does she pauses, “…woman”.

 

Clarke stares at Lexa in surprise and she eyes her outfit.

 

Lexa nods and gives Clarke a confident smile. “You’re welcome”.

 

Clarke blinks herself out of her glare.

 

“I’m Clarke,” she says, “Griffin,” she adds quickly and with a higher inflection. She smiles at her own awkwardness.   

 

“I’m Lexa,” she says. “Woods,” she adds, mimicking Clarke.

 

Clarke laughs as she notices the tease.

 

“I already know who you are.” Clarke says.

 

“I already know who you are too,” Lexa says, her confidence not fading, but her willingness to tease increasing.

 

Clarke laughs again. “It’s funny, before I got into the music business I assumed that celebrities never introduced themselves because they were famous but as it turns out, everyone does. Last name and everything too.”

 

“Oh, I never introduce myself. I used to go with “you know who it is” and skip my name but then Pitbull stole that, so I started just saying “Lexa” but then I met this blonde who emphasized her last name and I just figured that was some new social cue so I copied her, but normally, I never state my name,” Lexa says, her smile growing.

 

Clarke's smile grows wider too as she notices that everything she says is just giving Lexa more material to tease her.

 

“Well that’s very arrogant of you. Good thing this blonde grounded you a bit. You should thank her”, Clarke teased back.

 

“Well actually, she should thank me,” Lexa says.

 

Clarke raises her eyebrows in curiosity and surprise at her words. “And why is that?” Clarke asks.

 

“Because if it weren’t for me, her purse would have gotten drenched in alcohol,” Lexa says without breaking eye contact.

 

Clarke’s eyes widen and she immediately looks at the bar and finds the drink toppled and her clutch missing. She turns back to Lexa who is holding the clutch out for her with her smile even cockier than before.

 

She sighs in relief and takes her clutch from Lexa.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke says, a little embarrassed.

 

Lexa keeps smiling and nods. “You’re welcome Clarke”.

 

“So, where’s ….” Clarke pauses for about a second and kind of looks around, and Lexa thinks she knows what she’s about to ask.

 

Her smile fades.

 _Damn._ _Number 5. So much for forgetting about Costia for the night._

“…your drink?” Clarke finishes her sentence.

 

Lexa smiles again. _Scratch that. Not number 5._ “Just finished it”

 

“Can I get you another? I’ll get you the most expensive kind here,” Clarke jokes, knowing well that it’s an open bar.

 

Lexa laughs. “It’s an open bar,” she says pointing out the obvious without getting rid of the humor in her tone.

 

“Well yeah, but I _can_ get you the most expensive drink here. Whether I pay for it or not is irrelevant.” Clarke says.

 

Lexa laughs.

 

“Kind sir,” Clarke says as she turns to the bartender while glancing back at Lexa who rolls her eyes at her words, making Clarke smile. “I’d like your most expensive wine for…” she turns to Lexa, raises an eyebrow and bites her lip, “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” she asks Lexa, unable to hide the huge smile forming on her lips moments after.

 

Lexa raises her eyebrows and her mouth drops open in the form of a smile while she tries to grasp the audacity of this woman. This really hot and cute woman who likes to tease back.

 

She doesn’t usually get reactions like these when she flirts with people. She’s kind of used to most people falling head over heels for her and she’s used to keeping her face straight, but Clarke is unexpected in her responses and it’s throwing her off her game a bit. Or maybe it’s that she’s lost a little practice in flirtation since the divorce. Whatever the reason, she’s got to get back on her game.

 

“I’m sorry miss, but we only have one kind of wine,” the bartender explains, interrupting them while they stare at each other.

 

Lexa begins laughing at the fail while Clarke’s shoulders fall in disappointment and slight embarrassment.

 

“Well that’s just bad luck,” Clarke says shaking her head, pretending to be afflicted by the embarrassment.

 

“That’s alright. I’ll think of a way you can make it up to me,” Lexa says while looking directly into Clarke’s eyes.

 

That phrase could mean anything, it could be the most innocent thing, but Lexa knows that’s not what she implied with her tone.

 

Clarke smiles and bites her lip for a second before she realizes she’s doing it and stops. Lexa notices nonetheless.  

 

There’s a brief silence where both just gaze at each other. It’s tense, not in the negative way, it’s tense because Lexa is trying her hardest not to think of how much she’d like to place her lips on Clarke’s revealed chest. And it seems like Clarke keeps almost biting her lip but stopping right before she does so.

 

“It’s a good thing we met,” Clarke blurts out, cutting their moment short, “before… you know,” she says.  

 

Lexa isn’t quite sure what she means, but she gives her a slight nod before adding, “before some other mishap occurred and you found yourself helpless?”

 

Clarke immediately responds, “First of all, I am not some damsel in distress that needs to be saved. Second of all, thanks for the save.”

 

Lexa chuckles at that.

 

“And third, you know what I mean”, Clarke adds, shoving her lightly, as if they’d known each other for a long time. Lexa doesn’t mind though.

 

The thing is, she doesn’t know what Clarke means.

 

“And fourth,” Clarke continues, “nice suit.”

 

Lexa smirks.

 

“I know it is. Nice dress”, she replies.

 

“I know it is,” Clarke mirrors and then adds an almost involuntary wink it seems to Lexa.

 

If anyone ever knew the right time to ask someone out, it was Lexa, and right now, was the perfect time.

 

“Clarke!” someone calls from the other side of the party while approaching them.

 

Clarke gestures to them that she’ll be there in a moment before she turns back to Lexa.

 

Lexa realizes she has mere seconds before Clarke says goodbye and goes with this person.

 

“Clarke,” she starts.

 

“Hey baby,” the man says as he kisses Clarke’s cheek after greeting her. “I’ve been looking for you,” he tells her.

 

Lexa is thrown off balance though she doesn’t show it. She looks as calm as always but that felt like a punch in the gut.

 

Clarke stands quietly, her face unreadable though she smiles at the man.

 

“Wow. Lexa Woods. It’s so awesome to meet you. I’m Finn,” he says as he extends his arm to her.

 

Lexa reacts as quickly as she can and shakes his hand with a smile. “Hello” she says politely but coldly.  

 

He retreats his arm after they shake and he puts it around Clarke’s waist.

 

“Everyone’s asking about where you disappeared to but I get it now. I’d forget about my friends too if I ran into Lexa Woods,” Finn tells Clarke.

 

He’s trying to show his admiration for Lexa but she can’t help but dislike him even so.  

 

“I didn’t forget about them. I just got caught up in conversation,” Clarke explains.

 

Finn just smiles at Clarke and then turns back to Lexa. There’s a moment of awkward silence before Finn ends it.

 

“Anyway, it was really great to meet you,” he tells Lexa as he reaches his arm out again.

 

Lexa reluctantly meets his hand once more and responds with a “You too,” that she doesn’t mean.

 

She turns to Clarke. “Goodbye Clarke. May we meet again,” she tells her.

 

Clarke smiles and so does Finn as they turn around and walk away from Lexa.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are welcome.  
> To be clear, this isn't a past lives fic, but I like to add little Easter eggs, if you will, from The 100 and stuff I've read from fans.


	3. An Epiphany

 

Lexa walks back through the building doors. She left the party early like she said she would but not for the reason she expected.

 

“That bad?” Oscar asks, looking disappointed for her when he sees her home before midnight.

 

“It was… interesting. Not as bad as you think.” She says as she approaches the elevator doors and presses the button.

 

“Ooooh, so it was good?” he asks with a smile on his face, his curiosity off the roof.

 

“Not as good as you think either,” she says, always leaving a little mystery in their conversations because she doesn’t want to disclose much.

 

“I’m so confused and I love it!” he exclaims. “Well, who is she?” he asks as he stands from his desk out of excitement.

 

The elevator arrives and she steps inside it.

 

“Goodnight Oscar,” she says as she presses the button and passes her key card as she gives him a smirk. She catches his face of dissatisfaction at not knowing anything before the elevators door close.

 

She reaches her apartment and heads to her bathroom to change into her pajamas. She doesn’t think about it while she’s changing because it’s habit, and because something else is on her mind.

 

_Clarke._

 

Lexa can’t get her out of her mind. She was funny, cute and attractive as hell.  

 

            She takes off her blazer and starts unbuttoning her shirt.

 

 _Clarke was so fucking charming all round tonight. She probably wasn’t even trying._ Hell, she had dropped her drink and forgotten to wear a necklace, not many would call that charming, but it was still so to Lexa.

           

            She unbuckles her suspenders and takes off her shirt. Carefully folding every piece of clothing as she goes.

 

_Everything went well too, except for…_

 

_Finn._

           

            She rolls her eyes at the thought of him while she steps out of her pants.

 

 _Fuck’s sake. Wasn’t he one with great timing?_ She purses her lips at the missed opportunity to ask Clarke out. She should have given him that stare and tone she gives people that make them do whatever she wants, or in Finn’s case disappear, but he had caught her off guard.

 

            She pats her pockets in search for her phone to charge it and remembers she left it in her blazer pocket.

 

 _Fuck!_ She didn’t ask for Clarke’s number.

 

She puts her hand on the top of her head and softly grips her hair as she thinks of how she completely spaced on that. Thanks to Finn…  

 

            She puts on a baggy tank top and her checkered pajama pants. She grabs her toothbrush and puts toothpaste on it.  

 

She tells herself that she should let it go. Clarke has a boyfriend and that’s that.

 

...        

 

_Although… Clarke had been flirting back._

 

            She sighs and pauses for a second while she’s brushing her teeth.

 

_Perhaps Clarke thought of it as friendly flirtation. Maybe she’s straight._

 

_Ugh…_

            She goes back to brushing and tries to think of something else.

 

…

 

_Or maybe Clarke’s bi._

 

            She finishes brushing and washes off.

 

_And maybe she and Finn aren’t serious or exclusive. Maybe they aren’t even dating._

 

            She dries off.

 

_Or maybe they are…_

 

Anyway, why is she still thinking about her? She had to be real. _Finn had walked up to her, kissed her, and put a hand on her waist._ Who was she kidding? _That was clearly a boyfriend demeanor_. They were dating for sure.  

 

            She sighs as she grabs her phone and heads to her bed.

 

Lexa places her phone on her nightstand near the wireless charger, lays on her bed, and closes her eyes in a futile attempt to sleep. It takes her only couple of seconds to admit to herself that’s she’s too high on the thought of Clarke to sleep right now. It’s going to take her a little while to drift into sleep.

 

None of what she’s thinking about Clarke matters. It’s unlikely she’ll see her again any time soon unless at some big celebrity party or event, but she’s been attending those for years and she had never ran into Clarke at them before. And if it’s not at a party then she has no excuse to be around Kane’s girlfriend’s daughter. It’s also unlikely that the blonde’s number will magically appear in her contacts.

 

She silently curses herself again. If only she had asked her out before Finn got there and interrupted them. If only she had asked for her number she could call her and find out the answer to her questions right now.

 

It’s very possible that Clarke would reject her under the claim that she’s dating Finn, – Ugh, Finn. In Lexa’s book he already has two strikes, one for interrupting their conversation that night and one for dating Clarke in the first place. – But Lexa can take the rejection, granted, a rejection would be a fucking shame, but it’s the wondering that Lexa can’t take.

 

Unfortunately, she has no choice but to wonder.

_I suppose forgetting her is another choice._

Despite her opposition, the second choice is the one she has to make because she has the table-read in a couple of days and she’s going to meet the main cast and crew and go through the script, and she needs to focus on that.

 

\----

 

Lexa sets the script down on the table, pours the water on her cup and gently lowers the tea on it. She’s at the read-through but not everyone has arrived yet, so she’s out in the hall making some tea.

 

She feels a soft bump on her left arm from a shoulder and she turns to see whom it is.

 

“Gustus!” she says a little loudly as she puts her cup down and opens her arms to greet his own.

 

Gustus was a personal trainer for celebrities – her personal trainer too of course. She hadn’t seen him in a while because he had been severely ill, but he was her closest friend along with Anya.

 

She had grown up with him in foster care and though life had separated them during their teens, but they had reconnected a little before Lexa became famous. He had gotten her in shape for the role of Heda with an unusual exercise method of his very own that consisted in training celebrities during their work schedules in order to get a better sense of who they were, how they were and how they worked – there was a lot more to it than that, but that was it in short. This way, he’d be present almost every day with her during filming, with the occasional exception.

 

Lexa really valued his friendship and believed in him as much as he had believed in her; therefore, she had introduced him and recommended him to other celebrities. Soon after, Gustus, as well as his unusual method had become quite popular and he had made a name for himself in the celebrity trainer world.

 

“Hey. How’ve you been Commander?” he asks while he hugs her.

 

Lexa smiles at her title as the embrace ends.

 

“I’ve been doing better, thank you for asking Gustus,” she answers him.

 

“I know you went jogging the other day, without me,” he says as he squints his eyes and frowns jokingly at the last part.

 

She smiles, “And how exactly do you know that?”

 

“I’m psychic,” he kids with his mouth half full from the apple he just stuffed in his mouth.

 

Lexa feigns a look of surprise and then breaks into a smile. “I know you saw the tabloids.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he answers her, his mouth still full from the next bite.

 

“You don’t? Oh wow, you really are psychic. I’m so sorry I ever doubted you,” she says in such a convincing manner that he laughs and almost chokes on his apple.

 

He shoves her and gives her a smile before he raises his eyebrow at her in a questioning manner. She imitates him and raises her own.

 

“You’re wearing a pant suit and a blazer right now. You’re supposed to dress comfortably for table-reads,” he points out. He was wearing gym clothes. 

 

“They’re the semi-casual kind in case you couldn’t tell. And I am comfortable, but thank you for your concern,” she answers cordially.   

 

“It’s weird. Everyone else is in jeans or regular pants,” he says as if thinking aloud while he serves himself coffee.

 

“Well I look hot in this so it just seemed like the natural thing to do” she teases as she takes a sip of her tea.

 

He looks at her and chuckles. “It’s good to see you like this again. Back to your normal self, just about. You’re missing a little more of that Commander Heda poise.” he says after a pause.

 

“Commander Heda poise?” she asks.

 

“You know what I mean,” is all the explanation he offers.

 

She smiles at him.

 

She does know what he means. She’s lost part of her grace during the hardship of the divorce; she hasn’t been exuding confidence as much because she’s been devastated by the split as would be expected, but she supposes she’s going back to her true self.

 

She can’t pinpoint when she started behaving that way again. The only thing that’s coming to mind is her recent show of confidence the day she flirted with Clarke.

 

And now she’s thinking of Clarke again. _Fuck's sake._

 

She takes out her phone and aimlessly looks through her contacts half-expecting to find Clarke’s name there, but of course, it didn’t magically appear like she hoped.

 

She has to do something about that before she goes mad. She can’t just ignore it. She won’t be able to focus on the table-read this way.

 

_Kane._

 

She sees Kane by the door as he’s talking to someone in the crew and he gives her a nod from far away as a salute.

 

She excuses herself from Gustus and starts moving towards Kane.

 

She decides she’s going to ask him for Clarke’s number. He must have it. She’ll have to come up with a good pretext for it but she can manage. She thinks that even if Clarke completely shuts her down, at least she will be able to sleep at night knowing that she tried. After all, everything she has assumed about Clarke being in a serious relationship has been just that, an assumption. For all she knows, she and Finn could be in the most casual relationship on earth and Finn wouldn’t mind stepping aside for Lexa, who wants more than just casual with Clarke.

 

Once Kane is done with his conversation, she walks up to him calmly and says hello.

 

She jumps right in after very short small talk, “I was wondering if you had –” someone interrupts her before she finishes.  

 

Eric– whatever his last name is – approaches Kane and begins speaking about God knows what. Lexa isn’t paying attention because she’s too eager to finish her conversation with Kane. She thinks at first it’s just going to be a short interruption but this disturbance of a man talking to Kane keeps going on and on and she decides to get her Heda on. No one fucking interrupts Lexa Woods.

 

All in less than a minute, she puts some effort into listening to what they are discussing and in just the right moment, she chooses to interrupt Eric’s conversation with Kane as he did. She catches him off guard with her question and then gives him an intimidating look. She asks her question again, her tone and face showing clear dominance and the man swallows, undoubtedly defeated. He cuts his conversation with Kane short and leaves.

 

 _That’s more like it._ She’s satisfied with the result. She thinks that what she should’ve done to Finn when he interrupted her and Clarke.

 

Lexa turns back to Kane.

 

As soon as what’s-his-face is gone, she finishes her earlier sentence. “I was hoping you could give me Clarke’s number”. She doesn’t say her last name but surely he knows who she’s talking about. She’s about to give him an ambiguous excuse for her request but he speaks before she does.

 

“I’d love to, but apparently her phone broke or something and she has a new number, or doesn’t have a phone. I’m not quite sure to be honest, but I don’t have it either way,” he tells her, knowing exactly what she means, and strangely not seeming to care why she’s asking.

 

 _Damn._ She purses her lips at the answer. “Well, thank you anyway,” she answers him.

 

His phone rings. “I have to take this. See you inside in a bit,” he tells her before he takes the call outside.

 

She goes back to the table where she left her tea and the script, next to where Gustus is still standing, now distracted with his phone.

 

Mere seconds later, she hears a laugh coming from down the hall. It’s someone from the crew she thinks, but for some reason, it sounds exactly like Clarke’s laugh did at the party.

 

She shakes her head as if to shake the thoughts away. She’s actually imagining Clarke’s voice. That’s new. It’s also a step too far. She’s pushing obsessive and delusional territory here.

 

She purses her lips again and thinks with the most authoritarian voice she’s ever given herself to convince herself of something.

 

_Stop obsessing._

_You’re completely infatuated with her._

_Clarke was only a nice conversation at a dull party that you’re romanticizing._

_You’re probably… You’re never going to see her again!_

_So stop-_

“Lexa. Hey!” she hears from right next to her.

“Clarke,” Lexa utters automatically though she meant to keep it in her head.

“I’m pretty sure I’m the one delaying the read-through. I had to take my son to school. But I just told everyone that I’m here so once they gather around we’ll be good to go,” Clarke says as she grabs a cup and adds some coffee to it.

 

Lexa has no idea what to say. _Why would everyone be waiting for her? The only people table-reads are delayed for are main crew and cast members such as producers and lead actors._

She’s completely and utterly confused, but worse than that, she’s standing there staring at Clarke without a saying a word.

 

She feels a hand on her shoulder and she turns back to Gustus, “I’ll see you later Lexa,” he says before his eyes make their way to Clarke, “And I’ll see you later this week,” he tells her.

 

Clarke nods and smiles at Gustus, “Absolutely. Looking forward to it.”

 

Clarke turns back to Lexa as Gustus leaves. “I ran into him just a little bit ago and he told me he’s your trainer, but I’m really interested in working with him too so in a couple of days, once we sit and talk about his method and what not, he’ll officially be my trainer too,” she explains when she notices Lexa’s slight confusion.

 

Lexa doesn’t answer back. She’s too distracted trying to understand what’s happening, but her face doesn’t give much away. If anything, she looks like she’s completely unimpressed with Clarke and her small talk.

 

“Hope you don’t get jealous I’m here,” Clarke adds to fill the unsettling silence.

 

 _Jealous?_ The strange comment Lexa snaps out of her disorientation.

 

“Why would I be jealous?” she states more than asks, her tone serious and soft all at once.

 

“Because I’m probably going to be stealing a lot the attention during the film  now that I’m here and that might make you feel like you need to prove like you’re the alpha… female,” Clarke says with a smile she hides as she takes a sip of her coffee.   

 

“I don’t need to prove anything. I am the alpha,” Lexa states as she cocks her head to the side, her smugness even more obvious with the head tilt.  

 

She’s doing a great job of pretending like she’s calm but she has no fucking idea what Clarke is talking about.  

 

Clarke smiles at her response and raises her brow, clearly impressed with Lexa’s answer.

 

Lexa is still confused though. _Why would Clarke steal all the attention?_ Aside from the fact that she’s drop dead gorgeous, alluring, sweet, funny and all the other wonderful things she hasn’t yet discovered about her. _But why would she steal all the attention here, on set? What am I missing?_

 

Maybe it would be easier to think if it weren’t for the fact that Clarke is distracting as hell with her smile and her hair flipping which she’s currently displaying (for no good reason because her hair was perfect just as it was Lexa thinks). And also her clothes, she never forgets to show cleavage it seems. That’s definitely on purpose. She knows what she does to people and probably likes it.

 

Part of Clarke’s sentence pops back in her head as she processes it. It hits her like she’s been floating in the sky and a rope just gripped her by the ankle and slammed her back to the ground. 

_Son._ Clarke said she was late because of her son. _Well fuck. She and Finn have a child together._ If she thought Finn showing up in the party and calling Clarke baby was a punch in the gut, then this is a fucking knockout. She doesn’t have to think it through to know that pinning after Clarke is wrong. If she’s honest with herself, she has known it since she met Finn and she’s not about to be a home-wrecker.

 

She decides in this moment to give Clarke up.

 

 _Is it possible to give something up if I never had it?_  

 

Clarke starts talking again and pulls Lexa from her thoughts. “I’ll give you that, you’re definitely the alpha,” she says with a grin before she adds, “But not in this movie. I’m the alpha now. I hope you can handle someone else in charge,” she says with the biggest smile that’s overtaking her smirk as she takes her mug and heads to the room where the table-read is about to happen.

 

Lexa doesn’t even notice that everyone is already making their way inside and she’s one of the last ones left out in the hall. 

 

“I can handle anything,” Lexa answers confidently. She really is good at pretending. If only Clarke knew her head’s exploding right now.

 

“Don’t faint when I kiss you,” Clarke adds, her smile ever-present as she disappears into the room.

 

 _What? Kiss me?_ She thinks. _For the love of God._ There are so many things running through Lexa’s head right now and they are all Clarke related. She needs to sort them out one by one before the read-through starts. She cannot walk in there and practice her lines when she’s overwhelmed with all these seemingly nonsensical thoughts. She figures she has about a minute to make sense of everything before she absolutely has to go into the room and read lines. Best to make the most of the time she has left.  

 

She takes a breath and tries to think back to gather all information she has about Clarke and the movie and anything else. She needs to make sense of all of Clarke’s thus far senseless words about how everyone is waiting for her, and how she’s going to steal everyone’s attention, and the most baffling of all, the kiss thing.

 

Then, she had an epiphany.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you think Lexa has figured it out?  
> Share your thoughts.


	4. Will There Be Practice For That?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished this one early. Enjoy :) 
> 
> Picks up exactly where last one left off. 
> 
> Also, I promise Lexa isn’t dumb, I just wanted her to be caught off guard a little by the whole acting with Clarke thing, and I wanted to give you guys a little laugh.

 

 

_Oh shit._

 

Lexa recalls her forgotten conversation with Anya about why there had been no chemistry read. Anya had said that the person acting opposite her in the movie had gotten the role because their mother was having sex with the producer.

 

_How the hell did I not connect the dots?_

If Kane was the producer and Abby was with him then Abby’s daughter, Clarke, was the actor that got the role.

 

_How did I miss that?_

_Clarke is distracting as fuck, that’s how._ Lexa had been too busy thinking of Clarke that her commonsense had become the least common of all.

Her common sense is back now at least, and it’s making everything apparent. Clarke must have known she was acting with Lexa. That’s why at the party, she had brought up the fact that it was good that they had met. She had meant that she was glad they made each other’s acquaintance before _filming_ because that way they had at least encountered each other before jumping right into the movie.

 

 _Gosh._ Lexa thought she must have sounded so strange when she had told Clarke that she hoped they meet again when Clarke already knew they would. Clarke probably imagined Lexa knew as well, otherwise she wouldn’t have said the things she had.

 

Lexa had thought that Clarke was behaving as if they knew each other, but she was behaving as someone who was expecting to spend a lot of time with her in the near future.

 

She rolled her eyes at herself. She hadn’t been this confused since before she had come out.

 

_Clarke is unmistakably the other lead._

 

_Now, what was that about the kiss?_

_…_

_The script!_

She can just check it. It’s right in front of her after all. 

 

“Lexa, we’re all ready and waiting for you,” she hears Marcus call from the door of the room where the table-read is about to happen. She’s the last one left in the hall by now. She hadn’t noticed when they all passed by her and went into the room.

 

“I’ll be right in,” she answers as she grabs the script and starts flipping through it. She flips past the first pages she read the night Anya left it in her apartment and starts skimming through the rest.

 

_Kiss, kiss, kiss… what kiss?_

_Oh._

She finds it.

 

It’s right there, written between brackets that Clarke’s character kisses Lexa’s.

 

She closes her eyes hard and breathes out. She knows this is punishment for not reading the entire script the night she got it.

 

She regrets that now.

 

Or does she?

“Lexa. What’s going on?” Marcus pops his head from the room when she doesn’t show up.

 

“Sorry, I’m coming in,” she apologizes as she makes her way into the room.

 

“Alright everyone,” Marcus begins as soon as Lexa walks in and takes a seat. He stands in front of everyone as he speaks, “Now that we’re all here, we can get started,” he says as he makes eye contact with both Clarke and Lexa.

 

Lexa is only paying half attention to what Marcus is saying. She’s thinking about whether or not this whole thing is really as problematic as she thinks.

           

“First, I’d like to thank everyone beforehand. This won’t be an easy movie, but all the good ones never are. I’m really happy with this cast and crew and I’m very excited that we’re all going to work together on this film. I have high expectations for everyone here, including myself. So let’s make this movie one worth watching.” Everyone claps for a few seconds in recognition of his words.

 

_Is it that bad being attracted to Clarke and working with her?_

 

“Second,” Marcus continues after the acclamation fades, “I think we should go around the table quickly so the crew can introduce themselves”. Read-throughs usually involve all those essential in production and so the few crewmembers present state their name and their title. Marcus thought it was needless to invite anyone else since the movie is fundamentally centered on them, so the only cast members present are Lexa and Clarke.

 

“Okay, great!” Marcus states after the crew has finished with the introductions. “Third, I’d like to welcome back, now an award winning actress, the one and only, and one of my favorite people in the world, Lexa Woods,” he says smiling and with the utmost respect in his tone. There’s a round of applause and some cheering from his part. Lexa smiles warmly and thanks everyone, she thanks Marcus with a hug.

 

Lexa finds herself in an unprecedented predicament. She has never worked with people she was attracted to. Everyone she has ever worked with has only been a friend, never anything beyond that. She might flirt with people often, but she’s always been picky about who she dates.

 

Marcus goes on, “Alright. Last but _certainly_ not least. Now I know everyone here has already worked together before at some point, so I’d like to introduce our new addition even though some of you have recently met her, but just the same, please give a warm welcome to Clarke Griffin,” he says as he looks at her and begins clapping. The rest follow with an applause of their own and Clarke smiles shyly.

 

The thing is, whenever Lexa has wanted someone, she has always found the means to get her way. But then again, she has always wanted people who were available, because anyone who was anything but single has always been a complete turn off for Lexa.

 

After the applause there’s a short silence and Clarke takes the chance to apologize for delaying the read-through. _That’s nice of her,_ Lexa thinks.

 

She can’t deny her attraction to Clarke, but be that as it may, Clarke is completely _unavailable_. And on top of this cruel situation of having to be around her every day for months, somewhere between that she’ll be kissing her. She sighs internally.

 

Meanwhile, Marcus takes a few moments to explain his vision for the movie. He runs through the plot in a couple of minutes but focuses on deeper things such as what kind of feelings he wants the movie to inculcate in people, the mood of the film, the implication behind certain things and then of course it’s purpose.

 

Maybe if Finn wasn’t part of the equation then it would be a great way to spend time with Clarke, to get to know her and eventually ask her out. But with Finn and a son, Lexa comes to the conclusion that acting with Clarke is a fucking catastrophe. 

 

“Okay then,” Marcus says after his opening proceedings. He takes a chair, sits down and grabs a script of his own, “Let’s get started. I’d like to begin in page 32 so if everyone could please turn to it.”

 

Everyone turns to the page. The first line is Lexa’s and he urges her to start reading, which she does. 

 

They move on to other pages of the script that Marcus has picked out, skipping some parts and focusing on others while he makes small comments about his ideas revolving some scenes. So far, Clarke and Lexa have acted out a few scenes, Lexa begins to comprehend how intense the movie is, and she loves it. It was just like Anya had said it would be.

 

She and Clarke practice different tones and expressions for some parts, Marcus weighs in on a few things and Clarke and Lexa make sure to ask all and any questions that arise at every scene until they come to an agreement on how they all feel they should act the scene out and move on to the next part. 

 

 _Maybe Clarke and I can just be friends..._ She rolls her eyes internally. She sure as hell doesn’t believe that. Spending more time with Clarke is not going dissolve her attraction for her, quite the opposite.

 

\---

 

Several hours pass by rather quickly in between all the discussions. Lexa is starting to feel more comfortable with the idea of being around Clarke so much. She begins to think that maybe, just maybe, by being engrossed in the movie, Clarke won’t occupy her thoughts so much.

 

“Um, there’s also the dance. Where is it?” Marcus says as he peruses the pages of the script for a short while.

 

_Dance?_

 

“Can the famous Lexa Woods dance?” Clarke shyly but curiously asks Lexa.

 

Lexa could say so many things right now, but she prefers to leave Clarke with an obscure answer.

 

“You’ll soon find out”.

 

Clarke hides a big smile beneath a smaller one.

 

Marcus then speaks to them both, “Ah, found it. Well, we have a routine for you both, and you’ll have to start practicing right away because it’s not easy, and it’s also one of my favorite scenes and one of the most important in the movie, so it has to be flawless.”

 

Marcus turns to the crew, specifically the financers of the movie, “We got Jasper Jordan for the dance, who is a recurring, award-winning, nationwide praised choreographer.”

 

He turns back to Lexa and Clarke, “He’s a little eccentric but crazy talented, and it’s gonna take hard work from you two.”

 

She and Clarke just nod at Kane’s words.

 

_Guess there’s a dance now._

 

Lexa takes a momentary break as the next scene is only Clarke’s. The blonde quickly becomes engaged with Marcus in discourse about trying things differently here and there.

 

In the meantime, Lexa focuses on the script and skips pages ahead of where they are at right now.

 

“Yeah that’s great, I love that,” Marcus comments on a suggestion of Clarke’s.

 

“Yeah, okay, great!” Clarke responds as they end their exchange over Clarke’s scene.

 

While Lexa is browsing through the rest of the script, she gets a glimpse of some words. She flips the page back to reread them because she thinks she made a mistake. She could swear she just read the words _love scene._

 

“Up next, is the… love scene between you two,” Marcus states nonchalantly.

 

Lexa looks up just in time to find Clarke smiling at her. The blonde sends an exaggerated wink her way and everyone gives a short laugh.

 

_Fucking great._

_Pull it together, everyone is watching._ She hates that she’s constantly off her game around Clarke. Where is her stud attitude? She needs it back NOW.  

 

Lexa smiles at Clarke. 

 

“Will there be practice for that?” Lexa asks humorously to which everyone laughs even louder and she could swear Clarke gets flushed. Lexa smirks. _That’s better._

 

“Uh, no,” Marcus says as he laughs.

 

She cocks her head, “That’s unfortunate,” she says before she turns to Clarke and adds with a low voice, “for you mostly.”

 

Clarke raises her eyebrows and bites her lip before she looks away and tries to hide her now apparent pinkness. She must know it’s a joke, but Lexa says it with such conviction that it’s almost as if she’s serious. Lexa thinks Clarke is acting as if no one has ever flirted with her before. _That’s cute._

 

\-----

 

It’s a while longer before they finish the read-through and Lexa swears she will never sign off to doing a movie without reading the entire script first. She also decides that once she gets home, she will read it over word by word to make sure there are no more surprises.

 

Everyone stands, exhausted and ready to go home. There are some formal and some relaxed goodbyes between all the people in the room and eventually, everyone steps out and goes their separate ways.

 

Except for her and Clarke. They both step out of the room simultaneously and not in a hurry to leave like the rest of them are. They find themselves walking next to each other on the way out.

 

“I have a good feeling about this movie, but I’m so fucking nervous,” Clarke tells Lexa.

 

“Well, Marcus is a genius so I know it’s going to be a great movie. As for the nerves, they never go away.”

 

“I meant I’m nervous about acting with you,” Clarke clears up.

 

Lexa looks at her with a smirk.

 

“I know, I have that effect on most people,” Lexa answers. She didn’t know that’s what Clarke meant, but she’s smooth enough to not let her know that.

 

Clarke chuckles. “Of course you do.”

 

“In case you haven’t noticed I’ve been blabbing nonsense around you,” Clarke confesses.

 

Lexa simply raises her eyebrow in questioning.

 

“Don’t pretend you don’t know that I was trying to be all confident and cocky about acting with you with the whole you being jealous thing and me stealing attention and being the alpha. I don’t even know why I said that, I probably sounded like a pompous ass,” Clarke confesses, avoiding Lexa’s eyes for the most part, until she turns and tells her this last thing, “Guess I was trying to impress you.”

 

Lexa’s eyes don’t part from hers now.

 

“You didn’t sound like a pompous ass,” Lexa reassures her with a soft voice.

 

Clarke smiles and nods, accepting Lexa’s words.

 

“Did you drive here?” Lexa asks.

 

“Yeah, I’m parked in the first level, you?” Clarke replies.

 

“Me too. I’ll walk you to your car,” Lexa says, and Clarke just nods. They walk down the hall and step into the elevator of the building to get to the parking lot.

 

Clarke checks her watch. “I’ve never worked with Marcus before. Is he flexible with schedules and people being late? Because I’ll probably always be late. I need to prepare Aden, my son, for school every morning and go home and make some lunch before I pick him up from school in the afternoon. I could probably skip on the cooking because I’m a horrible, horrible cook, but I’d like to drop him off and pick him up at least.”

 

Lexa can’t help thinking how adorable it is that Clarke actually cares enough about her son to want to do those mundane things with him, like a good mom would. Most celebrities just have nannies and drivers, if not all the time, then at least during filming since the schedules aren't always easy. But Clarke has her priorities straight; son first, movie second, and Lexa likes that.

 

And as for Clarke’s words, Lexa knows Marcus is flexible, but so long Clarke doesn't know, it doesn't hurt to have some fun with it.

 

“I’ll talk to Marcus. He’ll be as flexible as you need,” Lexa answers her.

 

Clarke raised her eyebrows, clearly impressed.

 

“Well damn, I wonder what else I could get you to do by just implying it,” Clarke teases as they reach the parking lot and walk out the elevator.

 

“You’re welcome to come over at my place and eat some of my food,” Lexa says, choosing not to delve further into Clarke’s previous sentence and casually inviting her over. She makes sure to keep a neutral tone, lest Clarke think she’s asking her out.

 

“You’re a good cook?” Clarke asks. She then points to the area where her car is so they make their way to it.

 

“No, I’m an excellent cook. Some might say my food is… orgasmic.” Lexa answers, pausing right before the last word to give it a certain effect, she says it slowly to emphasize it and likes the way it comes out of her mouth just right.

 

Clarke almost bites her lip at that, but doesn’t.

 

Lexa goes on, “You don’t have to take my word for it.”

 

“Oh, I believe you. You had me at orgasmic. I’ll definitely have to try it sometime,” the blonde says.

 

Clarke stops at an Audi.

 

“This is me,” she says.

 

“Are you sure it’s not the minivan parked over there?” Lexa teases.

 

Clarke chuckles, “Hey! I might be a mom, but I’m still fucking cool. Which is your car?”

 

Lexa points to a black Dodge with two white stripes in the middle.

 

“The Dodge? Of course it is,” Clarke says, half teasing.

 

“Scared of a little danger?” Lexa teases back.

 

“Not at all. I might look like a dorky, clumsy saint, but I assure you I’m not one,” Clarke says, and Lexa swears she made her voice a little extra raspy to be even sexier.  

 

“I didn’t think you were a saint,” Lexa assures her, “But you are most definitely dorky and clumsy,” she adds, and Clarke shoves her slightly in response.

 

“You know, Marcus told me everything about you,” Clarke declares, clearly trying to get the upper hand.

 

Lexa gives a small chuckle, “I sure hope not.”

 

Clarke answers with a chuckle of her own. “Well, maybe not everything.”

 

“Good. A little mystery is always better,” Lexa affirms.

 

“Yeah, mystery is better, it’s… sexy,” Clarke says as she turns to get into her car. Lexa reaches for the door and opens it for her, allowing Clarke to step inside, which she does after thanking her.

 

“See you soon Clarke.”

 

“You too,” she answers.

 

“Have fun burning some food for your son,” Lexa jokes as she shuts the door of the car.

 

“I will,” Clarke mouths from the inside, earning a smile from Lexa.

 

She steps aside as Clarke turns the car on and drives off with a honk goodbye.

 

Lexa makes her way to her car and drives back to her apartment. The minute she steps inside, she gets her reading glasses, sits by the kitchen counter and carefully studies the entire script like she said she would. She refuses to be caught off guard by another thing, especially not during filming, and most especially not around Clarke.

 

She had grasped chunks of the plot during the read-through today but after reading the entire script she has the complete picture:

 

**The movie is about Lexa’s character, Alex, a young, troubled, repressed girl who works at a theatre company as staff and starts having feelings for Clarke’s character, Chloe, a provocative, outgoing, and gifted dancer who the company hires, and who coincidentally lives next door to her.**

**Throughout the movie, Chloe flirts with Alex, leads her on and eventually seduces her, while at the same time she sends her mixed signals, ignoring her in front of others and pretending not to know her very well.**

**Alex starts obsessing over Chloe, stalking her, taking her photographs.**

**The twist lies in that most of what is happening is part of Alex’s imagination. Most of the interactions between Alex and Chloe, including the flirtation and the seduction are Alex’s delusions. (In other words, the love scene, dance and kiss are all a part of Alex’s imagination and it isn’t until after them that Alex begins to realize they never happened.) Thus, the audience along with Alex slowly begin to realize that Chloe is not neglecting Alex or sending mixed signals at all. In reality, Chloe barely knows Alex and has hardly spoken to her, and everything beyond a few short mundane conversations is part of Alex’s fantasy as a result of her _infatuation_ with Chloe – hence the title of the movie, ‘ _Infatuation’._**

**Near the end, Alex tries to get over Chloe by ignoring her intrusive thoughts, but it’s no use, and she starts going mad. Alex thinks that the key to setting herself free is killing the fictional Chloe she has created, so she attacks Chloe, only to find that she is attacking the real Chloe when she gets caught red-handed by Chloe’s boyfriend, and then arrested by the police, who find proof of Alex’s unhealthy addiction with Chloe and label her a crazy stalker.**

 

It’s an intense movie for sure, but Lexa is more than willing to step into the character’s shoes.

 

However, there are some issues. Not with the movie itself, but with the movie and Clarke. In the script, the sex scene and the kisses are vague and the short descriptions they have don’t give much away. They never have much detail really. That’s mainly up to the director when it is time for it, but Lexa wishes she knew how they were going to be so she could prepare for them.

 

They could be anything from a couple of seconds of kissing and an implied love scene to long passionate kisses and an R-rated love scene. And that goes for the whole movie.

 

She has a feeling it’s going to be the R-rated kind though.

 

_Sigh._

 

 _It’s not a big deal,_ she tells herself. She’s won awards for her acting for the love of God! She can pretend not to be attracted to Clarke while acting as someone who is attracted to Clarke.

That already sounds complicated.

 

Her phone vibrates in her pocket. She checks it.

 

It’s a message from Marcus. She starts rehearsal for the dance tomorrow.

 

She will have to figure out this ‘acting with Clarke thing’ as she goes. For now, she has to get a good night’s sleep. The action starts tomorrow.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next one will hopefully be up in 2 weeks as standard.  
> FYI, with the movie plot I was aiming for something a little like Black Swan, but either way it has absolutely nothing to do with the story.


	5. Don't Wrestle With Pigs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No summary. But if you would like one from now on, let me know in the comments below.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there was a bit of a problem it seemed with the plot of the movie I chose. I would like to say that I in no way intend/ed to be offensive with it and it had not even occurred to me that it would be offensive at all. I was going for a Black Swan mixed with The Roommate sort of plot. That being said, the plot will remain the same and I am going forward with the story.
> 
> I should point out that the story does not in any way follow the plot of the movie and the movie will only be mentioned here and there during filming so you understand what is happening. That was after all, the entire point of explaining the plot in detail.
> 
> If you didn’t like the plot, odds are you’ve stopped following the story so not much I can do there. If you didn’t like it and are still reading it, i hope you can live with it being unchanged. If it didn’t bother you at all, even better. :) 
> 
>  

 

 

Lexa comes back from her early morning run with Gustus, who is just going to be her regular trainer since she’s going to be working out enough with the dance routine for the movie.

 

She enters her apartment. As she hydrates, she receives a message from Indra, telling her she wants to update her on the divorce proceedings.

 

 _Jeez,_ she has almost forgotten she is getting divorced.

 

She calls Indra right away.

 

“Indra,” Lexa greets.

 

“Lexa,” Indra responds. She sounds irritated.

 

“I take it from your tone that you’re not about to tell me Costia signed the papers,” Lexa says with a hint of humor in her tone, but being careful not to aggravate Indra further.

 

“Lexa, Costia’s lawyers are going full throttle on this divorce. They are trying to suck every penny they can from you. Maybe if I push back…” Indra says.

 

Lexa knows where she’s going with this.

 

“Indra, we discussed this,” she interrupts her, “I don’t want anything from Costia”.

 

“Lexa, please. You have a right to half of what Costia has, and if I ask for it then maybe she will agree to let you both go your separate ways and keep your halves to yourselves.” Indra pleads.

 

If Indra was not her lawyer and if she didn’t know how much pain it was for Lexa to be around Costia, she might ask her to talk to her to get her lawyers to back off, but Indra knows Lexa well, and she cares too much to ask her for that. So this is as much as she’ll ask for, Lexa knows that.

 

“Indra,” she says, her voice stern. “I want this divorce to be civil and amicable.”

 

“Costia is not being amicable,” Indra steps in.

 

“Maybe so, then I’ll be the civil one.”

 

“Lexa, those lawyers are pigs,” Indra is exasperated now. Lexa can tell she hates that she won’t let her go hard ball on Costia’s lawyers.

 

“Indra, I’ve made my choice. Try to close this divorce as soon as possible. Without pushing the way you usually do.”

 

Indra just sighs.

 

Lexa doesn’t want to hang up and leave it at that. “George Bernard Shaw once said ‘never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and the pig likes it'. You’re a fantastic lawyer Indra. I know you’ll figure out. They can be as dirty as they like, I’d like you and I to leave this with a clean conscience. Promise me you will handle it without any blood shed on our part.”

 

Indra sighs again, but this time the sigh is one of compliance. “As you wish Lexa. I will keep this clean.”

 

Lexa smiles. She’s glad she has people like Indra on her team. People who are willing to fight for her but will always put her feelings first.

 

“Thank you Indra. I must go now.”

 

“Have a good day Lexa.”

 

“You too.”  

 

She hangs up. She stares at the phone for a while. Maybe she should talk to Costia about her lawyers even if it’s not recommendable. Indra is having a hard time but… Lexa has no idea how a conversation with Costia would go. She doubts she could handle it.

 

She’ll think that through later, for now she’s got work to worry about.  

 

She puts the phone down, just in time to remember that she must ask Clarke for her number. Not to ask her out, but to keep contact. They are acting together after all. And it is the 21st century, everyone has everyone’s number for no good reason at all.

 

She pops in the shower.

 

Once she’s out, she turns the TV on while she’s getting ready. She flips through the channels and stops when she sees Clarke on one. Apparently she was out partying last night. It doesn’t look that wild from the pictures, just some friends and wine, but it’s no shocker that the tabloids embellish the truth.

 

In the pictures they are showing, Clarke is hiding her face into someone. Lexa recognizes him immediately, it’s none other than Finn.

 

She sighs. Then she sighs again. She shouldn’t be sighing at seeing Clarke with someone else. She told herself she’d let it go. And she’s really really going to…. try to let it go.

 

She’s also on the news again. People are still making guesses on her marital status. She sighs one last time, then changes the channel.

 

She picks out a nice pair of tight jeans, a white shirt and a leather jacket. She packs some loose and more comfortable clothing for dance practice. She listens to the TV while she finishes getting ready.

 

There’s something on it about a big truck company acquisition. There’s a man standing there shaking people’s hands and Lexa finds it funny that he looks like the stereotypical greedy capitalist from a cartoon. He’s rather large and it looks like the buttons on the suit he’s wearing are about to fly off into the camera, he’s barely got any hair, and his face is chubby and red, he’s showing off his fancy watch too, and all in all he looks odious. She turns off the tv.

 

She heads to the kitchen, and makes herself a healthy breakfast before making her way to the address Marcus sent her at wee hours where dance practice is at.  

 

\----

 

She parks and steps out of her car with her bag of clothing in front of the dance studio just to find Clarke driving into the parking lot too.

 

The blonde parks and steps out of the car while Lexa waits near by for her to do so.

 

“Good morning,” Lexa says.

 

“Morning!” Clarke answers her back, the excitement of her tone evident.

 

Clarke is wearing loose clothing, ready to dance, unlike her. She’s also carrying a huge handbag with her, a definite mom bag, and a red-colored vegetable drink.

 

Her hair is tied in a soft ponytail and she’s wearing a tank top and sneakers. Lexa doesn’t usually notice people’s outfits so much, but she can’t help it with Clarke.

 

“You made it on time,” Lexa teases, recalling their last conversation when Clarke told her she is always late for everything.

 

“I know! I’m surprised too,” Clarke says after a light chuckle.

 

Lexa waits for Clarke to reach her where she’s standing and then they begin walking towards the door of the dance studio.

 

“How was your night?” Clarke asks.

 

“Quiet, yours?”

 

“Loud,” Clarke reverses.

 

Lexa smiles and Clarke laughs at her own sense of humor. _That’s fucking adorable,_ Lexa thinks.

 

“I feel like I should be the one with quiet nights and you with loud ones,” Clarke says shyly.

 

“Why, because you’re a mom?” Lexa asks.

 

Clarke simply nods.

 

“You’re allowed to have fun even so Clarke,” she assures her.

Clarke takes that in for a moment. Simple words, but they mean something to her.

 

“Not many people tell me that,” Clarke tells her. “But thanks. I needed it. Sometimes I feel guilty about having fun,” she confesses.

 

“Don’t. Never mind them,” Lexa tells her.

 

“Them?” Clarke asks.

 

“You know who I mean. Whoever it is that tries to force you into a little cube so you can fit their small cubed minds.”

 

There's a pause from Clarke.

 

“You make it sound easy,” she says as they reach the door of the studio and stand before it.

 

“I know I do. It’s not easy though, I know that well, but it’s worth it. Don’t give up,” Lexa tells her with her soft and sweet voice. She means what she’s telling her. Clarke is new to fame and though Lexa isn’t exactly a veteran, she’s been handling it a little longer. It was also a similar situation where, in Lexa’s case a really good movie and in Clarke’s a really good album, put them in center stage.

 

“I try not to,” Clarke answers her.

 

“Good,” Lexa responds with a smile. “Trying is good. It’s all any of us can do really.”

 

“I didn’t think you’d have quiet nights,” Clarke changes the conversation. She’s good at doing that right when Lexa seems to get a little too deep with her.

 

“Ah, well I didn’t used to. But they’ve been quiet for a while.”

 

 

 Clarke raises an eye brow in slight surprise to hear Lexa has routinely boring nights.

 

“Sometimes they aren’t”, the brunette adds. 

 

“Ah,” is all Clarke says, seemingly satisfied with the answer.

 

After a short moment, Lexa realizes that they’ve been standing by the door of the studio for some minutes and they haven’t bothered going inside so she knocks on the door.

 

It’s not long before Jasper Jordan opens the door.

 

Lexa has seen his work and met him because he is Monty’s boyfriend, but she’s never worked with him before.

 

He greets her with a short hug, tells he he’s excited to work with her, and then he turns to Clarke and they nearly scream at seeing each other, they hug hard and sway for a moment before letting go.

 

_I guess Clarke knows him too._

 

“Welcome, welcome! Come on in, we’re both waiting for you,” he says as he opens the door wider and signals for them to walk inside.

 

Monty is in there too.

 

He nearly takes Clarke down as he runs to hug her.

 

“Missed ya,” he tells her.

 

“Missed ya too,” she answers as she beams.

 

Lexa thought that Clarke had only met Monty at the party at Kane’s, but they looked closer than that.

 

He turns to Lexa, “Commander!” he says as he acts scared and stands stiff in a military stance, right in front of her.

 

She smiles at the joke. “Good to see you Monty.”

 

He smiles at her and relaxes his posture.

 

Lexa goes and changes into her clothing. Clarke smiles when she comes out of the changing room. Lexa supposes it’s because it’s the first time she’s seen her wearing more relaxed clothing.

 

Jasper explains that he and Monty are going to do the whole dance for her and Clarke right now so they know what it will look like.

 

Lexa remembers taking some dance classes in high school but she never kept it up, so she’s an amateur all over again in this department.

 

Clarke tells Jasper and Monty that she loves to dance and she’s learned some moves for her dance videos but she makes it clear that she in no way compares to a professional dancer, and certainly not them.

 

It’s not long before the music is on and Jasper and Monty are dancing while Clarke and Lexa sit and observe.

 

Lexa peeps at Clarke throughout the dance, and the blonde is in clear awe by Jasper and Monty, like she is as well.

 

When the two are done with the routine, danced impeccably, Jasper and Monty fist bump each other. Meanwhile, she and Clarke stare blankly at the boys, then each other, then back at the boys.

 

The dance is Latin ballroom, it’s Jasper’s original choreography just for them and he’s mixed up several Latin dance styles and made them work. It has twists and turns, it slows down and speeds up, it’s erotic and has an all-round dangerous feel to it. _It’s basically sex but in dancing, and it’s fucking difficult,_ Lexa thinks. 

 

Clarke is the first to speak.

 

“We,” she points at herself and Lexa, “have to do that!?” she points at Jasper and Monty.

 

“Yeah,” Jasper answers them coolly as Monty bops his head up and down repeatedly.

 

Clarke lets out a short laugh in disbelief at the idea that she will somehow be able to carry out that routine in the same flawless way they have. 

 

She turns back to Lexa, “Please say something. How on earth are we supposed to do that?”

 

Lexa lets out a laugh of her own before turning to Jasper and giving him a _Clarke is right look._

 

“Okay, looks hard, but that’s why we got 3 months to practice all day. I refuse to let you two be filmed while doing this choreography unless it’s absolutely right.” Jasper makes clear.

 

“Three months?” Lexa inquires. It really doesn’t seem like long enough to do what she just saw.

 

“I second the question,” Clarke adds.

 

Jasper simply grins and stares at Monty, then back at her and Clarke.

 

“Yep, better get to it,” he says.

 

She and Clarke purse their lips simultaneously as they stand from the bench they were sitting on.

 

“Let’s get to it,” Lexa tells Clarke.

 

Clarke smiles. “Let’s do this.”

 

“Okay, here we go!” Jasper starts.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to let you all know that I will be adding some of Clarke’s perspective to the story. I originally planned not to do that and have you slowly find everything out with Lexa as the story went along, but it seems like being omniscient readers is more exciting than being surprised. But hey, I’m flexible so I’ll change it up for you guys. It won’t be that much, but at least you won’t be wondering like Lexa will be.
> 
>  


	6. The Good Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of insight into Clarke's life. There will be more in coming chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I’d like to apologize for taking so long but I’ve been crazy busy. I would like, however, to assure all of you reading that I intend to finish this story, so don’t think that I will abandon it at any point.
> 
> Second, in case you didn’t know, italics are thoughts: Clarke’s or Lexa’s.
> 
> OTHER NOTE: I was going to bring it up later in the story, but so you can all imagine it, I’m letting you know Aden is 8 years old in here. Clarke and Lexa are in their mid to late 20s.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

  

Dry headache.

 

Those are the only words she can think to describe the hangover she’s feeling right now.

 

She turns on the TV and finds pictures of herself from the night before on the scandal sheets.  

 

_Fuck’s sake._

 

She should know better by now. The cameras always catch her when they go fishing.

 

_Sigh._

She’s about to turn the TV off, but the report on her is done and right after it is one on Lexa.

 

She focuses on it while she takes out Aden’s clothes for school and her own for work.

 

It’s a short broadcast on the brunette but it offends her. The newsmagazine examines the absence of Lexa’s wife in the last few times she has been in public. They question their marital status and Clarke hates it. She hates when the tabloids go after such personal things. To them though, relationships –whether they are falling apart or developing– are second to no other story. But Clarke refuses to get used to it.            

 

_Fuck that, and fuck the tabloids._

 

She wishes they would leave Lexa alone, but she knows that is wishful thinking.

 

But anyhow, Lexa’s marriage is probably fine.

 

She ignores the TV and goes to get Aden showered. She tries to hurry to the bathroom but she gets dizzy for a second, her head reminds her that she’s still hungover.

 

She’s been a pretty responsible person since she became a mom when she adopted Aden three years ago.

She has some fun, but she always tries to be home in time to tuck him in at night.

She always tries to be there before dawn so she can wake him for school so he doesn’t miss his bus.

She always tries to pick him up from school on time.

She always tries her best with cooking good meals for him.

She always tries to go to his school events, to parent-teacher meetings, and his games.

 

She tries her best with him. Always.

 

The only times she doesn’t pull through with any of the above is when she’s on tour or any other extraordinary circumstances arise, but other than that, nothing gets in her way of being a good mom to Aden.

 

But she’s a little hungover today. She has an alarm though, so she wakes up in time to get him ready for school.

 

Her head is killing her, it’s getting worse if anything. _Fucking hell._

 

Meanwhile, Aden is eating breakfast on the kitchen table. He’s being a good kid today. He got up and prepared for school without much fuss. He got ready quick enough for her to get a proper shower, and by proper she means a couple more minutes of it. She takes the chance to put on a nice pair of elaborate earrings for no good reason since she knows she’ll take them off for practice.

 

Aden is calling her to sit with him to eat cereal 6:25 a.m. because the only way he eats his breakfast is with her company.

 

She lets herself fall on the chair next to Aden.

 

_Fuck, that hurt!_

 

She forgets she has a huge bruise on the back of her thigh from yesterday’s dance practice. She had a bad fall.  

 

She doesn't want to show up at the practice hungover but she’s not going to cancel it because it’s not that bad. She can handle this hangover –she’s had worse for sure. She has a little more time before she has to go anyway.

She checks her watch. The bus will show up in about 15 minutes, and all that’s left to do is take Aden out the driveway, so she’s more than on schedule. She’s proud of herself for managing that even with her head banging itself from the inside.

 

She’s not exactly proud about being slightly hungover around Aden. He doesn’t notice, but that doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t make her a terrible parent either, but she promised herself the days of morning hangovers were done the day she decided to adopt Aden. And she has kept that promise, in her own way. She might be a little hungover on the days when Aden takes school trips to somewhere or sleeps over at someone else’s house and doesn’t sleep in his bed. 

 

The problem lately is what has been airing on the news. _Because that bastard from the trucking company is on them._ And because the timing couldn’t be worse. It’s almost the anniversary of …

She needs to watch herself. She can’t let herself fall into the spiral of self-destruction again.

 

“Done. I won”, Aden says as he takes the last sip of his cereal and beats Clarke to the bottom of the bowl.

“Nicely done. Give me five!” she answers as she raises her hand and he high fives her in all excitement.

 

“Alright, go to the car. I’ll get my bag and I’ll be right behind you,” she tells him as she gets up from the table. She takes a pill from the counter for the headache and hopes to be fine soon. She heads for her room.

She stops by her closed door as she watches Aden go to the garage, and when she’s sure he’s out of sight, she turns the door knob.

 

She doesn’t want Aden to see who’s inside. She almost doesn’t want to see him either, but when she does she feels… comfortable – that’s the feeling he incites in her.

 

Out of all people who could be in her bed, he’s definitely the safest one to have in it. He’s a safe bet, her safety net. Always there to catch her when she falls, always with arms opens when she needs them, no questions asked. She’s thankful for him because of that, because she needs someone she can trust, especially since she became famous. She knows he won’t go to the press with absolutely anything regarding her.  

 

She’s known him for what feels like forever, since high school. She’s used to him, his hair, his smell, his skin, his lips, and the way it all feels. And he’s used to her. He knows just about everything about her, he gets along with Aden and her friends for the most part.

 

But lately, she hates it. She has hated it for a while.

 

She has hated that she’s safe with him, that everything about him is safe and that she needs him. But lately, it’s not enough.

 

She didn’t want what she was used to anymore, she didn’t want to stay in that safety zone. She wanted something different. She _needed_ something diverse, because even though  every day was different, they all felt the same. Always the same. Nothing really new to thrill her, nothing to electrify her. 

 

_Until her._

 

“Finn!” She says in a loud whisper as she shakes him while he lays half-undressed in her bed.

 

“Can I turn on the car mom?” She hears Aden ask loudly from the garage.

 

“Yeah sweetie, sure,” she answers him.

 

She turns back to Finn. “I’m taking Aden to school, then I’m going to work. Show yourself out as usual.”

 

“Stay a little longer,” he says lazily as he shuffles around in the bed.

 

“He’ll be late for school and I’ll be late too,” she says as she grabs her bag and heads for the door of the bedroom.

 

“So what? What will happen if he’s a bit late and you’re a little late to the rehearsal?” He asks her without a care in the world as he stretches in the bed.

 

_It will be longer before I see her, less time spent with her,_ Clarke thinks.

 

“I’ll be fucking late that’s what and so will Aden. And it’s unprofessional for me to be late.” _That’s a good excuse_ , she tells herself. “Besides, if I stay, Aden will come back inside and find you, and you know I don’t like him seeing…” she cuts off.

 

“Seeing me? Us? Like an actual couple?” He tries to finish her sentence.

 

“He’s a kid. It’s confusing for him. I don’t want him to get the wrong idea.” She explains as she stands by the door, ready to leave.

 

Finn sits up in the bed. “I’m here a lot Clarke. Don’t you think he already knows? Or suspects something? I mean God forbid we actually have something serious between us,” he challenges her.

 

She rolls her eyes. He sounds almost convincing, e

ven pity-worthy, but not even he believes his words. She walks back inside, grabs his shirt from the floor, and throws it at him.

 

“Oh please. You can’t do serious. God knows we tried it and it was a fucking disaster,” she reminds him with a smile.

 

He breaks into a short laugh as he lets his shirt hit him in the face. “Sure you don’t want some more of this lovin’?” he teases as he begins to slowly uncover his lower body though he’s wearing his boxers. 

 

She rolls her eyes and laughs at him before walking out.

 

“Mom! We’re gonna be late!” She hears Aden once more.

 

“I’ll be right there!” she assures him as she turns to Finn one last time. “Shower and go to work.”

 

\----

 

Clarke drives herself to work. Her days are a little hectic, from getting Aden ready in the morning to working in the afternoon and then coming back home to Aden to work on his homework and get him to bed, then spending time with her friends. It keeps her entertained, distracted, most days.

 

She always uses the drive from her house to anywhere as a little break for herself, whether it is to a recording studio or a set for her videos. She drives quietly or turns on the radio, she takes her time driving too, but not recently.

 

Recently, all she wants is to get to dance practice as soon as she can. She doesn’t think she’s throwing away her opportunity to relax, she feels like she’s throwing away the time she’s going to spend with her. With…

 

_Lexa._

She’s already thinking of seeing her. Calculating the time she’ll spend with her.

 

_If I show up at the studio a little early, and if Lexa is there early too, which she usually is, and if neither Jasper nor Monty are there, then I can spend some time, however short, with her._

 

Those are a lot of ifs, but she doesn’t care.

 

She thinks of the first time she met Lexa. _Kane’s party._

 

The way Lexa smoothly swooped up behind her and helped her with her necklace. She had been expecting her to be a man but she was pleasantly surprised when she turned and found Lexa, _in a tailored suit no less_. She had seen her wear suits on TV before, but she looked dashing in real life.

 

Lexa exuded this confident aura and it was… _magnetic_. She already knew who she was when they met, but meeting celebrities always made Clarke nervous anyway.

 

She had a surplus of nerves around Lexa though.

 

She remembers not knowing what to say at the party and babbling on about celebrities and introductions or something like it. She remembers nearly dropping her drink all over her bag, but mostly she remembers Lexa.

 

She remembers Lexa was witty, bold and a breath of fresh air because she offered her a sincerely nice conversation. It didn’t even matter what the conversation was about, Lexa felt _genuine_ and that made her comfortable.

 

Clarke briefly wonders _how in the hell does Lexa succeed in staying on the precipice of self-assurance without being an overbearing asshole_? Clarke knows she could never pull that off herself like Lexa does.   

 

She thinks of how she was trying to impress her that night, and the time after that too. The night of the party however, she came up short when trying to get her an expensive drink, but Lexa didn’t seem bothered by the complete fail. She even took the joke of pretending not to remember her name quite well.

 

The day of the read-through had been disaster, at least at first. She had told herself on the way there that she was not going to embarrass herself like she did at the party, that she was going to be confident as hell, just like Lexa. Unfortunately, she ended up crossing that line that Lexa never does, and she became the overbearing asshole by pretending she was completely comfortable and in her element _or God knows what_. She doesn’t even know where that came from. It probably came from those nerves that never leave around Lexa rather than the self-confidence she was supposed to have.

 

But Lexa took that well too. She was graceful about it when Clarke apologized, and the walk to her car had been proof of that.

 

She had to admit, she was tempted to take her up on the offer to eat at her place right away. She would have pushed for it and put a date on it too, but that would have been rash.

 

She doesn’t know what it is that draws her to Lexa so much. Not necessarily in a sexual way, but in the kind of way that makes her _need_ to be around her, like she’s on some sort of withdrawal when she doesn’t see her. And it’s only been some weeks.

 

She thinks of Lexa often, more than she should and she knows it.

 

She can’t help but think of her though. It’s the strangest thing. Lexa makes her feel things she hasn’t experienced in a long time.

 

Lexa is something new. Something exhilarating while at the same time she has a stillness about her that calms her down. She’s both funny and sexy. She knows thinking about her being sexy is probably not befitting of a friend, especially one who is married. _But it’s not a big deal to think your friends are hot_ , she tells herself. She likes having hot _friends_.

 

She has so many thoughts about the woman that they all get knotted in her head.

 

She doesn’t know what to make of it.

 

Lexa is friendly with her, and she’s friendly back. Sometimes they are a little more than that; she won’t deny they occasionally flirt, but it’s the sociable kind.

 

_Are we even friends?_ Clarke wonders.

 

She dares say _yes_.

 

She has spent more time with Lexa than she has anyone else in the past two months. But _come to think of it,_ Clarke doesn’t know much more about Lexa than she did the first day she met her. Well, she knows how she is as a person, she knows her personality from all this time spent with her, but she doesn’t know about her life much, her family, _none of the important stuff._

 

_It’s probably my fault_ , she thinks, because she always leaves during lunchtime to pick Aden up from school. She could ask her to join her, but Lexa would probably prefer to eat serenely and at her own pace rather than in a moving car trying to reach a school before the end-of-the-day-bell rings.

  

The rest of the time she and Lexa spend together is supervised by Monty or Jasper since they are occupied practicing, and not even with each other yet. The only time for chitchat is in the mornings, if she gets there right when Lexa does and they can walk to the door the way they did the first day. Or if Jasper or Monty are a little late, or taking a small break. But those moments are rare, and when they happen they are just as she said, chitchat and only that. No time for a deeper, more meaningful conversation.

 

_What a shame._  

 

She’s considered asking Lexa to hang out on Saturdays or Sundays but Clarke always ends up being busy those days, either working on music, or spending time with Aden, or being with her friends, including Finn, and she’s not sure it’s a good idea to have Finn and Lexa in the same room _because… of… whatever. Just because._

 

Besides, she thinks it’s probably not a good idea to be around Lexa after work considering the state the news have her in lately. She’s been partying a tad harder than she has in a while and she doubts Lexa would like partying the way she has been. And when Clarke gets home, it’s pure sorrow and solitude, even when Finn or whoever else is there. She doesn’t like the idea of Lexa seeing her that way. She doesn’t like the idea of herself that way either.

 

She could call her and talk about anything. The way friends do.

 

If only Clarke had a phone.

 

She dropped it in a pool at a party a few days before Kane’s party and hasn’t gotten a new one.

 

Most people would think she’s impractical for going that long without a phone, and she was going to get the latest in the market, but she didn’t feel a need to rush it. All her close friends are always showing up at her house unannounced anyway. And if anyone needs her, they can reach her at home when she’s back from work. And if anything important happens, anyone around her with a phone always lets her know. In case of anything with Aden, the school has the number to Jasper’s studio.

 

She actually rather likes not having a phone. It puts her at ease. No ringtones crashing her performance in the middle of it. She can put her complete focus on whatever she’s doing. And for now, the object of her concentration is the dance with Lexa.  

 

During practice, she feels disengaged from the deafening cacophonies of the world, from everyone but Lexa. When they’re dancing, and it’s just the music and the brunette, it’s like they’re in their own personal bubble. It’s the most serene and liberated she can possibly feel. And that is exactly why she cannot wait to get to the studio.

 

\----

 

It’s a hard first couple of weeks. The first days were complete disasters, they didn’t get a thing right, but they all had fun nonetheless. Lexa knew it was going to be like that for a decent while until they got the hang of it.

 

At the end of the first week, Lexa noticed that Clarke had some bruises. It was nothing out of the ordinary considering they aren’t trained dancers.

 

She has some as well even now, two months in, when they are doing much better at the whole dancing thing, but her bruises are not as prominent as they are on Clarke’s sensitive skin.

 

“Oh fuck, sorry,” the brunette says as she accidentally walks in on Clarke in the changing room after the blonde leaves the door unlocked. Clarke is just about done removing her shirt from her body, so she’s practically topless, wearing only panties; her back is facing the door. Clarke didn’t bother turning the lights on because there is a tiny window that allows for enough brightness in the room. All Lexa can see is her back, and her silhouette is breathtaking.

 

Something catches her attention then. Something that doesn’t fit into the beauty that stands before her. She notices a significant bruise on the blonde’s thigh. It’s from the practice no doubt, _definitely the tumble from yesterday,_ she thinks, but it’s gigantic, larger than any other bruise she has on her body. About the size of her palm.

 

But Lexa doesn’t have time to think of it for long as she begins to shut the door in a hurry, but Clarke stops Lexa with her lack of worry and shame when the blonde laughs, “It’s okay, don’t worry,” Clarke tells her.

 

Clarke has no concern for being seen practically nude. That’s not surprising _considering how gorgeous she is_ and the fact that they are both celebrities in an industry where image is very important and one cannot be anything but comfortable in one’s body, or as close to it as they can get. But Lexa knows that doesn’t mean that people don’t mind being exposed in all situations, so she is not going to stand there and keep staring.

 

Right before Lexa leaves, Clarke asks her as she stands there frozen, her shirt still not completely off, “Actually, can you help me with something?”

 

The brunette stops in her tracks, “Of course. What do you need?”

 

“Um, I .. uh… My shirt is stuck on my earrings and I can’t take it off,” the blonde explains.

 

Clarke standing there with her arms upwards and crossed, and the shirt by her head make perfect sense now.

 

Lexa walks up to her slowly as Clarke attempts to reverse her movements the best way she can to untangle the earring from her shirt, but doesn’t make much of a difference.

 

_Holy shit,_ Lexa thinks as she stands next to her. Clarke’s shirt is covering her head so the blonde can’t see much, but Lexa can pretty much see all of Clarke, and in a better light now that she’s near.

 

It's strange for Lexa to think that the blonde doesn’t mind Lexa standing so close to her while she’s barely wearing anything, and especially since she can’t see a thing.

 

She has to help Clarke, but it’s hard to think of anything with the blonde standing there with the her body illuminated to look like art. But Lexa’s eyes only gaze upon her briefly, and only because she can’t help the sight.

 

Less than a couple of seconds later, Lexa tries to find the part where Clarke’s shirt is twisted with her earring. It doesn’t take her long, she spends a few seconds separating the jewelry from the fabric, and just as she does, she drops the earring by accident.

 

Clarke can finally let her arms rest. She pulls her shirt down for a moment so she can remove her other earring before she can take her shirt off, definitively this time. She hasn’t noticed that Lexa has dropped the first earring.

 

Lexa leans on one knee to pick it up, and just as she picks it from the floor and begins to look back up, she finds herself directly regarding the bruise on the back of Clarke’s thigh.

 

It looks even worse up close. She loathes that Clarke’s beautiful skin is tainted with purple and yellow.

 

On impulse, she reaches for it with one hand and gently traces it with her fingers. She wishes she could heal it upon touching it.

 

Clarke closer her eyes if only for a fraction of a second as she simultaneously takes a small breath in when she feels the brunette’s fingers.

 

Lexa becomes aware of what she’s doing and pulls away, instantly standing.

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” Lexa begins.

 

“It’s fine. It’s pretty big so it’s apparent,” Clarke interrupts her, turning to face her.  

 

“It’s from the fall yesterday isn’t it?” Lexa asks.

 

“Yeah, but it’s okay, you know, it happens,” Clarke tells her.

 

“It looks rather bad,” Lexa adds. Remembering that Clarke is standing before her in only a thin shirt and panties. She goes on, “Anyway, I’m sorry I walked in.”

 

“Oh, it’s okay. You didn’t know I was in here. I should’ve turned the lights on,” Clarke offers her.

 

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t,” Lexa teases as she begins to walk out.

 

Clarke’s eyes widen, “Oh really? Perv much?” she teases back.

 

“Perv? Oh no, I think we both know you left that door open on purpose,” the brunette claims.

 

Clarke lets out a chuckle, “I did no such thing.”

 

“Well, we’ll never know will we?” Lexa says with a smirk.

 

“Ah, yes we will, right now. Cuz I’m telling you I did not,” Clarke says trying to play serious.

 

“Sounds fake but okay. Even if you say so, I think some part of you subconsciously wanted me to walk in here,” Lexa jokes one last time before she walks out with a wink, mouthing a ‘just kidding’ about the whole conversation to Clarke, lest she think she was serious about it all.

 

Clarke simply rolls her eyes and goes back to changing after Lexa shuts the door behind her.

 

_That touch,_ she thinks as she changes to her dancing clothes. Lexa’s fingers on her were so delicate, and the brunette seemed very concerned about her being hurt badly during the dance.

 

It was … _sweet._  

 

\-----

 

They have spent a week practicing the same 16 steps. Today is the last day to get them right.

 

All Lexa hears in her head is Jasper’s voice going “1, 2, 3, 4. 5, 6, 7, 8.” again and again and again.

 

Monty tells them that once they get the first part right, the rest will be easier. In the meantime, both of them are still getting used to the right posture and learning to keep their faces in check. But she supposes their body will at least be used to the kind of movement the dance requires.

 

Surprisingly, Lexa hasn’t really began dancing with Clarke yet because of two reasons:

 

Firstly, Jasper and Monty are working as coaches with each one individually, switching several times during the day. This way, both Clarke and Lexa can get the advice they need to learn the skill before they carry it out with each other. Otherwise they’ll be tumbling around even more if they are both attempting the moves for the first time.

 

Secondly, the dance is divided in two parts: in the first part of the choreography, Lexa and Clarke dance separately, each one telling their own story, until eventually they join up and dance together. Thus far, they have been learning their own parts and the agility to move certain ways.

 

Lexa enjoys watching Clarke practice, just seeing her move around sensually, it does things to her. She knows she shouldn’t enjoy it that much but she rationalizes it by telling herself it’s not like she can close her eyes while Clarke dances. She doesn’t even care that it has been the same moves for an entire week now.

 

_Gosh._ Sometimes she does feel like a pervert around Clarke, but she really is a beautiful person, and _I’m only human,_ she reminds herself while she sits on the bench next to Monty as they take a break. Clarke is still practicing with Jasper. She’s taking it very seriously. It was Clarke who set today as the last day to learn this part of the routine.

 

 

_5, 6, 7, 8 over and over._ Clarke has never had such a hard time with dance moves. And to think she believed she could dance when she did the choreography she picked for her music videos. But compared to this, she has no fucking clue. She feels like a blindfolded five-year-old that has been twirled around twelve times and is now trying to hit a piñata. But she’s not going to stop until she hits that piñata.

 

 

“Kinda funny that you’re not in charge,” Monty tells Lexa while they take their pause, and while Lexa watches Clarke practicing, which she tries to do in the most casual way possible, pretending as if she’s paying attention to technique and similar things, and not the way Clarke moves.

 

Clarke notices the way Lexa looks at her. Most times she looks concentrated on the dance, she can see her lips moving, counting the steps, but other times… Lexa’s eyes tell a different story.

 

Clarke thinks maybe she’s making it up, but she could swear sometimes, even if only for a moment, that Lexa’s expressions when she watches her dance are suggestive. It’s like she’s not looking at her to appreciate the routine or steps, but to appreciate her.

 

“Hmm?” Lexa turns to Monty, her sight taken away from Clarke.

 

“I mean, I know it’s acting but in real life I imagine you doing Clarke’s part of the dance. It’s more like you,” Monty tells her.

 

“Oh, well yes, it is acting. I have to step into the shy girl’s shoes for this one,” she chats as she looks back at Clarke, who after a few seconds catches her eye and smiles. She puts on a cool face but she hopes Clarke didn’t catch her gawking at her.

 

_Like now!_ Clarke thinks. Right when she caught Lexa’s eye, she could swear Lexa changed her stare. She had looked so concentrated on her until their eyes met. _Until she noticed I saw her?_

 

Lexa agrees with Monty, she loves the dance, but she would love it more if she and Clarke switched roles.

 

Lexa’s character in the movie is an introvert and so Clarke is the one leading the dance. Clarke is the one who has her hands all over Lexa while Lexa’s character pretends not to like it, and she and Clarke’s character have a push and pull throughout the entire performance.

 

During this dance, Lexa doesn’t get to smirk or be confident or dominant. It’s entirely the opposite, Clarke gets to do that instead, and Lexa has to be a little intimidated, surprised, and stiff as she’s trying to control her feelings for Chloe like Alex would be.

 

Well, she doesn’t have to have to pretend to be trying to control her feelings since she’s essentially trying to do that in reality, _and not very well._  But the point is, it would be easier to camouflage her feelings with the self-assurance and composure that Clarke has to play for her character.

_Ugh!_

   

She’s a little woven up with her character and her real feelings, and pretending not to have them while having them, and acting the exact same thing.

                                                                                                         

_What a mess._ It’s making the acting more complicated than she’s used to.

Although… every role she has taken has had a little bit of her. She has never accepted to play any roles where she had nothing in common with the character, were she had not connected with the character she would be playing. If she can’t get into that person’s shoes at all, then she can’t do it. Empathy is the trick.

 

She could use this to her advantage, use her _temporary_ feelings for Clarke to play the character even better than she could if she had no _temporary_ attraction for Clarke.

 

The key word is of course _temporary_. She can use these feelings for a while but she doesn’t _need_ them for this role, not really. She has other ways to empathize with her character. Therefore, once the feelings are gone, _and they will be gone_ she tells herself, she’ll be back to normal. Until they are gone, she must make sure to NOT cultivate her _temporary_ feelings for Clarke or she knows _temporary_ will change to _permanent._  

 

Just then, Clarke finally gets her part right. Every step. Jasper is pleased and they hug. Clarke jumps and looks at Lexa, who smiles wholeheartedly at her, proud to see that she got it right. The blonde practically jumps over to Lexa in excitement.

 

Lexa stands, only to find Clarke hugging her out of contentment from finally finishing the first part of the dance.

 

Lexa hugs her back hard. “Congrats Clarke, that looked fucking amazing,” she encourages her.

 

“Thank you. I’m so glad I finally got it right,” Clarke says as she pulls away.

 

“Not ONE mistake,” Clarke emphasizes, still highly enthusiastic.  

 

“I know. That was perfection,” Lexa boosts her, getting an even bigger smile from Clarke than she had before.

 

“Okay Lexa, Clarke, you two are up!” Jasper cuts in, stealing their looks his way.

 

Here they go. Lexa looks back at Clarke. She looks exhausted. As much as she’d love to start dancing with Clarke, the time will come, for now Clarke needs to rest.

 

_Finally,_ Clarke thinks about dancing with Lexa. She can barely stand on her legs though. She’s about to ask Jasper to call it a day or at least give her a break, but she’s going to start dancing with Lexa at last.

 

“I think we should take a lunch break,” Lexa turns to Clarke, “Don’t you have to pick Aden up?”

 

_Oh._

On one hand, Clarke is a little disappointed she is not going to dance with Lexa, but on the other, her legs are about to give up on her so thank God Lexa said something. The brunette clearly noticed her exhaustion and is trying to give her some rest.

 

“Oh right,” Jasper takes note of Lexa’s words. “Yeah of course. Go pick up Aden.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke mouths to Lexa, who gives her a small nod.

 

The blonde picks up her bag and leaves for the lunch break, returning afterwards as usual.

 

\-----

 

As soon as Clarke is back, Jasper sets them up on the right position, then he and Monty stand the same way right next to them.

 

He starts counting the steps as they move and Lexa and Clarke try duplicating them.

 

So far, the dancing has been lonely jumps and twirls, but now they have to work together for lifts and the rest of the choreography. 

 

Throughout the day, both she and Clarke have plenty of accidents. They consider getting a white board to write the number of days they can last without any mishaps.

 

Lexa slips some times and Clarke catches her.

 

Clarke slips even more often and she falls on Lexa, who somewhat catches her but mostly they both end up on the ground together after Clarke accidentally takes Lexa down with her or the other way around.

 

They both fall hard on the wooden floors frequently too.

 

They share laughter every time, but they share no privacy since Monty and Jasper are watching them of course.

 

It’s tiresome, but Lexa doesn’t mind it with Clarke, who always finds a way to be extra dorky and make Lexa laugh even when they are beat and when the falls sting badly.

 

“No leaving today until we get the first steps of this part to perfection,” Jasper tells them while Lexa and Clarke try to catch their breath.  

 

They both nod half-heartedly.  It’s past sundown and the fatigue has gotten to them, usually they’d leave by now, but Jasper is insistent on learning this bit before tomorrow. And unlike her and Clarke, he has a never-ending energy supply. The majority of days they have to remind him of the time, otherwise he’d make them dance on till dawn.

 

“Marcus wasn’t kidding about having to work hard with Jasper was he?” Clarke whispers to Lexa.

 

“Guess not,” Lexa tells her.

 

“I was really hoping her was,” Clarke adds with a little humor.

 

Lexa smiles and whispers jokingly, “I’ll distract him, you make a run for it.” 

 

“No, I can’t leave you here,” Clarke responds dramatically.

 

“You have to go. You have Aden to think about. I’ll be alright,” Lexa keeps up.

 

“I will be forever grateful,” Clarke jokes on.

 

“I can hear you,” Jasper cuts them off.

 

They both smile at each other and get back to their part as Jasper plays the music from the part they need to play. He reminds them to watch their facial expressions, which is a lot harder than it looks.

 

Lexa stands in position facing Clarke, Jasper counts them down. They get into character and they start moving to the music.

 


	7. Dancing and Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IMPORTANT: When you see a *, go to the end and search the link to get a visual. I’ve added links to help you visualize some moves (most are pictures, one is a short video). There are many of them, one after the other so I hope it’s not an inconvenience to look them up. Perhaps it’s best if you look them all up at once and then check them when it’s their time. 
> 
> Also, I know there are many things that each chapter leaves unresolved, but as the story evolves, I will deal with those things.

 

The third and last month of practice has almost concluded. By now, Clarke has gotten comfortable enough to start acting like the complete goof she is around Lexa. Lexa is a lot more lighthearted than Clarke had figured too.

 

From time to time, when one of them screws up with a move, they’ll keep dancing out on their own, knowing it’s wrong, but committing to the mistake while the other watches and laughs.

 

During the short breaks they get, Clarke puts her music and carelessly dances to it, she moves her hips rhythmically from side to side while she plays with her hair and the sweat falls down her neck and the middle of her breasts. Lexa finds it _sexy as fuck._

 

Other times, Clarke turns into a complete dork, she exaggerates her movements and her facial expressions. And that’s _endearing as fuck_ , Lexa thinks.

The most surprising thing Lexa found out about her was that Clarke loves rap. When those songs come on during recesses, Clarke turns into a complete gangster, or as Clarke puts it, _gangsta._ And Lexa thinks those dances are adorable too.

 

_There’s no way around not liking Clarke. It’s a little infuriating, but not really_.

 

“What are you looking at?” Clarke asks when she sees Lexa blatantly staring at her while she’s doing one of her delightful perky dances. 

 

“You,” is all Lexa tells her.

 

Clarke hides her smile but can’t hide her blush.

 

Lexa resents that they don’t have a chance for deeper conversations during their sessions. Either Monty or Jasper are always in the room and pulling them back to the right position to dance.

 

As they move forward, Jasper’s expectations rise. He wants higher jumps, better stamina and better technique, so Lexa and Clarke work hard on those as more duress and discipline comes their way. More slips, falls and laughter come along too. Especially today.

 

By lunchtime, Lexa thinks she has never fallen so much on all her movie sets combined even when she has done her own stunts.

 

Lexa is face down on the floor and Clarke has fallen back on her ass right now. They’re all laughing at the fall while Clarke and Lexa regain their energy. Lexa stands and helps Clarke up.

 

Lexa glances at the clock on the wall. It’s almost lunch time. She wishes she could spend some time with Clarke during it but she knows Clarke leaves to pick her son up from school.

 

The dance studio is a pleasant place to be in together. In many ways it’s just her and Clarke in their bubble when they are in their characters and dedicated to the dance, because everything else goes quiet and dies out. But it’s different. It’s not them. It’s their characters.

 

And even though they spend so much time together Clarke is more or less a stranger to her. They don’t talk of anything that isn’t dancing.

 

There are mentions here and there of Raven or Octavia, or John Murphy (who is in the costume department and whom Lexa has met in some sets) who have all been close friends of Clarke’s apparently. Sometimes there are mentions of Finn who has reputedly been with Clarke on and off for over a decade – Lexa powers through those moments which become even harder to endure after she knows how long Clarke’s relationship with Finn has been. Anyhow, Lexa comes to know that all of the crew members she likes most are Clarke’s friends more than they are hers.

 

For a moment, she wonders why she never spent time with them after work, but she knows why. In their good days, Costia liked spending time alone with her; she was an introvert therefore all social gatherings exhausted her. The curly-girl was sensitive to rowdy thundering noises too, so loud social gatherings such as clubs were out of the question unless there were mainstream events they both had to attend. Sometimes not even then. She was even uncomfortable when they went to art galleries where her own art was displayed. Costia kept her busy too between one museum to the next and any cultural experiences they could partake together that didn’t involve other people. She doesn’t regret those moments, because she loved them at the time, but she had not realized until now how isolated they had kept her. It wasn’t Costia’s fault of course, Lexa understood that. In all fairness, the curly-haired girl had compromised many things for Lexa too.

 

But what bothers the brunette now is that she could have met Clarke sooner via any crew member. She could have been friends with her. She wouldn’t have to be studying her detail like she does now in the hopes of revealing anything about the blonde… _for research… for the movie,_ _for… artistic purposes of course_ , she tells herself.  

 

Either way, it is disappointing that she can’t spend her time with Clarke the way she wants it. Just them, as friends. They could share time during the weekends but they never do. After the end of the week, they both go their separate ways and don’t speak until Monday – that might be different if Clarke had a phone. She really needs get one or she’ll get her one herself. She doesn’t know why or how they ended up having such a strict after-work relationship, but she wants to adjust it.

 

But because of their rather accidentally reserved lives, Lexa pays close attention to Clarke. If they won’t talk about personal things because the circumstances won’t grant it, then she has to learn about Clarke in other ways.

 

She notices the small things about her, like how she bites her tongue when she smiles, or makes funny voices, or tries to be healthy by drinking some freshly squeezed juice but snacks on sweets and chips during breaks. She notices things that friends probably know about each other.

 

_I could be friends with her couldn’t I?_ she asks herself. She could just ask her one day if she’d like some company when she picks her son up from school. It’s as simple as that to start a conversation beyond dance formalities instead of casually obsessing over her delightful traits.      

 

_Although… it is possible Clarke likes being alone while she drives to pick Aden up._

 

Or maybe she thinks Lexa is the one who wouldn’t like to go with her. But that’s why she should offer her company rather than wait for Clarke to ask. Lunch break with Monty and Jasper is lovely, but lunch with Clarke makes her a tad giddy.  

 

Lexa pushes down thoughts of questioning what she’s doing, questioning why she is trying to have a deeper relationship with Clarke when she knows damn well she has feelings for the blonde who is in a relationship, while she’s still sorting her own feelings concerning her divorce.

 

Jasper notices Lexa looking at the clock and he becomes aware of the time.

 

“Okay, let’s run it from the top of this part and then you can go pick Aden up Clarke,” he says.

 

Monty claps in encouragement, “It’s the last week, you can do it girls, you got this.”

 

Jasper stands straight and as guidance, his hand float down his face as if to get into character. 

 

Lexa and Clarke get into character as Jasper counts them down.

 

“Que the music!” Jasper says as he points towards the audio system, and Monty presses play:

 

 

Chloe reaches with one arm towards Alex’s neck, tracing her hand slowly on it as Alex looks the other way, affected by it.

           

            _Her skin is so damn soft,_ Clarke thinks.

 

Chloe moves closer until they are inches from each other and her hands enfold themselves around Alex’s hair and lower back as Alex tries to fight the temptation.

 

            _Her hair is silk too._

 

Alex runs away from her temptress in split leaps*1, and Chloe lunges forward after her in a firebird leap*2.

 

“More leg in the leap Clarke,” Jasper instructs.

 

Chloe shadows Alex, spinning in the air and doing several calypso leaps*3, but never looking away from the brunette.

 

            Lexa wasn’t sure what Jasper said about Clarke’s legs, but _they are quite a sight._

 

Alex does several fouette turns*4 and gracefully drops to the floor, where her whole body remains. With her leg straight, she traces a circle on the ground, then she bends backwards and lifts herself to a bridge, which she comes up from in a back walkover*5, standing just in time to find Chloe behind her.

 

“Straighter back during fouttes, Lexa. The walkover was perfect,” Jasper goes on. 

 

Alex jumps sideways with the aid of Chloe, whose hands hold Alex from the waist as the blonde goes along with the brunette’s pretended lack of interest.

 

Chloe lets go of Alex’ s waist, and just as Alex lifts her leg back to do an arabesque*6 before running away completely, Chloe pulls her back from it.

 

Lexa stumbles a little but they don’t pause the routine.

 

“We’ll work on that, keep going,” Jasper says instantly when he notices the mistake.

 

Chloe is pressed flush against Alex’s back, the blonde wraps her arms sensually around the brunette’s torso. 

 

            _I hate this part,_ Lexa thinks.

 

Chloe leans into Alex’s neck, breathing her in, reaching all over her front. Chloe sinks low and as she begins to rise, her hands deliberately move in sync with her body, touching upwards from the sides of Alex’s legs and thighs, to her upper sides, her stomach, and her breasts.

 

“Yes, sexy, sexy, now slowly up, good,” Jasper delightedly watches Clarke.

 

_Yes, it is sexy, that’s the fucking problem,_ Lexa thinks as she feels on her legs the residual touch of Clarke’s delicate hands which are now on her chest.

 

Alex turns back to face Chloe, and she surrenders momentarily. They slip down a little, both their legs sliding back*7 before Alex bends backwards and lifts one leg on Chloe*8.

 

“Don’t slip. Good!” Jasper speaks when they make no error.

 

Alex stands and Chloe twirls her around, both enchanting and confusing her all at once. They come to a stop and Alex pushes Chloe away, but the blonde fastens her arm to the brunette’s and pulls her with her.

 

“Don’t get stiff girls, feel it,” he coaches.  

 

They prance across the floor, each doing their own moves, Chloe jumps high over Alex.

 

“That was perfect Clarke, that’s what I’m talking about,” he says with satisfaction as he claps.

 

Alex sticks to low moves while Chloe to high ones and slowly they repeat the segment having switched roles as Alex becomes more bold and Chloe gives her room.

 

As they come closer and closer, their moves start synchronizing and they end up face to face, as they were when they started.

 

            _Those lips look so soft,_ Clarke thinks as she and Lexa stare at each other.

 

Chloe leans in, close enough to kiss Alex, and the brunette is begging to be kissed.

 

            _Those eyes are so beautiful,_ Lexa thinks as she gazes directly upon the blonde.

 

Then the music fades out.

 

“…6, 7, 8!” Jasper counts them to signal the end.

 

Chloe walks away, leaving Alex standing short of breath and longing to be in her arms once more.

 

 

They break out of character and Clarke walks back to where Lexa is standing so they can both get their critique.

 

“Okay, there’s just a few small things to revise for the rest of the week but other than that it was pretty damn good, well done girls,” Jasper congratulates them. “You’re free to go pick Aden up Clarke.”

 

“Good job girls,” Monty applauds them.

 

“Back in a bit,” Clarke says as she hurriedly clutches her bag on her way out.

 

Lexa grabs a wet towel and presses it against her warm and sweaty body as she grabs her phone and wallet, and heads out to eat at the same restaurant down the block she’s been eating at these past months with Monty and Jasper.

 

_This would be a good time to ask Lexa if she wants to come with me,_ Clarke thinks as she stops right outside the studio.

 

They nearly bump into each other when Clarke heads back in and Lexa heads out.

 

“Oh!” Clarke exclaims as she’s startled.

 

Lexa chuckles at the reaction, “Is everything alright?”

 

“Yeah, everything is fine,” Clarke answers.

 

Lexa is about to ask if she forgot something but Clarke speaks first.

 

“Going to have lunch?” the blonde asks. 

 

“Yeah, the boys and I are going to the restaurant down the block we always go to,” Lexa states.

 

“Oh, cool.” Clarke responds.

 

Why did she imagine Lexa spent her time eating alone? _Of course she eats with Monty and Jasper._

 

She thinks now that even if she didn’t have to pick Aden up at this hour, she and Lexa wouldn’t even have time together alone during lunch breaks either.

 

Clarke purses her lips, _I guess I should just let her eat with the boys in peace._

 

“Okay, I’m gonna go pick Aden up. See you in an hour,” Clarke says as she turns around and heads for her car, after Lexa offers her a smile and small nod.

 

_Now would have been a good time to offer to go with her!_ Lexa recalls when Clarke begins to disappear from her sight.

 

 She rushes after her, “Clarke!” she calls, to which the blonde turns instantly and greets her with a smile.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Would you like some company on the way to Aden’s school?” Lexa asks her.

 

Clarke’s smile widens and she nods, “Yeah, of course, absolutely!”  

 

Lexa smiles and trots back towards the studio door, her head surfaces inside only to tell Jasper and Monty she’s going with Clarke, and soon after she steps out and heads towards Clarke, who patiently and willingly waits for her.

 

Lexa gets into the car and they make their way to Aden’s school.

 

Clarke turns on the radio as soon as they take off.

 

“Do you mind the music?” she asks.

 

Lexa shakes her head, “No, of course not. I like it actually, and it’s your car,” the brunette reminds her.

 

“Okay, good. Feel free to change stations or anything,” Clarke tells her, to which she receives a thank you from Lexa.

 

_I’m finally alone with Clarke. Make conversation,_ Lexa mentally urges herself.

 

“Is the school far?” Lexa asks.

 

“Not really. It takes about thirty-five minutes to get there and about twenty back depending on traffic. I guess it’s a little tight since we only have a one hour lunch, but I manage,” Clarke explains.

 

“What about lunch?” Lexa asks, instantly concerned with whether or not Clarke is eating “Don’t you eat anything?” If the answer is no then she’s going to talk to Jasper about extending their lunch.  

 

“Oh, yeah I do. Sometimes I pack cold lunches like homemade sushi or raw spring rolls. Other times I just eat my food cold even if I need to heat it up.” Clarke admits.

 

“You don’t have to do that. I’m pretty sure somewhere in the block near the dance studio there’s a place with a microwave that will happily let you use it,” Lexa suggests.

 

“Oh, it’s okay. I don’t mind it. The truth is most days I get take-out on the way to his school or on the way back, and I eat in the car,” she says.

 

“Sounds like fun,” Lexa comments sarcastically.

 

Clarke gives her a little chuckle, “Super fun,” she responds.  

 

“Oh shit,” Clarke remarks suddenly, “I didn’t let you buy or heat up food or anything!”  

 

Lexa furrows her brows, “Oh that’s okay. I could use a change after eating at the same spot for the past three months with Monty and Jasper.”

 

“Well, I hope by ‘change’ you mean take-out, cuz I didn’t pack anything today,” Clarke answers. She hopes Lexa isn’t the type to count her calories because Clarke sure as hell doesn’t have time for that most days –she’s grateful she’s not the type to gain weight easily– but Lexa looks like she really takes care of herself, so she might be a calorie counter after all.

 

_That’s a shame. She would like my desserts._

 

“Are you kidding me?” Lexa responds merrily, _I’ll take any kind of food with you any day._  “Take-out sounds ridiculously appetizing at this point. I mean, the restaurant is nice, but it’s the only place nearby and it only has about ten items on the menu,” she remarks.

 

Clarke laughs. “Why don’t you go somewhere else? Even if it’s a little further.”

 

“Because Monty and Jasper absolutely love the place. They eat the exact same thing every day at it. And don’t get me wrong, I love dumplings as much as the next person but after the 6th week straight of eating it...” Lexa widens her eyes and shakes her head along with her words, “I am officially 70% dumpling,” she jokes.

 

Clarke laughs and Lexa smiles in return.

 

“Well you are one sexy dumpling,” Clarke comments without making eye contact.

 

Lexa laughs at the comment, “Good. I’ve achieved my purpose in life then,” she adds humorously.

 

They both laugh at that.

 

A good song comes on and Clarke raises the volume on the radio. It takes Lexa less than a second to realize that Clarke is about to sing and she turns to face her in wonderment before the blonde utters a word, but just as she’s about to sing, Lexa’s phone interrupts them both.

 

_Now is not the time phone…_ Lexa thinks, disconcerted by not being able to hear Clarke. She knows she could look her up on the internet and hear her out, but it would not be the same as hearing her now when she’s singing freely just for the sake of it.

 

She checks the phone. It’s a call from Monty, “Hello,” she answers. Monty asks to be put on speaker, which she does.

 

“Hey Clarke, the school called the studio, they said Aden wants to go to a friend’s house so he wants to take the bus with his friend. But they need your permission. I told them you’d call them back,” Monty says.

 

“Oh, okay Monty, thanks. I’ll call them now,” Clarke responds.

 

“No problem,” Monty answers.

 

They say their goodbyes and Lexa hangs up.

 

“Can I ask a favor?” Clarke turns to Lexa.

 

“Want me to dial the school’s number?” Lexa responds, knowing what she’s about to ask her.

 

“Yes, please,” Clarke requests with a slight puppy-dog face. _A fucking adorable puppy-dog face,_ Lexa thinks.

 

“Of course, what’s the number?” Lexa asks.

 

Clarke dictates Lexa the number and she makes the call for school. Clarke talks with someone for a few minutes and gives her permission to allow Aden to take the bus with his friend, and then she hangs up.

 

“Guess you came for nothing. I don’t have to pick him up after all,” Clarke speaks in a slightly apologetic tone.

 

“That’s okay, on the bright side, we just gained some time. We can stop at a restaurant and have lunch instead of eating take-out in the car, if you’d like,” Lexa suggests.

 

“Oh, yeah, let’s do that. Where to?” Clarke asks.

 

“Anywhere you like,” Lexa responds.

 

“Okay, good. There’s this place I’ve had my eye on for a while but I never go since it’s not really on the way to or from the school,” Clarke says as she takes an exit and heads for the place with evident excitement in her face. “Is there anything you don’t eat?” Clarke checks.

 

“Not really... Maybe not cockroaches.” Lexa responds with some disgust in her face.

 

Clarke laughs. “Wow! Picky much?” she teases.

 

Lexa laughs, “I’ll eat crickets, grasshoppers and tarantulas, but not cockroaches,” she adds.

 

Clarke raises her eyebrows, “Are you serious?”

 

“Yeah, why not? It’s good to try.” Lexa tells her in honesty.

 

Clarke smiles, “You are insane. I never would’ve figured you’d like that. I learn something new about you every time we talk.”

 

“Yeah well, there’s a lot more to me than most people think,” Lexa remarks with a smirk.

 

Clarke knows it’s just a regular thing to say, but she can’t help but think of it in a sexual way.

 

\---

 

It’s not long before they reach the restaurant Clarke wants. It’s a little pizza place called Toni’s, owned by what appears to be a man and his son. There are only about two more people there waiting for their order, which makes it private and Lexa and Clarke are both secretly thankful for that.

 

They stand at the counter but Clarke looks left and right at the menu, indecisive about what to order.

 

“I have absolutely no fucking idea what to get,” she tells Lexa.

 

Lexa lets out a small laugh. “Yeah, I noticed,” she tells her.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes and gives her a little shoulder nudge.

 

“It’s okay, take your time Clarke,” Lexa tells her kindly.

 

_Does she always have to say my name with such a sexy ring to it?_ Clarke smiles widely. “You don’t mind if I take forever?” _Finn always has a bit of a patience problem with that._

 

“No, so long as you’re happy with what you order. In fact, order for us both. I’ll eat whatever you get,” Lexa tells her as she leans on the wall.

 

“What if what I order is a disaster and you hate it?” Clarke tells her, rapidly feeling anxious that she might order the worst thing on the menu.

 

“I’ll pretend to love it,” Lexa tells her.

 

“What? No!” Clarke answers as she giggles and Lexa smiles.

 

_What an adorable giggle._

 

“Really, it’s okay. I’ll eat whatever,” Lexa comforts her.

 

“Whatever?” Clarke asks again to be certain.  

 

“Whatever,” Lexa pledges with a smile.

 

“Okay then, whatever happens now is on you,” Clarke warns her and Lexa just smiles back.

 

Clarke makes up her mind about five minutes later and orders at last; an Alfredo pizza.

 

“My treat,” Clarke insists when Lexa tries to pay. She stops her by putting a hand on hers before she has time to pull anything out of her wallet and by giving her a tender look.

 

Lexa usually pays for these things around people if she can help it, but Clarke’s look makes her weak.

 

Clarke smiles when Lexa gives in. “You can make it up to me some other time. I still haven’t tasted your food,” Clarke reminds her.  

 

_She remembered._ “I will. I’ll cook you something,” Lexa complies.

 

There isn’t any seating at the place so Clarke and Lexa stand outside waiting for the pizza to be done.

 

They talk about food the whole time they await the pizza. Clarke mostly talks about what and where she likes to eat, whereas Lexa talks about what she likes to eat and cook.

 

The conv ersation is pleasant and exactly the way Lexa hoped these kinds of conversations would go.

 

Abruptly, lights flash in their faces. They’re surrounded in seconds by numerous paparazzi.

 

They bombard them with questions, as usual, it’s the kind neither of them want to hear.

 

“Where’s Costia, Lexa?”

 

“You missed her last art debut, were you working?”

 

_Damn, Costia is always brought up,_ Lexa thinks as she blocks the lights and turns to the owner of the restaurant.

 

“Going out partying again tonight Clarke?” they harass the blonde.

 

“Do you think your son sees you partying on the news?”

 

_Ugh,_ Clarke thinks, she’s not sure what to answer but that was a low blow.

 

Similar questions putting Clarke’s parenting into doubt follow.

 

_Fuck no,_ Lexa steps between the photographers and Clarke as the pizza man tries to drive them away.

 

Lexa turns to the other pizza man and asks if the food is done in the midst of the disarray. He nods and she sternly tells him to pack it quickly. He follows her words like an order, packs the pizza up, and hands it to her while she struggles to protect Clarke and herself from the photographers.

 

She grabs the box of food and takes Clarke by the arm and gently pulls her, “Let’s go,” she urges her.

 

Clarke follows her and they charge through the paparazzi to the best of their ability and dash to Clarke’s car.

 

The photographers follow them all the way through, their rude and invasive questions unceasing.

Lexa and Clarke manage to get in the car, Clarke turns it the engine on, and they drive off as quickly as possible.

 

They ride in silence for a few minutes once they leave the mob behind. Lexa is outraged by the questions made to Clarke about Aden, she thinks Clarke is as well, but when she turns to her, the blonde looks sorrowful more than irate.

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks, carefully gaging Clarke’s face for more sings on how she feels.

 

Clarke purses her lips and pushes back her tears, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“I’m sorry. You didn’t deserve that,” Lexa speaks softly.

 

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it,” Clarke speaks in a low voice, keeping her eyes on the road, while Lexa’s eyes have not left Clarke.

 

“Okay, we won’t talk about it if you don’t want to, but I’ll just say this one thing. I think you’re a good mom.” Lexa tells her assertively.

 

Clarke faces her for a moment.

 

“I really do. Not a lot of moms would sacrifice their lunch to pick their kids up from school on time, or at all. And I don’t know many working celebrity moms these days that actually get their kids ready for school in the morning. And I’m sure that not many moms do all of the other selfless and nurturing things that you do that I don’t know about.” She pauses as she watches Clarke intently. A faint smile forms on the blonde’s lips. “So fuck those paparazzi,” Lexa adds.

 

Clarke smiles wider that time. “Yeah,” she agrees in a whisper, “Fuck them.”

 

Lexa smiles back. She checks her watch. They still have some time. “Maybe we can find a parking lot or some terrain to stop at and eat so you don’t have to eat while driving,” she says as a change of topic. Clarke simply nods at her.

 

It’s not long before they find an empty parking lot i n front of a closed store and line up there.

 

“So much for not eating in the car. I’m so-” Clarke begins.

 

“Don’t you even think of apologizing,” Lexa interrupts her, “this is perfect,” she tells her with a smile.

 

_I really wish she didn’t smile at me like that,_ Clarke thinks.

 

“Okay, no apologizing,” Clarke says.

 

“Good.” Lexa adds before she grabs the pizza box and opens it. She gives Clarke a slice and takes one herself.

 

They practically swallow a couple of pieces each. Lexa relishes in every bite of the food and she declares Clarke the “pizza Queen” as a compliment for her impeccable choice in pizza.

 

While they eat,  Lexa notices a bag of balloons in the back seat of the car, and Clarke takes note of Lexa’s eyes.

 

“Those are for Aden. It’s his birthday next week,” Clarke tells her, “Speaking of which, you are invited of course. I’m sending the invitations out tomorrow. I’m having it at my house and I’m preparing lunch and everything.”

 

“I thought you didn’t cook,” Lexa remarks in slight confusion.

 

“Oh yeah, everyone’s eating burnt food for sure, but they’ll have to suck it up.” Clarke responds. Lexa smiles. “Raven, Octavia and Lincoln are bringing some food just in case. They insisted,” Clarke comments further and Lexa chuckles. “I’m also making a lot of desserts. At least _those_ I’m good at. There will be cake of course, and cupcakes, cake balls and s’mores,” she says.

 

“Sounds delicious,” Lexa responds.

 

“It fucking will be,” Clarke states confidently with a little sneer. “At least the desserts.”

 

“You’re really going through a lot of effort. Like a good mom would.” Lexa comments, emphasizing the last part and reiterating their earlier conversation, earning a little blush from Clarke.

 

 Lexa smiles, “How old is he turning?” she asks before Clarke has the chance to thank her.

 

“He’s turning nine,” the blonde says with an endearing look of a proud mother on her face.

 

“Nine?” Lexa asks cautiously. Clarke wasn’t very old, so having a nine year old by her age meant she got pregnant quite young.

 

Clarke detects Lexa’s line of questioning.

 

“Oh, Aden is adopted.” She clarifies.

 

“Oh,” Lexa responds in some surprise and relief, though she’s not sure why.

 

“I adopted him three, wait no, four years ago now,” Clarke declares.

 

“You were still rather young when you adopted him though,” Lexa states.

 

“Yeah, I was. I hadn’t exactly planned on it. I was on my way to the cemetery to visit…” she pauses for a moment and then goes on “…a family member’s grave and on the way, in an intersection right in front of me, two cars crashed hard.” 

 

Lexa raises her brows and listens carefully, allowing Clarke to go on.

 

“So, I got out of my car to check on them and I found a little boy stuck in the backseat, so I pulled him out and called an ambulance. His dad had been driving and both he and the people in the other car passed away, only Aden lived.”

 

Lexa shows her interest by avoiding interruptions, letting Clarke do all the talking.

 

“I stayed with him in the hospital for days until he got better. I tried to find his mom but I found out she had died giving birth to him and he had no other living relatives. And he got super attached to me since I was the first one he saw when he woke up in the hospital. He wouldn’t talk to anyone else but me and he didn’t want anyone to go near him. And anyway, when I found out he was going into foster care, my heart broke and he didn’t want to let me go, so I adopted him.”

 

Lexa smiles wide at the story. “You saved him.” _Clarke is quite the hero._

 

“He saved me. After I adopted him, I got my shit together. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me,” the blonde discloses.

 

“I bet you’re the best thing to ever happen to him,” Lexa contends.

 

Clarke smiles wide, “Thank you Lexa.”

 

“Of course,” she responds genuinely.

 

“So it’s us against the world now,” Clarke states.

 

_Us…_

 

“You, Aden and Finn?” Lexa asks, disoriented about where he fits in, even though she doesn’t want to bring him up, but last she heard, Clarke and Finn had been together long, so he had to be involved in the adoption somehow.

 

“Oh no, um, Finn isn’t my, we’re not, I mean we’re…” Clarke stumbles on her words.

 

Lexa didn’t mean to make Clarke think she was judging her but now she’s defending herself. “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain anything,” Lexa convinces her.

 

“No, it’s fine. I want to tell you.” _I want you to know. I need you to._ Clarke’s not exactly sure how much she wants her to know or not, because telling Lexa what she and Finn aren’t also means telling her what they are, and for some reason, she’s reluctant to inform her on that.

 

“I’ve known Finn for a long time, but he had nothing to do with Aden’s adoption. Aden is, for all intent purposes, my kid and mine alone.” Clarke illuminates.   

 

“Ah,” is all Lexa responds. _And Finn?_

 

“Finn is… we’re not serious now,” Clarke attempts to explain.

 

“But you were serious at some point?” Lexa asks as casually as she can manage without being intrusive.

 

“Yeah, for a while. But it didn’t work out. We stayed friends though, and now he’s just sort of there when I need him.” Clarke reveals.

 

_He sure acts as more than a friend, like he did at the party, and he sounds like more by the way everyone talks about him,_ Lexa thinks, _but if Clarke says friends, then they are just friends,_ she attempts to convince herself.

 

“Oh, you’re just friends,” Lexa states for herself more than anything else. She’s relieved and she lets out a subtle breath.

 

“Um, yeah, we’re friends, and sometimes…” _I don’t want to say it,_ “sometimes more.” She doesn’t know why she’s saying it, but she feels this need to be honest with Lexa for some peculiar reason.

 

Lexa unintentionally lets out a heavy sigh. She tries to play it nonchalantly and nods her way through as she makes her best effort to swallow the pizza that instantly lacks all flavor and is awfully difficult to swallow.  

 

“He’s convenient you know, he’s just, safe,” Clarke blubbers on. She’s nervous now. She doesn’t know why. She feels like she just hurt Lexa. What’s odd is, she feels like she knew she would hurt her before she even said anything, which was why she didn’t want to say it, she supposes. _This whole thing is ridiculous. My relationship with Finn is what it is, and Lexa has Costia and why the hell am I overthinking everything?! I’m probably imagining that Lexa was hurt. Why would she be? She has no reason for it._ Either way, she watches Lexa for her reaction.

 

With what Clarke has told her, Lexa has a bit of information to process, but now is not the time. She puts many of her thoughts on hold and leaves them for later as she processes information selectively for now.

 

Lexa finally swallows the bite that was stuck in her throat, though it’s not going down easy. She can feel Clarke looking directly upon her and she takes a second to lift her face and meet her eyes.

 

“Okay,” is all she offers on the subject. She glances at the time, “We should probably get going.”

 

Clarke doesn’t get much from Lexa’s face when she finally looks up to see her. She’s taken a bit by surprise when she mentions the time.

 

“Oh yeah, we should get back,” Clarke repeats.

 

“Would you like me to drive? So you can relax for a moment,” Lexa offers to provide Clarke some rest.

 

“Oh that’s okay, you don’t have to,” Clarke responds.

 

“Really, I insist. You can lay the chair back and get some rest on the way back, if you want,” she maintains.

 

“Okay,” Clarke gives in and they switch places.

 

Lexa reliably drives them back to the studio while Clarke takes her advice and lays on the chair.

 

It’s silence until they arrive, and a little tense. Jasper and Monty don’t notice.

 

Minutes after they are inside, they get to practicing until they are done for the day.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *1: https://img.clipartfest.com/c1d5f83e77dd8c272881f0abcf8df052_dancer-leaping-clipart-clipart-panda-free-clipart-images-dance-leap-clipart_574-412.jpeg   
> *2: https://img.clipartfest.com/d7c500040d974221c4768569bda9dfea_-about-gymnast-silhouette-gymnastics-clipart-silhouette-leap_736-850.jpeg   
> *3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWyVfOw7Xf4 (3 second youtube video)  
> *4: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/23/21/f2/2321f2597a1bf431da57ad335dc8f256.jpg   
> *5: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/bf/66/3b/bf663ba91dfb2c6b571cfa73989f7953.jpg   
> *6: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c8/57/63/c857633d44d25f67b3f148836c3216b6.jpg   
> *7: http://www.wallpaperup.com/458716/salsa_dancing_dance.html   
> *8: https://img.clipartfest.com/9f8d482363e3ab4ec7f1ac5632646851_salsa1-clip-art-vector-online-free-clipart-salsa-dancing_744-1052.svg


	8. Lonely

Lexa walks inside her apartment, she leaves her keys by the kitchen counter and walks groggily to her bathroom. She turns the faucet of her bathtub and lets it fill with warm water.

 

She goes to the kitchen and heats up the kettle as she takes out a cup of tea from the counter and puts the teabag in it.

 

After the water is ready, she takes her tea, goes back to her bathroom, and places the mug near a table she has by the bathtub precisely for her hot drink.

 

She begins undressing while the bathtub fills with water and as soon as it’s full, she closes the faucet.

 

She notices that she’s not wearing her ring because she forgot to put it on today. Strange as it sounds, she has to make an active effort to remember to wear it lately; otherwise, it just stays in the jewelry drawer. She wore it the first few weeks of practice because she didn’t think it was wise to leave the house without it in case a reporter took a picture of her without it. But as time passed, and she grew accustomed to taking it off when she got home, it began slipping her mind to put it back on in the mornings.

 

Now that she thinks of it, the photographers that caught her and Clarke today will probably notice she’s not wearing her ring when they look over their photos.

 

_Damn…_

She sighs. There’s a lot on her mind now.

 

She finishes undressing and lets her nude body slide down into the tub.

 

She submerges herself in the water because it puts her at ease. It reminds her of the days when she was younger and she used to surf. The time in the water and on the surfboard offered her some solace whenever she needed it, but her busy movie and travel schedule haven’t given her the chance to keep up the habit.

 

She doesn’t live near the beach either unfortunately. This place she has now was the most convenient due to it’s proximity to where most movie sets are. Despite it’s beautiful view, she regrets buying it now. Or at least, she regrets not buying a house by the beach.

 

She brings her head up from the water after a long while. She thinks of the conversation she and Clarke had in the car that day. The one that has her in this moment of desolation. 

 

On one hand, what Clarke told her was partially good.

 

She said Finn and her weren’t serious. That’s the best news she could have gotten considering she thought Clarke, Finn and Aden were one big happy family. Having this information makes being with Clarke an unexpected potential reality, and the thought of that makes Lexa smile instantly.  

 

On the other hand, Clarke had said Finn was “safe”, safe means comfort, and not many would dare to leave comfort for the unknown.

 

She also said they weren’t serious _anymore,_ and that they are still _friends, and sometimes more_. She doesn’t know many people who have stayed friends with their exes; they either part ways entirely or end up back in the relationship, and with the _friends and sometimes more_ , Clarke is somewhere near a middle point of being and not being with Finn. And that’s upsetting in and of itself.

 

_I’m such an idiot._

 

She knows she has no right to be upset about what Clarke told her, but it’s beyond her how she feels about that, it’s beyond her how she feels about Clarke. She doesn’t have a handle on it. At all, it seems.

 

Clarke told her a series of personal things she undoubtedly keeps to herself, and in response, Lexa shut her down. Clarke didn’t deserve that. Lexa didn’t even share anything back. She should have disclosed something, to show Clarke that she trusts her and appreciates her honesty.

 

Something about Costia.

 

Truth be told, she’s not sure how ready she is to talk about Costia.

 

But even so, she has been absolutely irrational and unfair to Clarke up until now. She’s definitely sending her mixed signals and expecting her to decipher their true meaning. After all, the blonde thinks Lexa is married and the brunette hasn’t said anything to make her think otherwise, so sighing heavily in discontent when Clarke mentions her friends with benefits situation with Finn is probably baffling to the clueless blonde.

 

_I should find a way to tell Clarke about getting divorced. Even if it’s hard for me, Clarke deserves some clarity._

But more than that,

 

_If I want Clarke, if I want something serious with her, I have to tell her about Costia. Or the lack of Costia is more like it._

 

She’s not sure how to casually bring it up around Clarke though. _How do people usually go about hinting to the person they are attracted to that they are divorced?_

 

Technically she’s still married to Costia though, just like Clarke thinks- except the blonde most likely believes she’s happily married. But regardless of whether Clarke thinks she’s happily married or not, the divorce papers aren’t finalized yet, and at the rate Indra is going due to Costia’s lawyers, it doesn’t seem like they will be any time soon.

 

_Would it matter if I tell her I’m getting divorced though?_

_Who would want to date someone who’s in the middle of the divorce? That’s too complicated. And even if the divorce is by some miracle finalized before we finish filming, what if Clarke doesn’t want to jump into a relationship with a freshly divorced woman because she thinks that I’ll inevitably be hung up on my ex?_

_It’s not like people get over their exes overnight._

 

She and Costia were not doing well long before they filed for the divorce, but no one knows that but them. She could tell Clarke that if they talked about it, _but would she believe me? People pretend to be over their exes all the time, sometimes they even believe it until they find out they aren’t quite over them._

She keeps thinking of Clarke and nothing but her.  

 

She can’t jump into this and screw it up with Clarke, that’s for sure. But _am I even ready for a new relationship?_

 

Up until she met Clarke, she could barely get by a few hours without thinking of Costia.

 

_Maybe I’m just distracted with Clarke for now because I see her every day. But if that stopped, would I still think of Costia as often as I did before Clarke?_

 

Lexa knows she shouldn’t make a move if she hasn’t sorted her feelings out yet. So until she knows how she feels about Costia definitively, Clarke and Finn, or Clarke and no Finn, it makes no difference. She absolutely cannot, under any circumstances be with Clarke and still think of Costia at the same time even, regardless of whether the thoughts are romantic or not.

_Anyway, maybe my feelings for Clarke are temporary like I thought._

 

Before she even notices, she has drank all her tea and she’s been laying in the tub for twenty minutes. She decides to take another twenty and she closes her eyes, as she tries to forget the loneliness she feels.

 

\-----

 

Clarke tucks Aden into the bed and gives him a kiss on the forehead by eight p.m.

 

“Goodnight sweetie,” she whispers. She turns to the babysitter Wells Jaha that stays overnight - she’s known Wells since she adopted Aden. Clarke waves to him and gives him a smile as she walks out of his room and turns the lights off on her way. Jaha turns a little lamp light as he sits on a chair in Aden’s room and he gets to reading a book.

 

Clarke wants nothing more than to lay in her bed and let sleep take her over, but she could really use a drink right now. 

 

She goes to the pantry and pulls out a bottle of wine. She serves herself a glass and takes a sip. Before the wine has even reached her stomach, she feels better. She knows it’s just the idea of alcohol that’s making her feel better more than the alcohol itself right now.  

 

She hates that she has to drink alcohol to feel better. She wishes she was the kind of person who could just have a cup of coffee or tea and relax on her own, but she’s turned alcohol into her sanctuary.

 

She goes to her bedroom and lays down on the bed, the glass in her hand.

 

_Costia._

 

That was her name.

 

She hates her. And she hates that she hates her too.

 

Well, she doesn’t hate her, not really, she merely wishes she didn’t exist, at least not as part of Lexa’s life.

 

On the way back home she googled Lexa to find out more about Costia after all the photographers asked about her and engraved her into Clarke’s mind.

 

As it turns out, Lexa has been married to Costia for about five years, and unfortunately, Costia seems like the perfect person.

 

She’s an artist, a sculptor and painter mostly, and that frustrates Clarke a little because she’s not only quite good, but Costia reminds her of her own painting hobby that she stopped cultivating long ago.

 

She quit painting after her father died. He was the one that always encouraged her to paint, and he was the one she painted with, so after his passing, it wasn’t in her to pick up a brush anymore.

 

She closes her eyes and shakes her head as if to rid herself from the gloomy thoughts.

 

 _Let’s not get into that._  

 

Back to Lexa’s significant other.

 

Aside from the artist aspect, Costia is a philanthropist. She gives ridiculous amounts of money to charities in support to all kinds of causes.

 

And if that wasn’t enough, with naturally tanned skin, perfect curls and a flawless body, Costia is undeniably stunning.

 

She tries to remember what the paparazzi were asking about her.

 

She remembers it was something to do with Lexa not being there for something. They asked about the state of their marriage too.

 

She feels like a deplorable person because she has this infinitesimal joyful feeling when she thinks that maybe something isn’t quite right with Lexa’s marriage. She instantly punishes herself afterwards and even more so when she thinks of Lexa being heartbroken. That’s a thought she certainly doesn’t take pleasure in.

 

She tries to think of all her encounters with Lexa in an attempt to decrypt the status of her marriage with Costia.

 

It is a little strange that she hasn’t met the woman once. She hasn’t been there at all as far as she remembers. In the least, Costia should have been at Kane’s party right by Lexa’s arm. But she was not. Although, the Wikipedia page on Costia had mentioned that her art shows are all over the world, so it was not entirely farfetched that the curly-girl was somewhere in Milan showcasing her dazzling work to bigtime art critics.

 

But Costia also hasn’t come up once the entire time she and Lexa have been rehearsing the dance.

 

_That’s unusual right? Someone’s wife should come up in conversation, even when not necessarily relevant to anything._

 

_Does Lexa wear a ring?_

That’s another good question.

She can’t recall ever seeing one during the dance, but then again, _maybe she just takes it off during practice because she’s not the type to never remove it._ Or maybe she’s been too dreamy to even notice if Lexa wears it or not. She tries to remember if she wore it the night of the party, but as far as she can recall, she wasn’t wearing one, if she had, it would have probably caught her attention. She feels like she has seen a ring somewhere in the back of her head, but she can’t remember when.

 

Even if Lexa doesn’t wear her wedding ring, and even if her marriage is not in the best state right now, the most ridiculous notion to entertain is that that one day near, Lexa will wind up divorced and asking Clarke out on a date.

 

_A date._

 

_That came out abruptly, but I guess that is what I want._

 

_I want to date Lexa._

_No, I want to date a married woman! What is wrong with me?_

 

It’s not a healthy thought to have about a woman who is, as far as she knows, happily married. It’s not like the press are always right about relationships.

 

People fantasize about people who are taken all the time though. So maybe it’s not the most outraging thing if she closes her eyes for just a moment and imagines Lexa’s lips close to hers, just like they were while they were dancing.

 

She’d be lying if she said she wasn’t excited about the kiss they have to film. It’s a lot more romantic in her head though. She knows there is zero eroticism when there are dozens of people with their eyes deadest on them, and cameras pointed their way, as they will be when the time comes.

 

She drinks more of the wine as she keeps the glass in her hand while she lays on the bed. She then reaches her free down over her pants as she passes her hand between her legs, which she spreads. She puts the glass of wine down on her nightstand and lays back down comfortably.

 

She reaches her hand down again. She closes her eyes and tries to think of someone touching her as she rubs over her pants and underwear.

 

Automatically, she thinks of Finn first. She imagines him kissing her down her body, tracing his hands from the top to the bottom.

 

But her imagination is off.

 

She keeps seeing a woman’s hands touching her, and longer strands of hair flying about.

 

She grabs her own breast and grinds into the air as she applies more pressure on herself.

 

She bites her lip as she thinks of being kissed on her neck while being grinded against. She tries to make it Finn in her head, but the body she imagines against her is slimmer, and the lips she could almost feel on her neck are much fuller.

 

She stops, only to push her hand down her pants and underwear directly to where she needs it.  

 

She’s a little wet, but she needs more lubrication. She pulls her hand out and licks her fingers and the thought of a dark haired _someone_ straddling her and licking them instead makes Clarke begin to throb.

 

 _She’s so fucking sexy,_ it’s not hard to imagine her erotically. It’s actually hard not to.  

 

She reaches down her body once more and spreads her fingers on herself, from top to bottom.

 

She starts rubbing her clit in fast circles. She pulls a pillow and places it between her legs to give her some semblance of reality as she presses the pillow against herself while she rubs quickly.  

 

She spreads her legs further and thinks of a face between her legs as she pushes harder down on the pillow. She needs it to be Finn, but all she can think about is Lexa.

 

All she can imagine is the brunette licking her expertly and making her whimper, and before she notices, her thoughts have her breathing quicker and significantly lubricated in her own juices.

 

She collects them and circles her clit faster and harder as she gets closer and closer to release.

 

She grips her breast harder. She would like it to last but she’s tired and she has trouble denying herself.

 

She’s seconds away from release now. Just a little more friction and she’ll be coming…

 

But the house phone rings just then and it startles her, stops her before her sweet moment.

 

She groans as she pulls her hand out from her pants and rushes to answer the phone before it wakes Aden up.

 

“Hello?” she asks after she picks the phone up with her other hand.

 

“We’re outside your house bitch! Come out, we’re going to party!” says the voice on the phone.

 

“Raven. Hi,” she responds as she sighs in recognition of the voice.

 

“Yeah Raven, who else?” the Latina comments in her usual snarky voice, “Octavia and Linc are here too. We’re all waiting for you, as usual.”

 

“Right”. It wasn’t uncommon for them to come by and take her out spontaneously. Clarke was always up for a party lately it seemed (thank God for Wells and his overnight babysitting). Nevertheless, she’s pretty tired today. “I haven’t showered yet,” she confesses.

 

“You got five minutes and then we are breaking down the door,” Octavia yells to be heard over the phone.

 

Doesn’t look like they’ll take no for an answer though.

 

“Four minutes and forty-eight seconds to go,” Raven remarks.

 

It’s not like Clarke says no anymore. They would understand if she did, they understood when she was serious about taking it a little easier when she adopted Aden. But she hasn’t turned them down once the last few times they’ve invited her out.

 

_That fucker is to blame. Ever since I saw him on tv._

 

“Okay, okay. I’ll be right down,” Clarke acquiesces. “I’ll just take a quick shower,” she spouts out quickly before hanging up, knowing they’ll complain because they want her down asap. She hears Raven dramatically yelling a long “no” before she ends the call.  

 

She picks out a blouse and some jeans and hops into a speedy shower. Her friends know she never means it when she says she’ll be right down anyway. They’ll wait.

 

However, it doesn’t take her long because she’s used to quick showers, and soon enough she’s popping into the car with her friends.

 

“Where to?” they ask her once she’s inside.

 

“Anywhere they serve alcohol,” she jokes. They laugh.

 

“That’s definitely going to be hard to find,” Lincoln, who is driving, jokes back before he takes off.

 

“Where’s the rest of the crew?” Clarke asks.

 

“They’ll meet us wherever,” Octavia tells her.

 

Raven shoves Octavia’s shoulder and urges her to turn the radio up, which she does as they head out for the night.

 

\-----

 

Clarke quietly steps inside her house to avoid being noisy and scaring Aden. It’s past midnight.

 

She goes to check on Aden. Jaha is awake of course, and he greets her. She thanks him for his trouble and he leaves.

 

Then she heads to her bedroom and clumsily falls on the bed.

 

She’s not that drunk, but she’s not that sober either.

 

She lays there for a moment and looks to the other side of her empty bed.

 

She doesn’t know if it’s the alcohol talking, but she feels so damn lonely.

 

_Who am I kidding? It’s not the alcohol._

 

She does her best to roll herself to the other side of the bed to reach the house phone on the additional nightstand.  

 

She instinctively dials one of the few numbers she knows by heart.

 

“Hi,” she says first soon as the person on the other side opens the call.

 

“Hi back,” they respond.

 

“Busy?” she asks.

 

“No, just got home not long ago,” they answer. “Heard you went out with the gang,” they add.

 

“Mhm,” she agrees, preferring not to speak.  

 

“Sorry I couldn’t come. Late night this time,” Finn explains.

 

“It’s okay, they told me,” Clarke answers back, pretending to be afflicted by the lack of his company, which she didn’t mind that much. Until now.

 

She doesn’t know why she’s calling him.

 

Well, she does know why. It’s the lonely part. But she wishes she didn’t want to call him. She wishes she had someone else’s company. She feels rather bad. Finn always comes at her beckon call, but they both deserve better than being bed warmers.

 

He’s a hard habit to abandon though.

 

 _I’m going to try and quit,_ she tells herself like she’s an addict of some sort.

 

_Just not today._

 

She’s about to ask him to come over, but she doesn’t want to wake up to him.

 

_At least that’s progress._

 

“Want me to come over?” he asks. He always knows when she needs him.

 

“No. I’ll come over,” she responds.

 

Finn’s apartment isn’t the nicest one. It’s kind of like a man’s cave, but being there reminds her of some of the reasons they can’t work, and she’s glad to have the reminder.  

 

“You sure? It’s late, even for you,” Finn asks.

 

She tries to get up but she’s dizzy. She definitely can’t drive to his place.  

 

_Sigh. I’m such a mess._

 

“Fine, you come over,” she gives in. _So much for progress._

 

She can feel him smirk through the phone.

 

“Be there in fifteen,” he says before hanging up.

 

She stays in her bed as she waits for him.

 

She thinks back to Lexa.

 

Something about her is in the back of her mind. Lexa seemed upset when Finn came up during their conversation in the car. _Did I imagine that?_

 

She sighs.

 

_Is it the wildest thing to think that maybe, just maybe, Lexa was jealous of Finn?_

 

_Yes. It is._

 

She thinks she’s having a case of confirmation bias; believing what she wants because it fits into the narrative she wishes was true.

 

_Maybe Lexa just doesn’t like Finn as a person, and hearing about him annoyed her._

 

She thinks that’s a much more logical probability rather than the other she was fabricating.

 

_Or maybe it’s something else entirely. Who knows?_

 

She rises from the bed and washes her face while she waits for Finn.

 

He’s there in less than he said he would be. Doesn’t take him long to reach the bedroom.

 

She kisses him and tries to feign the emotion, but being fatigued from dancing and partying, her blood filled with alcohol, and thoughts of Lexa are all interrupting her usual flow.

 

She thought she wanted him here, but as soon as he’s on top of her, she wants him to leave.

 

She tries to rush it but she can’t even have an orgasm. And that’s unusual because Finn knows what she likes.

 

Once it’s over, she checks the time. She has about four hours before she has to wake up for Aden’s school and she tries to make the most out of her time to sleep.

 

\----

She’s up later than usual after a struggle to rise from bed.

 

Clarke runs through the time she has to get herself and Aden ready and decides to skip breakfast. She makes Aden a breakfast to-go because there’s not much time.

 

“Mom, my birthday cards!” Aden reminds her as he grabs them from next to the keys. They arrived yesterday while he was home and Clarke was at the studio.

 

“Right!” she says as she grabs the cards and runs through them to check that they are all there. She’s sending them about a week and a half prior to the date because Aden is very excited. He’s going to give them to his friends at school so they can pass them along to their parents. As for her friends and family, they don’t need formal invitations, so she’ll just give them a call.

 

Once she checks all the cards, she places them in his bag.

 

He rushes her and she grabs her keys and leaves without saying goodbye to Finn, who once again lays in her bed.

 

\-----

 

“Okay, from the very top,” Jasper starts as he plays the music.

 

Lexa and Clarke carry out the routine once they are at the studio and they work on the minor faults left to perfect.

 

Clarke can sense Lexa is a little guarded and if she’s honest, she’s guarded too. The car _thing, or whatever the hell happened,_ has them both acting slightly awkward.

 

Jasper doesn’t know what’s wrong but he can sense they’re uneasy and he’s not too happy about it because the dance gets stiff and lacks all emotion. It’s been like this all morning and up until lunch time.

 

Lexa’s phone rings and disturbs the routine.

 

“Hey, I thought we had a good streak of not letting our phones distract us,” Monty remarks.

 

Lexa walks to her bag and takes her phone out, “I’m sorry, I forgot to turn it off.”

 

It’s Indra. “Can you guys give me a second please? It might be urgent,” Lexa says.

 

Jasper nods as she answers the call and heads outside to take it.

 

Clarke thinks of ways to relieve the tension present between them by asking Lexa to come with her to pick Aden up again.

 

-

 

“Yes Indra?” Lexa speaks on the phone, out of hearing range.

 

Indra tells her she’d like to meet with her to discuss some negotiations regarding the divorce. She asks Lexa to meet as soon as she has time. She tells her they will likely have to meet all week to settle some things.

 

Lexa decides to go meet with her during lunch today and for the rest of the week, and Indra agrees.

 

She hangs up and goes back inside.

 

-

 

Just as she’s heading in, Clarke walks out.

 

“Hey, we’re taking the lunch break now,” she tells Lexa.

 

“Ah, okay.”

 

“Would you like to come with me again? I promise this time I’ll actually pick Aden up and you’ll get to meet him,” Clarke asks rather shyly and with some light humor.

 

“Oh, I’d love to,” Lexa begins and Clarke’s face lights up, “but I have a … meeting… with my lawyer over some personal matters,” the brunette reluctantly turns her down without giving much away.

 

 _Guess something is still up,_ Clarke thinks.

 

Her face shows the disappointment but she tries to hide it, “Oh, is everything okay?” she asks in concern.

 

“I hope so. But that’s what I’m going to find out,” Lexa speaks.

 

“Okay, good luck then. I hope everything works out,” Clarke responds. She’s not sure what she’s wishing her luck on but Lexa didn’t give an indication of much to help her.

 

“Thank you,” the brunette responds with a small smile.

 

“I’ll see you after lunch,” Clarke tells her as she begins to walk away slowly.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa calls after her once she’s a few steps away.

 

The blonde turns right away, “Yeah?” she asks.

 

“What are you going to eat for lunch on your way to Aden?” she inquires.

 

_What an odd question to ask me._

 

“Um, whatever is on the way I guess,” Clarke returns. She’s really sick of fast food by now. She should’ve packed up some of the food she makes Aden because she’d rather eat that cold than another thing from outside.

 

“Okay,” is all Lexa says along with a nod. “I’ll see you in a while,” she says as she walks back into the studio to get her things.

 

Clarke isn’t sure what to make of that as she walks to her car and makes her way to the school.

 

\-----

 

The dance went a little more smoothly after the lunch break, but not all that well in it’s totality.  

 

 _If this is what Finn does to my relationship with Lexa then_ _I’ll never bring Finn up during a conversation unless absolutely fucking necessary._

Clarke hopes it will be better tomorrow.

 

She goes home and helps Aden with his homework. She plays with him for a while, makes him dinner, and then puts him to bed.

 

She serves herself a glass of wine despite her inner self telling her not to.

 

\----

 

“It’s madness. She actually eats take out every day because she doesn’t have time to make food or heat it up. She can’t keep punishing herself with that kind of food. Sometimes you just need a homemade meal,” Lexa speaks as she hands Gustus a glass of water and sits next to him in her balcony.

 

“Maybe she likes takeout,” Gustus remarks.

 

“I suppose everyone likes takeout now and then but she can’t like it every day,” she responds.

 

“But maybe she does,” he answers back.

 

She purses her lips, “I don’t think so. I really think she eats it more out of convenience,” Lexa comments.

 

“Well, she could always pack some cold lunches. Why doesn’t she do that?” Gustus speaks.

 

“She’s probably too busy or tried to make some when she gets home,” Lexa justifies on impulse.

 

“You could always make her cold foods and give them to her,” Gustus says with a smile and as a gag.

 

“I could,” Lexa responds right away, taking it seriously.

 

“You know I was just kidding right? You’re not gonna genuinely take her lunches she could eat cold every single day?” Gustus questions.

 

“I know you were joking but it’s not a bad idea. And it wouldn’t be every single day, just for the rest of the week until we finish the dance routine,” Lexa explains as her brain wanders off considering all the kinds of foods she could make her that wouldn’t need a microwave and could be eaten on the go.

 

_Lettuce wraps, cold Asian salad, cold tacos, pasta salad, quinoa salad…_

 

Gustus lifts his body and opens his mouth in slight bewilderment, but then he settles back down and smirks lightly. “You really like Clarke huh?”

 

Lexa ricochets from her thoughts and back to Gustus. “I…” she drifts off, not sure what to answer. She knows she doesn’t need to hide her feelings from Gustus because he’s always been a good and trustworthy friend and he’s one of the few that truly knows about her life, so if there’s anyone to talk to about Clarke, he’s it.

 

“She’s great. I’m not sure what I feel exactly,” she discloses.

 

“But you feel something?” he asks, looking like he already knows the answer.

 

“Yes, I do,” she admits out loud.

 

He smiles and gives her a light shove. “Good for you. I’m happy for you Lex.”

 

She can’t help but smile herself. It’s nice to be able to talk to someone who knows what’s up, someone who loves her and authentically cares about her.

 

“Does she know?” he asks as he takes a sip of his water.

 

“Maybe. I like to think she does,” she says with a tiny smile.

 

“That’s fucking awesome. What are you waiting for? You never wait. Ask her out,” he tells her with excitement.

 

“She doesn’t know I’m getting divorced, which is why I think she’s cautious around me,” she says with a wince.

 

He sighs. “Come on Lex! You haven’t told her?” he says with some laughter, finding it funny while Lexa moves her mouth to defend herself but says nothing. “Of course she’s going to be cautious if she thinks you’re still married! So let her know you’re not, and ask her out. Problem solved,” he says with satisfaction at his proposition.

 

“I don’t know how to bring it up,” Lexa admits.

 

“Okay then, make her some cold lunches, and preferably, eat them with her, and then casually drop some hints that you’re single like: hey I’m single and ready to mingle with you,” he jokes and Lexa laughs as he goes on, “And let her know that you think she’s great and boom, date,” he finishes.

 

“What a master plan. I couldn’t have thought of a better one myself,” Lexa jokes back and they both laugh.

 

He tones it down, “Look, I know it’s hard for you to talk about personal things with, well, anyone, but if you really like her then find the way that makes you most comfortable to tell her you want to and are available to be with her,” he tells her before adding some sarcasm like Lexa would (they had grown up together after all, so their sense of humor was similar to one another), “It doesn’t have to be anything as subtle as what I suggested.”

 

Lexa gives him a little smile.

 

“I’ll find a way to tell her. Thank you Gustus,” she says. He smiles and opens his arms before leaning in for a big hug.

 

“I think food is a good way to start dropping some hints. Want some help figuring out what to make her? I’ll prepare it with you right now if you want,” he says.

 

“Why not? Let’s do it,” she responds with a beam as she stands from her chair.

 

They make their way to her kitchen and get to thinking and preparing.

 

\----

 

Clarke told herself she wouldn’t let the rest of week be as strained as the day before and she’s keeping that up so far today.

 

She and Lexa look like they’re back on track with their dancing. Jasper is happy with their improvements and they are both much more energetic than they were yesterday. A lot of that is probably due to the fact that she didn’t go out partying last night and got a decent night’s sleep.

 

As soon as they break for lunch time Clarke is going to ask Lexa if she’d like to join her for lunch and the drive to school again today. She doesn’t want to sound needy but this is a good way to make sure they are 100 percent back to normal.

 

But just as lunch time arrives, Jasper and Monty beat her to the question.

 

“Are you coming with us to lunch today?” one of them asks Lexa.

 

“No, I’m afraid I can’t do lunch for the rest of the week. I have some things to take care of,” she lets them know.

 

_Oh. Guess there is no point in asking her after all._

Clarke takes her bag and simply makes her way out on her own to get Aden after saying goodbye.

 

Lexa stops her at the door. “Clarke, wait a moment please.”

 

 _What is this about?_ Clarke wonders.

 

“Here,” the brunette says as she hands her a container and some utensils.

 

Clarke raises an eye brow, “What’s this?”

 

“Quinoa salad,” Lexa clarifies.

 

“What?” Clarke asks, still confused as why she’s handing it to her.

 

“Food you can eat cold. I made it for you,” Lexa explicates.

 

Clarke shakes her head slightly, “What? No, I can’t take this,” she says as she tries to return the container.

 

“Of course you can, it’s for you” Lexa says as she presses the container back towards Clarke.

 

_She’s so confident in everything she does that it’s hard to say no._

Lexa goes on, “I thought you would prefer something homemade rather than anything you can buy on your way to Aden’s school.”

 

“This is so embarrassing Lexa, I can’t take this from you,” Clarke says as she looks down.

 

“No it’s not. And yes you can. I don’t mind at all. I made some for myself too so I’m not keeping your portion as well. You have to take it,” she comforts her and presses her simultaneously.

 

Before Clarke has time to keep attempting to reject the offering, Lexa speaks again. “You’re going to be late to pick up Aden so just stop arguing with me and take the food,” she says to persuade her in an assertive tone.

 

Clarke smiles and raises her eyes to meet Lexa’s and the brunette knows she has given in.

 

“Okay. Thank you, Lexa. This is so sweet of you, really, I…” Clarke stumbles on her words.  

 

“You’re welcome. Now go, you don’t want to be late,” Lexa adds with a smile and a grin for getting Clarke to accept the food.

 

Clarke smiles widely and heads out to the car. She beams the entire way to the school and back too.

 

_This quinoa salad is so fucking goooood!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The anonymous stranger Clarke keeps thinking of that she hates will obviously be known later in the story.
> 
> Many of you were uncomfortable with Clarke leaving Aden alone so I have edited this by making Wells Jaha the babysitter. I hope you will all forget the error and continue to think of Clarke as a good mom with some flaws. Thank you for your understanding.


	9. Calls and Texts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next few chapters might take a while to come out due to summer and all that. Thank you for your patience.

The three months of dance training were finished.

 

Clarke and Lexa finally nailed it. Jasper was more than satisfied with their display, and he told them the only thing left was the actual performance during the film. He and Monty promised to be there when it happened of course, to support them and make sure they execute it faultlessly.

 

Lexa had brought Clarke lunch for the rest of the week. Clarke argued with her about taking it every day, but she ended up taking it nevertheless. Lexa knew even though she was saying no, she really wanted it, but Lexa didn’t mind the small “argument” before Clarke took it because she enjoyed watching her blush.

 

On the first day of filming, Lexa found out Clarke pretty much knew everyone else on the film crew. She had met them all at some party or another.

 

It’s the third day of filming now and everything is going smoothly.

 

Clarke no longer spends her lunchtime picking Aden up because his grandma, Abby, has convinced him to take the bus on the way home too. He didn’t like it much because he preferred spending time with his mom, but he agreed to it so long as his grandma picks him up on some days and Clarke tries whenever she is able.  

 

Lexa and Clarke have agreed to spend time during the weekend to run some lines.

 

“Text me,” Lexa tells her.

 

“I will,” Clarke promises.

 

Lexa then remembers that the blonde doesn’t have a cellphone, “Are you planning on stealing someone’s phone?”

 

Clarke closes her eyes in realization and then giggles, “Right. I still don’t have one.” Lexa nods with a tiny smile at the delightful giggle.

 

“I’m going to get one, soon,” Clarke guarantees.

 

 _I’ll get you one,_ Lexa thinks. “Okay.”

 

\-----

 

Lexa heads to a phone store that day after work and buys the latest one for Clarke. She wraps it in a bow and next morning, leaves it by the door of Clarke’s changing room.

 

Clarke walks up to her door the next day and notices the phone.

 

 _She did not,_ Clarke thinks.

 

She picks it up while Lexa conceals herself behind some equipment as she watches Clarke uncover the gadget.

 

She dials Clarke and the blonde is startled by the call, evident by the slight jump she makes and how she almost drops the phone. Clarke instantly chuckles at her own dorkiness right after.

 

The blonde looks at the phone and notices the number calling has already been saved as “Sexy dumpling” and she laughs hard before answering.

 

Lexa beams as she watches the blonde’s reaction to the ring and the name she saved.

 

“Hello,” Clarke answers with a smile as she turns and tries to find Lexa, knowing she must be watching her in order to have such perfect timing.

 

“I’m glad you finally got a phone,” Lexa jokes.

 

“Yeah, me too,” Clarke goes along, “But, who is this?” she teases, bringing them back to their first conversation at Kane’s party when she pretended to forget Lexa’s name. Meanwhile, she starts walking around to try and find Lexa.

 

“You never seem to remember my name. That doesn’t happen often to me,” Lexa responds, knowing well the conversation Clarke is referencing.

 

“Guess you’ll have to try harder to make an impression on me,” Clarke tempts her as she jumps behind a door, thinking she’ll find Lexa there, but she doesn’t.

 

Lexa witnesses the attempt and laughs away from the phone so Clarke doesn’t hear her.  “I can make that happen,” she says after.

 

“So, I take it this is my stalker since you won’t share your name,” Clarke goes on as she keeps searching for the brunette.

 

“Depends, would you like it to be?” Lexa teases as she begins moving away from where she is at to avoid being found.

 

“Well, I must warn you, I know Tai-chi,” Clarke threatens softly.

 

Lexa raises her brows, “is that true?” she asks in curiosity.

 

“No,” Clarke answers and they both laugh. Clarke pops into another installation hoping to find Lexa behind it but fails again. “But I do have killer… dance moves,” she jokes.

 

“That you do,” Lexa concurs. She watches Clarke blush from the distance she’s at and it makes the brunette smile.

 

 _She thinks I’m a good dancer?_ Clarke thinks.

 

The blonde blushes at the thought for some reason. She’s hoping Lexa can’t see he blush. She must be watching her, but Clarke is hoping she’s not close enough to notice.

 

“Are you going to tell me where you’re at?” Clarke asks.

 

“I don’t know, it’s fun watching you look for me,” Lexa tells her with a smirk that Clarke can almost feel through the phone.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “I knew you were watching!” she tells her.

 

“If I weren’t, I wouldn’t be a very good stalker,” Lexa responds as she begins moving closer to the blonde instead of away.

 

“So you admit you’re my stalker?” Clarke asks as she bites her lip.

 

“Depends.”

 

“On what?”

 

“Will you have me in hand cuffs?” Lexa asks, hoping Clarke sees the double meaning.

 

The blonde stutters on nothing and remains quiet for a second as the blush on her face starts becoming evident. Lexa smirks even harder.

 

“As in, will you call the police on me?” the brunette clarifies, “What did you think I meant?” she asks seriously but intending to embarrass the blonde.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes at herself, “Nothing, I understood what you meant,” she lies, “I was just thinking of whether or not to call the cops.”

 

“And what have you decided?” Lexa steps up behind Clarke as she asks her, putting the phone aside.

 

Clarke is alarmed and she turns to face Lexa with a smile.

 

“I have decided against it, but only because you still owe me a proper meal. And I can’t have you going to jail before I get it,” Clarke reminds her, “But afterwards, no promises,” she says with a wink.

 

Lexa raises an eyebrow and smirks. She was hoping Clarke hadn’t counted the lunches she had given her as carrying out her promise to feed her because she did want to make her a proper meal.

 

 _I’ll ask if she’s available tonight,_ Lexa thinks, but Kane interrupts them along with John Murphy.

 

“Alright girls, let’s get to it, both of you to costume please,” Marcus instructs kindly and points to John.

 

“I need Lexa first,” Murphy says.

 

Lexa and Clarke nod, smile and head their separate ways.

 

\---

 

Lexa lays in her bed after she gets home.

 

_Clarke was right about stealing all the attention during filming; she really is eye-catching._

 

Lexa can’t keep her eyes off her and neither can the rest of the crew, who all love Clarke.

 

They’ve filmed a few short scenes, and Clarke is a very talented actress. Lexa can tell already because as an actress herself, she has an eye for that sort of thing.

 

They aren’t filming the movie in order, which is not uncommon, and so they’re already dipped into difficult scenes that require much emotion and back story that both must pretend to have even though they don’t. And Clarke is acting wonderfully so far. She hasn’t make a single mistake with her lines since they’ve begun three days ago and that shows dedication. It’s only the start, but for a new actress, she’s really unlocking her potential.

 

Lexa takes a deep breath.

 

_Clarke is extraordinary._

She turns the television on while she changes into her pajamas. She was tired when she left the set, but thinking about Clarke rose her heartrate and now she’s a little too thrilled with thoughts of Clarke that she can’t sleep right away.

 

Her phone vibrates and she checks it. It’s a message from Anya.

 

It reads, “You look hot in yoga pants”.

 

She replies, “What?”

 

Anya: You’re on your “favorite” channel, check it out.

 

Lexa knows Anya is talking about the tabloid channel and she switches to it. She sees the pictures the photographers took of her and Clarke leaving the pizza place the other day. They’ve released them rather late but that’s because there was a celebrity break-up last week that was more interesting to them.

 

            Anya: You should wear them more often.

 

Lexa knows Anya is talking about her dancing clothes.

 

            Lexa: Those are my dance clothes. We had been doing a routine for the movie.

            Lexa: And FYI, I look hot in everything. Something I need to remind you and Gustus of constantly it seems.

            Anya: You and I have that in common ;)

            Anya: It’s one of the reasons I love you. I can’t be seen with people who aren’t hot.

 

 

Lexa rolls her eyes.

 

            Lexa: Love you too Anya.

            Anya: Ttyl. About to land some hottie! XOXO.

 

Lexa smiles and puts the phone down.

 

She looks back to the news.

 

She sees herself blocking the paparazzi from Clarke. She did a pretty good job. They didn’t get one proper picture of Clarke it seems because the one they are displaying is blurred, and if they had a better one, they would have most certainly used it.

 

Clarke can still be seen of course.

 

_She looks so sad._

Lexa can see in Clarke’s face how distressed she was from the questions they asked her that night.

 

She then catches a glimpse of her own hand on the pictures.

 

_The ring. Or lack thereof._

Her hand is also a little blurry but it’s evident that she’s not wearing a ring. But the report isn’t on that.

 

Rather, the news is talking about the movie she and Clarke are in. They’re talking about how sexy it’s going to be and how reportedly, she and Clarke are going to be romantically involved in it.

 

_How did they find out about the plot? They weren’t supposed to know anything, no one should until a trailer or photos are released by Kane._

She figures someone on the staff was bribed.

 

_Everyone has a price._

 

Movie staffs are hundreds of people so she suspects it’s one of the lesser involved people because no one Kane is close to would sell information to the press.

 

_Marcus won’t be too happy, but what’s done is done I guess._

The news starts talking about her role as Heda, and then about Clarke, about her lack of experience and her mom’s relationship with Kane.

 

It’s an obvious hint at the probable reason Clarke got the role. 

 

She refuses to believe that Abby being with Marcus is the reason Clarke landed that role. She’s seen Clarke act, and she’s good, and that’s what she believes. She trusts Marcus too, and he believes in his choice as well.

 

_So fuck the media._

Her phone vibrates again.

Gustus: Guess who I had a workout with?

 

Lexa always smiles when it’s a text from him.

 

            Lexa: The sixty-five year old that flirted with you a few weeks ago?

 

She laughs at her own message as she thinks of Gustus receiving it.

 

            Gustus: Hahahahaha. How did you guess?

            Gustus: Let me tell you, she was wild.

 

Lexa laughs at that.

 

            Gustus: ACTUALLY, it was Clarke.

 

Lexa didn’t even read the “actually,” her eyes went straight to Clarke.

 

            Lexa: How long have you been training with her?

            Gustus: We hadn’t actually managed to do a single workout date, but we finally got around to it today.

            Lexa: And… how did it go?

            Gustus: Great. She’s a good sport too. Works her ass off. I like that in my clients.

            Lexa: Yeah, sounds like her.

 

            Gustus responds with a bunch of heart eyes to tease.

 

            Lexa purses her lips and responds with a middle finger.

 

            Gustus responds with laughing faces.

 

Gustus: Anyway, she’s pretty great as far as I could tell, so nicely done Lex.

            Lexa: Sounds like you were vetting her. Were you?

            Gustus: Well of course! If you’re going to date her, I’d like to make sure she’s good enough for you.

 

Lexa smiles at that. She always feels loved by Gustus, and even more when he gets this big brother attitude, even though she’s older and throughout foster care she took care of and protected him.

           

            Lexa: And what have you concluded?

            Gustus: It’s only been one session. I’ll be letting you know later on.

            Lexa: Haha, okay then.

            Gustus: But you have my approval so far.

Lexa: Good to know.

Gustus: She talked about you, you know.

 

 _She did?_ She smirks.

Lexa: She did?

            Gustus: Yep.

Lexa: That’s it? That’s what you’re leaving me with??

            Gustus: Hahaha, noooo, I was just tormenting you.

            Lexa: Jerk.

            Gustus: Haha.

 

 He sends more heart eyes.

 

Lexa rolls her eyes and swallows her need to pester him back.

 

            Lexa: So? What did she say?

 

            Gustus: She just talked about you a lot. A LOT. She talked about what a good dancer you are, how you’re funny and a tease, and how she’s trying really hard to remember all her lines so she doesn’t embarrass herself in front of you.

 

Lexa smiles and smirks harder after every comma she reads. She hadn’t thought Clarke thought of her that much, but she’s elated about it. _It’s adorable that she’s trying to remember her lines so she’s not embarrassed in front of me._

Gustus: She talked about how she’s such a klutz around you, how you got her food that was delicious ;) and she was so embarrassed about it too. She mentioned you got her a phone too… Should be worried?

            Lexa: Worried about what?

            Gustus: That you’re already head-over-heels for her.

            Lexa: Clarke is special.

Lexa: And that’s nothing to worry about.

            Gustus: That’s not an answer.

            Lexa: I know it’s not ;)

            Gustus: Now you’re tormenting me.

Lexa: You deserve it, haha.

Gustus: Fine, tell me when you’re ready. Even though by the time you do, I’ll probably already know.

 

Lexa smiles at that.

 

            Lexa: True. You always do.

            Gustus: Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that in the least, Clarke has a decent crush on you. You’re welcome.

            Lexa: For?

            Gustus: For finding out! Without me, you’d be lost, not knowing how she feels.

            Gustus: Anyway, good luck with that. Keep me posted.

            Gustus: Love you, Lex.

            Lexa: Love you too.

 

She exits her conversation with Gustus.  

 

_I wonder what Clarke is up to…_

 

She’s gratified with the fact that she got Clarke a phone because now she can finally text her.

 

She sends her a text right away.

 

\------

 

Clarke knows she should go to bed soon because filming always starts early in the morning.

 

She’s exhausted, not only from the movie but because she had a workout with Gustus.

 

She likes him very much. He’s easy to talk to and he’s quite the kidder. He’s a good listener too.

 

She doesn’t know how, but they ended up discussing Lexa about halfway through the workout.

 

She knows that she probably shouldn’t have talked about her so much –she did most of the talking– because Lexa and Gustus are close, and he will probably tell Lexa that Clarke is obsessed with her, because that’s what she looked like today while talking about her.

 

It’s not her fault she talked about her so much. She didn’t talk about Lexa with her friends when they asked because she didn’t have much to say at first, and during the three months of practice, she had not learned much about Lexa. But now that she’s had a few proper conversations with her, she can’t help but bring her into the conversation hoping someone will talk about her too.

 

_I really hope he doesn’t tell her._

_Or maybe I hope he does._

At least that might hint to Lexa that she likes her. She’s not sure what that will accomplish but if the brunette finds out and wants nothing to do with Clarke, then at least she’ll know how Lexa feels. And if Lexa finds out and still talks to her then that’s a good sign.

 

_I shouldn’t be overthinking this, especially when there’s no way to prove if or what Gustus tells Lexa or not._

 

She leaves that be for now.

 

She takes her phone out from her bag.

 

She still can’t believe Lexa got her a phone. _She’s been so fucking sweet, with the food first and now this._

 

On instinct, she thinks of texting Finn. She saves his number and opens the empty conversation she’s about to start.

 

Before she does, her house phone rings and she heads to answer it.

 

“It’s your favorite person in the world!” speaks Raven.

 

“Aden! You’re supposed to be in bed!” Clarke scolds jokily.

 

“That hurt,” Raven jokes back, “I should be right up there with Aden for that position.”

 

“Oh, you meant my other favorite person in the world?” Clarke responds.

 

“Yaaaaaaaaasssss!” Raven responds.

 

Clarke laughs.

 

“What’s up babe?” the blonde asks.

 

“At a sports bar. I’m forcing everyone to watch the tabloid news and guess who’s on them? Is it true you and sexy-lips are going to be having sex in the movie?” Raven asks.

 

“What?” Clarke inquires.

 

“Turn on the TV won’t you. Octavia told me you were on it.”

 

Clarke does as she’s told. She knows exactly what channel she needs to go to.

 

She sees the photos of her and Lexa by Toni’s while the commentator talks of the movie they’re doing. He speaks of how there are reports of a very romantic scene between her character and Lexa’s among other things.

 

“How the hell did they find that out?!” Clarke exclaims.

 

 _It’s kind of charming that she’s defending me from the press. That’s so nice of her,_ Clarke thinks as she examines the images.

 

“I don’t know, but someone on set is a dick,” Raven responds.

 

Clarke hears the phone beep from Raven’s side.

 

“Hold on, Octavia is calling. I’m going to put her on,” Raven says.

 

She adds Octavia to her call with Clarke.

 

“Did you tell her?” Octavia asks.

 

“Yeah, she told me,” Clarke responds. “Hey babe,” she greets her.

 

“Hey back. So, Kane is going to be fucking mad. Or as mad as he gets, it’s Kane after all,” Octavia says.

 

“No doubt,” Clarke agrees.

 

“Yeah, but moving on to more important matters,” Raven speaks, “Is it true?”

 

Raven was asking because as part of the cast, she didn’t know to detail what would be filmed. The cast were told what they needed to know prior to filming in order to obtain the right equipment, but beyond that they were told on a weekly basis during filming what would be filmed that same week so they could prepare the equipment accordingly.

 

“You’re an asshole for not telling us, Clarke,” Octavia adds.

 

“What? I haven’t even told you if it’s true or not,” Clarke defends herself.

 

“So is it?” Octavia asks.

 

“Yes,” Clarke confesses.

 

Octavia and Raven make sounds to whine for making them think that it wasn’t true.

 

“So you’re having sex with her?” Raven asks.

 

“It’s not actually sex, Raven,” Clarke says with an eye roll.

 

“Don’t roll your eyes at me,” Raven tells Clarke. “I can feel them through the phone.”

 

Raven knows Clarke well.

 

“Damn, people are going to go crazy over this movie,” Raven says.

 

“Where was this picture taken at anyway?” Raven asks about the one on television.

 

The news suddenly changes from her and Lexa’s photo and starts discussing her mom and how she’s dating Kane. She knows where this is going so she mutes.

 

“That pizza place I wanted to try,” Clarke says after a moment.

 

“Toni’s!” Raven exclaims.

 

“Yeah, that one,” Clarke affirms.

 

“I can’t believe you went without us,” the Latina scolds.

 

“Sorry, the opportunity just sort of came up that day,” Clarke explains, “We’ll go another day, I promise. It was fucking delicious.”

 

“Text us the address so we can go without you as payback,” Octavia jokes. Clarke smiles.

 

“She still doesn’t have a phone remember?” Raven reminds the girl.

 

“Right, I spaced. Who doesn’t have a phone this day and age? You really need to get one cuz it’s been hard as fuck not texting you lately,” Octavia speaks.

 

“Actually, I do,” Clarke says.

 

“Do what?” Octavia asks.

 

“Have a phone,” Clarke explains.

 

“Finally!” Raven shouts.

 

“Since when?” Octavia asks.

 

“Since today. Lexa got me one,” Clarke says, a little nervous about the second part of that.

 

“What?” Raven and Octavia ask simultaneously.

 

“When? How did that happen?” Raven questions.

 

“Today on set. In the morning, actually. Before we started filming,” Clarke explains.

 

“Why didn’t you tell us on set then?” Octavia asks, “I mean, no offense, but that’s more interesting than Aden’s party after tomorrow.”

 

“Cuz, she was there, she would’ve seen me telling you guys,” Clarke defends. “Oh and did you pass the message to the rest of the gang who wasn’t there? Like Bellamy?” she asks. “Also, please come a bit earlier than everyone tomorrow so you can help me out.”

 

“Yeah, I told my brother and Raven texted everyone else on your behalf. I mean, you could’ve texted them considering you have a phone apparently, but whatever,” Octavia says with some friendly badgering. “We’ll be there to help you tomorrow. I’ll drag Lincoln and Bellamy too.”

 

Clarke clarifies with regards to the phone matter, “I personally told everyone on set early morning as you know. I asked you to text everyone else in case I forgot to call them. And all that was before I went to my dressing room where she left the phone”. She needs to remember to remind Lexa to come over tomorrow for the birthday. She had been in the bathroom when she made the general invite to all her friends on set.

 

 “We didn’t know you and the Commander were close,” Octavia says returning to the other topic.

 

“Yeah, people don’t give people phones just like that, unless they’re TV-show hosts. Not even I would buy you a phone,” Raven adds.

 

She smiles at Raven’s words, “Yeah, it was nice of her,” Clarke says in a soft tone as she thinks of the brunette.

 

“What was that?” Raven asks, emphasizing her words.

 

“Yeah, what was that?” Octavia reiterates.

 

“What was what?” Clarke asks back obliviously.

 

“That tone,” Octavia explains.

 

“Mhm,” Raven agrees.

 

“What tone?” Clarke insists.

 

“That’s the tone you use when you like people,” Octavia explains.

 

“Do you… like the Commander?” Raven asks in intense curiosity.  

 

“What? That’s insane!” Clarke holds for about two seconds, “Maybe,” she confesses right after.

 

“Clarke!” Octavia shouts out.

 

“What?! She’s hot!” Clarke justifies.

 

“She is,” Raven supports.

 

“She’s married though,” Octavia reminds them.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke laments.

 

Raven sighs and Octavia remains silent in regret for the blonde.

 

“Sorry, Clarke,” Octavia offers.

 

“It’s… whatever,” Clarke responds.

 

“At least you can text us now,” Octavia includes.

 

“And you’re still gonna make out and have sex with her,” Raven adds to lighten the mood.

 

“It’s not actual sex, Raven,” Clarke repeats.

 

“But the kiss is happening,” Octavia says to keep the mood up and bother Clarke.

 

“Yeah, with all of you staring too,” Clarke says in false enthusiasm.

 

“I know, I’m excited to watch,” Raven comments.

 

“Who isn’t?” Octavia keeps up.

 

“Fuckers,” Clarke replies lovingly.

 

“We love you too,” Raven returns, then changes the topic, “You better save my name as “Latina Hottie” on your phone cuz it has to be a reflection of who I am. And Octavia needs to be saved as…”

 

“Sexy babe,” Octavia interrupts.

 

“Yes! Hell yes,” Raven agrees, “Totally “Sexy babe”, I like that.” Raven concurs.

 

Clarke laughs, saves their numbers right away to their satisfaction, and texts them so they save hers.

 

“What are you guys saving my number as?” Clarke asks.

 

“Clarke,” they answer in chorus again.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

“Okay guys, I gotta go, there’s this hot blonde in this bar flirting with me from afar. I’mma go talk to her,” Raven says.

 

“Lincoln and I are having dinner, so I’m gonna go too. He says hi by the way,” Octavia tells them.

 

“Okay girls, take care and have fun. Love you. Bye,” Clarke bids them farewell.

 

“Love you too,” Octavia and Raven respond.

 

She hangs up and she receives a photo from each girl.

 

Raven sends her a cute pose from the bar as she holds her drink. She’s subtly trying to point out the blonde she was talking about in the back but it’s blurry and they can’t really be seen.

 

Octavia sends Clarke one with Linc as they head out for dinner.

 

Clarke sends them back a selfie with a sad face and a caption reading: “I’m the only one spending the night alone”.

   

After she exits their conversation, she tries to remember what she was doing before.

 

_Finn._

She texts him.

 

            Clarke: Hey.

            Finn: Hey back.

 

She regrets it right away. She reminded herself she was lonely, but Finn isn’t enough anymore, she found that out last time.

 

_So why am I texting him?_

 

Then, she receives a text from Lexa aka “Sexy dumpling”. Clarke beams right away.

 

            Lexa: Asleep yet?

            Clarke: Not yet

            Clarke: Sexy dumpling ha?

 

Lexa laughs.

 

            Lexa: Maybe that way you’ll remember me.

            Finn: Clarke?

 

 _Not now Finn,_ Clarke thinks.

 

            Clarke to Lexa: Maybe. What do you have me saved as?

            Lexa: “Pizza Queen” of course.

 

Clarke smiles and sends back a face with a blush and then a cocky one.

 

Lexa smirks and sends back a smile.

 

            Finn: Clarke???? Want me to come over?

 

_Ugh, for the love Finn, shut up._

Clarke to Finn: No

            Clarke to Finn: I just wanted to ask how you’re doing and stuff

            Lexa: Don’t like the title?     

            Finn: Okay? I’m doing fine…

            Finn: Everything okay?

            Clarke to Finn: Yeah. Glad you’re good. Text you another time. Night.

            Finn: ????

 

He doesn’t text back after that.

 

            Clarke to Lexa: I love the title. Suits me

            Clarke to Lexa: Choosing pizza is one of the few things I can do right after making desserts and singing of course. And after that… that’s all I got actually

            Lexa: and dancing and acting. You can add that to your résumé.

 

Clarke bites her lip.

 

            Clarke: The dancing didn’t come naturally, I think you can figure that. And as for the acting… really?

Lexa: Yes, really.

            Clarke: You’re just saying that

            Lexa: And you’re just saying that so I insist. But fine, I’ll insist. You’re good. Don’t pretend you’re not.           

Clarke: I’m not! I have my doubts

            Lexa: Well don’t. Would it get rid of them if I told you I really meant it? Because I do. You’re a natural. Kane must think it too, otherwise he wouldn’t have chosen you.

            Clarke: Many would disagree

 

 _Shit,_ Lexa didn’t mean for the conversation to go this way. Lexa knows Clarke must have seen the news tonight.

 

Clarke: I think you’re one of the few people who believe that after my best friends. But they’re biased

            Lexa: I’m giving you my professional opinion. The tabloids like whatever sells, there’s nothing professional about that.  

            Lexa: But… maybe I am biased too.

 

 _Oh._ Clarke bites her lip again. _She’s biased in my favor._

            Clarke: Glad to see I’m having an influence on you

            Lexa: Is there anyone you don’t have an influence on?

 

Clarke finds herself blushing. _Lexa’s flirt game is strong._

Costia pops into her mind abruptly. She doesn’t want her there, but she’s in there now.

 

_Is Costia there with Lexa right now?_

 

Lexa waits for a response. If Clarke is struggling to answer back then she must have really been caught off guard with that comment. She likes it.

 

Clarke tries to ignore her thoughts. She can’t figure out what to text her back now.

 

Clarke takes a little longer to answer than expected. Perhaps a slight change of subject is better.

 

            Lexa: I know you’ve already had an influence on Gustus.

           

 _Gustus! That’s a nice change of topic,_ Clarke thinks.

 

            Clarke: Oh yeah? Well he’s had quite the influence on me too

            Lexa: He told me about your training session today. I hope you don’t mind.

            Clarke: Yeah I figured

 

_Oh shit. He told her. What did he tell her? Maybe there’s a way of finding out._

            Clarke: No, I don’t mind. But that depends on what he told you

            Lexa: He told me…

 

_Oh no._

            Lexa: … that you work hard. He likes you.

 

Clarke sighs in relief. _Thank God._

_But wait, why did she text it like that? With a pause in between? Like she knew what that would do to me. Like she knew that I’d want to know what he told her._

 

            Clarke: I like him too

            Lexa: I’m glad.

Lexa: He also told me I came up.

 

If there’s anything Lexa likes, it’s surprising people. Subtle flirtation is fun, but direct flirtation definitely takes the prize.

 

 _Oh no. He did tell her_. _I still need to know what._ Clarke tries a more direct approach to finding out.

 

            Clarke: Did he say any embarrassing things about me?

            Lexa: Such as?

            Clarke: Well now you’re just trying to get me to tell you embarrassing things. You’ll need more than a text for that.

 

 _Like alcohol,_ Clarke thinks.

 

            Lexa: Like a proper meal?

 

 _Or a proper meal._ She hadn’t considered that even though she was the one to bring it up during filming.

 

 _Oh no._ Costia’s back in her head. She feels guilty about talking to Lexa now. What Gustus told Lexa isn’t all that important all of a sudden. She has to shut this down, she knows that.

 

She feels her fingers heavy as she texts.

 

            Clarke: A meal with you and your wife?

 

 _Oh. Fuck._ Lexa had almost forgotten she hadn’t told Clarke. _Who forgets something like that?_

 

She writes:  I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, but I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. Costia and I are getting divorced.

 

Clarke sees Lexa typing, then there’s a pause, and no message.

 

Lexa tries to press send but she can’t. Texting isn’t the right way to explain. She wants to tell her in person. She supposes she can save the details for then. She can still say something for now that’s good enough.

 

            Lexa: Actually, I live alone.

 

 _Alone. Does that mean separation? Divorce?_ Clarke wonders.

Lexa: It’s been a rather permanent situation for a while. So the meal would be just with me.

            Lexa: If you’d like that.

 

Lexa sighs heavily and her jaw tenses in worry at the response.

 

Clarke sighs in sadness. She wants to say that she is interested, that she would very much like that, but all she can think of is Lexa being alone and it aches her heart.

 

            Clarke: Sounds lonely. Living alone that is.

 

Clarke isn’t sure where she’s going with this, but she texted it indifferently instead of answering Lexa’s invitation.

 

 _That wasn’t a yes. But it wasn’t a no. Maybe Clarke just needs some time,_ Lexa thinks.

 

            Lexa: Sometimes it’s lonely. Sometimes it’s… peaceful. Like the ocean.

 

Not many people know of Lexa’s love of surfing and the ocean because she doesn’t share it with them. But Clarke isn’t anyone. Like she told Gustus, she’s special.

 

Clarke smiles. She likes the ocean too. Lexa is right, it is peaceful.

 

            Clarke: I like the ocean. It’s why I have a pool. And also, thank God I have a beach house

            Clarke: That wasn’t meant to brag FYI. I really am thankful

 

 _A pool and a beach house._ Lexa laughs slightly, remembering how she was thinking of getting a house by the sand not long ago.

           

            Lexa: I’ve always wanted a place by the beach. A pool would be nice too. I probably should’ve gotten an apartment with one of those.

            Lexa: How long have you had the beach house?

            Clarke: Since six years ago. My dad had his eye on it for a long time when we were young, but we could never afford it. When I saw the chance, I bought it. I wanted my mother to have it but she told me my dad would have wanted me to have it.

 

This was the first time Clarke had mentioned her father. She’s not sure if she should ask more about him, but it’s probably best to let Clarke speak at the pace she wants.

 

            Lexa: How often do you go?

            Clarke: As often as I can. Usually it’s when Aden has a three day weekend. The good news is it’s on a private beach, so no one can disturb me with pictures or questions or anything.

            Lexa: Sounds serene. I’m glad you have a place like that.

            Clarke: Yeah. It is. It’s kind of my happy place. One of them. And me too.

            Clarke: Whats your happy place?

            Lexa: I’ll answer that if you tell me what your other happy places are.

            Clarke: No fair, i already shared one.

            Lexa: It’s kind of like yours. It’s the ocean, the waves.

            Clarke: Singing is the obvious one, but painting is my other one. But I haven’t painted in years.

 

 _Painting?_ That gives Lexa an idea.

 

            Lexa: Why not?

 

Clarke doesn’t respond right away.

 

 _Should I tell her?_ Clarke meditates _. Not today._

            Clarke: I lost my motivation

            Lexa: Do you wish you still had it?

            Clarke: I hadnt thought of it like that but I guess sometimes I miss it. Both the painting and the motivation.

            Lexa: I hope you get it back.

            Clarke: Thank you

 

Lexa thinks back to the eating arrangement. She really wants an adequate one-on-one meal with Clarke.

 

 _Oh,_ Clarke remembers she didn’t respond with regards to the meal.

 

            Clarke: About that meal you owe me, I’d very much like to have it with you.

 

Lexa sighs happily and smiles. She can definitely implement that idea now.

 

            Lexa: Good. I’m glad.

            Clarke: Are you going to tell me when or where we’re having it?

            Lexa: I’d rather surprise you.

 

Clarke smiles and bites her tongue in excitement.

 

            Clarke: I like surprises

            Lexa: Good.

 

Aden steps into Clarke’s room right then.

 

“Mom?” he says.

 

She rises from the bed and goes to pick him up. “Hey sweetie, what’s wrong? Can’t sleep?” she asks. He shakes his head in confirmation as he rubs his eyes and yawns.

 

“Come here, you want to sleep in the bed with me?” she asks. Aden nods. Clarke takes him to the bed next to her and tucks him in.

 

            Clarke: I gotta go. Aden can’t sleep.

            Lexa: Okay. Goodnight Clarke. I’ll see you tomorrow.

            Clarke: Goodnight Lexa. C u tomorrow.

 

Lexa puts her phone down and brings the script to the bed. She reads it before she sleeps.

 

Clarke exists her conversation and sees the question marks she left unopened from Finn. She leaves them as read, and she smiles when she realizes she has no impulse to text him back.

 

She rise, gets the script and while she watches over Aden, she tries to read it to keep her lines in mind for tomorrow.

 

She becomes aware that she doesn’t have an impulse to drink either. She chuckles. She’s proud of herself. Her head has been filled with so many different things as of late, but in this moment, she feels calm. She’s not sure what’s different today from other days, but her brain feels balanced for a change.

 

These words and rhythm begin to invade her head the way they do sometimes. Lyrics and song.

 

She opens the notes in her phone and begins writing them down. Soon after, she goes to sleep.

 


	10. Happy Birthday Aden

 

Clarke wakes up with her back aching because Aden had his feet on it all night and didn’t let her find a comfortable position to sleep in. He’s a funky sleeper, but it doesn’t matter today because Clarke is up early like she has been since she started the movie, and even more this particular day since she woke up and saw that she didn’t imagine the lyrics she wrote down last night.

 

She’s got a few verses running and she worked on the rhythm in the shower and while she drove to work. She hasn’t been this inspired in a decent while.

 

She’s also extra eager today because she and Lexa film the kiss scene today. She has been anxious and wired since the morning because of it. Lexa, on the other hand, looks in complete and total control, _not one bit nervous._

 

The crew is having problems with the main cameras and they are going to take time to fix, so Marcus has allowed Clarke to pick up Aden for the day.

 

“You coming?” Clarke asks Lexa as she bites her lip and gives her an interrogative look.

 

Lexa smiles. “Of course,” she responds. She’s been wanting to take Clarke up on the offer to pick Aden up for a while. She’s glad she finally has the chance. Besides, leaving the set might put her on ease considering her mind has been occupied knowing she’ll be kissing Clarke today. It makes her insides tingle, like butterflies in her stomach.

 

Clarke hurries to the car with her belongings and Lexa mimics her.

 

“Are you running late for him?” Lexa asks, noticing her rush.

 

“Only a little, but that’s not why I’m all jumpy. I’m just a little hyper today,” Clarke says. _Oh no, she’ll think I’m nervous because of the kiss._ “Because I think I’m coming up with more music,” she adds to take suspicion off the kiss scene.

 

“That’s wonderful,” Lexa remarks.

 

“Yeah, it is. I haven’t been this… sort of… stimulated in a while, you know,” Clarke tells her.

 

Lexa smiles on the outside. On the inside, she tries to push away thoughts of Clarke being stimulated for other reasons.

 

“We are going slightly later than normal though right?” Lexa asks, knowing that during the months they danced, Clarke usually left a little after one to get to Aden before two thirty, but that they left an hour later today.

 

“Oh, he decided to get into an extracurricular so he stays an hour longer now. The problem with the set was perfect timing today,” Clarke says with a smile, content that she gets to pick her son up.

 

“What extracurricular did he get into?” Lexa asks.

 

“Karate. He’s been obsessed with learning how to fight,” Clarke tells her.

 

Lexa simply smiles and lets Clarke feel free to talk some more.

 

“It’s his first week. He’s been exhausted every day of it. My mom and Wells, my babysitter, tell me he can barely keep his eyes open when he gets home,” Clarke keeps going, happy to talk about her son. Not many people ask about him with candid interest.

 

“That’s adorable,” Lexa comments.

 

“Yeah, it is,” Clarke agrees.

 

Clarke tries to adjust herself in the seat and she grimaces at her back pain, which has not left her all day.

 

Lexa instantly notices her discomfort. “Are you alright?” she asks in concern.

 

“Yeah, just some back pain. Aden slept in the bed with me last night and he either has his head or his feet pressed against my back so, this happens. He’s been sleeping regularly in his bed for two years but when he has a nightmare or can’t sleep, I let him sleep in my bed,” Clarke elaborates.

 

“Oh, I see. I’m sorry about the pain,” Lexa says.

 

“It’s okay. I can handle it,” Clarke returns.

 

\---

 

It’s not long before they reach the school.

 

Aden’s teacher awaits without him by the school pick-up and drop-off.

 

Clarke opens her car window when she reaches the teacher.

 

The lady addresses Clarke, “Hello Ms. Griffin, Aden fell asleep after karate. He’s in my office.”

 

“Okay. Let me park and I’ll come down and get him. Thank you,” Clarke responds.

 

She heads to park the car and Lexa steps down with her to pick him up.

 

“Guess you’re finally meeting Aden. Just not while he’s conscious,” Clarke jokes.

 

Lexa smiles, “That’s alright. I’m happy just to meet him.”

 

Clarke walks with the teacher to the office and Lexa follows Clarke by her side.

 

They reach the office and find Aden asleep on two of the chairs.

 

Clarke thanks the teacher and then approaches Aden, but just as Clarke bends over to pick him up, Lexa notices she places a hand on her back and frowns like she did in the car. Lexa places her hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

 

“Clarke, I can carry him if your back hurts,” Lexa offers.

 

“No, don’t be silly, it’s okay,” Clarke responds.

 

“Really, I insist,” Lexa presses and approaches Aden herself. She bends down and before she grabs him, she sends an enquiring nod Clarke’s way to seek approval.

 

“I feel like an old lady,” Clarke comments.

 

Lexa smiles, takes that as approval given, and picks Aden up carefully. She turns to Clarke while she carries the boy, “I’m sure you’re young and able most days. But it’s okay to take a rest sometimes,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke smiles back, “Thank you.” It feels strange to have someone else help with Aden. She has her mother’s help and Wells of course, but other than that, she mostly deals with him alone.

 

“Of course. Shall we go?” Lexa appeals kindly.

 

“Yes, of course, let’s go,” Clarke responds. “He’s going to be so disappointed when he finds out that you met him and he wasn’t awake for it. He’s going to be super embarrassed about being carried too,” she informs Lexa, to which the brunette laughs softly.

 

“He really sounds like an adorable child,” Lexa comments.

 

Clarke opens the back door to the car for Lexa when they reach it. Lexa gently places Aden inside and buckles his seatbelt in. Then, she and Clarke move to the front and drive off with a goodbye to Aden’s teacher.

 

Minutes later Lexa receives a text from Marcus.

 

            Marcus: Cameras aren’t working at all. Won’t be able to get them fixed until tomorrow so we’re calling it a day. Please tell Clarke. See you girls on Monday first thing.

            Lexa: Okay. Thank you for telling us. I’ll let Clarke know. See you Monday.

 

Lexa faces Clarke, “It’s from Marcus. He says the cameras aren’t working and they won’t be able to fix them until tomorrow so there won’t be any more filming today.”

 

 _Guess the kissing is postponed._ The matter disillusions Clarke, but she reminds herself it’s postponed, not cancelled.

 

“Okay then. Want me to drop you off at your place?” Clarke asks.

 

“I’d take you up on that but I left my car at the set,” Lexa tells her.

 

“Right, of course. I’ll drop you off,” she responds.

 

“Thank you,” Lexa replies.  

 

They make it back rather late due to traffic and because Clarke takes her time while driving since she’s not in a hurry to leave Lexa. It’s sundown by the time they reach the parking lot of the set.

 

“Thank you for the ride Clarke.”

 

“Of course, Heda,” Clarke responds.

 

Lexa is surprised –and slightly turned on by Clarke’s words, “So, you’ve seen my movies?”

 

“Of course I have. They were amazing. You thought I hadn’t?” Clarke states.

 

“I had never considered it. There’s no obligation for you to watch them, so I was not going to bring it up and make you feel like there was, and I was not going to assume that you had,” Lexa responds.

 

“Well, no one forced me to watch them, so don’t worry. Aden loves them too by the way. He’s a huge, huge fan of the Commander,” Clarke says.

 

Lexa smiles. “I’m happy to have fans like the two of you.”

 

Clarke smiles.

 

“Goodnight Clarke,” Lexa responds.

 

\--

 

Clarke eventually recognizes that the day being cancelled is a blessing because it gives her time to go home and carry out all the preparations for Aden’s party tomorrow.

 

\------

 

Lexa wakes up next morning and turns to her night table to check the time on her phone.

 

_Oh, right._

 

Her phone is not there. She noticed last night that she forgot it in Clarke’s car after she got home. She’ll ask Clarke about it on Monday.

 

Today she is going to meet Gustus for an early breakfast at a place not far.

 

She reaches the place on time and Gustus is there, waiting for her. He greets her with a hug.

 

“Morning Lex. How’d you sleep?” Gustus asks.

 

“Good morning Gustus. I slept fine, thank you for asking. You?” she replies while she sits down and the waiter hands her a menu.

 

“Fine. You didn’t answer my call or texts last night. I got worried. Is everything okay?” he inquires.

 

“Yes, everything is fine. I forgot my phone in Clarke’s car,” she elaborates.

 

He smirks her way in an obvious manner.

 

“What is it Gustus?” she asks.

 

“Left your phone in her car huh? Interesting,” he says casually as he reads the menu.

 

“There’s nothing interesting about it, I simply accompanied her to pick her son up from school,” Lexa justifies.

 

“Ah, if you say so,” Gustus responds, his suspicious attitude still in place.

 

“I’m serious Gustus, that’s all that happened,” Lexa maintains.

 

“Well that’s disappointing. But okay,” he gives in. “You should really go get your phone back though,” he recommends.  

 

“I figured I’d see her Monday and she’d have it then,” she brushes off.

 

“Anya called me cuz you weren’t picking up,” Gustus tells her.

 

“She must have been upset thinking I was ignoring her for no reason,” Lexa says with a chuckle.

 

“Yeah, little bit. She said you were playing hard to get but she liked it.”

 

Lexa laughs at that.

 

“But anyway, she wanted me to remind you of some charity event tonight, and that she’s sending your Heda outfit and a makeup and hair specialist to your place today at three,” Gustus says.

 

“Three? That’s rather early but fine I suppose,” she thinks aloud. “It’s a charity for a children’s hospital,” she reminds herself and lets Gustus know. The event had been on her schedule since before the movie.

 

“Oh! And also, Anya said that she needs to borrow an expensive bottle of wine from you for some really important event,” he makes a point to mention.

 

“Which really means that she’s going to drink an entire bottle of my wine because she thinks she should have all the bottles people have gifted me because I never drink them myself,” Lexa clarifies.

 

Gustus laughs then returns to the previous topic, “You’re going to a children’s hospital?”

 

“Yes. It’s for children with cancer. They love the Commander apparently, so I’m paying them a visit dressed in costume, and then writing the hospital a check to help them out,” Lexa explicates.

 

“Wow, that’s really sweet of you Lex,” Gustus comments.

 

“I hope I make the kids a little happy by going,” Lexa states.

 

“I think you will,” he says with a smile. “I didn’t know Anya cared about those things,” he adds after he considers it.

 

“She doesn’t. It was my idea, I wanted to help, but since it also looks good publicity wise, she’s happy to help too,” Lexa clears up.

 

“Ah, yeah, that sounds more like Anya,” Gustus says with a headshake and a smile.

 

Moments later, his face changes slightly. “So, dad called. He was also a little upset you didn’t pick up the phone last night,” he notifies.

 

“Titus,” she emphasizes his name to express her dislike for calling him ‘dad’ even though he was their foster father until she moved away during her teens to get clean and later pursue acting- hence why she and Gustus had been separated-, “has bad timing. There’s nothing I could do for him if I don’t have my phone to pick his call up. Not that I would have picked it up if I had had it. At least this way, I didn’t have to be reminded of him,” Lexa states sternly.

 

“He just wants to check on you,” Gustus claims.

 

“By ‘check on me’ do you mean scold me and express his disappointment in me for doing drugs when I was a teen -even though he practically drove me to them from all the pressure he placed on me- and then reproach me some more for not taking over his business because I didn’t want it and I was just a teenager trying to find my place in the world?” she states without taking her eyes off the menu.

 

“Lexa..” Gustus begins, but she interrupts.

 

“Even though I quit the drugs. It’s unfortunate for him I couldn’t quit women though,” she states, her jawline tightening and finding it hard to swallow her saliva. She takes a sip of her water.

 

“He wanted you to take over his business, doesn’t that show how much he valued you? He would never let me go anywhere near it,” Gustus defends.

 

“He was under some delusion that I actually wanted to take over. Yes, I was good at it, but I didn’t want it. And I was literally only a teenager and he treated me like an adult whenever I made any mistake whatsoever,” Lexa reminds.

 

She goes on, “And he was under an even bigger delusion that the reason I would screw up was because I liked girls –which he also thought was a phase- and that the only way I could take over his business was if I was alone for the rest of my life.”

 

Gustus is about to speak but she keeps going, “‘To be boss is to be alone!’” she quotes Titus, “You know, I was going to take over after I came back. I was still pursuing acting but I could do both jobs, I was willing to do that for his approval. But I came back with Costia unfortunately for him.”

 

“He’s not the greatest dad,” he goes to say.

 

“Please don’t call him dad,” she states.

 

Gustus goes on, “but I really think he can come around. He can be a good father.”

 

“He didn’t come to my wedding with Costia, Gustus,” Lexa states unsympathetically. “My wedding day. I wanted him to walk me down the aisle. I was willing to let go everything from before and invite him, which I did, and he didn’t fucking show up,” she states a little louder. “I reached out to him when Costia and I finally decided to get divorced. Do you know what he said to me?” she looks at him and pauses.

 

“He said, he knew it would end eventually, that I should take it as a lesson, and that maybe now I could focus on the business,” she says sternfully.

 

The waiter interrupts them, asking if they are ready to order. They tell him to return later.

 

“I know, and that was really really shit of him, but if he apologizes,” Gustus keeps trying.

 

“If he apologizes? Are you going to hold him down and make him do that?” Lexa scoffs.

 

“But if he apologizes,” he restates.

 

“Gustus, you might not remember this because you were just a child, but Titus has never been the person you think he has. You’ve never wanted to believe that because you lost your parents before I lost mine, and he took you in, but he was no saint. Never has been and never will be,” she declares.

 

“I know he’s not a saint, but maybe,” Gusts attempts once more.

 

“Gustus, please,” Lexa pleads.  

 

“He tried his best,” he defends.

 

“I don’t believe that. And even if he did, it wasn’t good enough. He was always so judgmental and harsh on me, more so than everyone else. I was just a kid, Gustus. I needed help, I needed to be cared for, not punished,” she says with a heavy heart after the reminder of her unpleasant childhood. “Can we let it go please?” she implores.

 

“Okay, yeah. I’m sorry. Let’s just order and eat,” he says.

 

“I don’t think I’m up for breakfast anymore. I’m sorry,” she states as kindly as she can. She doesn’t want him to think she’s mad at him, because she’s actually just frustrated with the thought of Titus. She knows Gustus just wants to help her, but some relationships in life are beyond repair.

 

“Okay,” he says understandingly.

 

There’s a moment of silence.

 

Then Gustus speaks, “I have Clarke’s address if you want. So you can get your phone.”

 

“Thank you, Gustus, but I’ve never been to her house, I don’t think she’d like it if I just barged in unannounced and uninvited,” she states.

 

“I’ll text her that I gave you her address and you’re going there to get your phone. She’s really kind, she’ll be fine with it,” he holds. “You probably know that better than me. Do you think she’ll be upset?” he asks rhetorically.

 

A quick smile appears on her lips. _It would be nice to see Clarke._

“Okay, thank you,” she complies.

 

He smiles and writes down Clarke’s address on a napkin and hands it to her.

 

“Off you go,” he tells her.

 

“No, I’ll sit with you until you finish breakfast,” Lexa asserts.

 

“You don’t have to do that. Besides, I saw that smile, you want to go see her. So go,” he states.

 

Lexa smiles and rises from her seat. _He knows me well._ She leans in for a hug before she leaves. “You know I love you, Gustus,” she reminds him.

 

“Yeah, I know. I love you too Lex,” he replies.

 

“I’ll make it up to you with breakfast another day,” she tells him.

 

“I’m up for it anytime, sis,” he tells her with a smile, which she returns.

 

She takes the napkin and heads to the address.

 

Gustus always means well. He’s always understanding. He even understood when she left him with Titus. She was young then, and she needed to get away to get better. She couldn’t have taken him with her because Gustus was just a child, and so was she. Gustus was never in danger with Titus anyway. The man’s anger was always aimed at her. It was neither physical nor verbal abuse according to the social worker she had asked, but his condemnation of her and constant disappointment in her was enough to leave some scars. Luckily for her and Gustus, they met up later in their lives. Gustus had stayed out of trouble and she had gotten clean. He’s the closest thing to a brother now. She’s thankful to have him.

 

\-------

 

 _What the fuck?_ Honks wake Clarke up.

 

 _What time is it?_ She checks her phone but it won’t light up. _Fuck! I forgot to charge it overnight._

 

“Mom, grandma is here!” Aden calls.

 

 _Shit._ She’s supposed to be up and getting him ready so Abby takes him out while she prepares everything for his birthday. She should have been up hours ago to be cooking everything too.

 

She jumps out of bed and quickly puts her phone to charge. She runs out her bedroom door.

 

“Aden, let’s go, you gotta shower,” she says as she walks out, only to find him covered in towels.

 

“Aden, what are you doing? You have to shower to go with grandma,” she tells him.

 

Suddenly, he throws the towels down and reveals himself to be showered and fully clothed. “Surprise! I showered!” he exclaims.

 

“Oh, thank God,” Clarke sighs in extreme happiness and hugs him. “You’re such a good kid. Okay, let’s get you to grandma,” she says as she takes him outside.

 

“Hey, mom,” she greets with a kiss on the cheek. Her mom gives her a look. “Yeah, I know, I slept in, so I really gotta go. Thanks for taking Aden, the kitchen is already stressful enough to handle under pressure, or ever,” she states.

 

“Okay sweetie, we’ll be back around two,” Abby tells her and then takes Aden with her.

 

Clarke rushes back inside. She doesn’t have time to shower, but as someone who loves baking she knows it’s always better to shower after she bakes so the smell and the mess of it doesn’t stick to her. She changes into some jeans and a t-shirt, puts her hair into a messy bun, and flashes to the kitchen.

 

“Okay, now what?” she asks herself in distress as she stands in the middle of the kitchen.

 

\-----

_This must be it,_ Lexa thinks as she parks outside Clarke’s house.

 

She walks to the door and rings the bell.

 

\-----

 

 _Fuck! The guests can’t be here already!_ Clarke panics as she hustles around when she hears the bell ring, trying to figure out how to un-burn the food on the stove.

 

She unwisely leaves it there and attends the door.

 

_It’s probably just Raven or Octavia. No one else would show up now._

 

“When I asked you guys to come early, I didn’t expect you to show up at this hour considering you all love sleep so…” she opens the door just then, and she finds Lexa standing before her.

 

“Lexa,” she states in surprise. _Fuck, I’m not even showered and I look like shit._

 

“Hello, Clarke,” she says with a smile. _She looks so beautiful all casual and in a messy bun._

 

Lexa then notices Clarke’s look of bewilderment. “You look surprised to see me. I apologize, I didn’t mean to show up uninvited,” Lexa commences.

 

“No, it’s okay. Wait, uninvited?” Clarke states. _Shit! I forgot to invite her properly!!!_

Lexa goes on explaining, “But I forgot my phone in your car yesterday. Gustus gave me your address and said he’d text you to let you know I was coming. I can leave if…”

 

“No! No, don’t leave, it’s okay. He probably texted but my phone is upstairs charging. And fuck, I’m so sorry. It’s Aden’s birthday and I was supposed to invite you but you were in the bathroom when I did, and then I forgot to tell you afterwards…” Clarke rants, attempting to explain.

 

Lexa’s attention goes to the kitchen door while the blonde explains.

 

“Clarke. Is that smoke coming out of the kitchen?” the brunette asks.

 

“Fuck’s sake!” Clarke exclaims as she runs to the kitchen. Lexa follows.

 

The blonde finds a pan with the food turned charcoal black and burning. In alarm, she throws water at it. It lights up further and she stands back.

 

Lexa rushes to her side and covers the pan with its top.

 

“Grease fires need to be smothered,” Lexa specifies as she turns the stove off.

 

“Of course, duh!” Clarke says humorously but distraught. She leans against the island and covers her face. She begins jabbering, “This is a fucking disaster. My alarm didn’t go off, and I should’ve been down here earlier, but it’s not like it would have made a fucking difference cuz I would’ve only burnt everything earlier and…” 

 

Lexa holds her from the side of her face, “Clarke,” she calls for her concentration, “It’s okay. Calm down,” she states quietly.

 

“Fuck this shit, I wanted make something myself, but let’s just order pizza,” Clarke says, beaten.

 

“Please calm down. We can fix this,” Lexa adds, as serenely as before.

 

“How?” the blonde asks skeptically.

 

“How many guests do you have coming over?” Lexa asks.

 

“About twenty kids from Aden’s class and my friends, as in Raven, Octavia, her brother Bellamy, Linc, Monty, Jasper, my mom, Marcus, my babysitter Wells, and probably a bunch of others from the set. Maybe some parents too. At least thirty plus,” she lists, “And nothing is ready.”

 

“Okay, let’s see what’s in your fridge,” Lexa states as she turns to the refrigerator and opens it.

 

“I went to the supermarket and bought some things yesterday, but I don’t know what to do with half of it, and the other half I already burned,” Clarke states.

 

“Okay, you have lettuce, beets, mayonnaise, mustard, mushrooms, spinach, cheese. I can definitely work with this,” Lexa states as she thoroughly examines it.

 

“You can?” Clarke asks helplessly, and astonished by the woman.

 

“We could do a beets salad and a Caesar salad,” Lexa states as she begins to take her jacket off to get to work.

 

“I don’t have Caesar dressing,” Clarke tells her.

 

“Okay, then, I can make something pretty close to it with what you got,” Lexa replies.

 

“As for the kids, do you have pasta, hotdogs, burgers? Any of those?” she asks as she points to the freezer and Clarke nods to give her permission to open it.

 

“I have hotdogs and pasta, but no burgers. I don’t have any hotdog bread though,” Clarke states as she pulls the hotdogs from the freezer.

 

“That’s okay. We can make spaghetti hotdogs, the kids will love that.” She pulls out something else from the freezer.

 

“That’s ready-made pizza dough,” Clarke lets her know.

 

“Perfect. May I see the pantry?” Lexa asks.

 

“Of course, this way,” Clarke directs her to the pantry and points to all of it, “It’s all yours.”

 

Lexa inspects the storeroom. “We could do lasagna. Good for kids and adults. Got any chicken or meat for it?”

 

“I unfroze a chicken breast and a whole steak-type meat. But the chicken’s still got its bones and the meat isn’t good for lasagna,” Clarke makes an effort to elaborate. 

 

“What time is everyone coming over?” Lexa asks.

 

“The invite said two thirty; I’d expect them to come around three.”

 

“There’s not enough time to debone the chicken, but I can make a spinach and mushroom lasagna instead,” she says as she pulls out the pasta, lasagna, olives and some other food items from the pantry and heads to the kitchen sink to see the kind of meat Clarke defrosted. “I can make a steak au poivre with the beef strip loin and we can put the chicken in the oven,” she states as she begins to open the past and lasagna packs.

 

“A what?” Clarke asks, overwhelmed by everything that’s going on. _It’s kind of hot when she’s in control._

 

“Sorry, French pepper steak,” Lexa clarifies. She fills the kettle and turns it on.

 

“Thank God for you, Lexa,” Clarke states as she holds her hands in a prayer and looks up.

 

Lexa smiles and turns to Clarke, “Whenever you need me, I’m happy to help.” Clarke smiles at the comment. “Weren’t you going to make dessert?” Lexa inquires after a moment.

 

“Yeah, I got overwhelmed with everything but yeah! Shit! I’m supposed to make that too,” she cries out, “But if you’re gonna use the oven for the chicken and lasagna, I should probably bake the desserts first so they cool down and so everyone can have the hot meals fresh out of the oven,” Clarke articulates, getting into the right frame of mind at last.

 

“Great idea. Let’s get to it then,” Lexa affirms.

 

“Okay,” Clarke says with a heavy, but relaxed sigh. “Let’s do this motherfucker,” she declares and turns on the stereo she has by the dining table.

 

The music blasts and they get to work.

 

“Utensils and all their derivatives are here, pans and pots here, spices over there,” Clarke points out to Lexa as they work. “Do you mind the loud music? I put it on because it relaxes me,” she says.

 

“Not at all, it’s the best way to do anything,” Lexa assures her. Clarke smiles at the comment as she gets to preparing all the baked goods.

 

“Where is Aden by the way?” Lexa asks.

 

“Oh, my mom took him out so I can burn the food peacefully,” she jokes and Lexa laughs.

 

“What are you going to use the pizza dough for?” she asks the brunette.

 

“Depends. How much does the oven fit?” Lexa asks as she searches for spices to marinate the chicken.

“How much do you need?” Clarke inquires.

 

“I need to fit the lasagna, the chicken breast and this pizza I’m going to make,” she tells her.

 

“Pizza after all?”

 

“Homemade pizza. We’ll cut it up into small pieces so everyone can have some,” Lexa states with a smile.

 

“Lexa, this is a lot of food. You sure you can handle it? Because you don’t have to, pasta and lasagna is more than enough. We can order the pizza,” Clarke asks, out of concern for overworking Lexa.

 

“Absolutely not! We are not ordering anything. I’m great in the kitchen so don’t worry at all. I love these things. It’s been a while since I’ve had the pleasure to cook like this,” Lexa tells her.

 

“You mean under severe pressure?” Clarke jokes.

 

“Exactly. I love it,” Lexa states with a smile. Clarke laughs.

 

After about fifteen minutes, Lexa looks at Clarke. “Did you have breakfast?” she asks.

 

“Um, no, but who’s got time for that?” Clarke states as she batters the cake mix.

 

Lexa stops what she’s doing entirely. “Clarke, you have to eat.”

 

“It’s fine, I can handle it. As a mom, I can testify that eating is one of the last things I do,” Clarke jokes.

 

“I’m serious, Clarke,” Lexa washes her hands. “Do you like eggs?” she asks as she pulls out a pan, places it on an empty space in the stove, turns the stove on, and adds some olive oil.

 

“Lexa, there’s no time to eat,” Clarke states.

 

“Yes, there is,” Lexa assures her. The brunette grabs some eggs from the egg rack. “I’m cracking some eggs whether you eat them or not, so how do you like them?” she says as she stares Clarke down with a smile.

 

“Unless you prefer something healthier? Fruit salad?” Lexa asks.

 

“No, no, I love anything with fat so fry me some eggs,” Clarke pleas.

 

“Thank God. Me too,” Lexa responds.

 

“You do? Doesn’t look like it,” Clarke tells her as she accidentally eyes her from up to down, then looks away in slight shame.

 

“People think I stay in shape because I work out and eat healthy, which is true in part, but I don’t mind the greasy stuff a lot more often than they’d imagine, and that’s because I have a pretty quick metabolism, so no matter what I eat, gaining weight comes hard,” Lexa enlightens.

 

“I can’t help but love everything with fat. I guess I have pretty good metabolism too considering I’m really unhealthy for a famous person who should watch their weight. I mean I know I’m considered fat for Hollywood, but I think my body definitely handles all I give to it more than most people’s bodies do,” Clarke shares.

 

“You are not fat at all Clarke, your body is beautiful,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke bites her lip and a small blush forms on her cheeks. “Thank you,” she says.

 

“I’m saying that as a completely objective lesbian,” Lexa jokes and Clarke laughs out loud.

 

Lexa smiles and hides her smirk, “Just stating the truth.” After a second she asks again, “So, how do you like your eggs?”

 

“I can make them,” Clarke insists as she tries to steal Lexa’s place in front of her stove.

 

Lexa pulls away and simply asks again, “I’m making the eggs, so how do you like them?”

 

Clarke lets her shoulders fall in sign of surrender, “Sunny-side up,” she answers.

 

“Good. I’ll have them done in just a few minutes,” Lexa lets her know.

 

\------

 

Lexa pulls Clarke to the table and they sit down to eat.

 

“Gosh, these are delicious!” Clarke states as she devours the eggs. She realizes now that she was undeniably famished.

 

“Glad you like them,” Lexa tells her as she eats along.

 

“Finally made good on your promise to feed me,” Clarke states.

 

“Well, this wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but I guess it’ll do for now,” Lexa responds.

 

“For now?” Clarke asks.

 

“For now,” Lexa reiterates.

 

“Who knew I could fuck up eggs this bad. If this is what your eggs taste like, then I am really fucking up my eggs,” Clarke comments.

 

Lexa laughs, “Let’s hope everything else is as good.”

 

“You are wonder woman in the kitchen. Anything else you’re this fucking amazing at?” Clarke inquires.

 

 _Sex,_ Lexa thinks as she smirks. “Hopefully you’ll find out.”

 

“I look forward to it,” Clarke replies without a clue as to what Lexa means. “So where did you learn how to cook?” the blonde asks as they finish their eggs and move back to the kitchen.

 

“My foster father wasn’t much of a cook, so I learned on my own,” Lexa shares.

 

She sees Clarke’s face change when she mentions her foster father.

 

“I hadn’t told you that I was in foster care, had I?” Lexa asks.

 

“No, but it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want,” Clarke reassures her.

 

“Thank you. I’ll tell you about it sometime,” Lexa speaks.

 

“Okay, I’ll be here,” Clarke replies. “Oh I love this song,” Clarke says right after as the stereo plays the music.

 

Clarke starts dancing around while she prepares the food. Lexa thanks God she can multitask because she’s able to focus on Clarke and the food at the same time.

 

The song is of global fusion genre and so, it lacks lyrics. Lexa laments not being able to hear Clarke sing, but watching her dance is gratifying just the same.

 

Clarke turns, sways and feels the rhythm as she prepares the desserts. Lexa picks up on the beat and dances to it too, she moves her hips and works her hands rhythmically into the food.

 

\------

 

It’s almost two in the afternoon when they finish the food provisions and clean out the kitchen.

 

“You are fucking amazing,” Clarke speaks when they finally sit down.

 

The image of Clarke saying that in other circumstances make Lexa’s inner thighs burn.

 

“I can’t believe we did it. Well, you did it,” Clarke goes on.

 

“You did it too, give yourself some credit,” Lexa expresses.

 

The brunette subsequently stands from the chair, “The salads are ready and the steaks are keeping warm, so you need to check on everything that’s in the oven. The lasagna needs about thirty more minutes, the chicken too; the pizza needs about fifteen to twenty more minutes. Oh, and the pasta will be done in about ten, and the sauce for it is on low heat so you just turn it off when it’s ready to serve.  And voilà, you have an entire buffet.”

 

Clarke smiles, “Thank you so much Lexa, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you.”

 

“Order pizza probably. But since you’re the Pizza Queen, it wouldn’t have been that bad,” Lexa states as she grabs her jacket and puts it back on.

 

Clarke laughs, “Yeah, probably would’ve ordered pizza, but it wouldn’t have been as good as what you did.”

 

“Wait, are you leaving?” Clarke asks as she rises from her seat as well.

 

“Yes, I am.”

 

“Why? You have to stay. The birthday is in less than an hour,” Clarke urges. “You’re invited, you know. Even though I completely spaced on inviting you, but I swear you are.”

 

“I know. That’s not why I’m leaving. And technically, you did invite me, in the car when we had Toni’s pizza, remember?” Lexa states.

 

“Right! So why are you leaving?” Clarke asks with a sorrowful look.

 

“I’ll be back. Before the birthday finishes. I just need to take care of something,” Lexa informs.

 

“Okay. Sounds dodgy but okay. We’re hoping to cut the cake around five, so can I expect you back before that?” Clarke asks.

 

“Yes. I’ll do my best to be back before that. I’ll see you then,” Lexa tells her.

 

Clarke stands to escort her to the door.

 

“You don’t have to get up, rest before your guests arrive. I’ll show myself out,” Lexa contends. She needs to go get Aden a birthday present - she has an idea in mind for that related to her charity for the hospital, but she also needs another shower. The smell of food is all over her. 

 

Clarke remains in her seat moments after she hears the door shut.

_Lexa._

_Is there anything she’s not perfect at?_

 

 _I need to shower before the guests get here,_ she thinks after some time. She waits for the pasta and turns the fire off once it’s done and then goes to shower.

 

\------

 

Raven, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy all arrive earlier than the rest of the guests.

 

“Hey, does Aden still love Heda?” Bellamy asks.

 

“To death, why?” Clarke asks back.

 

“Cuz we all pretty much got him gifts related to those movies,” Lincoln jumps in.

 

She chuckles and takes their presents. “Good. He’ll love them.”

 

They all help her pour the food into nice containers.

 

“So, who actually cooked this?” Bellamy asks.

 

Everyone had eyed each other when they first saw all the food, but Clarke rushed them into helping her so no one brought it up until Bellamy, just now.

 

“You guys don’t believe I cooked this on my own?” Clarke responds in feigned outrage. She wants to tell the girls who really cooked it, but the boys are around too and this is more of a best friend thing.

 

“No,” they all answer concurrently.

 

Clarke laughs. “Just shut up and help me,” she deflects.

 

Her mom comes back with Aden soon after and is impressed by Clarke’s work. Finn arrives not long after them. The rest of the guests start arriving not much after that. Clarke greets them all and invites them in.

 

When she has a moment alone, Raven and Octavia privately haul her to her room.

 

“Okay, so we know it’s Aden’s birthday but we wanted to get you something too cuz you’ve been all miserable and alone,” Raven comments.

 

“Awe, thanks Raven,” Clarke responds sarcastically.

 

“This is from both of us,” Octavia tells her as she hands her a wrapped box.

 

“You did get Aden a gift too right?” Clarke asks as she unwraps her gift.

 

“Yeah, of course we did. Now open yours, it’s a reward for all your hard mom work,” Octavia answers.

 

Clarke gets rid of all the paper wrapping to reveal her gift. _Seriously?_ She begins laughing when she uncovers it.

 

“You guys are such fuckers,” she tells them.

 

“What kind of a thank you is that?” Raven shoves her.

 

“A strap-on dildo? Really?” Clarke returns.

 

“We were gonna get you a vibrator, but we got you one last year and that didn’t help, so we figured this will encourage you to find other partners,” Raven explains with a wicked smile.

 

Clarke breaks into more laughter. “Well you certainly topped yourself from last year.”

 

“We’re hoping you top someone or somebody tops you actually. Maybe you can use it on the Commander,” Raven suggests sinfully.

 

“Married, remember,” Octavia brings up.

 

“Ugh, right,” Raven sighs.

 

“Or not,” Clarke speaks.

 

“What do you mean?” Octavia asks.

 

“She told me she lives alone,” Clarke explains.

 

“That could mean anything,” Raven says.

 

“Permanently, as of some time,” Clarke adds.

 

“Oh,” Octavia and Raven exclaim as they exchange glances.

 

“Wait a minute, was she here today?” Octavia asks. “Did she cook all this food? Cuz we all know you didn’t.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes then bites her lip, “Yeah, she was and she did.”

 

“Oh my God! Did you have kitchen sex?! Cuz in that case I’m sorry we didn’t give you this sooner,” Raven exclaims.

 

“No Raven! She came in the morning to pick up her phone, which she forgot in my car yesterday when she came with me to Aden’s school to pick him up. And before you ask, no, nothing happened,” Clarke elaborates.

 

“And she somehow stayed and cooked everything?” Octavia inquires.

 

“I was practically burning the house down, is it so surprising she stayed to help me?” Clarke questions them.

 

“Okay, yeah, I believe the burning the house down thing,” Raven gives in. “Clever way to reel her in, playing the damsel in distress,” Raven adds with a wink.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “I wasn’t trying to. She just sort of noticed I needed help and she offered it,” she says honestly.

 

“Right,” Raven says, thinking there is more to it, then winks at her.

 

Clarke sighs and desists; _nothing will convince her I didn’t do it on purpose._

 

“Where is she now?” Octavia asks.

 

“She left,” Clarke tells them.

 

“You have the worst game I’ve ever heard of. I would’ve had sex with her by now Clarke.” Raven says. Clarke rolls her eyes and Raven ignores her, “I mean you have her alone in your house and she cooks for you and then you let her leave?”

 

“She said she’d come back before the birthday ends, so at least there’s that,” Clarke tells them.

 

“Maybe you can premiere your gift tonight then,” Raven says as she wiggles the box with the strap-on in Clarke’s face.

 

“So,” Octavia begins, intending to ask more about Lexa, but they are interrupted.

 

“Should we get to eating?” Bellamy calls from downstairs.

 

“Yeah, Bell, just a sec, we’ll be right down,” Clarke answers as she stands from the bed. “Alright, let’s go,” she says as she shoves the box in her drawer.

 

“We want to know more about the Commander and you,” Raven pleads.

 

“We literally just talked the entire time she’s was here. I’ll tell you later, I gotta feed the guests now,” Clarke tells them as she drags them both back down.

 

“Where’s our thanks?” Octavia teases.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Thank you for my gift girls, I loved it,” she says with the straightest face she can manage.

 

They respond with cocky looks and phony, dramatic pride.  

 

\-------

 

Lexa makes it back to her apartment building. As soon as she walks into her apartment, she sees her Heda outfit for the charity hung out for her by Anya. She and Gustus are the only ones with keycards.

 

After her shower, Oscar calls up and lets her know an ‘Echo’ and a ‘Tristan’ –the makeup and hair specialists Anya hired to recreate the Heda appearance– are waiting for her at the lobby.

 

“Yes, thank you. Please let them up,” Lexa tells him.

 

She dresses up in costume and gets her hair and makeup done by four thirty.

 

She drives a little faster than the speed limit to make it to Clarke’s house before they get to the cake.

 

\------

 

Aden pulls at Clarke’s arm, “Mom, when are we going to sing and cut the cake?” 

 

Clarke checks the time. It’s four fifty, but she wants to give Lexa a little more time to get back. “We’re cutting it at five, ten more minutes,” she tells him.

 

When the ten minutes run up, everyone starts asking about the cake and she has no choice but to take it out.

 

She grabs it and lights up the candles with Octavia’s help in the kitchen.

 

“Bellamy, can you get everyone to the balcony, we’re gonna sing happy birthday,” Octavia asks her brother.

 

“On it,” Bellamy responds.

 

The doorbell rings.

 

“Someone is really late,” Raven comments as she takes pictures of Clarke and Octavia lighting the candles.

 

“Raven, can you please get the door?” Clarke requests.

 

Raven hands her phone to Octavia, “Take a video of the whole thing, don’t forget to show Aden’s face,” she tells her before sprinting to the door.

 

“Hurry!” Octavia urges her.

 

Raven opens the door.

 

“Well, fuck me,” she states when she finds Lexa by the door in costume.

 

“Hello, Raven,” Lexa says with a smile. “Am I too late?” she asks.

 

“They’re singing happy birthday now, let’s go!” Raven prompts. 

 

Lexa grabs her arm to stop her, “Wait, can you tell Clarke to announce that she has a surprise for Aden,” she pleads.

 

“Clarke will do it herself,” Raven states.

 

“No, she won’t. She doesn’t know I dressed up,” Lexa explains.

 

“Okay, I’ll tell her, let’s go,” Raven says and they both race inside.

 

Everyone sings as Raven reaches them, “Happy birthday dear Aden!”  

 

She tries to signal Clarke but the blonde is too concentrated on Aden and the cake. Raven knows she will have to do the announcement herself.

 

“Happy birthday to you,” they all finish and Aden blows the candles while they clap and cheer.

 

Lexa hides and watches them from afar, waiting for her cue.

 

“Excuse me everyone,” Raven calls everyone’s attention. “Before we cut the cake, I’d like to say that all of us here know that Aden loves Heda, the Commander almost as much as we love him, but no one loves Aden more so than Clarke, who has a special gift for him,” she says.

 

Clarke eyes her with a subtle, puzzled look.

 

Lexa takes that as her introduction and walks out into the balcony in full character.

 

Aden’s mouth falls open, his face in pure, utter shock. Clarke’s face is an exact duplicate of his as she sees Lexa step outside. Raven jumps in glee when the plan works out and Octavia smiles merrily as she records it all.

 

Aden looks at his mom and Clarke grins from side to side, her entire face filled with joy at seeing Aden’s reaction.

 

All of the children are just as stunned and they all run towards the Commander, right after Aden.

 

Aden stops before he reaches Lexa and runs back to Clarke. He hugs her as hard as he can. “I love you mom, this is the best gift ever!” he speaks before flying right back to Lexa.

 

\------

 

The party stretches out longer than Clarke expected. Everything goes along better than she could have ever planned; the adults and children loved the food, 90% of Aden’s birthday gifts were Heda related, which he undeniably adored, and Lexa’s presence excited all the younglings. 

 

However, Clarke doesn’t get an instant with Lexa after her appearance in costume. Aden and the rest of his invitees surround her until they’ve had their fill.

 

After all the children leave, Lexa finally joins the adults. She spends time with all of them together, so Clarke doesn’t get the time to thank her then either.

 

She sees a moment where Lexa gets up to go to the bathroom. _Now is the time to thank her._

She makes her way towards Lexa, but someone forces her to turn when they grab hold of her arm.

 

“Clarke, is everything okay with you? Finn asks.

 

“Yeah, everything is fine. Why?” she tells him as she tries to keep an eye on Lexa who walks into the bathroom. _Now I’ll have to wait till she’s out._  

 

“Well, you’ve been acting a little strange lately. Is everything cool with us?” He asks further.

 

“Yes, Finn. We’re good. What are you even talking about?” Clarke asks with some exasperation.

 

“Well, I haven’t seen you or talked to you in days,” he says.

 

“We hung out for drinks with everyone just a few days ago,” she states the obvious.

 

“I mean, just us,” he simplifies.

 

 _There is no US,_ she yells on the inside.

 

“I just haven’t been up for that lately,” Clarke tells him. She then sees Lexa leave the bathroom. “We can talk about this later, but we’re cool so don’t worry,” she says half way through changing directions and moving towards Lexa.

 

“Yeah, okay, if you say so,” Finn tells her. But she doesn’t hear him as she makes her way to the brunette.

 

Before she reaches her, one of Aden’s friends grabs Lexa’s arm not two seconds after she steps out of the bathroom and he pulls her to wherever, and just like that, Clarke misses her chance again.

 

She turns to back to Finn, who she left standing by the hall, but he’s gone. She catches a glance of him in the kitchen where Lincoln hands him a beer. _He looks fine,_ she thinks. She figures the conversation didn’t upset him and he is certain that they are cool, just as she said.

 

\------

 

Lexa rises from the table, and bids everyone farewell prior to any of the adults leaving. Meanwhile, Clarke is on the other side of her house, engaged in conversation with her mother and Marcus.

 

Lexa leaves the balcony, steps inside, and is about to search for Clarke to wish her a goodnight and head for the charity event she’s attending, but she stops and beholds Clarke’s house for a short period of time.

 

It strikes her what a contrast Clarke’s home is to her own apartment. The walls are soft pastel colors, shades of blue mostly, but no greys like her own place; Clarke’s house is warm and welcoming, filled with color and life with drawings of Aden, lovely paintings, and photographs. Her own apartment is beautiful, but nothing like the kind of beauty Clarke’s house holds, nothing like the kind of bliss Clarke’s house provokes in her.

 

Lexa eyes the picture frames in the hall. One portrays Clarke with all of her friends where they are all cheerfully doing one big group hug, immersed in laughter and a sense of belonging. Another picture shows Clarke, Octavia, and Raven with Monty and Jasper at a gay pride parade. Clarke has a rainbow drawn on her cheek and Jasper is kissing her other cheek. A third picture is of Clarke with Aden the day she adopted him it from the looks of it, as she appears to be carrying the adoption form. She lifts it to get a better look.

 

She puts the frame down when the painting in the wall catches her eye, or better yet, the signature does. She contemplates it carefully. The painting is signed Clarke G.

 

 _She does indeed paint. It’s beautiful._ Lexa frowns when she sees the date on it. It’s from ten years ago. _She really hasn’t painted in a long time._

 

Clarke finishes her conversation with Marcus and her mom, and walks to the balcony in search for Lexa. “Has anyone seen Lexa?” she asks the table outside.

 

“She said goodbye like five minutes ago,” Lincoln says.

 

Clarke rushes back in hurriedly, but slows down when she finds the brunette looking at her painting on the wall.

 

“Leaving without saying goodbye?” she asks the brunette.

 

Lexa turns to her, “I would never leave without saying goodbye,” she answers.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay a while longer. I can kick everyone out,” Clarke suggests, aware that she just offered to shoo all her guests just to spend time alone with her.

 

 _Did that charity have to be today?_ “I’m afraid I have some business to attend to,” Lexa says, apologetically. She can see the slight disappointment in Clarke’s face and she hates that she’s the cause of it.

 

“Well, I’m committed to escort you out this time in the least,” Clarke lets her know.

 

Lexa smiles and they begin walking out, but just as she does, Clarke catches the sight of Aden asleep on a couch. Lexa turns and sees him as well.

 

“I should get him to his room,” Clarke says. She thinks that Lexa will prefer to say goodbye before she takes her son upstairs.

 

“I’ll take him,” Lexa says, taking Clarke by surprise. The blonde has no time to respond before Lexa immediately goes to carry Aden in her arms. “Lead the way,” she tells Clarke once she has him.

 

Clarke guides her upstairs to Aden’s room and Lexa lays him down gently on the bed after Clarke pulls the covers. The blonde tucks him in and they head back down.

 

“I wanted to thank you for today. Aden is my entire world, and I’d never seen him so happy,” Clarke tells her.

 

Lexa smiles. “I’m so glad. I didn’t have a gift, so it was the least I could do.”

 

Clarke laughs at that, “No, that was the most you could’ve done.”

 

“Actually, the business I must attend tonight requires me to wear my character, so it was no trouble coming like this,” Lexa explains.

 

“What kind of business requires that?” Clarke inquires jokingly thinking Lexa is not being serious. 

 

They make it to the door.

 

“Lexa, thank you again for today. You don’t know how much it meant to me. All of it. Your help with the food and then the surprise for Aden. Really,” Clarke tells her and then leans in to hug her hard.

 

Lexa is taken aback by the sudden gesture, but she happily receives the hug. _She smells so good._

 

“Oh, before I forget,” says Clarke after she parts from Lexa. She unlocks her car, looks for Lexa’s phone and gives it to her. “Here, wouldn’t want you forgetting it again.”

 

“Maybe I wanted to leave it. Would give me an excuse to visit you once more,” Lexa states as she takes her phone.

 

“You’re welcome to come anytime, you don’t need an excuse. At least if you have your phone you can text me whenever,” Clarke speaks.

 

Lexa smiles and walks out the door to her car. Clarke steps out behind her. Then, Lexa turns back to Clarke.

 

“Aden is probably a great kid, there’s no way he wouldn’t be with you as his mom, but surely you must know, all of this, was for you,” Lexa tells her in complete honesty.

 

Clarke smiles. She’s about to tell her she does know, but Octavia appears within view and calls her from inside. “Clarke come on, we’re opening some overdue champagne to cheer you and celebrate the success of the party,” she says in with a British accent in a way Raven would call “fancy”.  

 

“I’ll be right there,” Clarke tells her and then turns back to Lexa. She wants to do more than say goodnight, but Octavia stays within view and hearing range and anything Clarke could say will raise suspicion, so she settles for a line from Lexa’s movies. “Reshop Heda,” she tells her.

 

Lexa smiles, “Goodnight ambassador.” She leaves Clarke’s and heads to the children’s hospital.

 


	11. Kiss and "Cut!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aden visits the set, Lexa and Clarke film a scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading two chapters at once because the next one is just some Clexa moments.

Clarke wakes up the next day.

 

She regrets not convincing Lexa to stay the night before, but the brunette looked committed to leaving due to whatever business she had.

 

Clarke turns to her night table and grabs her phone. She rereads the lyrics she wrote down a couple nights ago. She’s up for writing more. It’s Sunday, so it’s a perfect day to go work on some music in a recording studio. She writes up her record producer Niylah to let her know she’s hitting the studio today.

 

While she’s getting ready, Raven texts her.

 

            Raven: Since you’re kind of the host of the party next week, you’re not getting an invitation, but since I know you are the most forgetful person on the planet, I’m texting you to remind you that your yearly charity fundraiser is on next week. And as we discussed last year, it’s ONESIE THEMEDDDD!

 

 _Oh, the fundraiser!_ She completely forgot, but Raven knows that.

 

Ever since she adopted Aden, Clarke has done yearly themed fundraisers for children related causes. This year it’s for foster children. Luckily, since a last year, Raven and Octavia have been handling the whole thing because being on tour, and now the movie, have kept Clarke too busy to plan and organize the fundraiser herself.

 

            Clarke: I totally remembered.

            Raven: Nice try. You can’t even lie via text.

            Clarke: Okay, I forgot. But you know that, and that’s why you’re my best friend.

 

Clarke sends kisses and hearts.

 

            Raven: You forgot to say I’m amazing and a lifesaver and pretty much the only thing that keeps your life together.

            Clarke: That’s what I meant.

 

Raven responds with arrogant emojis and kisses.

 

            Raven: You have to wear the onesie we got you. You promised you would.

            Clarke: I know I did. Damn your good memory.

            Raven: Hahaha. You better wear it!

            Clarke: I will, don’t worry.

            Raven: Great! Can’t wait to make fun of you.

 

Clarke sends eye rolls.

           

            Raven: Love youuu!

            Clarke: Love you too babe.

 

She gets up and showers, then makes her way to the studio. Her musical brain is energized, and she manages to think up a couple more verses on the way there, even if unfinished verses.

 

\------

 

_Monday._

 

 _I kiss her today,_ Clarke thinks the moment she opens her eyes.

 

 _I kiss her today,_ is all she thinks as she prepares Aden for school.

 

“It’s a half day today! Can I come see you on set?” Aden asks.

 

“Sure, but only for a little while. And maybe just to look around cuz mommy is filming a scene you can’t see today,” Clarke tells him.

 

“What kind of scene?” Aden asks.

 

“Just, grown up stuff,” Clarke evades, “Grandma is going to take you to the set and then to a movie. I’ll catch up with you guys in the mall.”

 

“What movie?” Aden asks.

 

“Whichever you want, so long as it’s age appropriate,” Clarke states.

 

She gets him ready and gets ready herself.

 

 _I kiss her today,_ is the only thing she can think of the entire way to work.

 

On the way to the set, she gets a message from Raven in the group chat they have with Octavia.

 

            Raven: Your sexy Commander was on TV.

 

Raven sends her a video recording right after.

 

Clarke watches it at a light stop.

 

The report is of Lexa visiting a children’s hospital dressed as her character.

 

_She wasn’t kidding about the business that needed her to wear that the night of Aden’s party._

            Octavia: I gotta admit, she looks really badass in that costume. And yet kind of sweet while hugging that little girl with cancer.

Raven: Agreed. Killer combo.

_Damn, she really does look fucking hot in that costume, and sweet at the same time with that little girl._ She didn’t admire it enough during Aden’s birthday.

 

            Octavia: Don’t forget you gotta wear your onesie this week Clarke.

            Raven: Yep, already told her.

            Clarke: What is this, some kind of plan to embarrass me?

            Raven: Yes

            Octavia: Yes

 

Clarke sends eye rolls.

 

            Clarke: You two are also wearing onesies you know!

            Raven: Yeah, but Octavia and Linc are wearing matching ones and everyone will think that’s adorable, and I’m making mine hot. Whereas you’ll look totally dorky as always.

           

Octavia and Raven send hearts and Clarke sends them right back.

 

During this, the report goes on to describe many of Lexa’s philanthropic activities and then they move on to Clarke as her costar and discuss her own charitable acts, including the one coming up, but Clarke’s mind comes and goes with thoughts of the brunette two nights before, and she offers the video little focus.

 

_Surely you must know, all of this, was for you._

That was what Lexa told her. It was the fucking sweetest thing. She wanted to kiss her right then.

 

_Either way, I get to kiss her today._

\------

 

 _She’s going to kiss me today,_ is the only thought Lexa has had since Saturday night when she went home and read the script over.

 

_The kiss scene is today for sure._

 

She doesn’t exactly know how it’s going to play out, but most likely it will be entirely up to Clarke and Marcus; up to Clarke because she’s the strong character imposing her presence, so Lexa will have to respond according to how Clarke acts it out. And it’s up to Marcus as the producer if he asks for something else or a thing here and there of course.

 

\-----

 

They’ve been filming for some hours. Marcus calls a short break when Abby arrives with Aden.

 

“Mom,” Aden cries out as he sees his mother.

 

Marcus goes to greet Abby while Aden scurries to Clarke. She opens her arms and carries him into a hug when he reaches her.

 

“Hey sweetie, how was school today?” She asks.

 

“It was good. Everyone played with my fidget spinner,” he comments with a little arrogance.

 

“I'm glad they liked it,” she responds with a smile.

 

Marcus walks up to them along with Abby, “Hey kiddo,” he says as he muffles Aden’s hair. “You good?” he asks.

 

Aden nods.

 

“Do you want a tour of the set kiddo?” Marcus invites.

 

“Yeah!” Aden exclaims in excitement. Clarke lets him back down on the floor.

 

“Your cool Auntie Raven will give you the best tour ever,” says Raven as soon as she is within view. She hugs Abby and turns to the boy.

 

“Or you can come with uncle Linc and me,” Octavia bursts in to annoy Raven.  Octavia bends to Aden’s level and half whispers, “We know all the secret places”. She and Raven have a short stare battle. “Who do you want to show you around?” Octavia asks.

 

Aden turns to Clarke.

 

“Your choice sweetie,” she tells him.

 

He looks at Raven and Octavia, then takes Octavia's hand and they walk away with Lincoln. Octavia takes her tongue out at Raven and Aden laughs. After a few seconds, Lincoln picks him up and puts him on his shoulders, “Come up here”.

 

“Whatever!” Raven yells at Octavia and Lincoln, and Aden keeps laughing.

 

Raven stays next to Clarke, chatting with her mom and Kane.

 

Octavia and Lincoln show Aden around, introducing him to everyone while they stay within Clarke's view for the most part.

 

They let Clarke know they're going out and around the set after a bit, and Clarke gives an approving nod.

 

They head to the costume department first.

 

“This is the costume department. Uncle John works here,” Octavia explains as she opens the door to the room.

 

Murphy jumps from behind the door and scares Aden. Who laughs after the scare causes him to jump in slight fright.

 

“I pretty much make everyone's clothes fit them perfectly. They have to be right for the character. And I make everything from scratch,” Murphy explicates.

 

Aden loses interest in the lengthy explanation and the logistics rather quickly so Murphy shows him pictures of more exciting costumes he has done.

 

“You did the Heda costume!” Aden shouts out when he sees Lexa in one of the photos.

 

“Yeah! That was me. The whole crew worked on that movie set too. It was a team effort and we all got an award for it. That's how good we were,” Murphy enlightens.

 

“That's so cool!” Aden comments as he zooms into the pictures.

 

“Yep. It was pretty cool,” Murphy recalls.

 

“Alright, that's enough of Murphy. Come see another department,” Octavia states as she spreads her hand out for Aden to take.

 

“Okay. Bye Uncle John,” he waves as he takes Octavia’s hand and follows her along with Lincoln to the next place.

 

“Bye Aden,” he waves back.

 

“This is Uncle Lincoln's department,” Octavia signals as they make it to the lights room. 

 

“I play with the lights. So I can make people look really bright,” Lincoln states as he turns them on bright. “Or really dark,” he continues as then he turns them off entirely, leaving everyone in the dark for a few seconds. Aden laughs and mimics Lincoln’s actions.  

 

Lincoln plays with him by turning them off and on repeatedly as he starts making techno sounds and Aden smiles, jumping around and dancing.

 

“That's pretty much it for me. Kinda boring,” Lincoln states after some fun. “Your aunt Octavia handles sound,” he lets Aden know.

 

“Yes I do.”

 

Octavia goes about explaining what different buttons and mechanisms do, meanwhile, Lincoln puts a finger on his own mouth to signal Aden to be quiet as he turns the sound all the way up while Octavia is not looking. Aden plays along and tries to make a straight face. Octavia notices the prank but plays along.

 

She lets some sound play and it blasts loudly. She immediately fixes it and eyes them both while playing serious.

 

“Very funny,” she says and lightheartedly punches Lincoln in the chest.

 

“Ouch!” he exclaims while pretending to be hurt. Aden tries to hide his laugh.

 

“This is Raven's department,” Octavia explains when they move on to it, “She calls it her kingdom and pretends she's the queen. But it's just the make-up and hair department,” she shares.

 

“Just the make up and hair department!” Raven cries out when she hears them. She had gone to it after some short conversation with Marcus, Abby and Clarke. “Just the make-up and hair department!” she exclaims once more, emphasizing every word this second time around.

 

“With everything here I can make even the ugliest person look good, I have turned people into zombies, werewolves, aliens, you name it,” Raven boasts to Aden, “I’ve also turned people that looked like that back to normal,” she jokes, earning a giggle from him.

 

Raven hands Aden her portfolio and he sits and looks at all her make-up and hair transformations. He sits there for about twenty minutes while Raven explains each picture and makes a joke or two about them. They spend the longest time in her department.

 

Raven sticks her tongue out to Octavia when Aden marvels over her work.

 

“That’s enough of Raven,” Octavia says as she kindly pulls Aden away and good-humoredly eyes Raven.

 

“Bye auntie Raven,” Aden says as he parts.

 

“Bye cutie, remember who you had the most fun at!” she responds.  

 

“This is the editing department with uncle Monty,” Octavia points out.

 

Aden and Monty salute each other in a secret handshake.

 

Monty is about to explain how he works, but Jasper calls him in the moment.

 

“That's uncle Jasper, I'm gonna get it. Will you be alright dude?” he asks Aden.

 

“Yep,” he answers.

 

“Okay, Octavia and Linc are right there. If you need anything, just yell like crazy,” Monty states humorously.  

 

He picks up the call while Aden walks around the editing room. Aden looks around for entertainment. He sees Octavia and Lincoln engaged in flirtation, then leaves the area.

 

He makes his way out to where everyone's trailers are. They had originally crossed that area to go to other departments.

 

He sees Lexa's trailer and stops. Her name is written on the door. It must be hers, he thinks.

 

\-----

 

Lexa steps out of her trailer after a short attempted nap. Clarke had to do a short scene of her own so she took a break before the kiss scene. She made an effort to sleep but she couldn't knowing the scene that was coming up. She took longer in her trailer than she expected but no one came to call her so it probably wasn't time for the scene yet, she figured.

 

As soon as she takes a few steps out of her trailer, she sees Aden standing not far from view, staring at her.

 

She doubts he’ll think she’s cool when she's out of costume, but soon enough, he runs towards her and jumps on her to give her a hug.

 

“Commander!” He screams out in utter eagerness.

 

She catches him promptly and smiles at his affection and enthusiasm.

 

“Hello Aden. How is my little night-blood?” She asks, referencing the role that children took in her movie. She knows he understands her perfectly.

 

“Great! I got a tour of the set!” he lets her know after he sniggers at the title.

 

“That’s great. What was your favorite department?” she inquires as she puts him down.

 

“Raven’s. She’s really cool,” he tells her.

 

Lexa smiles, “Yeah, Raven has a cool job,” she agrees. “Where's your mom?” she queries.

 

“Inside. Talking to grandma. Auntie Octavia and uncle Linc showed me everything,” he illuminates.

 

“Ah, okay,” she says with a nod, “Hey, your mom tells me you're taking Karate lessons,” she chats.

 

“Yeah. My coach just taught me how to make my stomach really strong. He even steps on it and I can take it,” he expresses ardently.

 

“Oh yeah? Wow! That's pretty cool. You must be really strong,” she heartens.

 

“I am. Coach says I'm one of the strongest,” he goes on.

 

“You know, I know a bit of fighting too,” she shares almost secretly though there is no one around.

 

“Really?” he asks, even more enthused than before.

 

“Yeah, I learned on the set for my movies as Heda. Want me to teach you some moves?” she proposes.

 

“Yeah! Please!” he says as he jumps and pleads impatiently.

 

“Let me get some cool fight props first,” she says. _If I’m actually going to teach him something, he must be well protected._

 

She takes him along for a short walk to different areas in search for safety fighting gear. She sneaks into some trailers and departments with him and they presently return to the trailer area. She helps Aden put on a safety helmet and some other foam items to shield his body.

 

“Okay, stand like this,” she begins instructing him.

 

\--------

 

“We should let you guys get back to shooting,” Abby brings up after enjoying a talk with Clarke and Marcus.

 

“No, it’s okay, I’m the producer remember?” Marcus states to convince her to stay a while longer.

 

“I know you are, but there’s a lot of people here and we're just taking up everyone’s time,” Abby insists. “So we’re gonna go, but for that nice gesture, maybe I’ll take you up on dinner tonight,” she flirts with Marcus.

 

“I haven’t even asked you for dinner,” he states in some confusion but suggestively smiling back.

 

“Well you should get right to it then,” Abby responds.

 

“You guys are so cute,” Clarke jumps in. They turn to her as if they’ve forgotten she was standing there.

 

“Where’s Aden?” Abby asks.

 

“Octavia and Linc went to show him around,” Clarke informs her. She looks around and doesn’t see them anywhere. “I’ll go look for them,” she adds.

 

She makes it to the costume department since it is nearest.

 

“Hey John, have you seen Octavia?” she asks.

 

“She was showing Aden around but she left me a while ago,” he tells her.

 

“Okay, thanks.”  

 

She makes her way to some other departments and peers at them but does not find who she’s looking for. She leaves the set area and passes by everyone's trailers as she takes her phone out to text Octavia.

 

            Clarke: Where are you? Is Aden still with you?

            Octavia: Um, sorta lost him.

            Clarke: …

            Octavia: The set is enclosed and safe so don’t worry. Worst-case scenario, he’s lost in a fake set.

 

Clarke looks up as soon as she reads the text only to find Lexa sparring with Aden.

 

Her son does a slight jump that scares her and she nearly rushes to his side when he falls but he stands right up, unharmed thanks to all the safety equipment he's wearing it seems.

 

 _Where did he get those from?_ She wonders about the body protective gear.

 

She begins walking their way, watching while Lexa checks on him where he fell, making sure he's okay.

 

Clarke loves how great she is with Aden. She's got the patience for him as well as the care and consideration that children require. _She'd make a great mom._

 

She texts Octavia back.

           

            Clarke: Found him.

            Octavia: See, told you he’d be fine.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

“You place your left arm like this, and your right one up here to block,” Lexa instructs as she helps Aden out.

 

“What’s this?” Clarke asks as she walks up to them.

 

“Clarke, hello,” Lexa greets.

 

“Lexa was showing me how to fight like the Commander,” Aden explains, out of breath.

 

Clarke chuckles, “Oh, yeah? That’s nice of her,” she says as she looks up at Lexa. “You gotta say bye now though, mommy and Lexa have to get back to work,” she tells him.

 

“No,” he says in denial.

 

“I’m sorry sweetie, but grandma’s taking you to the movies remember?” she says as she gets down to his level.

 

“But why can’t I stay a while longer?” he asks.

 

“Because,” Clarke begins. She glances up at Lexa, then back at Aden, “We have to film grown-up stuff remember?” she recaps in a lower voice.

 

She peers at Lexa from the corner of her eye. Clarke hopes Lexa won’t notice she has turned a little red at the thought of the upcoming scene.

 

“Now, say bye to Lexa and all your uncles and aunties,” Clarke states as she stands back up.

 

“Okay,” he responds, a little saddened.

 

Lexa and Clarke walk back inside with him.

 

“Uncles and aunties?” Lexa asks.

 

“Um, yeah, my friends are like my brothers and sisters so he got used to calling them that,” Clarke elaborates.

 

They reach Abby and Marcus, “Okay, let’s go Aden,” Abby calls him.

 

“Can I just stay a while longer please? It’s only the second time I see Lexa,” Aden implores.

 

“Actually, it’s the third,” Clarke states. “Lexa carried you the other day in school when you fell asleep after karate,” she tells him.

 

He instantly turns red and hides behind Abby. “No,” he negates.

 

“I did actually,” Lexa backs up.

 

He hides further in Abby, “I think this is our cue to leave,” Abby states.

 

Clarke thanks her mom for taking care of Aden and everyone says his or her farewells.

 

\-------

 

 _Almost,_ Lexa thinks.

 

In this scene, Alex runs into Chloe and her boyfriend in the hall of their apartments. Chloe and her boyfriend fool around the hall until they enter Chloe’s place; the entire time, Alex has her eyes uncomfortably focused on the couple while pretending not to look. As soon as Chloe is inside her apartment, Alex convinces herself that an insignificant item on the floor in the hall belongs to Chloe, who has accidentally dropped it, and which she must return to Chloe lest she need it.

 

Alex stands outside Chloe’s apartment holding the item, and disturbingly listens to Chloe and her boyfriend have sex. She then gives herself permission to enter Chloe’s apartment to give her back this “vital” item. Alex opens the door and finds Chloe and her boyfriend having sex in the living room, not baring her any attention. She stares at them for a moment as the camera focuses on her distraught face, then she closes the door once more.

 

Alex walks backwards, and peculiarly stands in the hall waiting around for Chloe to come out; convinced she will return for her hypothetical item. She walks all the way back and leans against her own door, which is directly opposite to Chloe’s, and she hears the entire sexual relation between Chloe and her boyfriend.

 

Up until this point, the entire scene is reality; Alex’s imagination initiates the next moment when Chloe steps out of the apartment and approaches Alex.

 

“Action!” Marcus calls.

 

They film the scene as Clarke stumbles around in the hall as Chloe with her boyfriend. Chloe and the boyfriend inappropriately touch each other the entire way to Chloe’s apartment until they reach it and shut the door behind them.

 

Prior to the scene, Clarke and the male actor had awkwardly recorded the sexual noises into a microphone, and those are the ones currently played for Lexa in order to act Alex’s emotions out.

 

Nothing is seen after Chloe enters her apartment with the boyfriend except for when Alex opens the door. The scene involves Alex agonizing through the sexual noises she hears.

 

Meanwhile, the crew helps Clarke and the male actor prepare for the few seconds of the sex scene that Alex will witness when she opens the door. Clarke goes topless but has large nipple covers, she also keeps her panties which are red and fiery to match Chloe’s personality. The actor playing Chloe’s boyfriend removes his shirt and has his pants unzipped and slightly lowered along with his boxers so that his behind shows. The actor is to block Clarke’s front so only her sides show, simulating toplessness.

 

The scene involves Chloe’s boyfriend pushing against her while her back is pressed against the television. The boyfriend gives his back to the apartment door.

 

Marcus signals to Lexa and as Alex, she quickly reaches the door and opens Chloe’s apartment once Clarke and the actor are in place.

 

Lexa stares at the scene as Clarke and the actor play it out.

 

As Lexa, the scene is genuinely uncomfortable to watch, so she doesn’t have to act out the disgust Alex feels since the male actor bears a resemblance to Finn from behind.

 

After some time, Lexa shuts the door and walks back as Alex would. She acts out the anguish she feels as she hears the rest of the sexual interaction.

 

“Cut!” Marcus yells out.

 

_Here we go._

 

Clarke and the actor get dressed and Raven and Murphy give them some finishing touches on the wardrobe and make-up.

 

Clarke’s heart is beating a lot faster than average, and it’s not because she was just pretending to have sex with an attractive male actor, but because she’s about to kiss Lexa.

 

_Those lips._

“Do you have any gum, Raven?” she asks. _Maybe it’ll calm my nerves._

 

“Yeah, sure, here. It’s strawberry flavored,” Raven hands her a piece.

 

“Okay, thanks.”

 

The more she thinks about it, the worse it gets. She’s probably going to mess it up, but good thing she had time to talk to Marcus about it while Octavia gave Aden a tour. Marcus said he doesn’t have any plans for the scene, so he is giving Clarke leeway, told her she is welcome to give it a few tries until she is happy with the result.

 

Meanwhile, Lexa tries to calm herself down; she can feel the butterflies in her stomach. Kissing Clarke is both bliss and torture. It’s more torture in this case since she can’t kiss her back the way she wants to since she’s in character, so she’s hoping the scene is quick and done on the first try.

 

Raven and Murphy make their way to Lexa.

 

“Ready?” Marcus asks.

 

“Just a sec!” Raven calls back. She checks Lexa to make sure her hair and make-up are good and then she rushes away along with Murphy after his checkups.

 

“And, action!” Marcus calls out again.

 

Chloe walks up to Alex, her eyes devouring her whole.

 

            “I know you were looking at me in the hall,” Chloe tells her as she moves closer and closer.

 

            “What? I, no, I wasn’t,” Alex tries to respond but finds it hard to hold herself together.

 

            “It’s okay, I like it when you stare,” Chloe tells her as she leans into her ear, “I think it’s hot,” she whispers.

 

            Alex struggles to breathe, and nails herself to the door, her hands pressed firmly against it.

 

            “Do you want to kiss me?” Chloe asks in a low husky voice as she gazes directly into Alex’s eyes.

 

 _Yes,_ Lexa thinks.

 

            “I…” Alex mumbles.

 

            “No?” Chloe sensually defies.

 

            Chloe then grabs Alex from her neck and traces her fingers outward by her jawline, and then she leans in and kisses her.

 

 _Oh my fuck, those lips are soft, even softer than I imagined,_ Clarke thinks as she asserts her control as Chloe and deepens the kiss.

           

 _She tastes like strawberries,_ Lexa thinks. It takes every inch of self control from her not to kiss her back with everything she’s got, but she knows she can’t, that’s not Alex. And also, she needs to remember there are cameras watching the whole thing. That helps make it off-putting.

_Tongue,_ Lexa thinks as she feels Clarke push her tongue inside. _And, something else…?_

 

 _Fuck, gum,_ Clarke thinks as she pulls away, and breaks character.

 

“Shit, sorry everyone, I forgot I had gum,” Clarke states.

 

Everyone laughs and Marcus calls cut. A crewmember approaches Clarke with a napkin and she spits her gum out in it.

 

 _So much for getting it right the first time, and so much for temporary feelings,_ Lexa thinks. _Who was I kidding?_

 

“I liked the whispering in her ear part, get a good zoom on that this time,” Marcus lets Clarke and the camera crew know.

 

“Action!”

 

            Chloe leans into Alex.

 

            “I know you were looking at me in the hall,” Chloe tells her as she eyes her from top to bottom.

 

            “What? No, I… wasn’t,” Alex feigns.

 

            Chloe roughly pushes her fully against the door in the hall.

 

 _That’s new,_ Lexa thinks.

 

            “Yes you were,” Chloe says strongly, then softens her tone, “but it’s okay. I like it when you stare.” She leans into her ear, “I think it’s hot,” she whispers and then bites Alex’s earlobe.

 

 _Fuck. Clarke is getting creative and it’s hot as fuck,_ both because it’s a great improvisation as her character and because it’s honestly hot. Lexa doesn’t know how much she can handle. She’s dying to switch spots.

 

            “Do you want to kiss me?” Chloe asks with an overconfident smile.

 

            Alex trembles in her place, Chloe pulls back slightly and licks her own lips, then leans back in and licks Alex’s lips.

 

 _Fuck,_ Lexa curses in her head. _Is this what Clarke would be like in control? The things I’d do if I were in control…_

 

            Alex takes a sharp intake of breath when Chloe licks her lips.

 

            Chloe leans as if to kiss Alex. Alex leans forward and Chloe pulls back slightly, smiles as she sees the effect she has on the brunette and then leans in completely and kisses her.

 

 _My God her lips are soft, how can they be this fucking soft?_ Clarke thinks as she touches the brunettes lips.

 

 _If her mouth tastes this good, I wonder what her_ – Lexa’s thoughts are interrupted.

 

A loud thump cuts their scene. They both pull away and break character.

 

“Cut!”

 

“What was that?” Clarke asks.

 

Someone from the crew yells from the back, “Sorry, accident!”

 

“We’re trying to make-out over here!” Clarke humorously yells back. Everyone laughs.

 

Lexa lets out a small laugh, hoping to relax a little. It’s the second try and Clarke is only getting bolder.

 

“Hot, Clarke! Try even sexier if you can!” Marcus boosts, “And, action!” he calls out again.

 

 _Sexier?!_ Lexa wonders.

 

 _Sexier?_ Clarke contemplates. _I can do that._

 

Clarke does a mix of the first try with the second, she whispers, but does not bite Lexa’s earlobe, but she does push her crudely against the wall. She keeps her hands on Lexa’s waist after the push.

 

 _Thank God she did not bite my earlobe again,_ Lexa is grateful, _that does things to me._

 

            Chloe licks Alex’s lips, but just as Alex leans in for a kiss, Chloe denies it by pulling away.

 

 _Clarke is really nailing this sexy and dominant thing,_ Lexa reflects. _If only she knew how good I was at it in real life…_

            Chloe slowly moves her hands down Alex’s waist, to her thighs and then in between them, tormenting Alex with her fingers.

 

            “Do you want to kiss me?” Chloe asks in a low voice.

_Cuz I sure as fuck want to kiss you. Just not with all these fucking cameras in my face,_ Clarke thinks.

 

            Chloe crudely cups Alex.

 

 _Fuck,_ Lexa thinks.

 

            Alex takes another sharp breath in and closes her eyes at the feel, opening them wide quickly after to avoid getting carried away with the touch she aches for. But it doesn’t fool Chloe.

           

            “I’ll take that as a yes,” Chloe says.

 

Lexa is thankful she’s wearing pants, otherwise Clarke would feel how wet all this is making her.

 

 _I am fucking wet and sweaty. Get it together Clarke! I hope she can’t tell,_ Clarke thinks.

 

            Chloe’s hands start moving back up unhurriedly, her fingers crawl up to Alex’s breasts and she squeezes them.

 

            Alex glances at Chloe’s breasts then at Chloe’s lips, before forcing her stare back to Chloe’s eyes.

 

Lexa would give anything to be holding Clarke’s breasts the way Clarke is holding hers right now. She’d do more with them than that even.

 

 _Was that Lexa or Alex?_ Clarke wonders about the glances. It’s not out of character for Alex, but for some reason it felt like Lexa for a slight second. The look on her eyes changed from Alex, the girl who shuts her desire out, to someone who has no interest in prohibiting their emotions. _That feels more like Lexa._   

            Chloe leans in and kisses Alex hard, pushing even harder against the wall.

 

            Chloe touches every part of Alex throughout the kiss, moving her hands up to her neck and softly touching it, then scratching her way back down to cupping and squeezing at her breasts some more, and then moving back down to grip her ass once before pulling away from the kiss, biting at Alex’s lip hard as she does, making it bleed.

 

 _Fuck, fuck, fuck, I made her bleed. Shit. I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,_ Clarke thinks as she plays the scene out without breaking character. She can’t break it now even if she wanted, this is certainly the best try. Lexa must recognize that too, otherwise she would have broken character as well.   

 

 _Fucking shit, that’s hot. Slightly painful but I don’t mind at all,_ Lexa thinks. She caught less than a glimpse of Clarke during the lip bite. She saw the concern and guilt as Clarke pulled away. She evidently didn’t intend to bite that hard, but there is no way Lexa is letting that scene go to waste, it was pure gold.

 

            Alex gasps when Chloe splits her lip. Chloe smiles at her own doing.

 

            “That’ll give you something to remember me by,” the blonde tells Alex.

 

            _That’s it. That’s the last line of the scene. Chloe walks away now,_ Lexa reasons. It unwinds her to think she’s done with the excruciating scene.

           

            And just when Alex thinks Chloe is finished tormenting her, the blonde rapidly leans back in, to her neck this time, and licks it all the way up to her earlobe, and then bites it.  

 

 _Fuck’s sake, she had to lick and bite. What I wouldn’t give to do that to her._ These thoughts run through Lexa’s head, among others.

 

            Chloe then pulls away and walks back into her apartment as if nothing happened. Alex remains against the wall, stunned and turned on, wanting more, yet feeling used by the master seductress.

 

“Cut!” Marcus calls it. “That was absolutely fantastic! I loved every part,” he proclaims as he jumps out of his director chair.

 

 _Well, at least we won’t have to film it again._ Lexa smiles.

 

 _I did it, he liked it. That’s that. No more torture,_ Clarke thinks. She quickly turns to Lexa as she remembers the lip bite.

 

“I’m so fucking sorry Lexa, I swear I didn’t mean to split your–” she begins, but Lexa doesn’t let her finish.

 

“Don’t apologize, that was hot,” Lexa states as a crew aid hands her a napkin to clean it. She smiles, knowing she can say that with double meaning.

 

Clarke smiles and blushes, but she doesn’t hide her blush because as far as anyone knows, Lexa is complimenting her acting.

 

“Okay, I didn’t know how you were going to play that out but now that I do, we’ll just repeat that a couple more times so I can get it from every angle I want and in the right way,” Marcus tells them as he walks back to his chair.

 

Both Lexa and Clarke turn to him rapidly, their faces showing how little they want to repeat it because neither one of them can enjoy it right.

 

Marcus doesn’t make much out of it. He knows sexual scenes are the most uncomfortable for actors and actresses to shoot, but sometimes they just have to do the scenes over.

 

Lexa and Clarke buckle up; it’s their job to do it as many times as the director needs it.

 

\-----

 

“That was so fucking hot, Clarke!” Raven and Octavia chant together when they follow Clarke into her changing room.

 

“Well I hope it looked like that cuz in reality I was sweaty and nervous as fuck,” Clarke tells them as she rubs the wet towel Raven just handed her all over her neck.

 

“It looked hot, it most definitely looked hot!” Raven spells out.

 

“Like damn, Clarke. You really got into that role!” Octavia teases and Raven laughs.

 

“Stop it, you guys. That was fucking nerve-racking,” Clarke says as she shoves them both.

 

“I took a video of it,” Raven says as she pulls her phone out.

 

Clarke instantly goes pink and turns to the Latina in incredulity, “You didn’t!” she exclaims.

 

Raven breaks into laughter, “No, but you should’ve seen your face.”

 

“Even I was turned on,” Octavia states, “Especially with the touching,” she adds.

 

“And the lip bite,” Raven adds.

 

“And the–” Octavia tries to keep listing,

 

But Clarke intrudes, “Okay, I get it, it was hot. I was acting and that’s how it was meant to look,” she tries to deflect.

 

“Yeah, right!” Raven states in skepticism. “We all know you enjoyed that.”

 

“Yeah, what do you think we’re teasing about?” Octavia finishes.

 

Clarke stares at them both. “It’s not as hot as it sounds or as it looked. You were all watching along with at least fifty other people. There was nothing hot about it,” Clarke says.

 

“Well, yeah. But at least we enjoyed it,” Raven comments.

 

“And she was in character. She was very restrained,” Clarke goes on, ignoring the Latina’s comment, and seeming disheartened.

 

“Oh, I see. That’s why you didn’t like it. Cuz she couldn’t reciprocate,” Octavia points out.

 

“I get it, you’d rather be filming that scene with dominant Commander Heda, rather than shy, introverted, self-denying Alex,” Raven states.

 

“Whatever,” Clarke brushes off.

 

“Anyway, it was hot, so movie wise, well done babe,” Raven says with a short shoulder rub.

 

“Yeah, you did great Clarke,” Octavia supports.

 

“Thanks girls,” Clarke says with a small smile.

 

“Back to film the rest. Work on me Raven,” Clarke states.

 

“Okay, shoo Octavia. The master needs to work,” states Raven as she signals for Octavia to leave. The black-haired girl does as she’s told.

 

“I guess it was kind of hot,” Clarke adds with a small devilish smile.

 

“It was,” Raven agrees.

 

“It was!” Octavia shouts from outside.

 

Clarke shakes her head and rolls her eyes, and Raven gets to working on her hair and makeup for the next scene.

 

 ------

 

“The invitations are out, over a hundred people have already responded and confirmed their attendance already. This year’s fundraiser is going to be kickass,” Raven discusses with Clarke the next morning on set.

 

“Seriously?” Clarke asks in astonishment.

 

“People just want a valid excuse to dress up in onesies and you just gave it to them,” John tells her as he works on her clothing for the upcoming scene.

 

“Ah, before I forget,” Raven states. She leaves Clarke for a moment, and pulls an invitation from her bag, “Figured you’d want to give this one personally,” she tells her with a devil smile and a wink.

 

“Who’s that for?” Murphy asks intrigued.

 

“Clarke’s crush,” Raven confesses.

 

“Subtle,” Clarke remarks sarcastically.

 

“Oh yeah? What about Finn?” Murphy asks.

 

“What about Finn?” Raven returns, dismissing Finn. Murphy simply smiles and raises his eyebrows, letting the subject of him go.

 

“So are they worthy of you?” Murphy asks, returning to the flame.

 

“Aww, thanks John,” Clarke responds.

 

“But more importantly, are they hot?” he adds.

 

Clarke shoves him. “Raven is rubbing off on you,” she says, causing them to laugh.

 

“Well? Do they fit the requirements?” Murphy enquires.

 

“Oh yeah,” Raven responds on behalf of Clarke.

 

“Nice. You go girl,” Murphy encourages. “So who is this mystery person?” he digs.

 

“I’d rather keep it private for now. It’s not really serious yet, and I don’t want to jinx it,” Clarke says with a small apologetic face to Murphy.

 

“Okay, I get it. Take your time,” he responds.

 

\------

 

“Have you asked her yet?” Octavia pushes Clarke during a break.

 

“Raven told you?” Clarke inquires.

 

“Yeah, we both came up with the idea of a personal invitation,” Octavia clarifies.

 

“Of course,” she says with an eye roll. “Well, no, I haven’t given it to her.”

 

“Why not?” Octavia pushes.

 

“Cuz I thought about it and maybe she wouldn’t want to go. I mean, it’s a onesie party, what actual grown up would want to go to that?” Clarke probes.

 

“A lot apparently. Did I forget to mention all the people that responded? Fifty more confirmed since I told you,” Raven says.

 

Clarke sighs, unsure if to invite Lexa.

 

“Okay, what’s the real reason you won’t invite her?” Raven pressures.

 

Clarke swallows and gives in, “I’m going to be wearing a onesie. A onesie! That is the least hot thing in the existence. Maybe I just don’t want her to see me like that, okay.”

 

“Clarke, you’re you. You’d look hot in anything,” Raven assures her. She then grabs Clarke by the shoulders and leans in. “Trust me. You can pull it off. Just give a little cleavage action and anyone will be head over heels for you,” she reassures her some more. “Besides, she's going to see pictures of it in the press anyway. If you want, I’ll rush that invite along,” Raven says as she stands up and walks out Clarke’s dressing room.

 

“Raven? What are you doing?” Clarke asks as she stands from her chair.

 

“Lexa!” Raven calls out.

 

Clarke’s eyes widen. “Raven!” she calls out in a whisper.

 

“Clarke needs you for a sex, I mean sec,” Raven hollers.

 

Clarke shakes her head and puts her hand on her forehead.

 

Lexa appears in the dressing room briefly after. Raven walks out of the room as she does.

 

“Hey,” Clarke greets Lexa.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa greets her back. “Raven said you needed me for something? Is it about a scene?” she questions.

 

“Oh, no. That’s not it,” Clarke brushes off. She’s not sure how to go about it. She’s nervous about asking her, not so much because of what she told Raven, even though that was part of it. She’s nervous about the cause. Foster children. Lexa would probably want to help more than anyone else, but what if the topic is too hard for her? She didn’t want to talk about it in Aden’s party, it seemed like a deep wound.

 

_But, I guess she can always say no._

 

“Raven and I were discussing a fundraiser this weekend,” Clarke says.

 

“Oh, that’s wonderful. Who’s hosting?” Lexa inquires.

 

“Um, me actually. It’s my fundraiser. Well, it’s as much Raven’s and Octavia’s as of a year ago,” she explains.

 

“Yours?” Lexa inquires further with a smile on her face.

 

“Yeah. Mine. I’ve thrown them ever since I adopted Aden,” Clarke explains. “They’re for foster children,” she adds carefully.

 

Lexa smiles wider. “That’s very… like you,” she says.

 

Clarke smiles, “What is?”

 

“For you to be caring and selfless,” Lexa elaborates.

 

Clarke blushes. _She thinks so highly of me. How did that happen?_

 

“It’s onesie themed,” Clarke blurts out.

 

“It’s what?” Lexa asks with a confused smile. That had not sounded convincing.

 

“You wouldn’t be interested?” she asks.

 

“Of course I would,” Lexa responds.

 

“Really?” Clarke questions.

 

“Yes. Why wouldn’t I?” Lexa asks.

 

“Because it’s onesie themed,” Clarke remarks.

 

“Don’t be silly. Who doesn’t want to dress up in a onesie?” Lexa comments jokingly.

 

“Well probably you,” Clarke points out.

 

“I’ll gladly wear a onesie for you,” Lexa lets her know.

 

Clarke smiles. “Oh!” she remarks, then reaches for the invitation Raven gave her as she hides her blush. “Here, your official invitation this time. No more casual invitations like on Aden’s party,” she says as she hands Lexa the invite.

 

“Thank you. I’ll be there,” Lexa informs her.          

 

\------

 

 


	12. Fundraiser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute Clexa moments.

“Let’s go Raven!” Octavia yells from the door of Clarke’s house as they prepare to go to the fundraiser.

 

“I’m coming! One second!” Raven hollers back from Clarke’s dressing room as she wraps up her look.

 

“She’s going to make us late, and we can’t be late. We’re the freaking hosts for God’s sake!” Octavia rants to Clarke as they get in the car.

 

“Raven!” Octavia calls louder.

 

“Alright, alright, I’m here,” Raven exclaims as she makes her way out the door and to the car. Raven looks around, “We look super hot!” she points out.

 

Octavia is dressed in a onesie with swords, Raven in a spacesuit onesie, and Clarke in a lion onesie.

 

Raven made the friend gang promise they wouldn’t wear onesies related to their jobs because that would be “too boring”.

 

\------

 

They arrive as planned at the venue before anyone is there as intended, and Clarke, Raven, and Octavia make last minute checks to the place, the music, the food and all other necessary arrangements.

 

The rest of the gang arrives soon after, obligated by Raven and Octavia to make their presence known earlier than the rest of the guests.

 

Jasper is wearing an adult onesie with chocolate cakes all over, Monty is wearing one with math problems, Lincoln is wearing a swords one to match Octavia, Murphy is wearing one with cartoon alcohol bottles marked ‘XXX’, Bellamy is wearing one with guns, and Finn is wearing one of a hotdog.

 

In support of Clarke and the girls, Abby and Marcus arrive earlier than other guests as well. Kane is wearing a onesie with crowns and Abby one with stethoscopes.

 

The guests don’t take long to arrive.

 

Clarke greets everyone, but with every moment that passes, she waits for the one special guest, the only one she really wants to receive.

 

_Lexa._

 

She doesn’t find time to text her or call her once the fundraiser starts getting crowded.

 

“The place is packed, more alcohol is coming and the drunker the guests get, the more money they’ll give. So in other words, everything is perfect,” Raven tells Clarke with a sense of satisfaction.

 

“We have a huge problem,” Octavia interrupts.

 

Raven and Clarke turn to her.

 

“What do you mean? I thought everything was fine,” Clarke inquires.

 

“Alcohol problem,” Octavia says.

 

“What? No. I just called our distributor, the alcohol is on it’s way,” Raven insists.

 

“And they just called me back. It’s not,” Octavia informs.

 

“What?!” Clarke and Raven call out in exasperation.

 

“How is that even possible?” Clarke proclaims.

 

“I don’t know, they gave me some bullshit excuse and then they didn’t get much out while I was yelling my ass off at them,” Octavia states.

 

“They need to be here before midnight. That’s when I make my ‘thank you for coming and donating a lot of money’ speech and then everyone smiles, cheers, drinks and donates, and did I mention, they drink to donate!” Clarke cries out.

 

“I know,” Octavia says in aggravation at the situation.

 

Clarke’s eyes widen when she remembers another catastrophe, “Shit! I gave them all the expensive alcohol that was donated for the party, and the stupid company is supposed to bring that too! Or did they fucking forget that I hired them for that too?” she yelps even louder.

 

“I know!” Octavia yelps along with her. Then, her phone beeps. She checks it.

 

“They just sent me a stupid apologetic message. It says they’ll be able to bring it in… five hours!” Octavia cries out at the last part.

 

“Everyone will be gone by then!” Clarke points out. “Those fuckers!”

 

“We’re so screwed. People are going to leave if they don’t have a drink in their hands before their next one finishes, and they’re sure as hell not going to donate a lot if they’re sober,” Raven says.

 

“How much do we actually have left?” Octavia asks.

 

“Enough for maybe one more drink for one out of every three people here,” Raven says.

 

“Fuck! What are we going to do?” Clarke exclaims.

 

“Can I help?” Lexa asks as she walks up behind them.

 

“Lexa!” they all shout out in harmony as they turn to face her.

 

Lexa smiles at the action and Clarke, Octavia and Raven all eye each other at their strange integrated enthusiasm at seeing her. Octavia and Raven, as well as the rest of Clarke’s friend group had come to like Lexa more now that she would engage with them and spend time with them more often during set and outside of it such as during Aden’s party.

 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt, but you all look a little distressed. Perhaps I can help,” she offers.

 

Raven and Octavia try to hide their laughter. They thin their lips and hide in one another at the sight of Lexa in a onesie, especially _that_ onesie.

 

“You’re wearing a…” Clarke on the other hand, can’t hide her gratification at the picture of seeing Lexa in…

 

“A raccoon onesie, yes,” Lexa finishes. She turns to Octavia and Raven, “It’s okay, you can laugh, it’s amusing,” she consents.

 

Raven and Octavia burst out in laughter at the permission.

 

“My Heda fans are very… passionate and they all agree, apparently, that the Commander’s spirit animal is, well, a raccoon,” Lexa enlightens as she points to her entire self.

 

“And they were right,” Raven says between the hilarity.

 

“Nice onesie,” Lexa comments at Raven and Octavia.

 

“Thank you,” Raven says with a nice little pose as she tilts her head to the side and sticks her bum out while she places her hand on her waist. Octavia thanks her as well with a smile.

 

“The lion onesie suits you perfectly for some reason,” Lexa says to Clarke.

 

Clarke blushes, “Thank you. The raccoon one suits you like no other.” Lexa smiles.

 

Clarke and Lexa gaze at each other and Octavia and Raven share the same look between themselves when they notice the gazes between Lexa and Clarke.

 

Lexa breaks the silence, “So, is everything alright?” she asks.

 

The girls return to reality at the question.

 

“No”, “We have no alcohol, and no backup plan for no alcohol,” “And we need the alcohol before midnight,” Clarke and Raven clear up, alternating with each phrase.

 

“We can’t just go to every liquor store and buy it. There’s like three hundred people here,” Octavia speaks.

 

“Or we could,” Lexa says. “If there is no other alternative. I don’t mind driving around buying some.”

 

“It’s not some, it’s a lot. We need a lot. Like a lot a lot,” Raven says.

 

“Okay, I don’t mind driving around buying a lot then,” Lexa edits her last words.

 

“That’s insane, Lexa, you can’t just go around buying alcohol for us,” Clarke says.

 

“Why not? I’m of legal age, I promise,” she jokes. “And there’s not much time. Everyone is chugging down their cups, so let’s not waste any more.”

 

Clarke sighs in relief. “Why is it that you always find me in ‘damsel in distress’ mode?”

 

Lexa smiles. “I don’t know. I suppose it’s our thing now.”  

 

“Okay, I guess this could work,” Octavia says, disturbing the short moment. “We’re going to need all hands on board here.”

 

“Agreed. We need the entire gang on this,” Raven says. “We’re gonna need a lot of cars too,” she points out.

 

“We could do two people per car to help carry all the alcohol or in case of an emergency,” Lexa suggests.

 

“Raven and I drove here with Clarke,” Octavia points out.

 

“You guys can take my car,” Clarke says as she pulls the keys from her bag and hands them to Octavia.

 

“Wait, someone has to stay here to distract the guests,” Octavia mentions.

 

She and Clarke turn to Raven. “It’s gotta be you Ray. If anyone can keep them distracted it’s you,” says Octavia. “I’ll let the boys know what’s going on,” she says as she walks up to Lincoln and Bellamy to spread the news among the friends.

 

“Did you drive here?” Clarke asks Lexa.

 

“Yes. We’ll take my car,” she responds.

 

They all gather by the door.

 

“Where’s Finn?” Clarke inquires after she notes that he’s not around.

 

“Oh, he had to leave. He ate hotdogs on the way here and said he felt like shit. I think food poisoning. He said to apologize to you,” Bellamy tells Clarke.

 

“Oh, okay, thanks,” she responds. _Oh the irony, but there’s no time to worry about him now. I’ll text him later._

 

They all nonchalantly exit the party. Lincoln with Octavia, Murphy with Bellamy, Monty with Jasper, and Clarke with Lexa. On the way out, they discuss who should get what kind of alcohol.

 

Raven runs after them, “Guys! Seriously, how am I supposed to distract everyone?”

 

Clarke looks back at her, “You’re smart and beautiful, you can do this. Just be you!” she shouts as she gets into Lexa’s car.

 

Raven turns back to the party and sighs before standing straight and gaining the confidence she needs. “Smart and beautiful. Yes I am! Let’s do this!”

 

Lexa turns the engine on quickly, while she and Clarke put their seatbelts on. Lexa faces Clarke, “We’re going to have to break a few speeding laws if we want to get the alcohol before midnight.”

 

“What did I tell you? I’m not scared of a little danger,” Clarke responds.

 

Lexa smirks and hits the gas pedal.

 

 _Showoff,_ Clarke thinks.

 

\-----

 

“How are you guys doing?” Clarke asks in the video call with each pair driving around forty-five minutes into the task.

 

“We’re half-way to a good amount of champagne,” John answers as he turns the camera his way, takes his tongue out, and makes a shaka sign with his hand.

 

“I think some people took photos of us buying the alcohol in our onesies,” Bellamy adds.

 

The group smiles and chuckles. “They’re gonna make a hella lot of memes out of you guys,” Clarke comments.

 

“We got pulled over,” Octavia breaks to the group as she quickly moves the camera to show Lincoln getting searched outside the car by a police officer, then hides the camera again.

 

“Shit,” Clarke curses and the rest follow.

 

“It’s fine. It was for speeding but all the alcohol in the backseat and trunk, and the fact that we’re dressed in onesies got their curiosity. They’ll probably just give us ticket. We’ll try to catch up when we can. Good luck guys,” Octavia whispers into the call and she hangs up.

 

“Well, we’re doing good so far,” Jasper says while Monty drinks from a bottle of whiskey.

 

“That’s for the guests Monty,” Clarke reprimands coolly.

 

“What about you guys?” Bellamy asks about Clarke and Lexa.

 

“We’re getting there,” Clarke says. “Let’s check back in another forty-five, okay. Later guys.” The rest say goodbye and she hangs up.

 

“You’re seriously gonna get us arrested,” Clarke tells Lexa with a smile.

 

“You look really worried,” Lexa comments sarcastically at the note of Clarke’s face of enjoyment at the speed Lexa is driving at. “Don’t worry. If anything happens, you can say I kidnapped you,” she jokes.

 

Clarke laughs, “Oh, I already had that planned–” Lexa makes a sharp turn when a car makes a sudden stop. “Careful!” Clarke shouts out as Lexa dodges the car safely.

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa immediately checks on Clarke.

 

Clarke catches her breath and recovers from the shock, then she begins laughing. Lexa glances from the road to Clarke and begins laughing along.

 

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Clarke responds between laughter. “That was kind of fun.”

 

Lexa raises her eye brows in some surprise at the answer.

 

“Crazy, but fun,” Clarke adds.  

 

After the laughter subsides, Lexa can’t help but peep more often at Clarke.

 

Lexa has always loved driving fast. She didn’t mean to be a cliché, but she loved the speed, the wind in her hair, the cars in the rearview mirror, and the loud music. But Costia never liked it when she drove too fast or played the music too loud; it gave her anxiety.

 

Costia never liked any danger. She was nothing like Clarke.

 

 _Clarke was something else_.

 

Clarke loved the speed; Lexa could tell by the never-ending smile on her face as the speed on the meter rose. Clarke would roll down the windows to feel the wind push and pull her hair in every direction. Clarke turned the music up even when it was already loud.

 

_Clarke was… truly special._

 

“I had no idea you were a speeding enthusiast,” Clarke shouts from above the music after some time.

 

Lexa laughs shortly and lowers the volume, “I wouldn’t quite call myself a speeding enthusiast, but I was quite the rebel in my younger years.”

 

“Oh, yeah?” Clarke inquires.

 

“Yes. It’s too long a story to share now. We’ve reached the liquor store,” Lexa says.

 

Lexa parks up. She and Clarke run out the car and burst into the store. They speedily make their way to the liquor section and rush from the alcohol to the cash register and back a few times to grab as much alcohol as needed. The cashier and everyone else in the store freeze at their strange entry and appearance, but Lexa and Clarke ignore them.

 

“Lexa, no! I’ll pay,” Clarke says as she holds Lexa’s hand to stop her from paying.

 

“You pay for the pizza, I pay for the alcohol,” Lexa remarks.

 

“What? No, I’m serious,” Clarke pushes.

 

“Fine. Remember when you bought me the most expensive wine at a bar the night of Kane’s party? I’m making it up to you,” Lexa pushes back.

 

Clarke laughs as she remembers how she tried to get Lexa the most expensive wine at an open bar, which was only serving one kind of wine.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke tries to keep pressing.

 

“Clarke, we have no time, so we can argue about this all night, or you can let me pay,” Lexa says calmly.

 

Clarke lets go of her hand and Lexa pays for the alcohol. They both pack the car with all they’ve bought and rapidly get back inside it and commence driving back.

 

Half way back Clarke winces.

 

“Is everything alright?” Lexa asks.

 

“Well, if you keep driving this fast, we might actually make it back on time to the party before anyone notices we ran out of alcohol,” Clarke states, her cheerful words not matching her tone, and with reluctance to finish the sentence.

 

“However…?” Lexa queries.

 

“Well, since we’re trying to raise money and all, the whole point was not to spend that much money on the fundraiser, so a lot of the guests and other people donated some fancy bottles of wine and what not so we could serve them during the fundraiser, but those aren’t coming in time as we well know. And the problem isn’t the alcohol itself but the fact that everyone is going to think we kept the bottles to ourselves, cuz where else would they go? I mean, I have wine in my house that might do, but that’s way too far right now,” Clarke clarifies.

 

“Ah. Well maybe I can help with that too,” Lexa says.

 

Clarke’s face shows evident surprise. “How?”

 

“We have to make a short trip somewhere. And before you tell me we don’t have time, don’t. I already know. It’ll be worth it, trust me,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke sees Lexa’s intent to make this short trip to wherever it is, so she doesn’t argue.

 

“You’re about to see how much of a speeding enthusiast I really am. You’re wearing a seatbelt, right?” Lexa ask with her a smug smile.  

 

Clarke nods and smiles at the question.

 

“Good,” Lexa says as she steps harder on the pedal than before.

 

\------

 

“Where are we?” Clarke asks as Lexa parks in front of an apartment building the blonde has never been at.

 

“Take a guess,” she says.

 

The doors open after Lexa gives a nod to the door attendant from outside, who firstly hesitates before he opens the door due to their apparel.   

 

“Oscar,” she addresses, “Stay by the elevator please. I need your assistance,” Lexa tells him as she and Clarke rush to the elevator and she tosses her car keys to him.

 

Oscar’s face fills with pleasure at the sight of Clarke as he fills in the gap on his own and guesses that Clarke is the pretty girl he told Lexa she might meet at the party she went to some months ago.  

 

“Take everything that comes down the elevator to the car as fast as possible please,” Lexa proceeds as she swipes her keycard and presses the button to her apartment.

 

Oscar thins his lips, widens his eyes and fans himself to express his opinion to Lexa of how dazzled he is with Clarke before the elevator doors close.

 

“Penthouse, huh?” Clarke brings up once they are on their way to the last level of the building.

 

Lexa smiles as humbly as she can manage.

 

The doors open.  

 

Lexa immediately walks to one of her kitchen cabinets and bends down to it.

 

Clarke stops once she’s inside and looks around, admiring the place.

 

“It’s cold isn’t it?” Lexa says as she starts pulling wine bottles out of her cabinet.

 

Clarke’s eyes continue roaming the place. “What? No, I’m fine, thanks.”

 

“I meant, the apartment,” Lexa clarifies. “It’s glacial, it’s impersonal, bleak, and cold in general,” she includes and echoes.

 

Clarke focuses back on her. She’s about to answer before she notices the two dozen bottles that are already on the kitchen table.

 

“Oh my God, what is this?” Clarke exclaims regarding the bottles.

 

“Fancy alcohol. Just like you need,” Lexa casually answers. “Can you get these to the elevator please?” she requests.

 

“Where did you get all of these?” Clarke asks as she grabs them and places them inside the elevator.

 

“People don’t know what to give me as a gift for any and all occasions because I have a tendency to be reticent, as you well know, and so they give me wine. Except I’m more of a tea drinker so that leaves me with all of these,” Lexa says as she points them out.

 

Lexa walks to the wooden chest coffee table of her living room and opens it. “I have more here,” she informs as she pulls out additional bottles.

 

“Tea drinker? Makes sense. I’ve barely ever seen you drink alcohol. I think the only time I actually did was in Marcus’s party. And now that I think of it, I don’t think we ever actually got around to drinking it, so I still owe you that drink,” Clarke comments as she fills the elevator and sends the bottles down to Oscar.

 

“All in due time,” Lexa remarks.

 

“I’m an alcohol drinker,” Clarke points out. Lexa simply smiles. “I don’t want to be, not as much as I am,” Clarke adds.

 

Lexa stops what she’s doing and looks at Clarke. “You’ll get a handle on it,” she says with a hopeful smile.  

 

Clarke smiles back and they both return to the task at hand.

 

Clarke keeps looking around the apartment, “It could use some color,” she says after subjective consideration.

 

Lexa understands Clarke has returned to the subject of the apartment. “Yes, I suppose it could.” She remembers the idea she got when Clarke texted her about painting. From what Clarke just said, the idea has a higher chance of working out.

 

“Lexa, are you sure you want to give all these bottles away for the fundraiser? I mean, you don’t –” Clarke initiates before Lexa stops her.

 

“I’m sure,” is all Lexa says in absolute certainty. Clarke takes note of it and doesn’t push further.

 

\------

 

The entire group rushes back to the party. Clarke and Lexa are the last to make it, but once they all arrive and the waiting staff commences serving Lexa’s wines, the guests forget the short time they could have sworn no one was serving them alcohol.

 

“Okay, this worked. It actually worked. I told all the guests that donated alcohol that the bottles they donated are being drank by another party and then I tell that to another party and so on and so forth and everyone thinks their bottles are being drank and everyone is happy,” Raven rapidly rants the entire sentence in one breath and then takes a deep one afterwards.

 

 “Thanks Ray, well done,” Clarke says as she hugs her. “Thank to all of you guys, really.” Clarke says as she looks around her friend group.  

 

They all smile and have a group hug.

 

Clarke mouths a personal “thank you” to Lexa while they’re all hugging and Lexa reciprocates a “You’re welcome.”

 

Raven breaks the hug after some moments and hands Clarke a microphone.

 

“Time for your thank you speech. Now go tell them to drink and donate a shit-ton of cash, we deserve it,” she tells Clarke.

 

“The money is for the kids Ray,” Clarke reminds her.

 

“I know that, it’ll just be nice to hold the checks in my hand for a while,” she responds.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes and goes ahead with her speech to thank the guests for arriving and donating.

 

\------

 

Lexa lays on her bed after changing into her pajamas that night, or rather morning considering the fundraiser was a success and ended well after midnight, an unusual thing for a fundraiser, but Lexa thinks it’s no surprise anyone would stay longer for Clarke.

 

_She can make miracles happen with just a smile and being her adorable self._

Either way, Lexa stayed to the very end to see everything through.

 

She laughs in her bed as she reviews the night in her head.

 

It was a rollercoaster of a night. Starting from a onesie fundraiser about a topic very close to her to speeding around with Clarke in those onesies to get alcohol for the guests.

 

_Everything around Clarke seems to be so spontaneous and exhilarating._

 

That’s how she likes things.

 

She also remembers the team effort it took. Mostly, she remembers the group hug. Without thought, they had all pulled her into the hug. She couldn’t help but feel like she was becoming part of the group. She liked it. It had been a while since she had anyone new in her life that really made her feel welcome.

 

Then, she thinks of Clarke making the thank you speech. She talked a lot about the children that everyone would be helping with her donations. She appeared to truly care for them, and to Lexa, it was a delight seeing her up there. Her eyes never parted from the blonde.

 

\------

 

Clarke unzips her onesie in her bathroom after saying goodnight to Wells and kissing Aden in his sleep.

 

She cleans herself up and falls on the bed, crippled by exhaustion.

 

She can rest easy tonight. Despite all the obstacles, the fundraiser was a victory; they managed to raise an absurd amount of money for the cause. Jasper and Monty even gave her a marijuana cigarette to rejoice in the accomplishment of the party.

 

Lexa donated an astounding sum to the cause too. Clarke hadn’t noticed until after the brunette left, so she didn’t get a chance to properly thank her, not only for the donation but the rest of the night.

 

Clarke begins laughing as she plays the evening over in her head. The images of her and Lexa as well as everyone else driving around in onesies and rushing into liquor stores must have been a sight to see.

 

Clarke can’t help but think that when Lexa is around, she gets exactly the breath of fresh air she wants, literally in tonight’s case since they drove all around with the windows down. But overall, her life around Lexa seems to rise several percentage points in excitement. The feeling that Lexa offers her, the way that everything around her is different has not changed since they met.

 

She sighs contentedly as she makes it under the covers and rests her bed on the pillow.

 

Some lyrics come to mind. She writes them down and then sleeps.

\------


	13. Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lexa makes up for the dinner she owes Clarke.

Clarke pulls out ingredients from the fridge to make breakfast for Aden, herself and Abby the Sunday morning after the fundraiser.

 

Clarke’s phone rings with messages several times but she leaves it while she’s preparing the table.

 

Abby looks at her own phone and unexpectedly begins laughing.

 

“What’s so funny? Another drunk person tripping?” Clarke asks as she takes a bite of some toast.

 

“The news,” Abby says as she laughs.

 

“The news is funny?” Clarke questions. “That’s new.”  

 

“It’s Bellamy, John, and Octavia, and Lincoln. It’s everyone,” Abby says as she turns the screen to show Clarke.

 

Clarke grabs her own phone and sees the dozens of messages from her friends. She grabs Abby’s phone and has a look at the news.

 

There is an article with pictures of all her friends buying the drinks for the party. The article writes of the strange occurrence of different people around different spots in the city wearing onesies and buying ridiculous amounts of liquor. She and Lexa are on it too from the security cameras of the liquor store. They are not very clear but the tabloids are smart, they figured out it was them and they have them all over their pages too.

 

Clarke and Abby laugh away at the photos. Clarke texts all her friends back with laughing emojis and comments on the article.

 

She texts Lexa right after.

 

            Clarke: That raccoon onesie is surprisingly photogenic.

            Lexa: Thank you. Not surprisingly, you can make anything look good.

 

Lexa has seen the news as well from the looks of it.

 

            Clarke: Thank you. :)

            Lexa: Are you busy today?

            Clarke: Spending time with Aden and my mom. What did you have in mind?

            Lexa: That’s alright. Spend time with them. It was not anything urgent.

            Clarke: Are you sure? Tell me what it was

            Lexa: I thought we could run some lines before we get back to work tomorrow.

            Clarke: We can still do that. If you don’t mind a little extra company. We were all just gonna hang around in the house and do nothing anyway

            Lexa: Okay then. I’ll be there in about an hour.  

            Clarke: Perfect! See you then.

 

            Raven to Clarke: What are you doing today?

            Clarke: Hanging around the house with Aden and mom

            Clarke: Lexa is coming over to run some lines too

            Raven: Oooooh

            Clarke: Not ooooh, we’re going to be under adult supervision since my mom is here

            Raven: So get rid of her.

            Clarke: Raven! She’s my mom. Besides, Lexa is coming TO RUN LINES. Nothing else.

            Raven: Your choice.

 

“Mom, I gotta shower. If Lexa comes, open the door okay.” Clarke says as she hurries upstairs.

 

“Lexa is coming?” Abby asks as she sets the plates on the table.  

 

“Yes. Now please pay attention to the door,” Clarke yells from the stairs as she makes her way to her room.

 

\------

 

“Hi, good morning Lexa. Come inside,” Abby welcomes the brunette when she arrives.

 

“Thank you. Good morning to you too,” Lexa says with a smile. “I brought croissants,” she says regarding the box she is carrying.

 

“Oh, thank you. You shouldn’t have troubled yourself,” Abby remarks as she secures the box from Lexa, “But Clarke actually loves these so she’ll be ecstatic,” Abby whispers with a smile.

 

Lexa smiles back.

 

“Hey! Right on time,” Clarke says as she comes down the stairs and sees them.

 

“Good morning Clarke,” Lexa states.

 

“She brought croissants,” Abby points out as they all make their way to the kitchen.

 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that. But I do love them, so thanks for bringing them,” Clarke says as she comes down. She greets Lexa with a hug. It’s not common of them to greet this way, but Clarke wants to make it common, so she might as well start now.

 

Lexa eagerly hugs her back.

 

_She smells like vanilla,_ Lexa breathes in when she hugs her and feels the strands of soft hair against her skin.

 

_Why does she always smell so fucking good?_ Clarke thinks during the hug.  

 

“Lexa!” Aden shouts out and runs to hug her.

 

“Hey Aden,” Lexa responds as she carries him in a hug.

 

_What? Since when?_ Clarke wonders about Aden’s affection for Lexa.

 

Lexa notes the look on Clarke’s face of confusion and surprise.

 

“We got close during his party,” Lexa states as if to answer the questions Clarke didn’t ask.

 

Clarke grins. “I’m glad he likes you.”

 

“Have you had breakfast?” Abby asks Lexa.

 

“No, I have not,” she answers as she puts Aden down.

 

“Great. Come join us,” Abby tells her.

 

“Are you staying all day?” Aden asks eagerly.

 

“If that’s okay with your mom,” Lexa tells him.

 

“It is,” Clarke answers rapidly.

 

Lexa looks at Clarke and smiles.

 

“Yes!” Aden exclaims.

 

“What would you like to eat?” Abby asks as they enter the kitchen.

 

“I don’t really mind anything,” Lexa tells her. “I’m happy to help,” she says.

 

“Oh no. Really. You’re not going to feed yourself and everyone else every time you come over,” Clarke speaks quickly.

 

“It’s perfectly alright Clarke, I told you I like the kitchen,” Lexa says.

 

“Am I missing something?” Abby asks.

 

“Well, time to come clean I guess,” Clarke initiates.

 

Abby looks at both of them in confusion as she takes out some eggs and puts a pan on the stove.

 

“I didn’t cook a thing during Aden’s party, it was all Lexa. Aside from the cakes and sweets,” Clarke confesses.

 

“I figured it was not you,” Abby says casually as she takes a sip of some water.

  

“You did?” Clarke responds.

 

“Of course I did. I’m your mother. I know what you can and cannot do. I just didn’t know who it was. Now I know it was Lexa,” Abby states before turning to the brunette. “Thank you for that day. You made Aden’s entire childhood I think,” she says with a large smile.

 

“It was my pleasure,” Lexa states as she folds her sleeves up and moves to help Abby.

 

“What did I say? No helping,” Clarke reproaches Lexa when she sees her prepare to help in the kitchen.

 

“I insist,” Lexa pushes.

 

“Fine. I’ll cut some fruit,” Clarke gives in. She didn’t want to fight her on it anyway. She loves her food.

 

\------

 

Lexa has breakfast with them and she and Clarke play with Aden in the garden afterwards. Later, they sit around and watch a movie all together and then order lunch from a delivery service.

 

Aden refuses to go to bed when it gets dark, but Clarke can see the overtiredness in his eyes and she takes him to his room as soon as she can. She lays next to him in the bed while he falls asleep. At the same time, Lexa spends some time with Abby in the living room.

 

Abby notices how Lexa’s gaze lingers on Clarke when she goes to the room with Aden.

 

“She’s just like her dad,” Abby tells Lexa.

 

Lexa turns to Abby, “Is he…” Lexa begins, not sure how to phrase the many questions she has concerning him.

 

“He passed away, long ago. It hit Clarke hard, but she got back on her feet. Aden helped her do that. She was very close with her dad, Jake. She got his cooking genes, which are none,” Abby jokes.

 

Lexa laughs.

 

“She’s been happy lately. I think you have something to do with that,” Abby tells her.

 

Lexa is not sure what to answer.

 

“I can tell, by the way she is when you’re around,” Abby lets her know.

 

“I don’t know if that’s true, but I’m glad to hear she’s happy,” Lexa responds.

 

“You care about her,” Abby states.

 

“I do,” Lexa agrees.

 

“Good,” Abby replies.

 

“Okay, he’s asleep at last. Sorry it took long, but we can finally run some lines,” Clarke says to Lexa as she steps out of the room.

 

“That’s my cue to leave,” Abby says as she stands from the couch.

 

“You don’t have to go mom, it’s fine,” Clarke says.

 

“That’s okay. I’m tired anyway. You two have a good night,” she says as she hugs Lexa goodnight and then walks up to Clarke and does the same. “Take care sweetie.”

 

“Goodnight mom,” Clarke responds.

 

Abby shows herself out.

 

“Guess it’s just you and me,” Clarke turns to Lexa once Abby is gone. _Finally, all alone,_ Clarke thinks.

 

Lexa smiles widely. “I guess so.”

 

The bell rings, cutting their moment short.

 

“My mom must’ve forgotten something,” Clarke states. “I’ll be right back,” she says as she goes to the door.

 

“Hey babez!” Raven greets her by the door with Octavia standing next to her.

 

“Hi,” Clarke says with some shock. “I didn’t know you guys were coming,” she says stiffly.  

 

“Well, surprise,” Raven says as they help themselves inside.

 

Clarke sighs and closes her eyes as they move past her. _Fuck’s sake._ She closes the door and goes inside.

 

“Lexa!” Raven exclaims once she’s upstairs, “You’re here! What a surprise,” Octavia adds. 

 

“Hello,” Lexa greets calmly, as if unaffected by the pleasant yet unpleasant appearance.

 

_So much for just Clarke and me,_ Lexa thinks. She’s glad she’s got a good poker face to hide her disappointment.

 

Clarke comes up and looks at Lexa. She tries to get across that she didn’t plan for their arrival, and Lexa gives her an understanding smile, catching on.

 

“So what are the plans?” Octavia asks.

 

“Clarke and I were going to run some lines,” Lexa says.

 

“Great! We’d love to,” Raven responds. “We’ll totally help you out,” she intrudes.

 

“Right. I’ll be right back with my script. Girls, give me some company while I find it,” Clarke states as she pulls Raven and Octavia to her bedroom.

 

“What in the hell are you two doing?” Clarke asks as soon as she’s out of Lexa’s hearing range.

 

“What?” Octavia inquires.

 

“Oh come on. I know you’re doing this on purpose. You just casually show up right when Lexa and I get some alone time?” Clarke says with clear suspicion.

 

“What? I cannot believe that you would think that we would-” Raven begins to say in outrage.

 

“Raven,” Octavia calls out when she sees how little Clarke believes their act.

 

“Okay, fine. We knew you’d be alone,” Raven confesses. “We texted your mom not long ago and she said she would be leaving soon so we figured soon was right about now. And we were right cuz she waved at us on the way out.”

 

“You keep pushing for me and Lexa and then when I finally get a chance to do something, you interrupt?” Clarke questions in confusion.

 

“Yeah, we figured it would be fun to frustrate you,” Octavia says.

 

Clarke breathes out and throws her head back. “Unbelievable,” she states.

 

“Don’t wanna keep her waiting,” Raven says as she walks out the room and starts making random conversation with Lexa before she even reaches her in the living room.

 

“I hate you guys,” Clarke tells Octavia.

 

“We know,” she responds as she walks out too.

 

\------

 

Clarke doesn’t have a moment alone with Lexa afterwards. Neither that day nor every other day she and Lexa get together to practice their lines.

 

Somehow, Raven and Octavia find a way to weasel into each and every situation when she and Lexa are going to meet and show up just in time to ruin their evening alone.

 

Clarke has no idea how to get rid of them.

 

She cannot get time alone with Lexa on any other occasion either. From Aden’s school activities, to filming, to training with Gustus to keep in shape, to writing new music, she has no spare time whatsoever.

 

Until today.

 

“What’s going on?” Clarke asks Kane.

 

They are at a real life setting they are using for the movie, but Marcus has been arguing with the intermediate allowing them to use the property for the last twenty minutes, delaying the shoot.

 

“We can’t use this place today,” Marcus says in exasperation as he walks away from the intermediate.

 

“Why not?” Lexa inquires.

 

“Some sort of technical legal mess. We’re going to have to delay this shoot. I’ll call our lawyers and stay and sort this out. This is the last scene of the day so I’ll tell everyone they can go home,” he tells them both. “Hopefully we’ll get this mess fixed soon. I’ll see you girls tomorrow. Enjoy your night,” he finishes.

 

“Good luck Marcus,” Lexa says.

 

“Night,” Clarke tells him.

 

“Girls?” he turns after he remembers something.

 

“You’re definitely coming to my invite next weekend right?” Marcus asks regarding an invitation he’s having at his house for no evident reason.

 

“Yeah, absolutely,” Clarke answers.

 

“Yes, of course,” Lexa responds.

 

“Alright, good,” Marcus says in relief, then he goes ahead and makes the announcement that they’re cutting the day of filming short.

 

“He’s rather excited about this event, isn’t he?” Lexa notes.

 

“Yeah, what’s that about?” Clarke wonders aloud. Lexa shakes her head unknowingly.

 

In the moment, Lexa realizes the short time frame she has before Raven and Octavia glue themselves to her and Clarke. For some reason, they have singlehandedly managed to disrupt every moment where she and Clarke have had even a remote chance of spending time alone.  

 

_Not tonight._

 

“Come with me,” Lexa tells Clarke. “Now,” she states adamantly.

 

Clarke feels enraptured by Lexa with the way she says those words and she simply nods. Lexa smirks, takes her hand, and pulls her out rapidly.

 

Hastily but silently, they make their way to Lexa’s car. Clarke catches a glimpse of Octavia and Raven looking for them right before they disappear.

 

“We can’t go to my place, or your house cuz they’ll figure that out, or anywhere I know because they’ll go there too,” Clarke says.

 

“I know. That’s why I’m taking you somewhere else, somewhere new,” Lexa states. “Do you still like surprises?” she asks.

 

“Yes,” Clarke smiles at her and in anticipation.

 

“Good,” Lexa smiles back as she drives in a new direction. “I know I promised you dinner. Is it alright if I don’t cook it?” she asks.

 

Clarke smiles, “I could go for pizza, or Chinese,” she says.

 

\------

 

“Where are we?” Clarke asks as Lexa parks at an irregular location and they step out of the car. She leaves her phone in the car. It already has five missed calls from both Raven and Octavia.

 

“Half a block away from where I want us to be,” Lexa says, “I hope you don’t mind the walk,” she adds as she points to a structure.

 

Clarke watches Lexa as she grabs from the backseat the Chinese and pizza they picked up on the way.

 

Lexa walks towards the place.

 

“The art gallery?” Clarke notes as she follows.

 

“Yes,” Lexa states.

 

“But it’s closed at this hour,” Clarke points out.

 

“Nothing is ever really closed if you can find a way in,” Lexa says as she walks in the opposite direction of the front door, where security guards stand, being vigilant of the place.

 

“We have to be careful with the guards,” Lexa states as she grabs Clarke’s hand and they silently sneak to the back of the gallery.

 

“What is going on? I thought your rebellion ended with speeding,” Clarke whispers.

 

Lexa smiles, “I’m a rebel in a lot of ways. Not many get close enough to find out though.”

 

Lexa leads her to the back door of the gallery.

 

“Are you going to guess the code?” Clarke asks in misgiving when she sees the backdoor is sealed with an electronic keypad lock.

 

“I’ve come here before. The guards are not too careful when they enter the code when they think no one around them is watching,” Lexa says as she presses a number combination and a green light appears, then the door unlocks.

 

“Holy shit!” Clarke exclaims.

 

Lexa grins in pride, “After you,” she says as she opens the door for Clarke.

 

Clarke raises an eyebrow and walks in without hesitation, “Don’t mind if I do.”

 

Lexa silently closes the door behind them. She extends her hand to Clarke and the blonde takes it. They walk around silently as Lexa conducts them.

 

Lexa peeps her eye into a room in the gallery. “We’re good,” she says as she pulls Clarke out into it when she sees it is clear of guards.

 

Clarke chuckles as they walk around the room filled with art pieces, holding hands.

 

“Have you ever been here before?” Lexa asks.

 

“Years ago. But it’s been remodeled,” Clarke reflects.

 

“Why haven’t you come back?” Lexa inquires.

 

“I used to come here with my dad but I stopped when he died. And I haven’t come back since. Which is a shame because it’s beautiful now, I like it better like this. And I miss it.” She swallows and fights tears back at the memory of her father bringing her to the gallery.

 

“I’m sorry about your loss Clarke, I really am,” Lexa laments.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke accepts.

 

“You’re a half rebel,” Clarke says suddenly, shifting the topic.

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asks.

 

“Speeding and breaking into an art gallery makes you half a rebel, but the real proof of rebellion lies in my pocket,” Clarke says with a smile at the corner of her lips.

 

Lexa imitates her smile, “I’m intrigued.”

 

Clarke softly lets go of Lexa’s hand and pulls out a lighter and the marijuana joint that Monty and Jasper gave her the night of the fundraiser.

 

“Up for a smoke?” Clarke asks as she waves the items around in her hand.

 

Lexa’s smile becomes more evident. “Well, I’m not going to half-ass being a rebel,” she responds positively.

 

\-----

 

“They say you’re not allowed to touch the paintings,” Clarke says after prancing around and stopping right in front of one, fifteen minutes into the cigarette.

 

“You’re not,” Lexa agrees. Then she reaches towards one and lays her finger on it.

 

Clarke bites her lip and mimics her. They both begin giggling. Clarke runs around touching every painting she can and Lexa watches her and touches a few herself. Both of them snigger like children while they infringe upon the art.

 

Clarke stops in front of one painting. Lexa goes to her.

 

They both observe it carefully.

 

“I guess this is one of the main pieces,” Clarke mentions regarding the canvas in the middle of the gallery. She has been to galleries before, and she knows when an art piece is placed accordingly to get attention either because it is by a popular artist, or an artist on the rise to popularity. 

 

“Yes, it most certainly is,” Lexa settles. “This artist has been on the spotlight for some time.”

 

Some paintings in the gallery are for sale, others are not. This one has a price tag beneath it, just under the name of the artist that created it. Clarke takes a look at the tag.

 

“Wow,” Clarke comments, then pauses, “what an expensive piece of shit,” she adds.

 

Lexa holds in her laughter. “No,” she opposes her. Clarke looks her way, Lexa says something more, “What an overrated and expensive piece of shit,” she remarks.

 

They both break into laughter this time, unable to hold it.

 

“I miss judged you,” Clarke acknowledges to Lexa after the laughter diminishes. “I mean, I didn’t think terrible things of you or anything, I just didn’t think you’d be the kind of person who’d dress up in onesies or wear a character costume for a kid’s birthday party or a girl with cancer, or break into a gallery and smoke a joint,” she elaborates.

 

“Yes, well, that’s okay. I can’t blame you. I’m not the easiest person to read,” Lexa tells her. “I’m glad to say that you are exactly the kind of person I thought you’d be. In the best way possible of course,” she adds.

_There she goes again,_ Clarke thinks. _Thinking I’m so much better than I really am._

 

They hear a guard coming. Clarke chaotically waves her hands around trying to get rid of the leftover smoke from the joint. Lexa puts their food beneath an inside bench and rushes them behind a painting hanging on a wall. 

 

Clarke finds herself against the partition with Lexa facing her, merely inches away. While they both laugh, Lexa softly and kindly shushes Clarke to avoid the guard hearing them. Lexa glimpses over the wall and as the guard approaches. He moves past the bench and doesn’t notice the food beneath it. As he moves closer to them, she and Clarke carefully move behind another painting, dodging the lookout.

 

The guard leaves after he doesn’t find anyone. Lexa and Clarke come out from behind the painting.

 

“Shall we eat?” Lexa asks.

 

Clarke smiles, pulls out the food from under the bench and begins opening it.  She pulls out a slice of Pizza and hands it to Lexa, then she commences opening the Chinese food. Lexa takes the chopsticks and gives Clarke a pair. They sit down on the bench and begin eating and smoking simultaneously.

 

“I like this painting. It’s beautiful,” Clarke comments with respect to one across from them.

 

“Me too,” Lexa agrees.

 

“It’s priced so low. It was way better than that crap over there,” Clarke says.

 

Lexa chuckles.

 

“I’m shit compared to some of these,” Clarke comments as regard to her own artistic capacity.

 

“I disagree, I’ve seen your work,” Lexa responds instantly.

 

“You have?” Clarke inquires.

 

“Yes. At your house,” she clarifies.

 

“Oh. Right. Well, that was long ago, I’ve probably lost my touch,” Clarke says.

 

“You can always get it back,” Lexa tells her softly and assuredly.  

 

“Fuck!” Clarke exclaims randomly.

 

“What?” Lexa asks in concern.

 

“Doesn’t this gallery have cameras?” Clarke asks, looking around the corners, believing now that the break-in might not have been as smooth as they thought.

 

“They don’t,” Lexa informs, calming Clarke down, “But they should. Although, I doubt anyone would actually break in to steal anything. All the artwork that is actually beautiful is the least valued in my opinion, because the artists haven’t been discovered yet, and the ones that are worth selling illegally are shit as we’ve established.”

 

She and Clarke laugh some more and Clarke nods in agreement.  

 

“Hands up, right now!” a strange, loud, male voice startles them.

 

Lexa is giving her back to the man and she doesn’t turn to face him. Clarke looks up, notices there are two guards, and puts her food down while she laughs, trying hard not to, but unable to help it due to the lingering effects of the marijuana. “We’re fucked,” she whispers to Lexa.

 

“No we’re not. They’ll let us go,” Lexa whispers back, still giving her back to the guards.

 

The two security guards aim their stun guns and flashlights at them both.

 

“Don’t try anything. Put your hands up and slowly stand,” one of them verbalizes.

 

“Why would they just let us go?” Clarke asks in a whisper, confused by Lexa’s composed approach to their current condition.

 

Clarke stands as told and Lexa does the same. The brunette turns around and faces the guards.

 

“Miss Woods,” the guard notes in shock as they both slowly lower their guns, “we’re so sorry. We didn’t know it was you,” he apologizes. 

 

“Because I own the place,” Lexa answers Clarke’s question in complete buoyancy, then directs her words to the guards, “It’s alright Nyko. I know you didn’t.”

 

“Um, we’ll just…” he stutters.

 

“You may leave. Thank you,” Lexa states firmly.

 

The security men put their weapons back in their holsters and walk away respectfully.

 

Clarke turns to Lexa with her mouth slightly open. “Well you conveniently left that out,” she says as she processes the situation just passed.

 

“Yes. I did. Are you upset?” Lexa says.

 

“No,” Clarke says as she chuckles, “That was the most fun I’d had in a while. And that’s saying something since not too long ago, you and I drove around in onesies trying to save my fundraiser. Anyway, I’m glad the night did not end with us getting kicked out of here,” she tells her.

 

Lexa grins at the response.

 

“So, why an art gallery?” Clarke queries as they both sit back down on the bench and resume eating.

 

“Well, long story short,” Lexa commences.

 

Clarke interrupts her, “No. Not long story short. I have time, so, long story long,” she appeals.

 

Lexa looks her way as she considers it. _It’s time to share back._

 

“Well, in that case, long story long, my parents died in a house fire when I was five. My father got me out and he ran back inside to save my mother, but neither one of them made it in case you were curious. I don’t remember all that much about my life then, but what I do remember, is that they loved art. We had art pieces all over the house. And we used to go to places like these often.”

 

Clarke focuses on her carefully, paying attention to every word. This is the first time she’s hearing any of this. None of it was on Wikipedia, that’s for sure. This is also the first time Lexa is truly sharing something deep and personal.

 

Lexa proceeds, “My foster father, Titus, took me in after that. He had already taken in another child before me. That was how I met Gustus. I grew up with Titus, and when I reached my teens, her began prepping me to take over his business. He was in the corporate world. It was a lot of strain and pressure and he placed that on me, because I had the mind for it. One day, his corporate friend brought over his daughter. She introduced me to drugs. Told me they would help me feel better, help me relax. I wasn’t particularly interested in them but I had this huge crush on her. We never did anything other than kiss. But then night we did, Titus walked in on us. He was outraged, her father was outraged and shipped her to boarding school. That was Luna.”

 

Clarke sulks sadly at Lexa’s words, feeling the pain in them.

 

Lexa continues, “I ran away after that. I said goodbye to Gustus and left. My drug use got worse subsequently. When I think of it now, it was insanely reckless and dangerous of me as an underage drug addicted teen in the streets. But I learned how to deal. I learned how to just survive.”

 

Lexa stops for a deep breath. It comes to her attention, that in some strange way, she has never gotten rid of that state of ‘just surviving’, not entirely. If she had, she would have more than just Gustus, her agent and her lawyer as friends. She wouldn’t have storage filled with wine that she doesn’t drink given to her by people that don’t know that she prefers tea. And she would have known all the crew members that she had worked with on so many movies from a long time ago rather than when Clarke got her closer to them.

 

Clarke holds Lexa’s hand at her words. She cannot imagine what it would be like to live life ‘just surviving’. _But isn’t that what I’ve been doing for a long time now? Isn’t that what I did when dad died?_

 

Lexa sighs, then she feels Clarke’s hand on her. She holds it and then advances some more, “I admitted myself into rehab, and when I got clean and turned eighteen, I checked out, and I pursued acting. Not long after, I ran into Gustus again. He had become a trainer. I met Costia too. Met my manager Anya. Then I got lucky I suppose, because Marcus found me and gave me my break.”

 

Clarke smiles at the happier continuation.

 

Lexa provides the conclusion to what started the conversation, “You might be wondering where the gallery fits in. Well, I tried to get into galleries when I was a teen because I loved the art since it reminded me of my parents. But no one would let me inside in the state I was in and because of my sketchy appearance. So I figured, the only way I would never get kicked out of a gallery was if I owned one. So, after the movies were a success, I came here. The place wasn’t doing well, so I bought it, remodeled it and fast forward a while and here we are.”

 

“Did Costia have something to do with that too?” Clarke inquires, mentally preparing herself for the answer she does not want to hear. _That this place is inherently tied to Costia because she bought it for her._

 

“No. I purchased the gallery before I met her. I agreed to display a piece of hers here and that’s how we met,” Lexa explains.

 

Clarke wants to ask more about Costia. She needs to know exactly what she and Lexa are, but Lexa beats her to it.

“About Costia, I know I haven’t illuminated on that, but I want you to know that a divorce is in progress. An overdue divorce,” Lexa says. She makes sure to add the last part to let Clarke know that the divorce is not some whim but rather the result of the marriage deteriorating over a long period.

 

“Good,” Clarke says without thought. “I mean, not good, but good in the sense that I’ve been acting like that’s where you stood with her.”

 

“Good. I’ve been acting like you knew where I stood with her. I know that wasn’t very fair on my behalf, and I apologize for not being explicit sooner and just assuming you would understand the full picture, but I wanted to tell you personally,” Lexa returns.

 

“So long as you are undeniably getting divorced, I forgive you,” Clarke responds kindly and playfully. “I wanted to say a couple of things too. First, I wanted to thank you for the fundraiser. For helping with it and for the significant donation.”

 

“Please, Clarke, you don’t have to thank me. It was my pleasure,” Lexa responds. She rubs her thumb on Clarke’s hand.

 

“And another thing,” Clarke adds, “What you said about surviving. I was going to say that I couldn’t imagine the pain you have been through, but I kind of can. I think I went through that too after my father died. I was a teenager when he died. And I went on a spiral of self-sabotage because of it. Anything about that topic always pushes me back to that unstable teen that I was,” she lets out.

 

Lexa watches he intently.

 

“My point is, that the state of mind I’m referring to is the one you were in, but I’ve discovered recently that life should be about more than just surviving. We deserve that,” Clarke tells her as she looks directly upon her eyes.

 

_Gosh, I want to kiss those beautiful lips¸_ Lexa thinks.

 

“Maybe we do,” Lexa agrees.

 

Lexa glances to Clarke’s lips then back to her eyes.

 

She leans in, gently pulls Clarke’s face her way, and presses her lips against the blonde’s.  

 

Clarke is taken by surprise and she pulls away faintly in automatic motion. But once she realizes what is happening, she leans back in, dying to feel Lexa’s lips on hers once more.

 

Lexa’s phone rings suddenly. They both pull back at the disrupting noise right before their lips touch again.

 

_Fucking phone! Why didn’t I leave it in the car like Clarke did?_

 

She checks it. _Gustus. I’ll call him back._

 

Clarke clears her throat. _Thanks for killing the moment phone,_ she thinks and then stands to make some room between her and Lexa.

 

“I can’t believe I went around saying shit about the art here and you own the place,” Clarke says in embarrassment.

 

“That’s okay. I said them with you. Besides, it’s like we talked about, some paintings are beautiful some aren’t, but those same ones are valued differently by society. I have to bring art that people want to see so they will come, but I also sponsor other artists and bring their art here so that maybe they will catch the eye of an art critic and they will get a big break the way I did,” Lexa states.

 

She walks to a sculpture, “This one was done by a sixty-five year old man,” she points out.

 

“Damn, that’s really impressive,” Clarke notes.

 

“He isn’t well known. He also has no delusions about becoming famous at his age either, but I convinced him to allow me to have this piece. He set a price to it, I added another zero without his knowledge, and it sold,” Lexa elaborates.

 

“This one,” she points to another art piece, “was created by a fifteen year old.”

 

Clarke’s eyebrows rise. “Wow, people are seriously talented. Holy shit, fifteen?” she says in surprise.

 

“Fifteen,” Lexa reiterates, “She is insanely talented and though she’s quite young, I’m hoping someone will take note of her. And if not, at least I gave her a chance. I’m no art critic myself so I can’t do much beyond that. Not all the pieces are for sale as I’m sure you’ve noticed, but the gallery has several from people who just need a chance to prove themselves, and others that just want to feel like they’ve accomplished something, even if no one ever buys their art, they’re hoping that one person will see it and be influenced by it. I make sure those people have their art displayed. But of course, I have to have art that people expect to see in order to show the work of other lesser known artists,” she extends.

 

“Damn. You’re amazing. And that was super inspirational,” Clarke says in seriousness and admiration at Lexa’s altruistic actions.

 

Lexa smiles, “Your line was very inspirational too,” she says back.

 

“I need to go home,” Clarke says with a sad smile.

 

“Aden,” Lexa calls attention to him.

 

“Yeah. Wells is with him and he’s asleep by now but I left my phone in the car and if there’s an emergency or,” Clarke begins.

 

“I understand,” Lexa assures her.

 

They pack up the food and leave the gallery. Lexa takes Clarke back to her car and they say goodnight.


	14. Another B&E

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> B&E stands for ‘breaking and entering’.

 

Lexa makes her tea the next Saturday morning.

 

She kissed Clarke.

 

Clarke had kissed her during their scene for the movie, but this was different. This time, she had kissed Clarke.

 

Kind of.

 

_Fucking phone._

 

 _Can it even be called a kiss?_ She wonders.

 

It was so brief, it killed her.  

 

She wanted a real kiss.

 

On the upside, for when the time comes for the kiss, she has an idea of what is coming. There was no denying Clarke was a good kisser because she found that out on set, but Alex was a little too reserved for Lexa’s taste. And their real but short-lived kiss had left her wanting much more, because Clarke barely had a chance to reciprocate.

 

_But even so, let’s call it a kiss._

 

_Even considering that, fuck that fucking phone._

She’s putting it on silent for every time she’s going to be around Clarke.

 

They haven’t really discussed the kiss. They’ve both been busy, and she’s had something else taking up space in her mind since that night unfortunately.

 

She’s a little upset by it too, even days later. It’s about the news Gustus gave her when she called him back that evening.

 

_Titus is in town._

 

Gustus wants her to meet him, but she refused even though Gustus claimed that Titus was interested in mending their relationship.

 

She sighs heavily, she needs something to keep her mind off it.

 

She looks around her apartment; she stares at the lifeless walls around her. She’s tired of them.

 

_It’s time to put that painting idea to work._

She moves all her furniture away from the walls. She showers and goes out. She buys several buckets of different colored paint, rollers and painting brushes of all sizes, plastic to cover the floors and other parts, and tape to help with that. Following this, she texts Clarke.

 

            Lexa: Do you have plans today?

 

Clarke checks her phone. _A message from Lexa._ She smiles a lot wider than normal when she sees her texts. And that’s saying a lot. Lexa kissed her the night of the gallery. _I’m such an idiot for backing away_ , even if it was a spontaneous reaction. If she hadn’t, she might have enjoyed a moment longer of Lexa’s lips on hers.

 

            Clarke: Nope. Marcus promised Aden he would take him out, so it’s just me home alone. Did you make my plans for me already?

            Lexa: I have. I’m on my way to pick you up.

 

She beams at the thought of seeing her. She likes how forward Lexa is. If it were anyone else, she would probably ask more, but her last experiences with Lexa have shown her that the brunette knows just how to impress her.

 

            Clarke: I’m not ready yet so drive slowly

            Lexa: Okay. I’ll be there soon. Wear something comfortable and that you don’t mind dirtying.

           

_What the hell are you up to now Lexa?_

           

            Clarke: As you wish Commander.

 

 _What a tease,_ Lexa thinks. _It’s almost like she knows that turns me on._

 

\--------

 

Lexa is there soon like she promised. She’s wearing Ray Bans, a V-neck and some jeans. _She looks fucking hot as always._

Clarke is wearing a loose shirt and some equally loose pants. Her bra is rather evident and if the pants slip, her G-string will be even more so.

 

“Ready?” Lexa asks as Clarke gets into the car.

 

“I’m not even sure what I’m supposed to be ready for,” Clarke responds.

 

Lexa smiles haughtily, “You’ll see.”

 

\---------

 

She drives Clarke back to her apartment.  She closes her eyes in the elevator.

 

“You’re going to murder me aren’t you?” Clarke jokes while Lexa covers her eyes.

 

“You’re not supposed to figure that out,” Lexa gags back.

 

Clarke chuckles, “Seriously, what’s this about?”

 

“Step forward,” Lexa says when the elevator doors open. “And have a look,” she states as she removes her hands from Clarke’s eyes.

 

Clarke finds everything that Lexa prepared.

 

“Plastic on the floor. You’re definitely trying to murder me,” Clarke keeps the joke going.

 

Lexa smiles, “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything, but I thought you might enjoy a chance to get back into painting,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke looks around.

 

Lexa continues, “You said the place could use some color and I’m tired of these walls. If you’re interested, I’d like you to paint them. And you can be as creative as you want. You can paint and repaint as many times as you please.”

 

Clarke still doesn’t respond.

 

“Is something wrong?” Lexa inquires.

 

“Yes, something is wrong” Clarke responds.

 

_Oh?_

 

“Something is seriously wrong. How long have you been living with these boring walls?” she adds after.

 

Lexa sighs in relief. _She meant she doesn’t like the dull walls._ “A while. I could use a change.”

“So could I,” Clarke responds.

\------

Clarke has been painting the house for a couple of weeks now. She doesn’t go every day, but she tries to when she can and preferably while there is still sunlight. After filming, she goes home, puts Aden to bed and then returns to Lexa’s if she can’t make it during the day. Her life is more demanding than before, but painting relaxes her so it’s okay. She even brings a wireless Bluetooth speaker to Lexa’s house so she can hear music. Lexa lets her play it as loudly as she likes.

 

Lexa sits on the couch covered in plastic while Clarke paints the walls most days. She has enjoyed watching Clarke paint the apartment. Lexa has especially enjoyed watching Clarke sing and dance while she does.

 

The first few days, before Clarke got her speaker, Lexa was serving dinner for both of them. She nearly dropped a cup when she heard Clarke’s voice. To hear her sing without reserve for anyone or anything at last was wonderful. She had the voice of an angel and Lexa had observed her every second that words and rhythm flowed out of her mouth. The first time Clarke noticed she was being watched, she asked her what she as staring at and Lexa answered her that she was dumbfounded by her divine voice, only to have Clarke blush endearingly. Now she’s used to having Lexa hear and watch her.

 

Most days, Clarke dances along to her music. Lexa thinks it’s fascinating when she does. Much like when they were practicing for the dance, Clarke dances according to the music. But if the music is sensual, Clarke moves to it a lot more comfortably than before, she even uses Lexa as a prop at times, singing to her, touching her, never in any inappropriate places, but the mere feel of Clarke’s fingers on her arm are enough to give Lexa goosebumps. With the right songs, it’s like Clarke is dancing for her, almost giving her a lap dance. This way, Lexa can’t help but watch her in awe.

 

Lexa is watching Clarke just as thunderstruck now. She is sitting and simply gazing the blonde’s way and doing nothing else like she has been most days when she can stay, but Clarke doesn’t mind having Lexa’s eyes only on her.

 

In these past weeks, Lexa has been nothing but friendly with Clarke. She figured it was good for them to get to know each other better as friends. Her thoughts regarding Clarke have been nothing but pure.

 

_Bullshit._

 

She hasn’t touched Clarke or made any sort of move, but she has been amusing herself with having the blonde over. When Lexa sits and watches her, she doesn’t just sit and watch her. She observes her and lets her filthy imagination fly free.

 

She imagines all the things she could do to Clarke.

 

She imagines leaning into Clarke from behind, wrapping her arms around the soft skin. She imagines kissing her neck, breathing her in. Then, biting, hard. She imagines her own hands slowly moving upwards, pulling Clarke’s shirt until her hands reach the blonde’s perky, round breasts. She imagines pinching her nipples, squeezing the muscle as she sucks on her neck. She imagines Clarke throwing her head back and moaning, urging her to go on. Then she imagines Clarke slowly moving her hand down and touching herself while Lexa holds her because she is unable to contain herself.

 

Other days, she imagines Clarke giving her a proper lap dance coupled with stripping. In her head, Clarke rubs her ass against her thighs, pushing against her lower stomach. She pushes Lexa’s legs apart, then pushes her back against the chair, and grinds against her, switching from that to humping when she feels like it. Clarke turns around and dances while she slowly removes her shirt, and she’s wearing nothing underneath; Clarke never wears much in her imagination. In Lexa’s head, Clarke fondles her own breasts, touches her own body slowly yet in an animalistic way, then she begs Lexa to touch her as she grabs Lexa’s hands and leads them down her pants.

 

Sometimes, Lexa spends the entire time Clarke is there contemplating the dirtiest and most erogenous details, like what it would feel like to be inside Clarke. What her cum would feel like on her fingers. What it would feel like to massage her while she’s wet. What Clarke would taste like. What her tongue would feel like on her cunt and inside it. What Clarke’s nipples would feel like when they are erect and in her mouth or her hands. What Clarke would sound like when she moans. What she would look and sound like when she comes undone.

 

The scenarios are endless.

 

If she is honest, every day she lets thoughts like that dance around her head, which is every day Clarke is over, she excuses herself to her bathroom and strokes herself until she comes, sometimes once, sometimes up to three times. It doesn’t take her long with how turned on and wet she is.

 

Today is no exception to her thoughts, but it is the last day for Clarke because the blonde is finishing the walls today.

 

As habitual, Clarke is giving Lexa her back while she coats the wall in color. Lexa imagines calling her attention, walking up to her, picking her up so Clarke wraps her legs around her, then pushing her against the wall, kissing her deeply. She doesn’t mind getting paint on herself.

 

Lexa takes a deep breath. _What am I even waiting for? No more imagining, I’m making this reality._

 

She stands from her chair and begins walking towards her. “Clarke,” she calls out to her. Her idea of what is to come keeps running through her mind. She imagines running her hand down Clarke’s pants and touching her wet –

 

“Gustus!” the blonde exclaims.

 

_Gustus?_

“Hey, Clarke. Good to see you here,” Gustus says as he walks out the elevator with lunch.

 

Clarke drops her painting gear and walks over to him to give him a hug.

 

He returns the hug, “I brought seafood. I thought Lexa and I could have lunch. It’s just your luck cuz I brought extra,” he tells her before turning to Lexa and walking up to her for a hug, “Hey Lex, how are you?” he asks as he hugs her. Lexa barely gives it back, not for lack of affection for Gustus but because she needs to calm herself and manage her sexual frustration at this unexpected and untimely interruption.

 

 _Of course something had to interrupt. Doesn’t it always,_ she thinks.

 

She comes back to her senses eventually and they all have lunch together. Gustus stays until nighttime, and then he and Clarke leave at the same time.

Lexa sighs at the missed opportunity. She’ll find another opening.

 

On the upside, her walls are without a doubt, astonishing. 

\------

Clarke wakes up the next day. She was fine yesterday at Lexa’s, but she’s not this morning in her own house.

 

It’s that day.

 

Every year, she tries to put the date out of her mind. She does everything possible to escape her thoughts, she avoids knowing the date long before it happens, but just like every year, her brain knows it regardless.

 

It is the day of the anniversary of her father’s death and the thought of that crushes her. Months ago, the people she held responsible were on the news. _The trucking company._ She went on a partying binge at the reminder of what happened, but it is even harder when the actual date of his death comes around. She starts slipping into that mindset she and Lexa talked about. The one that consists in ‘just surviving’.

 

_I need a drink._

 

She has been moderating her consumption for a while, and as much as she wants to keep that up, she just can’t make it the entire week sober.

 

Either way, she wakes up seemingly normal, she prepares Aden for school just the same as she always does. She wakes him up, she showers him, she showers herself, she makes breakfast and sends him on his way.

 

She goes to work. _Everything is fine. I can survive this week,_ she tells herself.

\------

_Something is wrong with Clarke,_ Lexa thinks. She has thought of it all week. _Something is visibly wrong with her._

 

Clarke has been acting strange all week. The blonde has barely spoken to her, and when she has spoken, she cuts the conversation short.

 

She wants to ask Raven and Octavia what is going on because they seem to know. Everyone, including them have been on eggshells around Clarke all week. She saw them hugging her the first day of this week and telling Clarke that if she needed anything, they were here for her. The rest of her friends did the same, but Clarke rather brushed them off. Kane even offered to suspend the shoot for the day or as long as she needed, but Clarke rejected the proposition.

 

If Clarke was barely responsive with her friends, Lexa supposes it is a long shot she will have any better luck. Either way, she has decided to talk to her privately when she gets the chance. However, she hasn’t gotten the chance all week because Clarke has been keeping herself busy on purpose or keeping the conversations small so no one talks to her. But she wants to offer Clarke whatever she needs. It pains her to see Clarke like this. It aches her even more that she can’t help her.

\-------

“Clarke?” Lexa asks with a knock as she stands outside her powder room. She doesn’t hear a response but she could swear she hears crying.

 

“Clarke?” she calls again.

 

No answer.

 

Lexa knows it is rude to charge into Clarke’s dressing room without permission, but she can tell Clarke needs someone. She turns the knob and opens the door. She finds Clarke drinking alcohol from a flask and several napkins inside the trashcan. Her eyes look puffy.

 

Clarke pretends none of it is apparent and she hides the flask. She stands and walks up to Lexa.

 

“Hey, did you need something?” Clarke asks.

 

Lexa doesn’t know what to answer her. This is not like her. “Clarke, I don’t know what is wrong, but I can tell something is wrong, even if you deny it. I’m not here to burden you with anything, but I wanted to tell you that if you ever need anything, anything at all, I’m here for you, to talk or not to talk, for anything you might need.”

 

Clarke doesn’t answer. Lexa can see the sadness in her eyes. She can tell there is something she wants to get off her chest but she doesn’t. Clarke swallows and after prolonged silence she seems to open her mouth to say something, but Lexa can tell she’s going to pretend she is fine, so rather than having Clarke force some words out, Lexa speaks again.

 

“That’s all I wanted to say.” Lexa then walks away kindly.

 

\-------

The week passes tensely.

 

Everyone goes home and though Lexa hopes Clarke will talk to her, the blonde simply walks away and drives off at the end of the Thursday shoot.

 

Lexa goes to her apartment. She feels miserable. She has no idea what it could be that has Clarke this way. She feels like there is a thick load on her chest. If she could, she would take Clarke’s pain away, she would go through whatever Clarke is going through instead of her. But the world doesn’t work like that.

 

She took a bath when she got home, and now she lays in a bathrobe on her balcony trying to relax with a cup of tea, but she cannot enjoy anything knowing Clarke is going through something.

 

Oscar buzzes the bell.

 

“Yes, Oscar?” she asks through the phone.

 

“The sexy blonde from the other day is here to see you,” he tells her.

 

_Clarke? What is she doing here at this hour?_

“Send her up Oscar,” she tells him.

 

“Uh, I would, but she is waiting outside. She came in a taxi and she says she wants you to come down and bring your car keys,” he explains.

 

“Alright, thank you Oscar. Tell her I’ll be down in a moment.”

 

She changes out of her bathrobe into some casual clothes, grabs a jacket and some essentials and makes her way down to Clarke.

 

“Hi,” Clarke greets her.

 

“Hello Clarke,” she greets back.

 

The air is still slightly tense, but Clarke looks a little better, a little more willing to talk it seems.

 

“Thank you for coming down,” Clarke says.

 

“Of course,” Lexa responds.

 

“Is it okay if we just… drive in silence?” Clarke asks.

 

“Of course not. Anything you want,” Lexa responds. Clarke smiles and they both make their way to the parking of the building, get in Lexa’s car and they drive off.

 

Lexa is under the impression that Clarke wants to drive around aimlessly with some company, but in a bizarre way, the blonde seems to have an intent with regards to direction as she dictates to Lexa where to turn.

 

She ultimately leads them to an area filled with mansions.

 

“This is it,” Clarke says. Lexa parks.

 

“What do you mean?” Lexa asks, utterly confused.

 

“You said something was wrong and you were right. I know I’ve been acting differently lately, and this is why,” Clarke says, not really making anything clearer.

 

Lexa patiently waits for further details.

 

“My father used to be a truck driver. He didn’t make much, but he was a good provider. And a good dad. He died in my teens, before I got famous as I told you before I think. Anyway, I won’t delve into details but there was a problem with his truck, a manufacturing problem that derailed him and killed him. I was visiting his grave the day I found Aden curiously.”

 

Clarke cuts what must certainly be a longer story short. She doesn’t sugar coat it, she just puts it out there in the most raw way possible.

 

She goes on, “We tried to sue the owner of the truck companies but...,” she gulps and powers through, “the lawyer said we didn't have a case. The company prosecutor, this expensive asshole with a winning streak in these cases blamed the incident on my dad. I was sure it was the truck company, but my mom was grieving and the lawyer we had back then wasn't that great because he was all we could afford, and it wasn't much, and they told me to let it go. His death was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I began acting out, sleeping around, drink excessively. Barely surviving. And when I tried to get help from anyone, try to convince another lawyer to take the case, or try to convince anyone that it was not just an accident but the trucking company’s fault, I just wasn’t the most credible person and no one believed me. Everyone just told me to let myself and my mom grieve, and move on. I went to hell and back before I put myself together again. I managed to start a singing career before I had even really reformed myself, but that worked out luckily. But even after all this time, I always find myself back here in this state on the week he died. And some months ago I was in a shit place because the company signed a merger. I don’t know if you saw it but it was on TV.”

 

Lexa pays close attention to it all. When Clarke mentions the merger, Lexa recalls having seen it on TV.

 

“I remember seeing the merger on television. It was quite the big deal,” she says.

 

“Yeah. It’s a big company thing.” Clarke points out. “You might have seen some chubby dick-looking guy holding everyone’s hands, but the real dickheads are the ones behind him. They are in charge. It’s this man called Roan and his mother Nia that actually run the business. The chubby guy is just the face,” Clarke lets it all out of her chest, barely looking at Lexa in the process.

 

“Anyway, most days I wake up just fine. But not too long ago, when I saw that woman on TV, I just...  They bought out another truck company. They’re just getting richer and more powerful and it just got to me I guess. Just finding out that they’re still out there, selling more trucks with problems while both of them have big grins, while Nia sunbathes in some beach and Roan swims in his pool with his tight speedos fucking kills me. And then the beginning of this week was the anniversary of my dad’s death, and that’s why I've been acting the way I have. It all sends me back to that time and I turn into the self-destructive person I was all over again. And I hate that version of me. It’s always been my worst self.”

 

“And this is it,” Clarke says after all that. She points to the mansion they are parked outside of, “where they live. For now, it’s just Roan. Nia is out of the country, she spends most of the time traveling,” she elaborates.

 

 _Oh. Now the neighborhood makes sense,_ Lexa thinks.

 

“I know it’s a little creepy to come here but I do on rare occasions. I just sit here in the car outside their house. It's not that I want to hurt them physically. I mean I do, I just wouldn’t actually do it. It's just that I want justice.” Clarke says. “Sometimes I wish I could break in and pee in the pool,” she adds almost accidentally.

 

Clarke sighs heavily, she feels better now that she has told Lexa, but it still hurts her. And of course it does.

 

Lexa now understands everything. It makes perfect sense.

 

“He wears speedos?” Lexa inquires. She has no idea what to say, but there really isn’t much. She concludes Clarke just needed someone to talk to, so she goes for something a little more lighthearted.

 

Clarke looks at her in seriousness. Oddly, she breaks into laughter at the unexpected question.

 

“That’s what you got from everything I said?” she asks.

 

“No, I heard everything. But does he really swim in speedos?” Lexa repeats.

 

Clarke smiles. “Yeah, speedos. Tight ones too,” she reiterates.

 

“Speedos are already too tight in my opinion,” Lexa states.

 

“They are. His are even tighter.” Clarke speaks.

 

“Tighter? What in the world?” Lexa says.

 

“Yeah! Fucking tighter! Doesn’t he sound like a total dick?” Clarke states.

 

 “Anyone who wears tight speedos is a dick by law. I read that somewhere,” Lexa jokes.

 

Clarke laughs. _How does she do this? How can she make everything better just like that?_

 

“Come on, let’s go,” Lexa says as she turns the car off, pulls a black packet from the glove compartment and steps out of the car.

 

“What? Where?” Clarke says as she instinctively follows Lexa out the car.

 

“This is the house right?” Lexa asks as she walks towards the mansion.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke confirms.

 

Lexa looks around and then walks to the back. Clarke trails her.

 

Lexa inspects the house from the outside and then she carefully inspects the back door.

 

“What are you doing?” Clarke inquires.

 

Lexa gets on one knee and unzips the black packet she pulled from the car. Clarke notices it contains an entire lock-picking kit. Lexa chooses some tools and then uses them for the lock on the back door.

 

“For a really extravagant manor, he has shit security,” Lexa comments as she picks the lock.

 

“I underestimated your rebellious teen years,” Clarke comments.

 

“The streets might not have been pleasant, but they taught me quite a bit,” Lexa says.

 

“You just have a lock-picking kit in the car at all times? And was that a butterfly knife I saw in the glove compartment?” Clarke asks.

 

“Yes,” Lexa affirms.

 

The lock makes a sound.

 

“Here we go,” Lexa says as she slowly pushes the door open.

 

Clarke smiles and walks inside. They find themselves in the backyard by the pool. Clarke looks around. It feels strange to be in this house. If she didn’t hate Roan and Nia with every fiber in her body, she would praise their choice in housing.

 

_There’s the pool. It looks tempting._

 

Clarke starts removing her clothing. Her shirt first, then her pants. Then, she dives into the pool because she feels like it.

 

Lexa watches her the entire time. _My God, you are so fucking beautiful Clarke._

 

“You coming?” Clarke asks the brunette once she is inside the pool.

 

“I thought you were going to pee in it,” Lexa says.

 

Clarke laughs, “Promise I won’t while you’re in here.”

 

Lexa smiles and begins removing her own clothing.

 

Clarke marvels at Lexa’s body.

 

_Fucking hell._

 

She had never seen her with this little clothing. _She has a very fit body_. Her abs are very well marked and the rest of her body quite muscular. She even notices Lexa’s back tattoo. She had seen the one on her arm, but the back one is new to her.

 

She wants to touch Lexa so badly. She dares say that the first thought she got of Lexa when she saw her shirtless was of licking her abs.  

 

Lexa dives into the pool once she steps out of her clothing, staying in her underwear such as Clarke.

 

They swim around freely and at some point, Clarke stops. Lexa does the same not too far from Clarke.

 

They regard each other.

 

 _I’m not letting another chance get away,_ Lexa thinks as she moves towards Clarke, who stands still in the pool.

 

Clarke feels her body heat rising from the way Lexa stares at her with fire in her eyes. She can see her intent. Lexa propels herself forward and then without a word, as soon as she’s inches from her body, the brunette grabs her from the back of her neck and pulls her in for a kiss.

 

 _Finally,_ Lexa thinks as she pulls Clarke flush against her and kisses her wet lips. She hears Clarke moan softly and all she wants is to make her moan louder. She tastes Clarke along with the water but she doesn’t mind because she has her alone at last. Clarke eagerly kisses her back, but Lexa keeps charge of the kiss. Clarke opens her mouth to receive Lexa’s tongue before she even asks and Lexa happily meets Clarke’s tongue with her own. She pulls Clarke impossibly closer and deepens the kiss. She leaves one hand near the back of Clarke’s neck and lets the other slip down the blonde’s back slowly. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t want to undo her brassiere right now and put into action all her fantasies, but this is only the first time they have properly kissed and she wants to enjoy it first.   

 

Lexa focuses on the feel of Clarke, the taste of her tongue, the blonde's wanting lips on her own. She feels how Clarke touches her body, her hands roaming around her skin, feeling every inch of it. She feels how her fingers trace her abdomen carefully the way a blind person touches someone new to understand what they look like. She feels the way Clarke pushes her ample breasts against her, letting her feel the heat of her body. She can feel how much Clarke wants this, how much she wants her and it makes the animalistic side of her come out.

 

 _Fuck yes,_ Clarke thinks as Lexa presses her lips against her. Lexa turned all her grief and worry to dust and Clarke wants nothing more than this right now. Lexa kisses her expertly. The brunette knows what she is doing and it amazes Clarke that while she was in the character of Alex, Lexa had kissed her entirely differently. She hadn’t had the passion she has now, she hadn’t felt as warm as she does now either. Right now, she is kissing her with every cell in her and Clarke moans against her inevitably. Lexa pulls her closer and Clarke has no problem with it. Her whole body is asking for Lexa, there is no denying it with how the wetness pools between her legs. Clarke traces her hands down the back of Lexa’s toned body while Clarke feels Lexa’s hand travel down her back. It feels like a magnetic pull between them. Neither one of them stops for a breath, nor do they want to. But the kiss is not rushed even so. They take just enough time to feel each other right.

 

Clarke feels a rush in the pit of her stomach, it goes lower, and lower, to her core. She pushes herself against Lexa, wishing her bra was out of the way. She hears a low growl from Lexa’s throat through the kiss and it makes her clench. She grips Lexa from her neck and side, letting her nails dig into the skin, she doesn’t want her to go anywhere. She sucks on the brunette’s tongue and she’s ecstatic to receive another growl from Lexa.   

 

Against their will, they pull away to breathe at some point. They keep their foreheads pressed against each other as they catch their breath. Lexa smiles and opens her eyes only to find Clarke smiling too with her eyes still closed.

 

Lexa’s hand starts moving back up. She has ample experience unbuckling brassieres with one hand so it won’t be difficult.

 

Clarke smiles when they pull away. She doesn’t open her eyes because she wants to feel the lingering tingle Lexa has left on her lips. She smiles wider when she feels Lexa’s hands begin to move to what she hopes is her bra clasp.

 

Clarke wants Lexa’s hand on her, everywhere. She wants it on her back, her front. She wants it on her ass and then she wants Lexa to rip her clothing off and feel what she does to her. She wants Lexa to fuck her right –

 

Lights in their face bring them to an abrupt halt.

 

“Who’s out there!?” Roan yells out.

 

 _Fuck,_ Clarke and Lexa think at the same time. 

 

Lexa pulls away, thrusts herself out of the water and she helps Clarke out as well. They both scurry for their belongings and run back outside to the door they came from in giggles.

 

“Who’s there?! I have a gun!” Roan threatens, but Lexa doubts a man who swims in tight speedos owns or knows how to work a gun, so she supposes it is an empty threat. Either way, this is not the day to get caught breaking and entering, especially since they are wet and in their underwear. The media would get a kick out of that.

 

They dash to the car half naked and get inside promptly. Lexa then drives them off rapidly.

 

They continue laughing even blocks away. Lexa turns the heat of the car on to keep them warm.

 

“I’m sorry we got your car wet,” Clarke says after the laughter dies out.

 

“I don’t mind it,” Lexa responds.

 

Clarke smiles at her and Lexa smiles back.

 

They turn the radio on and Lexa finds the perfect radio station; one playing a mixture of hits, from classics to modern ones.

 

She and Clarke sing their hearts out to everyone’s favorite songs.

 

Eventually, Lexa lowers the radio and Clarke lets her chair fall back to let everything go except for the ease of their recent kiss in her memory.

 

They sit in comfortable silence the rest of the way while Lexa drives Clarke home. Clarke watches Lexa the entire road with an unwavering smile. Lexa glances her direction whenever she can and gives her an equally endearing smile.

 

Clarke dresses up on the way and Lexa puts her jacket on. They reach Clarke’s house in due course.  

 

“I’m sorry you did not get to pee in his pool,” Lexa says as she walks Clarke to her door in her underwear and a jacket.

 

Clarke chuckles, “That’s okay. I enjoyed what we did much more,” she says with a coy smile.

 

Lexa smirks at her. “As did I.”

 

Clarke opens her door to get inside. It’s rather cold.

 

“Thank you Lexa,” Clarke says as she hugs her even though they are both wet and semi-clothed.

 

“You don’t have to thank me. I enjoy making you happy,” Lexa tells her.

 

_Wow. That’s so fucking sweet._

 

“Would you like to come inside? At least so we can dry up properly,” Clarke propositions.

 

“I would like that very much. But I should point out I have no interest in you being anything other than wet,” Lexa states boldly.  

 

Clarke bites her lip at the implication.

 

Lexa begins to walk inside, but just as she does, Aden appears behind Clarke.

 

“Mommy?” he asks sleepily as he rubs his eyes.

 

Clarke purses her lips at the intrusion. Lexa smiles softly as she steps back out.

 

“Hey sweetie,” Clarke says to Aden.

 

“Why are you wet?” he asks when he holds his mom from her pants pocket. He doesn’t notice Lexa standing in nothing but underclothing and a jacket.

 

“We…went swimming,” Clarke tells him.

 

“Maybe another time then,” Lexa postpones their encounter, says goodnight and leaves.

 

Clarke sits around writing music before bed, among doing other things.

 


	15. WTF

Clarke grins like a child when she wakes up that Friday.

 

 _That kiss._ She hums at the thought of it.

 

They are only filming a short scene later that afternoon so she has time to sleep in. She lays in the bed just thinking about it. She came to the thought of the kiss and other possibilities twice last night while she touched herself. She really wished it had been Lexa that had made her come though. She might not have needed to masturbate but Lexa left her with the thought of it after her suggestive phrase of having her wet.

 

She wants to touch herself again now. The arousal has not simmered down since the night before. But she has to delay that because it’s late and she promised Aden she would take him to the mall today because there is an event for children happening involving animals that has been around all week. She also wants to take the chance to buy a dress for Kane’s invite tonight.

 

She groans and forces herself out of bed.

 

On the upside, she cannot wait to tell Raven and Octavia about it. She had told them about the gallery break-in but she had skipped on the unfinished kiss. There is no way she’s not going to tell them about this.

 

\-------

 

The children’s event goes well and Aden enjoys his time. Clarke even finds a dress like she hoped for.

 

Aden spends the last of his time petting a Guinea pig.

 

 _What a great day. Maybe I’ll invite Lexa over before the invite and we can go together¸_ Clarke thinks.

 

She turns around and in less than a second, her entire day is ruined.

 

“Hello. Claire, was it?” the woman says condescendingly.

 

“It’s Clarke,” she corrects, knowing the woman remembers her name perfectly though she pretends not to.

 

“I would say it’s good to see you but it’s not,” Nia says as she towers over her.

 

“The feeling is mutual,” Clarke responds.

 

“You look rather well considering it was just the anniversary of your father’s death last week. Jake was his name, wasn’t it? My condolences. Are you still suffering from delusions about how his terrible accident was our fault?” Nia dares push Clarke.

 

Clarke feels her heart in her ears, her face becomes visibly red and she can’t breathe any more. She’s about to murder Nia right there in the middle of the mall. She can’t speak from the anger she’s feeling and she stands there in silent rage.

 

“Hey, mom,” Roan walks up. “Clarke,” he greets politely but without much eye contact _._

_You’re number two on my hit list after that bitch._

 

He detects the emotions in Clarke’s face and deduces his mother must have said something to cause them. “Let’s go mom,” he urges Nia.

 

“Well, we must go now. Say hello to your mother for me. Goodbye Clarke,” Nia tells her coldly. They both turn away and Clarke is left standing there near the point of eruption.

 

Clarke attempts to leave the mall in a rush but someone has slashed two tires on her car and she only has one spare.

 

 _Fuck’s sake._ She leaves the car in the parking lot of the mall and takes a taxi to work. On the way, she calls for a tow for her car.

 

Clarke takes Aden with her to the set even though it’s a school day. A couple of days ago she noticed he was sick and she decided it was best that he not go to school, but since he didn’t want to spend the day home with Wells, she agreed to bring him at his petition.

 

She’s furious when she gets to work but she doesn’t want to talk to anyone about it. It has come to her attention that the invite is a rather peculiar occasion, and it occurs to her that Marcus might be under the intention of proposing to Abby. It is the only thing that makes sense. It would explain why he has been behaving oddly when it he brings up, and she decided she is not going to ruin her mother or Marcus’ day with news of meeting Nia and Roan. She doesn’t want to ruin everyone else’s day either because everyone is in a good mood. So she sucks it up and not only plays her part in the movie, but also acts out her calm and regular self though she is boiling inside.

 

The scene is a success on the first try, _Thank heavens._ It doesn’t involve Lexa so the brunette doesn’t show up.

 

She wants to go home and get ready for tonight and everyone in the cast who is invited has to do so as well so no one notices the small giveaways that she is not okay.

 

_I just want this day to end._

 

She is going to go home now, but she wants to stop and buy some medication for Aden.

 

Marcus suggests that he take Aden with him so that he could waste some time with the child instead of Aden going back home with Clarke and waiting around for her to dress up and do her makeup.

 

She walks outside determined to find herself a taxi as soon as possible.

 

_Finn?_

 

“Hey, Clarke. What’s up?” he asks as he comes up to her from nowhere.

 

“Finn,” she says indifferently, “What are you doing here?” she asks.

 

“I thought I’d visit on set,” he says.

 

“The day is over, it was a short shoot, and I have to go home,” Clarke states just as coldly as before.

 

“Clarke,” she hears someone call her.

 

_Lexa?_

The brunette smiles when she sees her. She is hoping she can share some time with Clarke before the dinner. She likes being with Clarke even when it’s calm and they have nothing to do. It doesn’t always have to be exhilarating, but either one of them can make it like that when needed. She likes that they match together like that. Clarke can be spontaneous and so can she, that way, they’ll never be bored.

_Hold me,_ Clarke wishes about the brunette. She realizes now that her built up anger is really just grief at the harshest reminder of everything she went through when her father died.

 

 _The fuck is he doing here?_ Lexa wonders about Finn. Lexa notices Clarke looks uncomfortable for some reason. _Is it Finn? Or something else?_

 

“Lexa, hi,” Clarke says. She tries not to be rude but her greeting comes out without much energy even though she doesn’t mean it that way.

 

“I know it’s a short day today, I thought perhaps I could give you a ride home. Octavia told me you had a problem with your car,” Lexa states.

 

“I have to buy Aden meds, and I need to go home,” Clarke says. She can barely manage a few words out of her mouth. She realizes she is unbelievably beat just as she sees Lexa. All she wants is to fall in her arms and cry her eyes out.

 

“That’s fine, I’ll take you,” Lexa offers.

 

“I have time too,” Finn jumps in.

 

Lexa turns to him. She examines him to see if he’s trying to intervene between them but his face looks outright oblivious.

 

“Okay,” she agrees since she has no excuse for rejecting him.

 

Lexa gets in her car, Clarke in the passenger seat, and Finn lingers in the back with each arm on the headrest of the front seats. Lexa is uncomfortable with his presence the entire way to a pharmacy. She wants to talk to Clarke, who looks sorrowful but she doesn’t want to bring anything up around Finn.

 

_Why the fuck did I agree to let him come?_

 

They reach a pharmacy but they park a block away because they can’t find a space. They all step out of the car even though Lexa insists to Clarke that she can stay in the car while she returns with some medication.

 

Paparazzi surround them almost instantly once they make it out of the pharmacy.

 

 _How the fuck did they find us?_ Lexa wonders.

 

 _Fuck’s sake, not now,_ Clarke thinks as she closes her eyes and tries to wish them away.

 

“Long time no see,” they tell Finn.

 

“I know man,” he talks to them with a smile as they all make their way to the car.

 

Clarke and Lexa walk silently side by side, ignoring the photographers. Meanwhile, Finn continues chatting with them.

  

Lexa walks quickly and before she realizes it, she reaches the car, she looks to her side but Clarke appears to have stayed back.

 

Lexa searches for Clarke in the mob of photographers but she can’t find her. She can’t see Finn either. The only thing she can see is the paparazzi swarming everywhere with lights. Finn and Clarke must be stuck between them. She goes back to where she came from in an attempt to pull Clarke out of the horde. As she gets closer and pushes past some of them, she finally lays eyes on Clarke, and Finn, again.

 

“Give us a kiss!” one paparazzo yells out at Finn and Clarke.

 

 _Did they just say kiss?_ Lexa wonders. _What the fuck? Hell no!_ She pushes even harder but the mass is moving all together and they’re forcefully pushing past her to get a picture of Clarke and Finn. The crowded street is not helping either. It is filled with people just wanting to get somewhere, but many stop around to see what is going on, forming an even bigger mass around Clarke and Finn.

 

“Give us a kiss! Come on, give us a kiss!” all the paparazzi begin yelling one after the other.

 

 _Fucking dicks._ Lexa tries to get through to them but she feels like she’s in quicksand and the more she tries to fight it, the more she sinks away into the crowd of photographers and further from Clarke.

 

“Come on! One kiss!” the paparazzi keep aiming for.

 

Clarke feels suffocated. She can’t breathe with all those people surrounding her. She thinks she’s having a panic attack. She has never had one, but it sure as hell feels like it. Everywhere she turns, all she sees is someone pointing a camera her way, yelling for a kiss.

 

 _Lexa?_ She looks for her, but cannot find her. She feels like she’s spinning and all she sees is Finn, smiling. He doesn’t mind what they’re yelling, he doesn’t mind the crowded space with less oxygen by the minute.

 

She wants to make it to the car but she can’t see beyond the photographers. She’s walking to nowhere.

 

They keep pushing Finn towards her, even though she hates it. He doesn’t even seem to care, he’s like a child in a bouncy castle.  

 

She needs peace and quiet. This is the kind of moment in movies where things should go silent even though there is nothing but noise around, but her brain doesn’t shut it out. She still keeps hearing all of them yelling for a kiss.

 

_Please stop!_

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” they chant like mad teens participating in a peer pressure system.

 

_I can’t take it._

“Give us a kiss! Just one kiss for the cameras!”

 

_If I kiss him, will they stop?_

She looks at Finn.

 

She reaches for him but then pulls back. _This is a mistake._

 

He smiles at her and cocks his head to the side when he notices she was reaching for him. He forgets that she pulled back, and he grabs her and kisses her. Suddenly, the paparazzi go silent and all she hears are flashes. She wants to push him away, but it’s working, they’re finally quiet, and his lips on hers are the last thing on her mind. Until they become the only thing she can think of. She feels ill. He’s still kissing her, but she can’t push him away, if she does, she’ll only be giving the press a story and they’ll love that, so she powers through it.

 

Lexa keeps trying to push past the press photographers, but for some bizarre reason they all go mute and stop moving. She has no idea why but she doesn’t care.

 

She finally makes it through them but she wishes she hadn’t.

 

She sees Clarke kissing Finn.

 

She goes back to the times she saw Clarke the first times, when Finn was around her and she felt like his mere company in Clarke’s vicinity was a punch in the gut. But this is worse, much much worse. It does not even compare to those times. This feels like a stab everywhere in her body and the knife is being twisted until she feels unimaginable pain.

 

Clarke and Finn pull away from each other. He’s smiling but Clarke is not. Clarke notices Lexa standing there, heartbroken.

 

_Oh no, what have I done?_

 

The photographers stop their harassing, thank Finn and Clarke for the photos, and leave them alone. Finn smiles and responds with “you’re welcome” to all of them.

 

 _What the fuck?_ Lexa thinks.

 

They snap a few photos of Lexa and then leave all together.

 

She, Clarke and Finn all make it to the car as the street clears up.

 

They get inside it without a word.

 

Lexa has nothing to say. _What the fuck was that? Why didn’t she push him away?_

She looks at Clarke but the blonde avoids eye contact.

 

Meanwhile, Finn sits in the back, grinning, his legs wide open and his arms extended on the headrests of the backseats.

 

Lexa just keeps thinking the same thing. _What the fuck?_

 

Clarke still won’t look her way, and Lexa notices a single tear roll down Clarke’s face. _What the fuck just happened?_

 

Clarke doesn’t look at Lexa directly, but she can see her from the corner of her eyes. _How can I explain it? How can I tell her that I just needed the paparazzi to leave me alone and the only thing I could think of was to give them something they wanted? How can I tell Lexa that I absolutely despised the kiss once I realized what I was really doing but could not pull away because that would have caused a scene?_ She sees Lexa look at her, waiting for some explanation, waiting for her to say something, but she can’t speak. If she tries to, she’ll burst into tears in front of Lexa and Finn.

 

What is worse, Clarke saw Lexa’s face when she saw her and Finn kiss. She saw what she did to Lexa, she saw how disgusted the brunette was, she saw the moment her heart broke. _How can I look at her after that?_ Lexa must abhor her right now, but no one detests her more right now than Clarke detests herself.

 

Lexa doesn’t know what to do. She keeps trying to discern what Clarke is feeling even though it is tough to look at her right now. She doesn’t even know what to tell her. She feels repulsed by the recent sight and she could swear Clarke feels the same, the blonde’s entire face reads of regret and shame.

 

Lexa has a look at the rearview mirror. Finn looks so proud of himself. _Can’t he tell what he does to Clarke? Can’t he tell that she hated it? Then why the fuck did you kiss him Clarke?_ She grips the steering wheel tightly and her jaw stiffens. She tries to wrap her head around what just happened, but she can’t.

 

The entire ride is quiet aside from Finn singing in the back of the car after he asks to turn the radio on and does not even wait for permission to be granted. Lexa drives Clarke to her house first, she’ll ask Finn where he lives afterwards even though she has no love for the man and the last thing she wants to do is drive him home or worse, drive him home and have to have a dialogue with him in the process.

 

She turns the engine off at Clarke’s place. If she is honest, she doesn’t want to walk Clarke to her door. After the entire ride, she doesn’t even want to look at her at all, she can’t look at her. All she can think about is how Clarke has the remnants of Finn on her lips. Even so, she uses whatever resolve she has left to get herself out of the car with the other two.

 

Clarke is on the verge of the biggest breakdown she has ever had. Her father’s death and the way she hurt Lexa are banging at her head. She feels drained, both mentally and physically as she pulls herself out of Lexa’s car. She finally looks at Lexa, but now, the brunette won’t look at her, and Clarke can’t blame her.

 

“Thank you for the ride, Lexa,” says Finn as he helps Clarke open her door.

 

 _Of course he’s staying,_ Lexa thinks.

 

“No,” Clarke says. “I’m going to get ready for Kane’s party, you should go home and do that too Finn.”

 

“I still have clothes here, I’ll use those,” Finn says.

 

 _Fuck’s sake. Shut the fuck up Finn,_ Clarke thinks. _He always says the wrong fucking thing._ She looks at Lexa who looks even worse now. Clarke wants to cry even more.

 

“It’s a really nice invite. You can’t go in a T-shirt,” Clarke tries to convince him, “And I’d like to be alone,” she lies, even though she wants nothing more than to be with Lexa.

 

“Fine,” Finn acquiesces. “Can you drop me off at my place?” he asks Lexa.

 

Lexa is about to nod. She can’t bring herself to speak anything at the moment.

 

“Um,” Clarke commences before Lexa answers, “Lexa lives on an entire opposite side to you. If she takes you she won’t have time to go back home and make it to Kane’s invite on time. I think you should take a cab,” she tells Finn.

 

“Fine. I guess I can do that,” he says. “I’ll go find one,” he adds and then leaves.

 

Lexa begins walking back to her car without a word.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke tries to call, but the word comes out broken and faintly. She holds back her tears as hard as she can. “Lexa,” she efforts once more.

 

Lexa hears her name and she keeps walking, but stops when she reaches her car. She can’t just ignore Clarke.

 

Lexa finally looks at Clarke. “I hope Aden gets well,” she says.

 

 _Please don’t go. Stay with me. I’m so fucking sorry,_ Clarke thinks, but she can’t muster any of it.

 

When nothing comes out of her mouth, Lexa gets in her car and drives off.

 

\-------

 

Lexa makes it to her apartment. She has a couple of hours before she needs to be at the dinner invite.

 

She decides to take a cold shower. _I wish I was at the beach surfing._ Luckily for her, next week they are shooting by the beach so they are going to spend all week near the ocean.

 

She changes into a suit for Marcus’s invitation. She fixes her makeup and her hair and before she knows it, she needs to get going. The dinner is not near her place so she needs to take into account the time she requires to get there based on distance and traffic.

 

She drives to the intended location. Her head is blank the entire way. She is in literal shock from the latest occurrence.  

 

She makes it to the party and greets everyone as if nothing is wrong.

 

Clarke shows up late. Lexa doesn’t greet her. Either way, Clarke finds herself surrounded by her friends as soon as she arrives, so it keeps the blonde from approaching Lexa, who is sitting at a table next to Marcus.

 

Everyone is busy when Marcus calls their attention by speaking on a microphone.

 

“Hello everyone. I’d like to thank you all for coming. And I’d like to say a few words about the person most important to me since I met them.” Marcus says.

 

Clarke watches Marcus talk on and on about Abby, about how she changed his life when she came into it, how she makes him a better person, how he could have never met a more wonderful person, and how he wants nothing more than spend the rest of his life next to her before he gets down on one knee and proposes to her like Clarke was expecting.

 

She can’t help but think how she could be saying those same things about Lexa. _Did I fuck everything up?_ She wonders. But now is not the time, right now she’s happy for her mother and Marcus. She’s one of the first people to go up to the newly engaged couple to hug them and congratulate them.

 

The mood of the party improves significantly after the joyful moment.

 

\-----

 

Lexa sits on her chair, watching the guests of the party, particularly Clarke. Marcus joins her at the table again.

 

“Lexa,” he calls her name and she looks away from Clarke and turns to him.

 

“Yes?”

 

“I just wanted to say thank you. The movie is going better than I imagined, and I cannot imagine anyone else playing Alex,” he says.

 

Lexa smiles, “Thank you Marcus, for the compliment and the opportunity.”

 

Marcus looks at Clarke, he noticed from before that Lexa had been looking at the blonde.

 

“You know, I’m aware that many artists would’ve rejected the role because of Clarke as their costar and my relationship with Abby. I know what the media says, but I think I should tell you something,” he states.

 

“Before you do, you should know I have no regrets about the role, but go on,” Lexa tells him.

 

He smiles and goes on, “I met Clarke before I did Abby,” he commences, “She invited me over to her house along with the rest of the crew that she’s friends with. We were joking around, talking about movies, critiquing them as we do among the crew, and Clarke joined in. I was surprised to hear what she had to say. She was not afraid to criticize me. Told me that I could have done better in some of my movies. Anyhow, I asked her what she thought I could change and if she could give me an example. And she did, she commented on an important scene from one of my movies, told me how she thought it could’ve been better, how the script didn’t quite give her the satisfaction she was hoping for this important scene, how the acting had confused her. I should point out, Clarke has a tendency to be very honest when she is drunk and I doubt she would’ve told me this any other day. But on that day, she managed to give me the perspective of a viewer, of a fan, not of someone making the movie and knowing everything behind it. It was a fresh point of view. And that’s how I decided I would cast her when the right movie came along. And this is the right movie. Anyway, I met Abby long after I had made that decision and I want you to know, me choosing her for this had nothing to do with my relationship with Abby.”

 

Lexa smiles. Despite everything going on, she’s glad to hear this. She had always hoped that Clarke getting this role had not been because of what everyone thought it was. It was nice to finally have her belief validated; Clarke was a talented actress, and that was why she had obtained the role.

 

“Thank you for telling me Marcus, but in truth, I always knew, even if I had no confirmation. I had trust in you and I had made up my mind about Clarke from the moment I saw her act,” Lexa states.

 

Marcus smiles and nods, “I’m glad to hear that. I was hoping you’d already think that anyway. I had trust in you too.”

 

Lexa returns the smile.

 

“If you’d excuse me, my date is back from the ladies room, and I think I’m going to ask her to dance,” he says as he stands and goes to Abby, pulling her to the place cleared up for dancing.

 

Lexa lets him go. She looks back at Clarke. She needs to talk to her, she doesn’t know if that will stop the pain she’s feeling, but she needs to do something other than stare at the blonde and not talk to her. Now is not the time, but every passing second is excruciating.

 

Clarke is standing with her friends by the open bar. She has looked over at Lexa several times, but it is hard to hold Lexa’s gaze when the brunette looks like the last person she ever wants to see is her. Clarke wants to talk to her, but she doesn’t know what to say.

 

 _Gosh she looks beautiful…_ Clarke gets distracted then returns to her thoughts.

The entire time Clarke spent preparing herself before this party was used up thinking of how she would explain what happened, but none of her explanations sounded compelling. _What the fuck had I been thinking? I’ve fucked this up entirely._ Surprisingly, she sees Lexa walking towards her. She’s expecting Lexa to tell her _what a fucking dick_ she’s been.

 

“May I steal Clarke for a dance?” Lexa says as she comes between Clarke and the rest of her friend group and extends her hand to the blonde

 

 _What?_ Clarke wonders as she takes Lexa’s hand.

 

Lexa leads her to the dance floor and they then begin slow dancing with some other couples on the dance floor.

 

Lexa is quiet. Clarke knows she shouldn’t be taking this moment to get the comfort she needs from Lexa, but she is longing to be in her embrace and so she wraps her arms around the brunette’s neck and leans on her shoulder, not caring who is watching.

 

She hears Lexa sigh heavily.

 

 _Why does she do this?_ Lexa ponders as she feels Clarke lean on her. _It is so difficult to be mad at her this way, when she’s so close and vulnerable._ Lexa can’t help herself when she wraps her arms around Clarke and leans into her, smelling the fragrance of Clarke’s hair and entire body.

 

She is conflicted about Clarke. She doesn’t want to speak anymore. She wants to forget everything that happened and just hold Clarke. She doesn’t care about explanations or confrontations at this moment.

 

“I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” Clarke whispers.

 

Lexa sighs again and closes her eyes. She’s tempted to forgive her right away.

 

“Can I barge in?” Finn cuts in.

 

Lexa’s jaw stiffens.

 

She pulls away from Clarke despite the fact that Clarke tries to hold on to her. She nods and walks away, giving Finn entrance.

 

He doesn’t make anything of it, he’s ignorant as to the tension.

 

Clarke despises the moment Lexa parts from her, but the brunette pulls away from her and walks back to her table without a second thought. _I guess she doesn’t forgive me._

 

Finn insufficiently substitutes Lexa in the slow dance.

 

“Figured this would be a good time to talk,” Finn says.

 

“Talk about what?” Clarke asks.

 

“You know, us,” he says.

 

Lexa watches them dance. Clarke detects Lexa’s eyes on them.

 

“Finn,” Clarke sighs.

 

“We haven’t had a chance to enjoy each other’s company for a while if you know what I mean. You haven’t called or texted, I miss our late nights,” he says rather obviously.

 

“I know, I haven’t been into it,” Clarke says.

 

“Well, we have time after tonight,” he states.

 

“I don’t think I’m up for it tonight either,” she tells him.

 

“Maybe I can convince you,” he says.

 

“Finn, I,” she commences but then he twirls her and stops her from finishing the sentence.

 

Lexa observes their every move. She can see they are talking, but she cannot hear them from a distance. They look like a mundane couple. She _fucking hates the sight of them together._

 

“If you don’t want tonight we could always have a quickie in the bathroom,” Finn tells Clarke with a grin.

 

 _Ugh_. The thought of that repulses Clarke. She wants to talk to him, to tell him a definitive no, but she cannot concentrate on her words when she can clearly see how Lexa is observing them.

 

“Finn, look,” she tries.

 

Meanwhile, Marcus and Abby sit back down next to Lexa.

 

Finn dips Clarke in the dance, stopping her from saying what she needs to once more. She holds him tightly from his neck when he does the unexpected move.

 

He pulls her back up and Clarke tries to stop the dance entirely, but her bracelet is stuck on something in the back of his collar as a result of holding on to him during the dip. She tries to see what it is but in order to so, she leans over his shoulder, almost the way she did with Lexa, except the purpose is entirely different.

 

Finn gets the wrong idea, “getting cozy are we?” he teases as he pushes his leg between Clarke’s.

 

“No, I just, my bracelet is stuck,” Clarke explains as she tries to disentangle the jewelry from whatever it’s caught in.

 

Lexa’s breathing becomes heavier. _She’s leaning into his shoulder. They look like they are dancing romantically._ Finn not-so-subtly moves his legs where they shouldn’t be. _What the fuck?_

She stands in instant rage, her hands turn into fists. She wants to walk up to them, push him off Clarke and knock him out. _But Clarke leaned on him, he didn’t force her to do that._

 

She sighs and tries to calm down.

 

It seems like no matter what happens between her and Clarke, so long as Clarke and Finn have something going on, her relationship with Clarke will never consolidate.

 

Lexa runs through all her thoughts:

 

_There is no purpose in causing conflict with Finn when he does not even know that he is getting in the middle of us – if there is an us with me and Clarke-, he is an innocent bystander, and so am I. Clarke has to straighten things up in her life, either with Finn or with me. I cannot stand being in this state of in between, Clarke has to choose; she cannot keep alternating between me and Finn. Until then, there cannot be an us with me and Clarke or anything resembling it._

She takes a deep breath.

 

“I must get going,” she tells Marcus and Abby.

 

“Why? It’s still early”, “Stay a while longer,” they inquire and suggest.

 

“I’d love to stay but I’m afraid I’m feeling nauseous,” she explains.

 

“Oh, okay”, “Thank you for coming.” They accept her excuse because her face matches her words; she looks sweaty and pale.

 

“Goodnight. Congratulations to you both,” she states.

 

They wish her a goodnight back and thank her for the good wishes.

 

-

For the past ten minutes, Raven has been watching everything going on between Lexa and Clarke from a distance. It doesn’t take long for her to grasp the discomfort of Lexa watching Clarke and Finn. Raven herself is confused as to Clarke dancing up close with Finn, but when she sees Lexa stand then begin saying her goodbyes, she knows she must stop her so as Lexa makes her way out, she goes after her.

 

“Black dodge please,” Lexa states to the valet so he brings over her car.

 

“Yes Miss, one moment,” he says as he goes to retrieve the car.

 

“Lexa!” Raven calls.

 

“Raven,” she turns to her, not expecting to see her.

 

“Why are you leaving?” Raven asks.

 

“I don’t feel well Raven, I must go,” Lexa explains.

 

“Is it because of Finn and Clarke?” Raven inquires.

 

 _Finn and Clarke._ She grinds her teeth at the sound of that.

 

“Raven, please, I,” Lexa starts but Raven talks over her.

 

“Look, Finn and Clarke aren’t a thing. They’re not made to last as a thing, they both know that. Now, I don’t know what’s going on between you two or in there right now but trust me, it’s probably not what it looks like,” Raven pleads and hopes Lexa will believe her.

 

Lexa sighs, “Raven…” She doesn’t know what to say. Raven clearly knows there’s more to her and Clarke than they’ve cared to share publicly. “I cannot take this,” Lexa says eventually.

 

The valet shows up and steps out of the car. “Miss Woods,” he calls her attention.

 

“Lexa, don’t go, Clarke is…” Raven tries.

 

“Goodnight Raven,” Lexa says as she walks to her car and steps inside it after thanking the valet boy.

-

_Fucking finally!_ Clarke thinks as she untangles the bracelet from Finn’s collar.

 

“Fucking finally,” she articulates.

 

“What?” Finn asks.

 

“The fucking bracelet was stuck,” she points out. She looks around, but Lexa is gone.

 

_No. Where is she?_

 

“I have to go,” she tells Finn and without waiting for a response, she runs off.

 

She examines every corner of the room but does not locate her. She gathers Lexa is either in the bathroom or outside, probably about to leave. She opts for outside and she hurries that way.

 

Just as she steps outside, she sees Lexa’s car gaining distance on them and Raven standing there watching.

 

Octavia comes out after she notices Clarke unnaturally racing outside.

 

“Fuck!” Clarke shouts.

 

“I’m sorry, I tried to stop her,” Raven tells her.

 

“What’s going on?” Octavia tries to interpret.

 

“What the hell where you doing dancing with Finn?” Raven asks right after her first sentence.

 

“I was trying to tell him that… It wasn’t what it looked like I swear,” Clarke tries but she falls apart half way through and begins sobbing.

 

“Woah, Clarke,” Octavia says. She and Raven rush to her side.

 

“Talk to us,” they plead.

 

Clarke keeps weeping helplessly and they simply hold her until it all comes out.

 

Her tears don’t stop falling, but Clarke manages to communicate with her friends. She explains it all: she starts from months ago, about how she was partying wildly as a coping mechanism, then she skips to the almost kiss in the gallery she had previously omitted, she moves on to the break-in to Roan’s house and the real kiss, continues with her father’s death and running into Nia and then the pharmacy incident when she kissed Finn, at last she explicates what she was actually doing while she appeared to be getting cozy with Finn.

 

“Clarke, we’re so fucking sorry for not being there for you,” Octavia apologizes.

 

“Yeah, we were all so distracted with our own shit. We’re so sorry,” Raven compliments Octavia’s words. “We thought you needed space… we’re so sorry, we’ve been shit friends,” Raven goes on as she hugs Clarke.

 

“Yeah, we have been shit friends,” Octavia agrees as she rubs Clarke’s back. “Why didn’t you say something though? Why didn’t you tell us we were being dicks? Or at least, why didn’t you tell your mom since we were clueless?”

 

“I don’t know. At first, I didn’t realize it was affecting me so much and then I just didn’t want to drag you into it and then… I don’t fucking know, it was stupid,” Clarke lets out in the middle of her sobbing.

 

“You never have to be afraid of dragging us into anything. We’re your friends and we love you. You can tell us you don’t want to party, you can tell us to fuck off, you can tell us you need us to just sleep over and keep you company. You can tell us anything, we’ll always be your friends Clarke,” Octavia states.

 

“Yeah, what she said,” Raven says with a small smile, relieving the air marginally.

 

Clarke gives them a sad smile but a few more sobs come out until the tears end.

 

“If she’s smart and if she really cares about you, she’ll come around,” Raven tells her kindly.

 

“Thank you Raven, but I think I’ve fucked it up definitively,” Clarke replies.

 

“Bullshit, you’ll fix this,” Octavia stops Clarke, “And Raven is right, if Lexa really cares for you, she’ll come to her senses and forgive you.”

 

Clarke nods, “I hope so.” She sobs some more.

 

Raven and Octavia hold her until she no longer needs it. They help her clean up and walk back into the party afterwards.

 

Abby immediately realizes something is wrong with Clarke when she sees her face swollen. She pulls Clarke to the side and asks her what the matter is. Clarke explains to her like she did to Raven and Octavia. Her mother hugs her and tells her the mom version of what her friends did; she asks Clarke to forgive her for not being there for her, tells her that if she ever needs her, to actually use her, and then tells her Lexa will forgive her because she cares for her.

 

Clarke isn’t sure she believes that though.


	16. Trying to Find Peace by the Shore

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

Lexa jogs in the beach early morning before work. She has had all week to enjoy the waves and the sand while they film the necessary scenes by this area.

 

She pushes thoughts of Clarke away.

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

…

_Check:_

_Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth_

_Heartrate, good…_

_Speed, good._

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

She imagines Clarke’s smile. But then she imagines Finn next to her, gripping her ass and leaning in for a kiss.

 

_Ugh!_

_Focus on the run._

 

_…_

 

Step,

Step,

Step,

 

_Check again:_

_Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth_

_Heartrate, a little higher but good…_

_Speed, also higher_.

 

She imagines Clarke yet again. She recalls the kiss between Clarke and Finn that day.

 

_What the fuck was that? Why the fuck!?_

 

She’s so mad, she’s already been jogging for a decent while but now she starts running faster and faster by the second.

 

_Why did he have to come to the pharmacy? It was my fault. Why did I fucking let him in the car?_

 

She pushes herself to her limit, her legs keep moving uninterrupted, her speed keeps rising, her heartrate even more, her breathing becomes inconsistent. Her hear rate monitor starts beeping when it rises above a certain number, but she ignores it.

 

 _Ouch!_ _Shit._ A sharp pain in her lung forces her to slow down after a distance.

 

She comes to a definitive stop.

 

_Why did she have to kiss him?_

 

She tries to regain her regular breathing tempo but it takes several minutes.

 

She’s sweating excessively and she’s dying of thirst. She drinks from the bottle she brought with her to freshen up, then she gets rid of her running gear, leaving it on the sand, and walks into the ocean. She swims for less than five minutes because her lack of energy does not let her swim for longer. She makes it out of the water and lets her wet body fall on the sand.

 

Some tears fall down her face, but she wipes them off quickly.

 

She can hear the blood pumping through her, the veins on every part of her body pulsating. Her body exudes heat even through the recently wet skin. Her lungs rise and fall beyond her control.

 

Her whole body is in pain but it’s more than from just the run.

 

It’s because she’s laying there replaying the moment she saw the woman she loves kiss another man over and over.

 

She loves Clarke. She knows that.

 

And she’s not mad at her, not really, because she can’t be. She forgave her the moment she asked her during their dance though she pretended she had not. All that anger is now aimed at herself: she’s mad at herself for not being there to shield Clarke from those photographers when they suffocated her. She’s mad at herself for letting Finn join them in the ride to the pharmacy. She’s mad at herself for not telling Clarke she was getting divorced long before she did. She’s mad at herself for not asking Clarke out on a date with those exact words in order to make things exclusive. She’s mad at herself for so many things. But she’s not mad at Clarke. All she wants is to see her and hold her, but she simply can’t.

 

She checks the time.

 

She needs to get back to the hotel to shower and go to work.

 

She returns and just as she’s entering her room, Clarke is leaving hers.

 

Lexa looks at Clarke. Clarke gives her a half smile, as if to check on their relationship, but Lexa doesn’t return the smile, she’s too exhausted for it, so she enters her room and closes the door behind her.

 

Her phone rings. It’s Indra. She doesn’t want to answer it because she knows what she’s going to tell her; that things are moving slowly and Costia’s lawyers continue to play hard ball.

 

She has a few missed calls from Gustus. She has not been talking to him because he gave Titus information to contact her. Titus has been calling all week, but she has not picked up.

 

She has not felt this alone in a long time. She’s back to her homeless teen years when she had nothing but herself and the ocean. She thought it wouldn’t be the worst thing to be like this, but as it turns out, now that she has had a taste of a life with more meaningful relationships, loneliness is an unexpectedly harsh and strangely unfamiliar state, and she hates it.

 

\-----

 

Clarke would be crying herself to sleep every night if it weren’t for Raven and Octavia keeping her company in her room at night.

 

Lexa has not said a word to her out of script and filming, and Clarke cannot work out what to tell her. She dreamed up a few versions of how to initiate a conversation but all of them seemed ridiculous. She tried talking to her alone after shooting but Lexa always disappears after Marcus yells ‘cut’ the last time of the day.

 

Sometimes she calls her mom, who has been staying in her house to watch over Aden, to talk to her or check on her son. But despite this and Raven and Octavia trying to keep her distracted, none of it has succeeded.

 

If anything, her time with Raven and Octavia have made matters worse because it was talking to them that made her realize that she is madly in love with Lexa, and that her own actions have pushed her away, probably forever. She feels like she doesn’t deserve Lexa. She does not know if it is best to leave her alone instead of keep causing her more pain. Her chest feels in pain most of the day and night because of it all.

 

\-----

 

The scenes they shoot throughout the week turn out fine. Both Lexa and Clarke don’t let their personal issues get in the way of their work.

 

However, the week passes by extraordinarily slow. It is an arduous week of work as well. Since they are only spending one week by the beach, they film all day since early morning and they extend out well into the night.

 

On the upside, Lexa spends all week surfing after work. Even if it is dark and she’s beat from filming, it helps her clear her mind. She rented a hut on the beach to store her surfing board and suit. While everyone goes back to the hotel after the last scene of the day, she heads another way and goes to the beach. The hotel they are all staying at is by the beach already, but Lexa prefers to go to another, less occupied area.

 

\-----

 

It’s the last day of the week shoot. They return tomorrow to their regular set.

 

Raven is adding makeup on Lexa for the last scene of the day. She tried talking to Lexa on Clarke’s behalf at first, but the brunette was not approachable, so now she simply does her work and keeps quiet.

 

Lexa sits silently while Raven works on her when without warning, she sees the last person she ever expected to.

 

_She looks lost. She must be looking for me._

 

“Excuse me, Raven. I need a moment,” Lexa says as she stands from her chair and walks to the only person out of place between dozens and dozens of crew members.

 

“Hello Costia,” she says to the curly haired woman whom she has not laid eyes upon in many months.

 

“Lexa, hi,” Costia says back. She leans in for an awkward hug.

 

“How are you?” Lexa asks once they part.

 

-

Raven’s eyes bounce from the two women interacting to Clarke ,who will undoubtedly notice them at any moment. This is the last thing Clarke needs, and she needs to stop the blonde from seeing it.

 

She hurriedly but casually walks to Clarke who is getting her outfit fixed by Murphy.

 

Regrettably, Raven doesn’t make it in time to stop Clarke from looking in the wrong direction and seeing Lexa with Costia.

 

Clarke’s breathing stops when she lays eyes on the pair talking.

 

 _What is she doing here?_ Clarke wonders.

 

“Costia is here,” Murphy points out, “that’s weird, she barely ever comes to set. I think I only saw her once or twice the entire Heda movie trilogy.”

 

“John, can you give Clarke and I a minute?” Raven asks.

 

“Sure,” John accepts and leaves them alone. “Okay, calm down, it’s probably not whatever you’re thinking,” Raven tries to comfort Clarke.

 

“She’s still her wife. And she’s coming here to visit her. What could go wrong? What if Lexa called her?” Clarke asks in distress.

 

-

“I’ve been good, you know. Not bad,” Costia responds to Lexa. “And you?”

 

“I’ve been busy, but for the most part fine. Thank you for asking,” Lexa responds cordially.

 

Costia opens her mouth to keep the chit-chat going, but Lexa speaks beforehand to settle a certain pending matter.

 

“I need to talk to you about something,” the brunette says seriously.

 

“Okay, what?” Costia asks.

 

“Our divorce,” Lexa says. This is the second time she has ever said that word to Costia. The first time was when she asked for it.

 

Costia swallows at the word. It evidently causes her displeasure. “Okay.”

 

“I thought we had agreed we would be civil. I thought we were clear on what was what and how we would handle it,” Lexa states.

 

Costia blinks quickly and frowns. “What? What are you talking about?” she asks in confusion.

 

“You’ve been asking for more than we had originally settled upon. Your lawyers have been giving Indra a hard time. I was under the impression that we…” Lexa says but Costia interrupts.

 

“What? Yeah, we had agreed. The reason things are taking long is because that’s just how divorces go, my lawyers told me…” Costia explains.

 

“No, the reason the matter is being extended is because your lawyers keep breaking our agreements and pushing for more,” Lexa interjects and clarifies.

 

“What?” Costia asks again, her frown doesn’t leave her face, and neither does her expression of misunderstanding.

 

“Indra was convinced it was you who was behind it, but I can tell from your face that you have no idea what has been going on,” Lexa says.

 

“Lexa, I swear, I don’t. I didn’t. I would never try to take advantage of you. I mean I know it’s a…,” she stops before the word she has an aversion for, “you know, but we promised each other we’d do it on the best terms and I meant that,” Costia states in honesty.

 

“Okay, good. That’s what I’ve been hoping for,” Lexa says with a smile. It is a relief to Lexa to know that Costia was not behind the vicious divorce tactics.

 

“I’ll talk to my lawyers. Or I’ll get new ones if I have to. I’ll make it right,” Costia promises.

 

“Thank you,” Lexa says.

 

Costia smiles at her and Lexa smiles back. _This is how divorces are done; amicably._ Lexa never wanted a rancorous break-up, and neither did Costia.

 

It is not often couples can smile at each other in the middle of a divorce. She hopes things will carry on smoothly for the rest of the split.

 

-

“They are smiling at each other, what kind of couple in the middle of a divorce smiles at each other?” Clarke says in misery and frustration.

 

“Maybe they’re one of those couples that just don’t hate each other, that happens,” Raven tries to comfort her.

 

“I don’t know Raven. I think I fucked it up, and now Lexa is going to get back together with her ex,” Clarke says.

 

“Clarke, that’s not going to happen. Lexa was probably getting divorced before she met you. And that had nothing to do with you. You’re not going to magically fix their marriage,” Raven states.

 

“Even so, maybe they’re still having sex,” Clarke says.

 

“What? Where did you get that from?” Raven asks.

 

“I talked to Gustus, and he says Lexa isn’t talking to him and as far as I know, and Lexa doesn’t have many friends, and when people need affection and they don’t have anyone, they make stupid fucking mistakes, like call their exes,” Clarke says as she keeps her eyes on the duo.

 

“Clarke,” Raven pulls the blonde her way by turning her chair towards her, “Lexa is not you. As far as you know, they’re fighting and keeping their faces straight in front of everyone,” Raven tries.

 

“Please, Raven, look at them, they’re not fighting,” Clarke says.

 

“Clarke, you’re reading too much into it, maybe they’re discussing divorce shit. Would you please stop doing this to yourself?” Raven pleads.

 

“It’s my fault. I should’ve told him,” Clarke states.

 

“What? Tell him? Who’s him?” Raven inquires.

 

“Finn. I should’ve told him we were over. I should’ve told him I don’t have feelings for him anymore. I should’ve told him to fuck off,” Clarke says in regret.

 

Raven sighs, “You can still do that.”

 

“What’s the point? Lexa hates me anyway,” Clarke states in defeat.

 

“You don’t know that. And there is a point. You need to tell him anyway. For him and for you. He needs to know or he’s going to keep thinking you’re friends with benefits,” Raven says.

 

Clarke sighs. “That’s gonna be such a fucking mess. You’re all friends with Finn and if I do this, I’m going to put everyone in a really awkward position.”

 

“No you won’t, you two were way better friends than you ever were a couple. So long as you cut the ‘benefits’ chord, you can go back to friends. And no one will be inconvenienced,” Raven tells her.

 

“You think that?” Clarke asks.

 

“Yeah, I do. We all think that. We’ve all thought that for a long time. You and Finn one of the few people who could pull off being friends after breaking up. I promise you you’re both way better like that. Less drama,” Raven insists.

 

-

 

“How’s the gallery?” Costia asks.

 

“It’s doing well. I’m thinking I need to make a few calls and obtain some new pieces soon,” Lexa says.

 

“I know some amazing artists, they’re really out of this world and everyone wants them right now. I could give them a call and you can work stuff out and have some of their art in your gallery,” Costia states.

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Lexa says.

 

“I know. I’m not doing it for any other reason than I think your gallery is great and these artists would be lucky to have their pieces in it, I swear,” Costia declares.

 

“Okay, I’d love to talk to them in that case,” Lexa agrees.

 

“Okay! I’ll give them your number,” Costia states. “So, how’s the movie going?”

 

“It’s going well,” Lexa states.

 

“I bet you’re loving that it’s by the beach,” Costia says.

 

“I am, though not all of it is here,” Lexa admits, “I must ask, how did you know I’d be here?” she changes the subject.

 

“Oh, I’ve been here for two weeks collaborating with another artist for a piece and word got around that you’d be shooting a scene here,” Costia lets her know.

 

Lexa had no idea Costia was only some hours away. She had no knowledge of Costia’s whereabouts since she moved out long ago.

 

“I see. What kind of piece are you working on?” she asks.

 

“This bank hired me and this guy for a piece that they wanted in the middle of their office building. We finished that one long ago but we decided we’d do another piece together because we liked working with each other. We’ll try to get it displayed somewhere once we finish,” Costia informs.

 

“I’m glad things are going well for you Costia,” Lexa tells her.

 

Costia gives her a shy smile. “Me too. I’m happy things are going well for you too.”

 

Lexa smiles back, “thank you.”

 

“It’s kind of loud here,” Costia mentions.

 

The sentence reminds Lexa of every time she and Costia had to leave a place because it was too loud for her and it gave her a headache. Many times, it was inopportune to get up and leave, but she would do it for her anyway.

 

“It’s a big movie, there are a lot of people working on it,” Lexa justifies.

 

“Would you like to maybe grab something to drink, in another place that isn’t loud?” Costia asks.  

 

Lexa considers the question. She had been wondering how she would feel about seeing Costia for months. She was afraid she would feel something for Costia while she was falling for Clarke. She thought all her feelings would come rushing back when she saw her. She thought she would be tempted to repair their relationship after seeing her after such a long time. She thought it would be the most difficult thing to say goodbye to Costia after seeing her.

 

She thought so many things would happen when she finally ran into her, but she is finding at this moment, exactly how she feels about her. She is finding that saying ‘no’ to her is the absolute easiest thing in the world because all these feelings Lexa thought she would have harbored, don’t exist at all. And the fact of the matter is that without question, she no longer has any romantic feelings for Costia.  

 

“No, I wouldn’t,” Lexa responds straight.

 

“Oh,” Costia reacts, her face changes.

 

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lexa reassures her but then fails, “I simply meant, no.”

 

“Okay…” Costia doesn’t know how to respond.

 

“I don’t think we should go out for a drink now, or later. I think that it is better if we leave things as they are and go our separate ways entirely after our divorce is final,” Lexa states honestly but considerately. “But thank you Costia. You’ve cleared up a lot for me.”

 

“Okay. You’re welcome, I guess,” Costia says acceptingly but slightly bewildered. “You’re probably right anyway. It’s better for the both of us to go our own ways.”

 

“I truly think so,” Lexa states assertively. “I have to get back to work,” she says after a short silence.

 

“Right, of course, I won’t take up any more of your time,” Costia says timidly with a small nod. “I’ll talk to my lawyers by the way. I’m sorry about whatever happened. You’ll pass that along to Indra won’t you?”

 

Lexa smiles and nods, “Of course. Good luck with everything else.”

 

Costia smiles, “Thank you, you too.”

 

“Goodbye Costia,” Lexa tells her with a smile of mutual understanding.

 

“Bye Lexa.”

 

-

 

“She’s leaving. She didn’t stay long. No kiss goodbye either. That’s a good sign,” Octavia says regarding Lexa and Costia after she has joined the conversation with Raven and Clarke.

 

“Couples kiss goodbye, no kiss means there’s definitely something not right,” Raven adds.

 

“Guys, it’s fine. I fucked it up and now I have to live with it. I’ve made my peace with it. I’m lucky if she still wants to see my face after all this,” Clarke says in resignation.

 

Raven and Octavia try to fight her back on how Lexa might feel about her, but she tells them not to. Not long after, Marcus checks on them and hurries them along to get back to filming, so they do.

 

\------

 

They finish the last scene and for the first time all week, Clarke catches a glimpse of Lexa as she leaves the set, and she follows her.

 

At first, it seems like she’s going to the hotel, but then Lexa curves another way. They nearly reach the beach after a walk.

 

Clarke keeps her distance from the brunette while she trails her. She doesn’t even know why she’s stalking her, but she is slightly curious about where she goes at the end of every day because it’s never the hotel right away. She’s sure of that because the hotel is where everyone goes after work, and Lexa is never anywhere to be seen.

 

After a relatively long walk, she loses Lexa in the dark.

 

_Fuck! Where is she?_

 

Clarke looks around but doesn’t see anything. She strolls about for a short time and she decides to sit by some large rocks by the beach and maybe walk by the ocean later.

 

As she walks up to the rocks and looks at the ocean, she finds Lexa again. Surfing.

 

 _There she is. She changed her clothes._ _Where did she get those?_

_She’s really good,_ she notes with regard to her surfing.

She can’t see her that clearly in the dark so she pulls out her phone and opens the camera. She zooms in all the way on her.

 

Out of habit, she takes a picture. She might show Octavia and Raven later on just for the sake of it even though it will turn out blurry from the distance.

 

_Fuck! The flash is on!_

 

-

 

Lexa swerves and glides on the waves. She was a little unstable at the beginning of the week from lack of practice, but it is like riding a bike for her, and she is much better now.

 

Nonetheless, the waves are stronger tonight than they have been all week. She has to be careful because the area of the beach she’s surfing on is less populated for a reason; the sand bottom is filled with large rocks and there is always the risk of crashing into one if she falls into the water unexpectedly.

 

All of a sudden, she sees a small light flash in the distance. She looks up at it and in less than a second, she loses focus and balance, the board slams into the water and she is launched at full throttle headfirst into the water.

 

-

 

 _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_ Clarke thinks as she sees Lexa being cast into the water, no doubt because the flash distracted her.

 

She stands there and waits for Lexa to come out. The seconds feel like hours. And Lexa doesn’t peak from the water.

_Where is she? Where the fuck is she?_

 

Clarke begins to panic when she doesn’t see Lexa.

 

She runs towards the water, keeping an eye out for her, but she still sees nothing.

 

She almost reaches the shore and as she runs, she begins removing her clothing, tossing them without aim to the sand. She keeps nothing but her underwear and her phone at hand, she turns the flashlight on and hopes the phone can handle the water as she dives in.

 

She swims with all her might to what she thinks is the last spot she saw Lexa in.

 

“Lexa!” she yells at the top of her lungs. The waves keep coming at full strength.

 

She dips into the water and uses the flashlight to look underwater. Due to the dark, the flashlight barely lightens up a couple of meters ahead of her.

 

She pops back up when she’s out of breath.

 

“Lexa!” she keeps shouting, looking left and right for her. The waves keep colliding against her vigorously. 

 

She finally sees something a few meters away.

 

She’s not sure if that is her, but she swims to it anyway, praying that it is.

 

“Lexa!” she screams as she approaches the object half-floating, but she hears nothing.

 

_It’s her. Thank God._

 

She reaches her at last. _She’s unconscious. Fuck, no._

She holds on to her and begins pulling her back to shore, but it’s a strain with the waves pushing and pulling her like the force of ten horses.

 

She puts all her effort into swimming back with an unconscious Lexa.  

 

Clarke reaches the shore after more than a few minutes.

 

She drags the pale body across the sand, away from the water.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke calls out, with barely any breath left in her.

 

She holds Lexa’s face and calls her name several times but nothing happens. She notices the hit and the blood in her forehead.

 

She checks for a pulse but she doesn’t feel one.

 

_Fuck, no, no, not this, please no._

 

Clarke remembers the CPR training she took in college for a reason she cannot remember. She carries out the steps she learned to place the body properly, and then to find the right place to begin chest compressions.

 

She starts the compressions.

 

“One and two and three and four and five and six and seven,” she counts them down as she learned, then breathes into Lexa’s mouth.

 

She keeps counting, “eight and nine and ten and eleven and twelve and thirteen and fourteen and fifteen,” and then breathes into her mouth again.

 

Clarke does not stop the action for what feels like eternity, but eventually, she ceases when her efforts turn out in vain.

 

She begins crying while she sits next to the lifeless body. “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry Lexa, I’m so sorry.”

 

She leans on her and places a tender kiss on her dim colored lips.

 

_She’s so cold._

 

“I love you,” Clarke whispers. “Please don’t die,” she says as she leans into Lexa’s shoulder.

 

_No, no, no, I’m not letting this happen._

She snaps herself out of her misery, sits back up and starts CPR over again.

 

“One and two and three and four and five and six and seven and …,” she takes a deep breath as she reaches eight and then breathes it into Lexa’s mouth, “nine and ten and eleven and twelve and thirteen and fourteen and fifteen.”

 

She does it again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

 

-

 

 Lexa begins coughing up the water coming from her lungs.

 

Clarke moves Lexa’s head slightly to the side to let the water fall out.

 

Lexa keeps coughing until it’s all out.

 

She tries to make sense of what is happening.

 

She feels her back against a soft yet hard surface; she knows she’s laying on the sand when she feels it in her hands as she curls her fingers up and the grains accumulate.

 

She hears the ocean and looks to her right, only to find it there. She gathers that she’s still at the beach.

 

She tries to think of the last thing she remembers.

 

_Surfing…_

_Then…_

_Then what?_

 

She sees Clarke sitting next to her.

 

_She’s wet, and in her underwear. And she’s crying… but smiling._

 

Then she remembers. _The flash. Then the water._

 

Clarke might have had something to do with the flash. She seems to be the only one there after all. It also looks like Clarke saved her because she has no idea how she got out of the water.

 

_Ow!_

 

She winces. She feels a sharp pain in her head, and she reaches to touch it on impulse.

 

“No, don’t touch it. You’re hurt,” Clarke says as she reaches for Lexa’s hand and stops her.

 

Lexa doesn’t answer. She begins trying to get up.

 

“Not too fast,” Clarke presses as she helps her up slowly.

 

Lexa looks around and finds what she assumes are Clarke’s clothes all over the sand.

 

Clarke puts Lexa’s arm around her and helps her walk. Lexa feels weary; she barely has the strength to stand.

 

As they walk, Clarke picks up her clothes from the floor and then they both begin walking back to the hotel.

 

Half way to it, Lexa claims to have gained her strength back and be able to walk on her own, aside from the occasional faintness. She insists on walking without Clarke’s help, but Clarke asserts harder and doesn’t let go of her.

 

They reach the hotel soon enough. At the reception, they ask for help and the hotel medic checks on Lexa.

 

He tells her he’s almost certain she has a concussion, but he’d prefer that she check into a hospital and have a brain scan. She refuses it and tells him to stitch her up and send her on her way. He does as he’s told and lets her go after a recommendation to rest for some days until she regains her full strength, avoiding any strenuous physical or mental exertions.

 

She and Clarke make their way up to their rooms. Clarke reluctantly leaves Lexa by her room door, which is right next to her own room.

 

The blonde barely lets go of Lexa when the brunette nearly falls from the dizziness.

 

Clarke runs to her side and catches her before anything serious occurs.

 

“Let me come inside,” Clarke tells her tenderly.

 

Lexa nods softly and Clarke walks inside the room with her after putting in the room key instead of the brunette.

 

Clarke waits in a chair in the bedroom while Lexa showers. She stays alert in case the brunette needs anything and she verbally checks on her every minute or so, _probably driving her crazy with that,_ but she doesn’t care.

 

Lexa insists that Clarke clean up as well in order to relax and wash the salt from the ocean and the sand off her body. The blonde agrees but refuses to leave Lexa alone so she showers in Lexa’s room and borrows an oversized shirt and shorts. She uses the toothbrush the hotel places in the bathroom to brush her teeth and uses some of Lexa’s toothpaste.

 

Clarke helps Lexa lay down on the bed after it all. She covers her up and then heads for the door.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa calls out to her in an almost whisper. “Don’t go,” she implores.

 

Clarke smiles at her with some sadness at the situation, but happiness at the request. “Okay, I won’t,” she says as she walks back to the bed and gets inside the covers to the left of Lexa.

 

Clarke keeps her distance from the brunette in the bed even though she doesn’t want to.

 

Lexa simply looks at her. Clarke can’t tell what the look means, but it’s so soft and almost broken, exhausted, sad. It’s so many things all at once and she feels to blame for all of them.

 

Lexa wants to tell Clarke she forgives her for the mess they’ve been through, after all, she wanted clarity from Clarke with regards to Finn but she had only just barely given her clarity with regards to Costia. She also wants to tell Clarke she forgives her for what happened just now in case it’s her fault, because she can tell Clarke feels guilt by the way she looks at her.

 

But she is so tired, so all that comes out is “It’s okay. I’m okay.” She barely makes a noise with it and if Clarke weren’t a couple of feet away, she might not have heard it. She extends her left arm to give Clarke an indication to come closer, hoping the blonde will take the signal.

 

The blonde catches on quickly and she moves to end up pressed against Lexa’s side. The brunette lays on her back with her arm around the blonde while Clarke lays on her side, her nose and forehead against the side of Lexa’s face, breathing into her neck.

 

Lexa closes her eyes and enjoys the warmth of Clarke’s body against her, Clarke’s breath against her skin. She concentrates on the security Clarke provides, rejecting her thoughts of the latest complications.

 

Clarke tucks her right arm in while she uses her left to caress Lexa’s face and neck, causing the brunette to lean her face into her as much as she can, wanting as much of Clarke as she can get.

 

Clarke keeps herself awake until she’s sure Lexa has fallen asleep and it is only after that that she allows herself to fall into a deep, easy slumber.

 


	17. Cleansing: Part I

Clarke wakes up the next day hoping to find Lexa next to her, but as she feels around with her eyes closed, she quickly takes note of Lexa’s absence.

 

She opens her eyes and looks around.

 

Lexa comes out of the bathroom just then.

 

“Good morning,” Lexa tells her.

 

Lexa’s words are cold, or at least not very warm, and just from them, Clarke knows it’s not okay between them.

 

“Morning,” Clarke responds as she rises from the bed slowly.

 

“Thank you for last night,” Lexa says.

 

Clarke purses her lips, “I…” _How can I tell her that she died because of me and then I brought her back, all because I took a picture and forgot that I had the flash because I was trying to see what she was doing after she was avoiding me and I decided to stalk her to find out?_

 

 _It’s all too complicated._ Lexa might have already figured that out anyway. She might also be thanking her for helping her after all of it. Clarke’s thoughts are all over the place and now is not the time to unjumble them so she settles for an unsure “You’re welcome.”

 

Lexa is not certain what to say. She wants to ask Clarke to stay for breakfast with just her instead of the crew this morning since they leave right after that. She wants her to have breakfast here in her room or Clarke’s so they can be alone. But after last night, she doubts she can see the breakfast through without planting her lips on Clarke. She wants to kiss her, touch her, carry her to the bed and….  

 

_But I can’t._

 

Not because she doesn’t want to, but because she is still feeling the aftermath of the concussion and cardiac arrest. She does not have her balance nor stamina back yet. And without those, she can’t do much. And she woke up with a cold today because of last night.

 

And even if she did have her full endurance, even if she took Clarke to bed, nothing would be resolved because she still doesn’t know where the blonde stands with Finn. Nevertheless, Clarke was patient enough to wait for her to confess her situation with Costia so she owes her the same patience to allow Clarke to determine what she wants, with Finn and/or with her.

 

She takes a heavy breath as she holds in her urge to explain all her thoughts to Clarke. She doesn’t want to pressure Clarke into saying anything she doesn’t mean right now.

 

_I’ll just have to wait until you take the first step. The ball is in your court Clarke._

 

Clarke watches her breathe heavily. _She looks like she wants to say something; probably tell me to leave._

 

“We should go to work,” Lexa says when she finds no other thing.

 

 _Oh. Okay. Just like I thought,_ Clarke thinks.

 

“Oh, okay. I’ll…” she quickly grabs her things from last night and begins walking to the door, hiding her face to prevent Lexa from seeing her tear up. “I’ll go.”

 

 _I didn’t mean it like that,_ Lexa thinks. “Clarke,” she calls. “Wait,” she tries.

 

“I’ll see you later,” Clarke says as she opens the door and leaves. She wants to stay, but she doesn’t feel welcome, and she knows it’s her fault, not just for the night before, but because of everything.

 

\------

The entire cast and crew pack up and leave after breakfast. Clarke with her friends when she makes it down. Lexa doesn’t push to sit next to or near her when she arrives. Everyone sits around Lexa to talk to her when they notice the stitches in her forehead. To Clarke’s opinion, Lexa tells everyone an edited version of what happened when she explains that she had a surfing accident and she saved her.

 

Everyone is amazed by Clarke’s heroics but she brushes them off by saying ‘it was not as dramatic as it sounded’ though it was truly worse, and she doesn’t take much credit because she still feels the guilt of it. Everyone also voices their concerns for Lexa and they urge her to see a medic. She tells them she will as soon as they are back home.

 

After breakfast, they check out and return home that weekend, all of them exhausted. Marcus surprises everyone with a week off so everyone can rest and spend some time with their families. He always includes a week of rest during his movies for when everyone needs it the most. His timing matches with Lexa’s much needed rest (which is the main reason for his decision) and Aden’s camping week starting Monday, which allows Marcus to spend time with Abby and Clarke to spend time resting since Aden is away.

 

Clarke, Octavia and Raven reach Clarke’s home. They offer to sleep over after she tells them what happened the night before with Lexa, but she insists that they go home. She has decided to spend the week alone.

 

\---

Lexa is relieved to find out that Marcus has chosen that the week off should be this one because with the way her sickness is progressing, she doubts she could have gone to work anyway considering all that has happened.

 

After going to the hospital and getting checked the same day she returns from the beach, the doctors tell her she is lucky to be alive. They inform her on how rare it is for people to suffer cardiac arrest and then come back to life with no brain damage as well as no organ damage like she did after spending a while with no effective blood flow.

 

After careful monitoring, several scans, x-rays and the doctors giving her indications specific to her recuperation, she leaves the hospital the day after admitting herself into it.

 

Lexa barely makes it to her bed with the ever-worsening cold. Her body is five ways to fatigued. Though she would have rather spent the week doing other things, or just relaxing, she has to spend it taking care of herself according to doctor’s orders to recover. She also now has a personal physician that makes house calls and personally checks on her on a daily basis.  

 

\---

 

Clarke spends her time with Aden throughout the weekend and then sends him off to his all-week camping trip carried out by the school.

 

She spends the end of that day and the one after it in bed, only getting out of it for the bathroom and food – soup noodles of course, because Pizza and Chinese take-out remind her of Lexa.

 

She tries to ignore the texts and calls from her friends but she knows that if she does that, she’ll have people knocking on her door and she really doesn’t want to see anyone so she answers everyone against her will. She tries to stick to texts rather than calls because people might hear how miserable she is through the phone, whereas she can bluff her way through text.

 

Wednesday arrives. She wakes up early and she’s glad that she has a couple of hours before more texts and calls pour in. 

 

She feels so…

 

_Lonely and sad._

It’s not the kind of lonely she usually feels. It’s more like an emptiness. She misses Lexa. She just wants her near, next to her, as they were at the hotel that night. She wants to see her face, her smile. She wants to be on good terms like they were during Aden’s party, the fundraiser, the gallery, the night of the break-in at Roan’s.

 

She closes her eyes as she recalls those encounters.

 

_Gosh, her lips on mine, her hands on my skin, her hair in my hand…_

But she can’t have Lexa right now and she knows why.

 

She grabs her phone.

 

            Clarke: Come over.

            Finn: Give me 30 and I’ll be there.

 

\----

Wednesday comes around and Lexa feels better.

 

The cold is almost gone but not quite.

 

She sneezes.

 

_Ugh. Maybe a day or two more and I’ll be back to my regular self._

 

Her personal doctor evaluates her early in the morning and when he is satisfied with the results of his checkup, he leaves.

 

As for the concussion, Lexa has some stitches on the side of her forehead but they will disappear in due time, and with the right hairstyle they are invisible.

 

Gustus called the first day of the weekend, and she answered his call despite still being upset about him giving Titus information to reach her.

 

He apologized and she told him she would need time to forgive him. He offered to care for her throughout the cold but she told him she would rather be alone. She avoided telling him about the accident so he would not push harder.

 

He didn’t call after that.

 

Titus called a couple of times and as tempted as she was to turn her phone off, she did not do so on the slight chance Clarke texted or called her.

 

She would have called Clarke herself, but in the past few days, she has barely gotten out of bed and she can’t muster the energy to call or text Clarke herself so she has just laid in bed hoping that the blonde would contact her when she was ready.

 

But Clarke never did.

  

\------

 

“Now, these are the late night calls I was talking about at Marcus’s thing!” Finn exclaims as Clarke opens the door for him. He makes his way upstairs like he has countless times. He’s memorized the process. Clarke used to be more spontaneous with where they had sex back in college but since Aden, those activities have been restricted to the bedroom for obvious reasons. “Aden is asleep right?” he asks.

 

“Aden isn’t here,” Clarke informs him.

 

“Even better,” he says as he begins undressing in her room, “We can take our time,” he finishes in excitement as he raises his eyebrows playfully.  

 

“Stop undressing. That’s not why I called you here,” she states firmly.

 

He stops in his spot and stares at her in confusion, “Then what am I here for?” he asks as he frowns in confusion.

 

“We need to talk,” Clarke states as firmly as before.

 

“Okay…” he says, waiting for further information.

 

“We can’t do this anymore. I want to stop. For good,” she tells him.

 

“What? Stop what?” he asks.

 

“I don’t want to keep having sex with you anymore. I don’t want us to be friends with benefits,” she says in two different ways.

 

“What are you talking about? Why not?” he asks in a little frustration. “Is this like some weird kind of foreplay?” he asks awkwardly.

 

“No, it’s not. I’m dead serious,” she states.

 

“Why? Give me a good reason,” he says.

 

“I just gave you a good reason, because I don’t want to anymore,” she responds.

 

“What’s the real reason?” he presses.

 

“Why does it even matter? I’m telling you what you need to know,” Clarke pushes back.

 

“Just tell me,” he pushes.

 

“There’s someone else,” she gives in rather quickly, not caring much for how he might react.

 

“Someone else? Bullshit. I haven’t seen you with anyone. The press hasn’t caught you with anyone else either and they’re really sneaky bastards,” he says.

 

“I don’t give a shit, I’m telling you there’s someone else Finn,” she says in exasperation. _This is like every fucking time we break up. Why does he always want such detailed explanations?_

“Fine. Whatever,” he says.

 

 _Thank God,_ she thinks. _He’s finally understanding._

But then he keeps going, “You always come back anyway.”

 

Clarke furrows her brows at that, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she snaps at him.

 

“You know. We always do this. We break up, maybe you go see someone else and then we end up back in the same bed,” he says smugly.

 

“You fucking listen to me,” she exclaims, “That’s not going to happen this time,” she states decisively.

 

“Why not? What’s different this time? This other guy?” he asks in incredulity.

 

Clarke ignores the word ‘guy’.

 

“Yes, because of this person,” she says in further frustration.

 

“Whatever,” he begins to dismiss her feelings again.

 

“I’m in love with her!” she barks at him.

 

He stands still. He furrows his brows and squints his eyes as if trying to read something from a distance.

 

“In love?” he asks as if thinking aloud after some time.

 

“Yes, in love. I love her,” she says with a smile at the corner of her lips at the thought of Lexa.

 

“Her?” he repeats her words and focuses on this one. “I thought you were done with girls in college,” he points out.

 

“What? It was not some fucking phase Finn, I’m bisexual,” she states clearly as if he is someone with difficulty understanding basic words.

 

“Yeah, I know that but, like…” he fades away.

 

Clarke widens her eyes waiting an answer but he’s not mentally in focus. She rolls her eyes at him. _Oh, for the love!_

 

She knows Finn is aware that she likes girls and that he probably didn’t mean the insult. He might not even know it was an insult. It was true she had not dated girls since college, and even then, it was never anything serious. She thinks of when she mentioned that she preferred boys more than girls though she liked both.

 

She thinks of it now as a colored pie chart:

 

_Maybe 80 – 20 boys to girls. Or more like 70 – 30._

 

But none of it matters now because the pie chart is all one color and the color is an indication of Lexa because the only one she prefers now is her, and no one else.

 

“You wouldn’t even have a threesome with me!” he exclaims when he jumps back to his thoughts.

 

He pulls Clarke from her own as well with that Ludacris phrase. “Seriously?” she states more than asks at the outrageous words.

 

“Yeah,” he emphasizes, “you wouldn’t have one with me and now you’re telling me you’re with another girl?”

 

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I didn’t have a threesome with you because I didn’t want to. That doesn’t prove or change anything,” she says condescendingly.

 

“Since how long has this been going on?” he inquires in another direction.

 

 _He can’t keep a single thought going._  

 

Clarke sighs in annoyance, “Since we began filming a movie together,” she says. _How more fucking obvious can I be?_

“What?” he asks, still not making sense of it.

 

_Fuck’s sake!_

“It’s Lexa okay!” _you clueless idiot,_ “I’m in love with Lexa!” she cries out. _And I’ve fucked everything up because I keep holding on to you._

 

He stands still like he did before. He repeats the same gestures with his furrowed brows and small eyes.

 

“Lexa?” he thinks aloud.

 

Clarke takes a breath; _it feels good to shout it out._ “Yes, Lexa.”

 

“In love?” he does it again.

 

“Yeah, Finn. In love,” she confirms with an eye roll.

 

He stops and seems to consider it. “Well, shit. That’s tough to compete with,” he says after a moment or two.

 

_Oh. I wasn’t expecting that._

 

“Cuz, she’s super hot and like perfect from what I hear. And her role as the Commander was the shit!” he points out.

 

Clarke chuckles awkwardly. She feels relief in the moment. _Even he knows how wonderful she is._ “Yeah, she is perfect.” _I don’t deserve her._

 

“Do you think she likes me?” he asks like a ten year old speaking of someone he admires but who doesn’t give him the time of day.

 

 _She hates your fucking guts I imagine,_ “Yeah, she likes you,” she gives him a white lie because she doesn’t want to shut him down.

 

“Yeah? I haven’t talked to her much, and I can’t tell when she talks to me. I feel like she doesn’t maybe,” he says in the sadness of that same ten year old he’s behaving like at the moment.

 

She thins her lips to prevent from giving anything away, “You’re probably imagining that. She likes you probably,” she lies again.

 

“Yeah?” he asks again to be sure.

 

“Yeah,” she nods.

 

He smiles at the idea.

 

“So it’s, um, serious? Does she love you?” he asks after he’s content with thinking Lexa likes him.

 

“I,” there’s a lot she could say to him, but she doesn’t want to, “It’s serious for me. And she…”

 

_Does she love me?_

If he had asked some time ago she would have said a confident ‘yes’ even without having verbal confirmation of it. But she’s not sure now. She just doesn’t know. _Would anyone even love me after putting them through everything I have put Lexa through?_

 

“I don’t know if she loves me, but I love her anyway,” she finishes her sentence.

 

He nods, trailing away in his thoughts again.

 

“I want us to just be friends,” she pulls him back, recalling what Raven had told her about both of them.

 

“Friends?” he asks. The word is strange to him because they have ignored for some time.

 

“Yeah. We both know we’re no good as anything more than that. I think friends is the only thing we know how to do right,” she says.

 

“So, just friends?” he checks, weighing the idea in his head.

 

“Yeah. No more benefits, or strings, or any expectations of anything beyond friendship even if my or your relationships don’t work out,” she feels chest in her pain at the idea of not working out with Lexa. She thought she was getting used to the thought that there would never be anything between her and Lexa anymore but she knows now that _it_ _was pure bullshit_ from the way she feels at the suggestion of it right now. “Just friends. We’re better like that. We can’t keep being each other’s bed-warmers, we deserve better than that.”

 

He sighs, “I guess,” he says and then begins getting dressed again.

 

They make their way out of the bedroom and walk to the door. He knows he can’t stay.

 

“But wait,” he stops on their way out, “you kissed me a while back and we slept together before that and it was all while you were filming with her,” he points out as he notices the flaw in her words. He reasons that if her romantic relationship with Lexa began when they met then why was Clarke involved with him in between that?

 

She opens her mouth. _Fuck. This he keeps track of?_ She wishes he hadn’t said the exact reasons she has been hating herself for. She’s about to give him an empty excuse but he talks before she does.

 

“Oh, I get it, you weren’t exclusive and now you wanna be,” he justifies to himself.

 

 _Phew!_ “Yeah, that’s why,” she agrees.

 

“Makes sense,” he adds. “So she’s chill with us being friends then?” he wonders.

 

 _Good question. That’ll probably take some convincing._ “Yeah, I mean we haven’t worked out all the details but I think so,” she says. She rolls her eyes internally because she knows that she hasn’t worked out _shit_ with Lexa. The more she thinks of it, the more she realizes it might come to be about choosing Finn or Lexa. If it gets to that, she knows exactly what her choice will be, but if she can help it, she wants to keep her longtime friend around and at the same time be with the love of her life, _Lexa_.

 

“Well, she’s probably gonna be cuz she’s been fine with us till now so, yeah, of course she will be, duh,” he clarifies to himself again more than respond to Clarke.

 

_If only he knew._

 

“Yeah,” she says casually and nods.

 

He sighs. “So now what?” he asks.

 

“Now, you go home. And we start over, as friends,” she emphasizes the last words.

 

“Right. I’ll delete our stuff from my phone and anything I shouldn’t have obviously, and I don’t think you have anything in my apartment so,” he says understandingly, knowing that he cannot hold on to any trace of their romantic relationship to avoid conflict in the future.

 

“Right. I’ll delete everything too. Is it okay if you take your things from my house now?” she says regarding the few items of clothing and belongings he has left lying around her house form his visits over the years. _If only he had taken his clothing before Lexa knew he had it here._

 

“Right, yeah,” he says and they both go back upstairs as they remember this detail. They collect his possessions and pack them up in plastic bags.

 

“It’s official I guess,” he says as they walk back down to the door.

 

“Yep. You okay?” she asks as she accompanies him.

 

“Yeah. I’m alright. I think you’re right anyways, we’re better friends. I mean the sex used to be great but you weren’t much into it or anything lately. Guess I know why now,” he admits.

 

“Yeah,” she gives him a knowing and awkward smile about why she was not excited about their time alone together.

 

“See you around with the gang then?” he says to close the conversation.

 

“Yeah. See you for drinks or something,” she responds.

 

“Cool. Bye Clarke.” He says his goodbyes and leaves.

 

“Bye Finn,” she replies.  

 

She sighs in relief when she closes the door. She had no idea how that was going to go. It started a little rocky, but it ended much better than it could have. She laughs to herself at how well it went. Things seem to work out for her sometimes. _Thank God. If only they could work out as smoothly with Lexa._

 

She feels free at last. After years of on and off with Finn, it feels like she has been cleansed.

 

It was not that she hated Finn or that he was some kind of sickness she couldn’t get rid of. If he had been intolerable as a friend and boyfriend, she would have gotten rid of him long ago (though he did become intolerable after Lexa, but that was her own fault). She had chosen to keep him around while knowing that being romantically involved with Finn just wasn’t right anymore. Even before Lexa; it had not been right in a long time, but he had been with her and helped her through a lot and she would always appreciate what he had done for her. As she thinks of it now, she realizes that the only times he had truly helped her was when he had done it as a friend. All the meaningless booty calls had only helped her hide her feelings. This felt right.

 

She feels she has been selfish. How could Lexa ever consider her selfless? Clarke had let her feelings overwhelm her and she had not taken Lexa’s feelings into regard. She was putting Lexa through one hoop after the other, and if Lexa were anyone else, she would have probably given up on her a while ago, _if she hasn’t already._

 

She knows she needs to fix it and she will work on finding the right method to remedy the problem. Preferably one that does not involve alcohol though she is really craving some wine now that she reflects on the perfect storm she has created and that she must undo.

 

But for now, she goes to take a shower to finish the cleansing process.

 

She takes her phone inside with her as she does. She quickly disrobes and gets into the shower.

 

Half way through, she comes to notice that she forgot to get a towel. The closet is not far, so she decides to walk to it before she finishes her shower.

 

She washes her shampoo off, and opens the shower door. She steps out, dripping wet and she checks her phone just for the sake of it. She takes another step and she slips on the wet floor. She had washed the towel she usually has on the floor but due to her somber feelings during the weekend, she had forgotten to replace it.

 

She falls back and she slams her head against the wall, she hears a crack and she feels a striking pain in her foot.

 

_Ow…_

 

She feels dizzy almost immediately. She tries to move her right arm but she realizes the crack came from it and that her shoulder must be dislocated if not close to that. She tries to move her feet but her left foot is in pain; sprained maybe

 

She can’t move.

 

She reaches for her phone that’s on the floor near her with the left hand, pushing aside the ache in different parts of her body.

 

She sends a voice note to the first person she thinks of.

 

\-----

 

Lexa lays in her bed, with an empty teacup on her night table from the night before. A runny nose woke her but she took some medication and she’s falling asleep again gently, when the vibration and simultaneous ring of her phone tugs her from the first stage of sleep. Her body jerks to the sound.

 

She imagines it is no one in particular. She will get it later.

 

She closes her eyes, wanting to go back to sleep.

 

 _But what if it’s Clarke?_ She thinks.

 

She opens her eyes again. She doubts it is her, but now the thought won’t let her relax.

 

She takes her arm out of the covers…

 

She sneezes.

 

_Ugh._

She takes her arm out of the covers again and reaches for the phone.

 

Her vision is a little blurry but she’s not imagining the sender.

 

_Clarke._

 

She unlocks her phone and opens the message.

 

_Voice message? She never sends those…_

 

She plays it.

 

“Lexa… I fell in the shower… I’m hurt…. Please come help me. I can’t move,” the message plays.

 

 _Clarke…_ _No._

 

She can hear the pain in Clarke’s voice, and just like that, she pushes the covers off and rises out of bed promptly. She feels lightheaded from the rapid movement, but she doesn’t care. She rushes to her closet despite her unsteadiness and pulls out some shoes. She remains in the loose pants and hoodie she is wearing.

 

She hurries to her car. She knows she shouldn’t be driving in her condition but she doesn’t care.

 

_Clarke needs me._

 

She makes it to Clarke’s house in record time. She practically jumps out of her car to Clarke’s door but when she reaches it she realizes that the blonde won’t be able to open the door.

 

 _Ugh_. She shakes her head. She is not at a 100% for obvious reasons.

 

She hurries back to the car, shoves her hand in the glove compartment and in a hurry, pulls out whatever fits her hand. She makes it back to the door as she sorts through the items she grabbed; she puts her butterfly knife in her hoodie pocket and uses the lock-picking kit to try to open the door.

 

She wants to do it as fast as possible but she takes longer than she likes due to her accident and the cold. She sneezes in the process as well.

 

She felt much better while she was lying in bed. She might need more than two days to recuperate from the cold – she knows she needs much more to recover from the surfing misfortune.

 

She unlocks the door and pushes past it. She shuts it behind herself and wobblingly runs to Clarke’s bedroom.

 

“Clarke,” she calls out. Her voice cracks because of the sickness so she tries again. “Clarke!”

 

She reaches the bathroom door. “Clarke? Are you in there? Are you okay?” she asks from behind it while she begins trying to unlock it.

 

“Lexa… the door is locked,” she hears from behind the door. “Don’t come in,” she hears Clarke say.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa asks, wondering why Clarke won’t let her in.

 

“I’m naked,” Clarke says, making it clear to Lexa as to why she doesn’t want her to come in.

 

_Right. She fell in the shower._

 

 “Close your eyes, please,” Clarke pleads from behind the door. It’s one thing to be seen naked because she wants to be seen. In her current state, she doesn’t want that.

 

 _Okay, that I can work with_ , Lexa thinks.

 

She sneezes.

 

She returns to unlocking the door and once she does, she opens it slowly. She closes her eyes like asked. “My eyes are closed. Can I come in?” she asks.

 

“Yes. My towel is in the closet to the left,” Clarke instructs.

 

Lexa walks inside with her eyes closed and extends her arms to find her place in the bathroom. She walks to the left like Clarke asked her.

 

She senses that she has walked through a door when the lighting changes. She finds herself in what she thinks is the walking closet. She slowly opens her eyes and confirms her thoughts. She rapidly searches for a towel and grabs hold of one.

 

She sneezes. _Not now._

 

She walks back out and closes her eyes again.

 

“Where are you Clarke? Are you okay?” she asks as she walks blindly.

 

“I can’t move much. I bumped my head so I'm a little dizzy but it wasn't too hard. My shoulder and foot are what hurts. But I’m okay,” Clarke responds, her voice breaking.

 

To Lexa, she sounds anything but okay.

 

Lexa guides herself to the source of the voice.

 

“Stop. I’m in front of you. A little to the left,” Clarke coaches her.

 

“Okay,” she responds. She opens the towel and gently extends it in front of her, the way people do with sheets when they make the bed. She does this with the intention of covering Clarke up.

 

“Is that good?” Lexa asks, her eyes still shut.

 

Clarke focuses on Lexa for a moment. She heard her sneeze and she is in loose clothing. She doesn’t look very well, and yet, she came for her right away. It almost makes her tear up because Lexa is so good to her.

 

“You’re sick,” Clarke says.

 

“Don’t worry about that now. Is the towel well placed?” she repeats.

 

Clarke uses her left arm to pull the towel a little better over her own body. “Yes, you can open them now.”

 

Lexa opens her eyes and beholds the sight before her.

 

She sees Clarke laying on the floor, her right shoulder out of place and her left foot stiff and a little bloated. The water is dripping down her body and she’s trembling from the cold of the floor and the dampness.

 

She appears to be about to cry.

 

_Clarke…_

 

Lexa can’t take the sight of it.

 

 _Focus. Help her,_ Lexa thinks.

 

She squats down next to Clarke. She tucks the towel in on different sides of her and then gently places her arm on Clarke’s upper back, below her arm. She places the other hand a little higher than Clarke’s knees and she musters all her strength and picks her up slowly, watching Clarke for signs of discomfort. Clarke leans into her as she does, seeking Lexa’s warm comfort.

 

Lexa walks Clarke out the bathroom to her bed and gently sits her down on the edge of it. She goes and closes the open window in her room so Clarke doesn’t get a cold since she’s still wet, then returns to face the blonde.

 

She examines her carefully. “Let me see your head,” she asks.

 

Clarke nods and bends her head to her slightly. Lexa stands and sensibly checks Clarke’s scalp. She does not notice anything terrible. That’s a good sign, but she needs to take her to the hospital anyway.

 

“We need to go to the hospital, Clarke,” Lexa pleads as she wraps the towel slightly better – but not perfectly – around Clarke and helps the blonde hold it in place so it doesn’t fall.

 

“I can’t go like this,” she responds with an adamant headshake as Lexa hands her the tip of the towel to grab with her left hand.

 

“I know,” Lexa says.

 

“Will you help me get dressed?” Clarke asks a little shyly.

 

“Yes, of course,” Lexa says. “I’m going to get a towel for your hair okay?” she checks with Clarke.

 

“Okay,” she says, “Can you get me some clothes?” Clarke asks.

 

“What do you need?” Lexa asks.

 

“Maybe a… skirt because I don’t think I can wear pants. And a loose shirt, please,” she asks.

 

“Okay,” Lexa says as she makes her way back to the closet. She finds a skirt quickly and searches for a loose shirt. While she’s inside, she hears Clarke ask for something else.

 

“Lexa, can you get me some underwear please? Panties and a bra,” Clarke calls to her.

 

Clarke couldn’t bring herself to ask Lexa that when she was right in front of her. At first, she reckoned she could do without underwear, but what if she needed to lift her foot somewhere and the skirt didn’t cover her private parts? Any person in the hospital that recognized her could easily pull out a phone. Even a nurse or doctor. After all, people do mad things for money. Or what if a paparazzi stuck a camera up her skirt? That wasn’t beneath them, they had done it to other celebrities. Or what if they caught a nip slip and made the whole article they would undoubtedly print about that? There were endless possibilities that made not wearing underwear a terrible idea. It was just not the day to go commando. But she had been too shy to ask Lexa when she was looking at her. This way she gets to ask her from across a wall.

 

Lexa freezes. She feels odd going through Clarke’s underwear but she can think of half a dozen reasons why it is best that Clarke go to the hospital while wearing underwear. “Okay,” she responds after a moment. “Which ones?” she asks.

 

“Strapless bra and any underwear that isn’t too flashy, something flesh-colored,” Clarke explains.

 

 _Okay,_ Lexa thinks to herself as she visually examines Clarke’s underwear drawer. She grabs a flesh colored strapless bra and bikini underwear of a color to match like Clarke ordered, and finally yet importantly, she grabs the towel she originally endeavored to obtain and goes back to the blonde.

 

She lays the clothing next to her.

 

Lexa grabs the smaller towel she got and begins drying Clarke’s hair carefully. She gently dries Clarke’s neck and her shoulders as well. Clarke can’t do much with a separated shoulder and while holding her towel in place so she simply lets Lexa take care of her.

 

“This is karma,” Clarke spits out so low Lexa almost doesn’t hear it.

 

“Why would you say that?” Lexa asks as she gets on her knees and uses the smaller towel to dry Clarke below the knee where the bath towel is not covering her. She gently presses the towel on Clarke’s skin and she’s even more tender when she dries the hurt foot.  

 

Lexa marvels at Clarke’s skin. It looks beautiful in the morning light. She wants to touch her but she’s only doing that through the hand towel. She’d give anything to kiss her skin, just to make her feel safe and loved.

 

 _For what I did to you._ “I deserve it,” Clarke responds.

 

 _How can she think that she would deserve something like this?_ Lexa wonders as she stops what she’s doing and meets Clarke’s eyes after she hears her answer.

 

“Don’t be silly Clarke. You’re a good person. You don’t deserve this,” she tells her, then returns to drying her.

 

 _And she still thinks I’m a good person, she still thinks I’m so much better than I really am,_ Clarke reflects.

 

Lexa moves to drying Clarke’s arms and once she’s done with those, she sets the towel in her hands aside.

 

“Can you...” Clarke pauses, she’s scared to ask this personal thing, but she doesn’t have an option right now. In truth, she doesn’t mind Lexa doing the personal thing, she’s just not sure if Lexa will be the one to mind. “…help me get dressed?” she finishes.

 

Being around Clarke is impossible if Lexa is honest with herself. There are so many things she wishes the blonde would say and there are so many things she wishes she could do to her. But in this moment, being around a half-naked Clarke is her biggest problem because one of the many things she wishes she could do is get rid of the brassiere she just helped Clarke put on as well as the towel covering her hips and upper body. Of course, that is not an option right now; not only because of everything that remains unsaid, but because Clarke is heavily injured and in part, wanting something romantic to happen right now makes Lexa feel guilty. What is worse is that though she can settle for no romantic exchange, she still wants to comfort her in the way a lover would; softly and affectionately, but she cannot do that either because she does not even know what they are.

 

Lexa makes eye contact with her again. “Sure.”

 

Lexa grabs the brassiere first. She’s not expecting the blonde to disrobe so she places it on top of the towel Clarke has on herself right where her breasts are. Lexa stands up and while she leans over Clarke, she clasps the bra from behind. Once she finishes, Clarke pulls her towel down and lets the bra adjust properly to her breasts. Clarke dries her stomach and torso with her left hand alone before letting the towel fall to keep covering her above her thighs.

 

“I…” Lexa’s voice comes short, unsure how to proceed.

 

Clarke becomes aware of the situation and clears her throat while she thinks of something. She would think that her biggest worry right now would be every wound in her body, but her mind is occupied with trying to figure out how she could have sex with Lexa right now. Unfortunately, nothing she imagines is plausible.

 

“Um, help me just put my panties in my leg and I’ll pull them up all the way. Could you, um… hold the towel?” Clarke says.

 

Lexa nods. She grabs Clarke’s panties, she doesn’t know if maybe she reached for them too quickly or too slowly and if that’s weird, if Clarke will make anything of it.

 

She helps Clarke get her unharmed foot in one hole while she is still seated in the bed. Then, she reaches for the towel Clarke has on her lower body, barely covering anything other than her upper thighs and a little more with the way it has fallen, and holds it around Clarke to the best of her ability without letting any unwanted skin show. Her fingers brush upon Clarke’s waist, parts that are still wet, and she closes her eyes, struggling to breathe and not just because of the cold. She wants to hold her, hug her, plant a soft kiss on her lips to comfort her, but she can’t. She comforts herself by remembering that even if everything else were okay, she would still be sick and due to that, it would be and is best to keep a little distance from Clarke to avoid passing on the cold. 

 

Clarke stands on her unharmed right leg and uses her left arm to lean on Lexa’s shoulder to keep her balance while the brunette holds her towel to cover her below the waist. Clarke then tries to reach for her pantie to pull it up. Since she must use the same hand she’s currently using to keep her balance in order to pull her panties up, the moment she lets go of Lexa, she loses her equilibrium. She automatically tries to stand upright, forgetting shortly that she can’t rely on her left leg, and she harms herself more. Lexa tries to stop her but the action takes mere seconds and the brunette can’t stop it in time.

 

“Ah!” Clarke exclaims in agony while she winces.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa speaks out of concern.

 

“Shit,” Clarke curses as she settles back down on the edge of the bed, “I’m okay,” she reassures her. “I can’t do it. I need you to do it,” she says without first thinking about it.

 

“Clarke, I…” Lexa begins, but she stops. _Why am I being so weird about this? She needs me._ “Okay,” she gives in.

 

Clarke moves her left hand to hold her towel instead of Lexa. Lexa lets go of the towel once Clarke has secured it and then grabs the pantie laying on the floor, half of it inside one of Clarke’s feet and the other half not.

 

Lexa slowly passes the pantie through the injured foot so that Clarke has both her feet in it. She begins pulling it up her legs, unhurriedly. She traces Clarke’s skin with the skin between her thumb and index finger as she lifts the cloth, feeling the smooth skin, even though she could do it without touching Clarke at least until she passes her calves.

 

Clarke almost bites her lip but falls short of it. Lexa’s faint touch is almost too much for her. She can’t help but think of their kiss, and how much she wants another one. She’d kiss her right now if she weren’t incapacitated and Lexa weren’t sick.

 

_Ugh, fucking circumstances!_

 

Lexa reaches Clarke’s knees and the blonde stands on her reliable leg, she leans her head on Lexa’s shoulder to avoid repeating the earlier scene. She keeps holding her towel with one hand but she’s really tempted to let go of it now.

 

_A head injury, probable dislocated shoulder and a maybe broken foot can wait for me to get eaten out by Lexa right? I mean, with how she kissed me, how she used her tongue, she’d be so fucking good at that…_

“Be careful,” Lexa says caringly.

_Ugh! Focus Clarke!_

 

“Mhm. Learned my lesson,” she responds.

 

Lexa’s hands continue their expedition up Clarke’s thighs with the silk pantie on Lexa’s fingers after Clarke stands.

 

Lexa slows down as she moves higher and higher on Clarke’s legs, her hands hiding in the towel so she can no longer see them, but she can feel them, needing to guide herself by continuing to trace Clarke’s skin with the tip of her fingers.

 

Clarke’s breathing starts losing it’s rhythm.

 

 _I just clenched,_ Clarke wishes she could say to Lexa.

 

Lexa’s breathing begins getting heavy too. As she moves upwards, Clarke’s thighs make it difficult to only touch her with her fingertips. Clarke’s calves allowed for easier maneuvering, but her thick thighs do not, so more of Lexa’s hands inevitably touch Clarke.

 

Neither of them means it, but the air turns much more intimate, with Lexa slowly pulling the underwear up and Clarke pondering whether or not Lexa can smell her getting aroused.

 

Lexa’s hands begin reaching Clarke’s buttocks. She extends her fingers to make space for Clarke’s ass and her front as she pulls the underwear up all the way. She inescapably grazes the top of her ass with her index fingers and the v-lines above her hips with her thumbs.

 

“I’m sorry,” Lexa apologizes and pulls her hands away from beneath the towel.

 

“Um, it’s… fine,” Clarke brushes off. “Could you help me with the rest?” she spits out before it gets awkward. Lexa’s touch has still not faded from her skin.

 

“Right,” Lexa remembers the task is not done as she grabs Clarke’s shirt and helps her into it. The skirt follows easily.

 

“Thank you,” Clarke states. She is mostly dry and dressed now, only parts of her hair and other small areas remain damp.

 

“You’re welcome,” Lexa acknowledges.

 

“Okay. Help me down the stairs to the car?” Clarke requests as she begins to stand on her one stable leg, leaving the other one hovering above the floor.

 

“No. You’re not making any effort,” Lexa states obstinately as she sweeps her off her foot and carries her like she did from the bathroom floor.

 

“Woah! Lexa, you don’t have to do that,” Clarke resists as she finds herself in the brunette’s arms again. “You shouldn’t be exerting yourself after what happened, I’m serious!” she tries to sound stern.

 

“Don’t be stubborn Clarke, you can’t walk,” Lexa remains firm in her action and ignores the blonde, carrying her all the way down to her Dodge.

 

“I’m the one that’s stubborn?” Clarke exclaims with some humor. “Tell me you went to a hospital,” she says uneasily at the fear that she is causing Lexa pain or discomfort.

 

Lexa gives her a smile. “I went to a hospital,” she reassures her.

 

“You’ll need a checkup after this. I’m worried about you,” Clarke states. Lexa can see the concern in her eyes.

 

“I’ll be fine. If I didn’t think I could handle it, I wouldn’t do it. Besides, I’m keeping up with my health checkups daily so please don’t worry,” Lexa convinces her. Her own condition is the last thing on her mind. She has Clarke to worry about first and then there is the fact that this allows her to hold the blonde close to her own body, and she misses that heat, the one she gets a taste of whenever she comes in contact with Clarke.

 

Once they reach her car, Lexa unlocks it and opens the passenger door, uses the handle on the chair to push it back to give Clarke room, all while still carrying Clarke. She gently sits her down, puts her seatbelt on –putting the longer part behind Clarke so it doesn’t bother her shoulder– and closes the door before going to her side to drive her to the hospital.

 

Lexa’s eyes spring from the road back to Clarke the entire way to the hospital.

 

When they reach it, Lexa parks in the emergency area. She unbuckles Clarke’s seatbelt, instructs her to stay put, rushes out of her car to get Clarke a wheel-chair from the inside and returns with it and a nurse. She carries her out of the car once more in order to place her on the wheel-chair.

 

The nurse then takes her in and once she sees Clarke is safe inside, she moves to park her car in an adequate area.

 

With the car parked, she searches for Clarke back inside the hospital and stands by in the waiting room for her to be taken care of.

 

\---

 

Later, a nurse brings Clarke out in a wheelchair to where Lexa awaits. Lexa has fallen asleep on a chair in the waiting room from her cold, the strain of worrying over Clarke and her physical exertions since she rose from bed.

 

Before sleeping, all Lexa thought about was how out of all people Clarke could’ve called in a crisis, she had chosen to call her first. It helped distract her from worrying and it also made her feelings for Clarke stronger as she thought of how much she must mean to Clarke in order to be the first person to get a call in an emergency, all else put aside.

 

The nurse gently wakes Lexa up on Clarke’s behalf.

 

As she wakes up, the first thing Lexa does is examine Clarke thoroughly. _Her shoulder looks where it should be and she’s wearing a shoulder brace for protection. Her foot is bandaged up._ Clarke explains that she’s fine, that she suffered a minimal head injury, her shoulder is separated but not dislocated, her foot is sprained but not broken, and the rest will heal in time.

 

Clarke gives the nurse a thank you and he walks off, leaving her in the chair for Lexa to manage.

 

“You didn’t have to wait for me,” Clarke tells her as she tries to stand.

 

“I know. I wanted to,” Lexa returns, earning a thankful smile and blush from Clarke. She makes her sit back down on the chair. “Let’s get you home,” she adds as she grips the chair. Clarke nods and smiles to that.

 

\----

 

“Shit,” Lexa remarks as she leads Clarke to the car after they sort out all the legal, monetary, and other matters including wheelchair renting.

 

“What’s wrong?” Clarke asks.

 

“I forgot to call your mom, or Raven, or Octavia, or anyone. I’m sorry Clarke,” Lexa apologizes. “The hospital tried to call your mother because she was your emergency contact but she did not pick up.”

 

“Oh, don’t worry. My mom is off spending much needed time with Kane so her phone must’ve been off or left somewhere, and it’s a good thing you didn’t call anyone,” she reassures her.

 

“Why is that?” Lexa inquires.

 

“I’m not up for seeing anyone these days, to be honest,” Clarke confesses.

 

Lexa simply nods in response to her words.

 

“You know, when I said that your damsel-in-distress mode was our thing I didn’t think you’d go to such lengths to keep it going. You don’t have to injure yourself just so I can save you. A text will do just fine to catch my attention,” Lexa jokes as she leads them to where she parked.

 

“I’d shove you right now if I had any energy,” Clarke jokes back.

 

Lexa chuckles.

 

“Have you eaten?” Clarke asks.

 

“No,” Lexa admits.

 

“Can we stop for some drive through?” she asks.

 

“Yes, please, lets. If I had the energy to cook, I would, but I don’t,” Lexa admits.  

 

“I know you’re tired. You look like you could use some rest. We both could,” Clarke states, “Maybe… never mind, just drop me off at my place and go home and sleep and get well,” she rants as she takes back her earlier sentence at the thought that Lexa needs to recuperate and instead she’s taking care of her.

 

“No, absolutely not. Unless you’d like to be alone,” Lexa comments.

 

“No. I don’t want to be alone,” Clarke states, almost supplicates. _And we need to talk. I need to talk to you._

 

“I thought you were not up for seeing anyone,” Lexa replies.

 

“I’m up for seeing you, always,” Clarke tells her in return. _Please say yes._

 

“Drive through it is,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke grins at the answer.

 

\---

 

Lexa drives them back to Clarke’s house after stopping at a pharmacy and buying Clarke all the medication she needs and a more comfortable, more sophisticated shoulder brace that she insists on getting her. With barely any vitality left in them, they stop at a drive-through and order some food before heading to their final destination.

 

Clarke begins singing part of the new songs she has been working on, letting Lexa be the first to hear any of it.

 

Lexa smiles as she hears it and though she wants to compliment Clarke on them, she avoids interrupting her while she sings.

 

As they reach the street outside of Clarke’s house, Gustus calls Lexa.

 

She picks it up, “Hello Gustus, I’m a little busy, so unless it’s an emergency, I’ll call you back. I’m still sick but the medication is having it’s effect. I’ve been getting better throughout the day.” She gives him a quick update to cut the small talk.

 

“Hello Lexa,” a voice responds. It’s not the familiar voice of Gustus, but rather a familiar and unwanted voice.

 

She remains quiet. Clarke notices the abnormality; how Lexa’s face has gone pale.

 

“Lexa? What’s wrong?” she asks.

 

“Titus,” Lexa says as the tone in her voice changes entirely.

 

“What?” Clarke doesn’t hear her.

 

“I’d like to see you,” he says through the phone.

 

Lexa remains quiet.

 

“I’ve been calling and you haven’t picked up so I borrowed Gustus’s phone,” he explains.

 

Her breathing gets heavy as she parks outside Clarke’s house.

 

“Lexa, talk to me, you’re scaring me,” Clarke pleads.

 

“Is there someone with you?” Titus asks when he hears Clarke’s voice. “Are you with anyone I might know?” he oddly asks, as if he has been a part of her life and he would know anyone she does.

 

“We have nothing to talk about. I must go,” she finally speaks, firmly.

 

“Listen to me,” Titus begs.

 

“What do you have to say that you have not already said to me?” Lexa asks irritably as she puts the car in park.

 

“I want us to talk. I have been waiting by your apartment building for you, but you haven’t come. I’m leaving to Gustus’s apartment. Come meet me there. All I want is to help you,” he claims.

His words take Lexa back to her childhood, to every time he tried to sell that phrase to her. How he said it to her when he told Luna’s father about them. How he said it to her when he told her he had suggested boarding school for Luna. How he said them to her when he tried to talk her out of marrying Costia. How he said them to her repeatedly, every time she found a moment of happiness in her life.

 

 _How the fuck did he get my address? Gusuts, this better not be your doing…_ she thinks.

 

“I don’t want or need help. I do not need to be fixed,” she states in a stern and deadly voice, filled with dry anger.

 

 _What’s happening?_ Clarke wonders. “Lexa, talk to me,” she begs.

 

Lexa hangs the phone up.

 

“I’m sorry Clarke, I cannot stay,” she says as she steps out of the car and helps Clarke to her wheelchair.

 

“What happened? What did I miss?” Clarke tries to understand.

 

Lexa remains quiet as she leads her inside her house.

 

“Do you need anything from downstairs?” Lexa asks, avoiding the question.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke says as she shakes her head trying to stop the wall she sees the brunette building.

 

Lexa ignores her name and assists Clarke, taking her upstairs. She takes her to her bedroom and leaves her with the food they bought. She’s not hungry any more. She searches for Clarke’s phone and hands it to her so she can call her loved ones if need be.

 

“I must go. Goodbye Clarke,” Lexa states and proceeds to leave.

 

“Lexa,” Clarke tries, but it is no use. In some seconds, the brunette is downstairs, the door shuts and she hears the car engine turn on and fade in the distance.

 


	18. Cleansing: Part II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the looks of it there are not many more chapters to come. Perhaps just a couple more. Enjoy them! :)

Lexa leaves Clarke at her house after the call from Titus and furiously drives to her apartment. She’s half expecting Titus to still be there but when she arrives, he’s gone. Oscar tells her he refused to open the door for him and soon after, he left.

 

Her anger whispers to her that she should drive to Gustus’s place and give him a piece of her mind even though she knows it is best to not see him at all.

 

_What part of let it go did Gustus not understand!?_

She’s more than furious. She’s irate. With Titus and Gustus.

 

She dials back as she stomps through her own front door, pacing across her apartment while she plays with the butterfly knife that she forgot to return to the glove compartment of her car.

 

“Lexa, hey,” Gustus answers casually.

                                  

“How the fuck could you do that? Do you not understand that I want nothing to do with that man? What the fuck would make you think it’s okay to keep pushing this?”

 

“Woah, Lexa, calm down, what are you talking about?” he responds.

 

“Don’t pull this shit again or I’m not going to pick up your calls again until I know he’s gone,” she roars through the phone.

 

“Lexa, I don’t know what you’re talking about. What did I do?” Gustus asks, his voice low and frightened.

 

“You don’t know? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You had Titus call me through your phone and you gave him my address,” she states.

 

“No, I didn’t,” he answers right away.

 

“I have caller ID, it’s the twenty-first century Gustus. He called, from your phone, and he said he was at my apartment building earlier,” she remarks patronizingly.

 

“Shit,” he says.

 

“Yes, shit,” she repeats in irritation, her jaw as tight as it could be.

 

“That’s why he came over,” he states.

 

“I do not give a fuck why he came over to your place,” Lexa responds.

 

“No, I mean… Let me explain, okay?” he begs.

 

She purses her lips. She is tempted to hang up on him. She doesn’t care much for his explanations at the moment, but she takes a deep breath and decides to hear him out.

 

“Alright. But if this explanation turns to bullshit, I’m hanging up,” she says sternly.

 

“Okay, well, you know I’ve been hanging out with him. And I’ll admit I was trying to fix your relationship and he said he was more than willing. He came over in the weekend, after I called to check on you and you told me you needed time. Anyway, I chatted with him and I was telling him how you were because he wanted to know. Before you say anything, I know you didn’t want him to know anything about your life and I’m sorry I told him. Anyway, everything was fine but then he started talking about how when we fixed your relationship you’d be able to work with him again. But then I told him that you loved acting and that you weren’t going to quit. And even if you did or if you had the time, you’d probably never work with him anyway cuz that wasn’t your thing. And he was upset, but I thought he’d get over it. And then I… I told him about Clarke.”

 

She’s about to howl at him all over. _How fucking dare he? Clarke is off limits._ However, she does not interrupt him and lets him finish.

 

“And it was a big fucking mistake. It was almost like he already knew about her.  He starting behaving like a maniac going on and on about how he thought you were different now. How he thought you’d figure out that acting was bullshit and that you hadn’t learned from Costia and you were only getting sucked into another relationship with a woman and that she would only corrupt you. He sounded like a pious, judgmental psycho and I told him that acting wasn’t some kind of vice and that Clarke wasn’t corrupting you,” he rants, then sighs.

 

He goes on, “I get it now, okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t know he was like this. I know you tried to warn me but he was just always so different around me that it was hard to see what you meant. I told him we were done, and that if he wouldn’t accept you and your decisions then I wanted nothing to do with him. But then he called again today, said he was sorry and ready to accept you and if he could come over and talk some things through before handling them with you. But I guess it was bullshit because the second I looked away, he took my phone and called you. And I don’t know how he got your address but it is in your caller info and if he stole my phone now, he might have done it before. I really need to put a password on it,” he self-contemplates, “He’s in the balcony now, smoking. Should I kick him out? What did he even say to you?” he finishes.

 

Lexa’s breathing continues to be heavy, the vein in her forehead is bursting out. She cannot keep acting out of anger, it’s not like her. She takes long breaths and Gustus just waits for her, knowing it’s better to give her some time.

 

“Do you mean it?” she asks, several minutes of silence later.

 

“About what?” he replies.

 

“About being done with him, for good. About kicking him out of your apartment,” she says.

 

“Yeah. I mean it. I’m done. I swear. Now that I know what he’s really like, I’m not letting him anywhere near my life or yours. He manipulated me and … I’m so sorry Lex, he just has this way of turning things around… and if I had just listened to you…” he trails off.

 

Lexa can hear his guilt through the phone.

 

“He’s a manipulative fucker like that,” she scoffs, then stops before saying more. She knows all Gustus ever wanted was a happy family. “I’m sorry, Gustus. I know you wanted a good father whom you could have a nice relationship with, and you deserve one, a good one, but Titus is not it,” she states.

 

“I know. I know that now,” he agrees with sadness in his voice, but also understanding and gratitude for her sympathetic words.

 

“He couldn’t have gone over just to steal your phone to call again because he knows I wouldn’t agree to see him,” she states.

 

“Maybe he just wants to talk to you. Maybe… I don’t know,” Gustus says.

 

“I don’t know either. For now, tell him to fuck off,” she states.

 

“Gladly,” he responds. “Thank you Lexa,” he says. He knows she would have been justified to not speak to him ever again after his actions so he needs to thank her for being as understanding as she has been.

 

Lexa hangs up and takes another deep inhalation, trying to relax. This is a win. Gustus has seen what Titus is really like to her and has decided to let him go at last. She is glad that he has made the decision to kick Titus out of his life all on his own. It was what she always wanted. That man was toxic for them both.

 

Yet, despite her attempts, her breathing won’t return to normal.

 

_Titus. What the fuck does he want? Why won’t he leave me alone?_

She sneezes. She feels a headache forming and she groans at it. The exhaustion of the day strikes her all at once in that moment and she no longer has the strength to stand.

 

She takes a pill for the headache and collapses on the bed. Any other day, she would not be able to sleep, but it is beyond her control today, her body cannot take anything else and the tiredness invited sleep to come and take her.  

 

\-----

 

Clarke worries when Lexa doesn’t pick up her phone.

 

She has no idea what could have caused that sudden change.

 

One moment, Lexa was about to come inside and they would have had a chance to talk—she was definitely getting ahead of herself because she also imagined that afterwards she might have had the chance to lay down with her and maybe kiss her— but the next moment she was cold, shut down and isolated.

 

She lets out some frustration by writing some music. Some of the lyrics are almost sounding like complete songs.

 

Meanwhile, she refuses to call friends or family to help her and she hops her way on one foot around her house to feel like she can get things done on her own. She calls the housekeeper and makes use of her help when she needs it.

 

She tries to call Lexa several times the next couple of days, but the brunette does not respond.

 

Friday brings the worst of the week.

 

She turns the television on to the tabloid channel.

 

Pictures of her and Lexa are plastered all over. They include pictures of Lexa showing up at her place, then helping her into her car while clearly injured and driving off with her to the hospital, and Lexa asleep in the waiting area of the emergency room, as well as leaving eventually.

 

Clarke naively hopes the best of it, she thinks the media will root for them together, and she tries to think of what they will call their paring.

 

_Larke? No…_

_Clexa? That’s not bad… I like the sound of it._

 

Soon, it goes wrong. The press shows a picture of Finn at her house earlier that Wednesday when they officially broke things off. They show one of him entering her house and one of him driving off, but they conveniently leave out the one where he was carrying his bag of belongings and simply show him leaving in his car. They bring up the pictures of her kissing Finn that regretful night.

 

_They are sneaky! Those fuckers!_

Then they break the biggest news, that according to a source, Lexa and Costia are getting divorced.

 

They set the scandal up perfectly; about how Lexa and Costia are getting divorced because she cheated with Clarke. Then they go on to show the pictures of Finn at Clarke’s place and the kiss to show how she is reportedly cheating on Finn with Lexa. They call Clarke a homewrecker among many things. Lexa gets her fair share of subtle, degrading names.

 

_Fuck. Those motherfuckers!_

 

She gets enraged. If Lexa is watching, she will see the photos of her and Finn on Wednesday and think he was over at her house for the wrong reasons.

_Shit! As if I didn’t already have a ton of explaining to do…_

 

She wants to drive to Lexa’s house and explain, but she remembers that though she got her car towed in from the mall the other day, buying tires to replace the slashed ones slipped her mind entirely due to the recent chaos of events. Even if she had her car in perfect state, she cannot drive with her leg and shoulder in their current states.

 

_Fuuuuck!_

She tries calling Lexa again, but nothing.

She lays there in frustration for several minutes.

_I need a drink._

She hops downstairs to the liquor cabinet and finds an insufficient amount to her liking, but she commences drinking it anyway.

 

Soon after, she begins getting tipsy. She keeps thinking of Lexa.

 

_She probably thinks I’m the biggest dick…_

Then she remembers their conversation not long ago. _“You’re a good person Clarke, you don’t deserve this”._ She remembers all the times Lexa has thought so highly of her. For the life of her, she cannot understand why.

 

She reconsiders paying Lexa a visit. She knows she still can’t drive to it though and on top of that she is now inebriated.

 

_But that’s why God invented taxis!_

 

_No, Clarke! That’s a bad idea,_ she steers herself away. _Drunk me can say stupid things._

 

_Where is more alcohol?_ Her half-drunk thoughts interrupt as she finishes the bit she had stored. _Lexa probably has tons of alcohol!_ She steers herself back to the idea.

 

\------

 

Lexa lays on her couch watching the news in resentment. The cold is gone, but her anger, which was only starting to fade, is boiling once more. She puts her cup of tea down and flips the butterfly knife around, hoping that the repetitive motion will calm her, but it does not make up for the contemptible news.

 

_I didn’t need this right now._

Anya calls but she turns the call down. She puts her phone in silent mode and leaves it face down. She has not returned a couple of calls from Clarke from the past two days. Their relationship is too rocky for Lexa to talk to her right now.

She leaves the room and makes herself a bath, hoping that might help. She needs to pull all her stress-relieving techniques today.

 

She lays in the tub, but her mind will not clear. Her emotions bottle up over the Titus problem and the complex love-rhombus between her, Costia, Clarke and Finn that the media has created.

 

She skillfully flips the butterfly knife left and right.

 

She knows she should not be bothered by the news in some aspects, like being labeled a cheater because she knows that Costia is well aware that the divorce is irrelevant to whomever she met after the decision was made, obviously. But she is bothered by it anyway.

 

She is bothered by seeing the photographs of Clarke kiss Finn because she despises having to re-live that moment over and over. As if her mind did not replay it enough.

 

She is bothered even more by what they call Clarke when they label her a homewrecker and a mistress and other ruthless words.

 

But what bothers her most are the pictures of Finn leaving Clarke’s place. It is true, they could be from any other day, from long ago, but she feels like they are from earlier that day that she was there to help Clarke during the shower incident.

_Why the fuck won’t you get rid of him Clarke? What are you waiting for?_ She asks herself grumpily.

 

She is tired of being patient, but she cannot change how she feels about Clarke.

 

She is tired in general.

 

_Sigh._

 

\-----

 

Clarke hops out of the taxi in front of Lexa’s apartment building even though she can practically walk, or at least limp, so the hop is only because she is half-drunk. She triple thanks the taxi driver for bringing her here.

 

She knocks on the door and Oscar lets her inside the building, helping her when he sees her limp.

 

She asks to go to Lexa’s apartment. He tries to explain that Lexa has made it clear that she doesn’t want visitors, but Clarke convinces him that Lexa would never include her in that order and she insists on seeing her. He still says no, but after a drunk confession of everything that has happened, paying him some compliments on his mascara and letting him talk about his boyfriend, he lets her up to Lexa’s, wishing her luck.

 

She stumbles into Lexa’s apartment and makes it to the cabinet where she remembers Lexa had the liquor. She hopes there are still bottles there. She doesn’t find any so she makes her way to the chest table and gleefully finds some alcohol there. She opens a bottle and drinks from it directly.

 

_Where is Lexa?_ She wonders after gulping some of the liquid down.

 

-

 

Lexa still lays in her tub, thinking about a dozen different things when she hears a sound coming from outside and approaching the bathroom.

 

Her mind runs through the possibilities of who it could be:

 

Gustus and Anya would loudly announce themselves, Indra would simply wait outside, and Clarke is in her own house, injured.  Oscar would not allow Titus in. Either way, she gave Oscar direct orders not to let anyone inside at all, so neither one of those people should be in her apartment.

 

Considering all that, it occurs to her that the only person who would be in her apartment would be a thief, or Titus if he came up with some master plan. Thief or Titus, she has her butterfly knife in hand and is ready to throw it at anyone who comes through the door.

 

The sound approaches and whomever it is, walks through her bathroom door.

 

She rapidly stands in the tub, her knife in hand, and faces the intruder.  

 

…

 

_Clarke._

 

The blonde is wearing a tank-top and some loose pants. Her shoulder brace is gone and her foot is no longer bandaged. She is carrying what must be one of her bottles of wine from the table.

 

The blonde stares at her with the bottle in hand, which she nearly lets slip. _Holy shit!_ Clarke tries to stop her mouth from falling open at the sight of a wet, nude Lexa. She shamelessly eyes Lexa from top to down several times over in a few seconds.

 

The brunette stands there, gripping the knife, appearing ready to throw it at any moment until she processes that it is only Clarke. Then Lexa relaxes, not seeming to mind Clarke seeing her naked, seeing her perky breasts and hairless body perfectly presented as if to tempt her.

 

“Wow, you always bathe with weapons?” Clarke asks to break the tension.

 

Lexa is surprised at the sight of Clarke, but at a quick scan of her, she notices the blonde is inebriated and rather relaxed, most likely due to the bottle she is holding. If Clarke had come to have a serious discussion, she would not be either one of those. Lexa is too tired for anything today anyhow. She has so much to worry about at the moment, and she cannot add an intoxicated Clarke to that right now. The brunette sighs, turns back around and slips into the tub once more, where all the foam from bath soaps hides her body except for the knee she has popping out.

 

Clarke gets a clear view of Lexa’s hind side when she turns. It is firm as expected, and so is the rest of her backside (which she had seen before), not unlike every other part in her body.  

 

“I was trying to relax. The knife and the bath help me do that. And I thought I enforced a no visitor policy,” Lexa tells her. She has never been this hostile to Clarke, but this day has reached a peak in her tolerance.

 

Clarke limps to the other side of the bathroom and sits on the covered toilet. “Oh, the policy is in place. It just doesn’t apply to me,” the blonde says with a smile and as she takes another sip of her drink once she sits. She seems to expect the hostility and she ignores it.

 

“What are you doing here Clarke? How did you even come here in your state?” Lexa asks softly, trying to let go of the aggression, knowing that half of that aggression is meant for someone else. She is not sure she is pulling it off though.

 

“I came by taxi to drink all your liquor,” Clarke confesses in what can only be a quarter of the real reason she is there.

 

Lexa purses her lips and nods slightly, “Well, at least you’re honest about it,” she says.

 

Clarke scoffs, “Well, we all have our strengths, and honest communication is mine,” she says. She means it sarcastically because she knows that honesty and communication come hand in hand and they are most certainly not her strengths. “So, what up Commander?” she asks and takes another sip.

 

“I’m not really in the mood for small talk right now Clarke,” Lexa informs her.

 

“Come on, everyone loooves small talk,” Clarke responds, pushing for a conversation.

 

Lexa considers sharing; she supposes nothing will happen if she tells Clarke part of what is bothering her so long as she doesn’t include her in the problem. Now is not the time to resolve their issues. In fact, now is the worst time with how it has all come to bottle up. Still, it would be nice to talk to someone about the rest of her concerns.

 

“It’s Titus, he wants to contact me and I don’t know why but he’s going to great lengths for it,” Lexa tells her.

 

“Maybe he just wants to …,” Clarke initiates, and Lexa finishes her sentence, “to talk, yes. It’s popular opinion,” Lexa states as she shuffles around in the tub. _Titus might just want to talk, but about what?_ Like Gustus, she has no idea what he might want.

 

“I’ll deal with him another time. I can’t avoid him forever,” Lexa finishes, talking to herself more than to Clarke.

 

Clarke looks down and after some seconds, she speaks. “This isn’t small talk,” she says regarding what she is about to state as she leans forward, pressing her forearms on her thighs –most of the weight falls on the arm that can handle it– while still sitting on the toilet.

 

Lexa waits for her to talk.

 

“The media turned it all to shit,” Clarke commences without making eye contact, “I’m a cheater now, and you’re a cheater, and I’m also a homewrecker so yay!” she exclaims in a false smile coupled with enthusiasm. “It’s not true,” she adds, her fake expression gone.

 

“What about Finn? Because I cannot keep doing this. I need clarity, Clarke. For once and for all,” Lexa states bluntly.

 

“Oh, him,” Clarke says, as if he was a stranger to her thoughts. “I got rid of him,” she finally admits, “this Wednesday, before the shower incident. I told him about you.”

 

Lexa barely processes the information and so, she barely reacts. It is not much information anyway. She could have very well still had sex with him that same day. And even though she wants to act like she is fine with it, she is not.

 

Clarke turns her head back and loses her balance for a moment while she is still sitting.

 

“Told him what?” Lexa inquires.

 

“That I had feelings for you,” Clarke says lifts one hand to hold her head in place and keep her balance.

 

“What were you doing on the beach the night I went surfing?” Lexa makes another bold question. She could ask more about Finn but before she forgets this, she wants to get the full story to know what happened that night for sure.

 

“I wanted to talk, but I took a picture with a flash instead,” Clarke says. “I don’t know why I took the picture, but you wouldn’t talk to me!” she raises her voice in the end, calling her out. The sentence is slightly incoherent but that is no surprise because the bottle in Clarke’s hand is getting lighter by the minute.

 

“I’m sorry about that, but I needed time,” Lexa says in honesty about not speaking to her.

 

_Lexa is apologizing, I’m suck an asshole. I should be apologizing._ “You died,” Clarke states, her face showing evident sadness. “You were dead. You were gone for… not that long I guess, but it fucking felt like… hell,” she fights the tears that begin to form in her eyes.

 

Lexa cannot imagine what that experience must have been like for Clarke, having to watch her die and then bring her back. She wants to tell her to stop blaming herself because she can see the guilt in her eyes.

 

“What do you do to relax?” Clarke asks, changing the topic and pursing her lips to control her emotions, “It can’t just be tea and knives,” she adds.

 

Lexa uses her hand in an air gesture and motions at her entire body in the tub, “I take baths. You’re welcome to try,” she says.

 

Clarke seems to consider it. She gazes at all of Lexa in the tub. She stands from the toilet and limps to the sink. She leaves the bottle she was drinking from on it. Then, she leans her body on the basin, clumsily removes her shoes from her feet and tosses them on the bathroom floor. She nearly falls in the process but she holds herself steady with the help of the sink.

 

She limps to the tub, and unexpectedly slips inside it with her clothes on.

 

“Um, no Clarke, I didn’t mean…” she rattles the brunette for a change with the unforeseen action. Lexa pulls her other leg so both her knees are up, next to one another and raises her hands slightly in bewilderment as Clarke settles inside the tub opposite to her. “Okay then,” she quits her previous sentence half way when it is too late to stop the blonde.

 

“Where do you get off being so perfect?” Clarke asks to the brunette’s surprise.

 

Lexa distrust the comment, “I’m alright, but I’m not perfect.”

 

Clarke leans in, resting her breasts on Lexa’s knees to keep herself steady. “Yes you are, to me you are,” she confesses without a care.

 

Lexa doesn’t answer. It is a lot to take in, to have someone call you that and truly mean it. But Clarke is drunk. She could see it before, and now she can smell it on her breath. The stench of it is enough to turn her away for the night, even if this was going somewhere and she had no other problems in the back of her mind.

 

Clarke simply goes on, “You are so fierce, but kind…”

 

“Clarke, what are you doing?” Lexa asks. She does not understand the purpose of this conversation, or any other confessions in this moment, but Clarke seems to want to get them out if nothing else.

 

The blonde is staring directly at her eyes now, no more avoiding eye contact.

 

“Your heart,” Clarke continues as she taps on Lexa’s chest with two fingers, “is both strong and gentle. You’re so calm and composed in front of everyone, but I can see the passion in you.” “You shouldn’t be…” she adds after a short pause.

 

“Be what?” Lexa asks.

 

“Be real,” Clarke finishes.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa initiates. She does not even know what words are about to come out of her mouth, but it does not matter, because Clarke pulls back and leans against the other side of the tub, her posture changing entirely.

 

“Where do you get off calling me a good person, or a good mom, or selfless when I’m none of those?” Clarke asks heatedly, demanding an answer. “I’m a fucking mess,” she states almost angrily, but mostly frustratingly.  

 

“Who isn’t?” Lexa responds. “We’re all messes. Look at me, I’m a fucking disaster,” she says.

 

“No you’re not. You’re perfect,” Clarke reiterates with a headshake. She is not afraid of saying it over again.

 

Lexa shakes her head at the answer. “Clarke, please,” _I’m not._ “Look, I’m sorry if I made you feel like I was putting pressure on you to be… perfect, but I didn’t mean to. I genuinely think those things of you. You are those things to me, because I...” _love you._

 

Lexa’s jaw tenses up and she does not finish her sentence.

 

Clarke wishes she would have finished the sentence. _Was she going to say what I thought? Doesn’t matter. She didn’t say it. And she’s apologizing, again!_

 

“Stop, just stop!” Clarke exclaims, taking Lexa by surprise. The brunette doesn’t know what to answer. She doesn’t know what Clarke wants her to stop.

 

Clarke approaches Lexa again, leaning on her knees again. She raises her left hand and caresses Lexa’s cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, for everything. I’m so fucking sorry,” Clarke says with more sadness than Lexa has ever seen in her eyes.

 

Clarke is close enough to lean in for a kiss, even if just a small peck. Lexa wants to give her one despite Clarke’s heavy alcohol breath and everything else.

 

Clarke then pulls away, stands up, carefully steps out of the tub, takes the bottle from the sink along with her shoes, and walks out.

 

“See you back at the set on Monday,” she says casually.

 

Lexa doesn’t know what to make of their entire encounter. _What was that?_

 

“Okay, I’ll see you on set,” is all that comes out in time before Clarke leaves since the blonde is clearly not waiting around for a response to her goodbye.

 

\-----

 

Lexa spends the rest of that Friday and Saturday thinking about everything that has occurred.

 

She has decided to take charge of her life like she used to, and just like that, things start falling into place.

 

First, she decides she will meet with Titus soon, but only to tell him to never speak to her or Gustus again. Gustus agrees on the matter and promises to help her arrange the meeting as redemption for helping Titus in the beginning.

 

Second, Indra calls on that Friday afternoon to tell her that Costia’s lawyers have backed off and agreed to return to their original agreement. Costia had even sent her side of the papers, signed. Lexa had signed the original divorce documents long ago, before Costia’s lawyers had decided to change things up. Now, since everything was back to its default, there was no need for Lexa to sign new papers. Therefore, the divorce was final at last.

 

Third, Anya calls on Saturday. She lets Lexa know that Costia contacted her to tell her that after seeing the news of Lexa and Clarke, in order to discredit the false broadcasts, she spoke to a trustworthy and popular newscast and gave them a statement to let them know that Clarke had nothing to with them getting divorced. She let the magazine know that the decision was made before Lexa had even met the blonde. Costia called Anya to give her and Lexa a heads up and make sure she and Lexa stuck to the truth when going public rather than try to deny it. After all, the news was out, there was no point in dragging the matter of their divorce any longer. Costia also passed along that she hoped Lexa wouldn’t mind the statement that the magazine would print out on Monday, and that she wished Lexa good luck with Clarke and handling the rest of the mess that the media had created.

 

Lexa smiles when she takes all of that in.

 

The only matter left to deal with is Clarke.

 

_Clarke._

She has spent some time considering their relationship.

 

_No more overthinking._

_What do I want?_

_Clarke, no doubt._

 

She wants Clarke with every part of soul; she wants to be with her.

 

_Maybe Clarke needs me to tell her directly that I want her and that I want to be with her and only her, and that Finn doesn’t fit anywhere into that equation._

 

She sighs as she plays with her knife.

 

In the same moment, she receives a text.

 

            Clarke: Did you mean it when you said you’d be there for me for anything?

 

_Clarke…_

           

            Lexa: Yes, I meant it.

            Clarke: Please come over.

 

_I need to see her,_ Lexa thinks.

 

She puts the knife in her back pocket and heads out wearing jeans and a loose tank top, her brassiere visible underneath it.

 

Clarke: Lexa?

 

\-----

 

Clarke does not do much the Friday after she pays Lexa a visit. She wishes she had gone over sober because she was too drunk for anything, but at least she told Lexa about cutting it off with Finn and apologized. At least she remembers telling her something like that. She remembers telling her she was perfect too. It might have been a little too much to say, but she needed to let it out. In many ways, it was a therapeutic visit, _so at least there is that_.

 

She hopes Lexa will call her later that day, but she doesn’t.

 

Saturday comes along and all she can do is wait for tomorrow when she picks Aden up from his camping trip and then returns to her normal schedule-- she sets an alarm for that. She doesn’t know what will happen with her and Lexa. She wonders if their relationship is beyond repair. She doesn’t even know how they got to this point. Well, she sort of does. _Is it really too late to go back?_

She takes her shoulder brace off for the day since her shoulder feels better. It is still in pain and the doctor said it would take two to six weeks for a full recovery, but she can move it slightly without the brace though he recommended against it.

 

As for her injured foot, she can put more weight on it now so she doesn’t have to limp entirely.

 

_Sigh. I need to see her._

 

She carefully considers if Lexa would be up for trying to mend their relationship.

 

She needs to fix it. She cannot let Lexa go, not when she loves her this much. She would never recover if her foolishness were the cause of not being with Lexa.

 

She texts the brunette to come over.

 

She hears a knock on her door later.

 

She hopes it’s Lexa knocking, but the brunette never responded her second text, therefore it could also be Marcus or Abby or even Raven and Octavia visiting, so she doesn’t get her hopes up.

“Lexa,” she says with a smile when she opens the door to find the brunette, oddly carrying some grocery bags.

 

“Clarke,” she says softly. “May I come inside?”

 

“Yes,” Clarke nods rapidly, “Please,” she says as she opens the door and lets her in. “What’s all this?” she asks regarding the bags.

 

“I thought I could cook something for you, if you haven’t eaten,” Lexa states.

 

Clarke raises her eyebrows in surprise, “I haven’t, but you don’t have to bother,” she says.

 

“I want to. Please let me,” Lexa pleads.

 

“Okay,” Clarke doesn’t fight her.

 

“Do you need some help?” Lexa asks her.

 

“No, I’m okay, I can practically walk like normal so long as I wear the right shoes. Let me help you with the bags,” Clarke says.

 

“Absolutely not,” Lexa insists as she pulls the bags away from Clarke before she can even reach them.

 

They both make their way to the kitchen.

 

Lexa takes out her groceries and starts prepping something to eat. Neither one of them talks much. The room is tense and neither knows how to eliminate the strain in the air.

 

Lexa finishes making their meals and pours Clarke a glass of wine from the bottle she brought for her.

 

“Let’s eat upstairs,” Clarke says in an almost question.

 

“Okay,” Lexa agrees.

 

She grabs a tray and places their plates on it. She and Clarke make their way to the living room.

 

They sit down and eat.

 

Clarke glances at Lexa’s pocket and sees the butterfly knife in it.

 

“Can I play with it?” she asks.

 

“Hm?”

 

“The knife,” Clarke clarifies.

 

“Oh, sure. You know how to?” Lexa asks.

 

“Yeah, a little bit,” Clarke says as Lexa hands her the knife. She begins moving it around.

 

A knock on the door stops her.

 

“I wonder who that is,” Clarke comments aloud.

 

“I could get it for you, so you don’t have to get up. If your presence is needed then I’ll call you down,” Lexa says as she stands.

 

“No, that’s okay, I don’t want to trouble you, Clarke says.

 

“It’s no trouble at all,” Lexa says as she makes her way down before Clarke even stands.

 

Clarke simply sighs and smiles when the brunette does her the favor. For a moment, it is as if everything is fine.

 

Lexa goes to the door and opens it.

 

_What the fuck?_

 

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Titus says, skipping the small talk.

 

“What in the hell are you doing here? How did you find me?” Lexa asks as she frowns.

 

“We need to talk,” he states.

 

“I only have one thing to say to you and that is to stay the fuck” –she emphasizes the curse word– “away from Gustus and from me. I don’t want to hear from you and I never want to lay eyes on you again,” she states firmly. She begins shutting the door in his face.

Titus scoffs at her and stops the door with his hand and a foot at the bottom. His face shows clear contempt. Whatever he was going to say, he’s going to say something worse now. “You’re barely even divorced and you’re already at another woman’s house, half naked,” he says as he points at her attire.

 

“Half naked?” Lexa scoffs back. “My clothes are fine,” she states.

 

“I thought I could talk some sense into you but… you’re hopeless,” he tells her rudely.

 

“Are you fucking demented?” she states the question as she shakes her head in frustration at his words.

 

“And this woman, this…,” he searches for the word, “Clarke,” he says in disdain.

 

“Don’t you fucking talk about her,” she commands firmly as her breathing speeds up. She reaches for her back pocket wanting to pull out the knife to threaten him with it but she remembers she just gave it to Clarke. “Stay the fuck away from her or I will fucking end you,” she threatens anyway. She doesn’t need the knife anyhow.

 

            “Lexa? Is everything okay?” Clarke asks from the living room when Lexa takes long.

 

            Clarke stands from the couch and makes her way down to see what is taking Lexa so long and why she didn’t answer her.

 

“You’re making a mistake, you keep making one mistake after the other and all I want is to help you and all you do is keep running into even bigger mistakes! And then this woman! Clarke!”

 

She doesn’t know why he’s fixated on Clarke.

 

He goes on without giving her room to speak, “You follow her everywhere, from her house to a pharmacy…” he scolds.

 

_Pharmacy? How does he know we went to a pharmacy?_ The media neither showed nor said anything about a pharmacy at any point when they posted photographs of that occurrence.

 

“I will fucking murder you where you stand. Do not speak her name,” Lexa warns him. Her hands are in fists, her knuckles have gone white and she’s close to wrapping her hands around his neck. “Did you call the press when we went to the pharmacy that day?” she asks on a hunch.

 

“You shouldn’t have been spending time with her, and then she kissed another man in front of you and you still crawl back to her! Can’t you see that your obsession with women is unwise! I’m taking you from here. You will leave now!” he orders.

 

Lexa frowns and her nostrils flare. _He did fucking call them that day!_ He doesn’t state it clearly, but it’s obvious to her that he did.

 

“Obsession with women?! Have you lost your fucking mind?” she half-shouts the questions at him, only controlling her voice because she is afraid Clarke might hear and she doesn’t want her to witness this. She runs her fingers through her hair and shakes her head. She almost cannot believe she is having this conversation with him. “How long have you been stalking me?” she demands the answer.

 

“Lets go!” he responds in a shout and tries to reach for Lexa’s arm.

Clarke appears between them in the moment. She holds Lexa’s knife up at Titus, near his neck, preventing him from reaching Lexa. “If you lay a single finger on her, I will cut you. I called the police already. You’re trespassing,” she intimidates.

 

Lexa looks at her, she’s astonished to see the anger in her face and how serious Clarke sounds.

 

“I’m outside your house,” Titus states to counter her statement about trespassing.

 

“No, you are on my driveway, my property,” she emphasizes, “without my permission. Now, I’m telling you to leave, if you don’t and I end up hurting you, that’ll be on you,” she fights back.

 

He purses his lips, and stares them down. “If I leave now, I’ll never come back,” he tells Lexa in an attempted threat.

 

Lexa lets out a mocking laugh, “Halle-fucking-lujah! That’s what I fucking want in case you haven’t figured it out yet. It’s what I’ve always wanted you toxic, abusive, thick-skulled fuck!” she exclaims in wrath surpassing that of a Greek God.

 

His face twitches at the response.

 

“Cops, on their way,” Clarke reminds him before he does anything rash.

 

 He looks like he is on the verge of exploding, but after he thinks of what Clarke has said, he leaves in anger, grumbling the entire way back to the taxi he came in.

 

Lexa stares him down all the way to his cab.

 

Clarke closes the house door once he’s gone and turns to Lexa.

 

“I didn’t actually call the police,” Clarke admits with a small, tense laugh.

 

Lexa cannot smile back with what just happened. She is still exceedingly tense.

 

Clarke leans in and hugs her. Lexa calms down, sighs, closes her eyes and hugs her back.

 

“What the hell was that?” Clarke asks while they hug.

 

“That was daddy dearest,” Lexa states.

 

“I’m so sorry,” Clarke tells her sincerely.

 

Lexa sighs heavily again. “Thank you.”

 

Clarke holds Lexa tighter. “He is an idiot for letting go of you, for not doing everything possible to keep you in his life. If I were him, I’d beg for your forgiveness, I’d do everything to prove to you that I was worthy of it, worthy of you. I promise I won’t make the same mistake he is doing. I could never live without having you be a part of my life.”

 

Lexa closes her eyes and hugs her back harder as well, letting go of the anger Titus inspires in her and the sadness he causes her. She inhales Clarke’s scent and concentrates on that, on their embrace as well.

 

“Let’s go back upstairs,” Lexa says softly.

 

They pull back. “Okay,” Clarke agrees. They reach for each other’s hand and take it.

 

They go back upstairs and return to the living room couches.

 

They sit in silence for a while, still holding hands.

 

Clarke fumbles with Lexa’s hand.

 

“I can’t believe you threatened to kill him just for saying my name,” Clarke says.

 

“I didn’t think you had heard that,” Lexa says with a small smile that quickly fades from displeasure at the earlier situation.

 

“Yeah, well I did,” Clarke says. She licks her lips and lets go of Lexa’s hand to drink from the wine she served her.

 

“You weren’t so bad yourself. You even scared me,” Lexa says, loosening up.

 

Clarke smiles, “Thank you. You were scary too.” _It was hot watching you defend me._

 

Lexa looks down for a second. She’s not proud of her anger, nor for scaring Clarke. While she thinks of how she never wants Clarke to have an image of her like that, Clarke is focused on something else. She’s focused on Lexa’s face.

 

Clarke glances at her lips, then her eyes, then back to her lips.

 

Without a thought, she leans in; she plants a chaste kiss on Lexa’s lips and pulls back.

 

“I’m sorry, that was the wine,” Clarke apologizes as she shakes her head and avoids Lexa’s eyes.

 

Lexa frowns, then takes Clarke’s cup and places it on the table along with her own cup.

 

“Was that the alcohol or was that you?” Lexa asks directly, demanding eye contact from Clarke.

 

Clarke looks at her and bites her lip. There is a short pause. “It was me,” she confesses.

 

Lexa stands up, “Well then, what are you waiting for? Take me to the bedroom,” she says as she extends her hand to the blonde.

 

Clarke takes her hand and stands, leading her to the bedroom with a smile.

 

The moment they step inside, Lexa turns Clarke around and drives her against the bedroom door, closing it shut.

 

She kisses Clarke hungrily, missing the gasp of Clarke’s surprise.

 

The blonde immediately lets out a soft moan as she kisses her back, wrapping her arms around the brunette and pushing against her body.

 

The brunette pushes back against Clarke, deepening the kiss with a head tilt and the push of her tongue inside Clarke’s mouth.

 

The blonde moans again and responds eagerly to the kiss.

 

_Fucking finally,_ they both think.

 

Lexa’s hands move from Clarke’s sides up to her neck. As she kisses her, her hands move up to intertwine in Clarke’s hair. She kisses her as if she has longed for her for an entire lifetime.

 

The rush she feels is unlike anything she has ever felt. It’s nothing like how it was when there were cameras or even in the pool at Roan’s house. This time, it is as if their bodies know what is coming, as if they know that they can finally let go. This time, there is no risk of getting caught or interrupted, nothing but them and the built up moment they have yearned for since they met.

 

Clarke doesn’t complain, she lets herself be kissed, she lets her body lose control and lets Lexa take over. She doesn’t even know when her hands start searching for the button on Lexa’s jeans to remove them. The brunette backs her body away just enough to give Clarke’s hands room to unbuckle the button and unzip them.

 

Clarke can barely finish that because she turns her entire focus back to the kiss. They part only to breathe but they get back to it urgently and without really taking proper breaths. Clarke keeps pulling Lexa’s face back in for a kiss, forgetting that she needs oxygen. She turns Lexa into something more vital, she turns her into a divine force that keeps her body functioning, and she pulls her in as if she will die without Lexa’s lips on her own.

 

Lexa’s hands move to the bottom of Clarke’s shirt and she begins unbuttoning it as fast as she can manage. Their lips part from each other as Lexa helps Clarke out of her shirt carefully, not forgetting her shoulder that has yet to finish healing. Clarke is the forgetful one as she tries to weasel out of her shirt quickly to help Lexa along, ignoring the pain she feels when it strikes.

 

Lexa kisses her again once the shirt is gone and automatically starts kissing down her body. She uses her hand to lift Clarke’s chin so she can have proper access to her neck, of which she takes full advantage. She kisses the skin and sucks on it, but only shortly. For now, she prefers to move down Clarke’s body, to her collarbone, down between her breasts as she grips them for a moment, then she moves to her navel and she pulls Clarke’s pants down all the way and throws them to the side.

 

On her knees, Lexa’s lips reach Clarke’s hips. She tugs Clarke’s underwear down, only a few inches to reveal just as much as she needs.

 

She parts the blonde’s labia and plants her thick lips on the blonde’s clit.

 

“Ah,” Clarke gasps and moans simultaneously. She closes her eyes, throws her head back and it harshly meets the door, but she does not care.

 

Clarke reaches one hand down to Lexa’s head and grips her hair as the brunette wantonly sucks on her. Lexa hums into the bundle of nerves, making Clarke feel the vibrations coming from her lips. Those vibrations travel throughout the rest of Clarke’s body, making her feel the bliss all throughout.

 

Clarke reaches a little lower in the back of Lexa’s head to pull her up, further into her cunt as she pushes down against the brunette as well.

 

“Fuck yes,” Clarke calls out.

 

She lifts her injured foot on Lexa’s shoulder. She hopes the brunette is ready to catch her in case she falls because she’s not sure she can stand on one foot forever, especially not when her legs are about to give in. Lexa’s tongue has her shuddering but paralyzed at the same time. She cannot consciously move from the pleasure, she has no control of her body at all, but her body is responding to the touch all on its own.

 

Her hips begin to rotate in circles against Lexa’s tongue. Clarke is reduced to nothing but basic instinct, sexual drive travelling up her body from her core.

 

Lexa massages and grips her ass as she sucks on her. It does not even feel like Lexa needs a break to breathe, Clarke could swear she has been sucking and humming for minutes on end. Her own chest rises and falls quickly. She’s close to coming already.

 

Lexa pulls away from Clarke’s clit and thoroughly licks her pussy once and pulls away. Clarke whimpers at the loss.

 

Clarke is hers to do as she wishes, and Lexa knows it from the whimper. She knows it from every way Clarke’s body responds to her touch.

 

“And here I was thinking I’d have to lick you up to get you wet, but you were already soaked when I got there. I could smell it before I even pulled your underwear down,” Lexa tells her in complete confidence, complete dominance over her as she stands back up, holding the leg Clarke had on her shoulder and letting it make its way around her hip. She kisses Clarke again and the blonde moans louder than the previous times once she brings their tongues together.

 

_She likes the way she tastes, I’ll take note of that,_ Lexa thinks.

 

Lexa grips her ass tightly on one cheek through Clarke’s underwear, she holds on to her back with another hand and picks the blonde up. She carries her the short distance to the bed and lays her on it. She takes her own clothes completely off and wastes no time before straddling Clarke and gluing their lips back together.

 

She switches from the lips back to Clarke’s neck. She sucks and nips on it while she grips Clarke’s waist.

 

Lexa pulls away for a moment, “What do you want?” she asks Clarke.

 

“You,” Clarke responds in a breathy moan, “I want you so fucking much. You have no idea how fucking much I want you,” she adds.

 

Lexa smirks. It was not exactly what she was asking, but it feels amazing to be able to hear Clarke say it that it sends a wave of arousal all through her body.

 

“How do you like it?” Lexa tries again, hoping Clarke will understand now.

 

“I like it rough and dirty,” she responds.

 

_There we go._

 

“I want you to fuck me senseless,” Clarke adds.

 

“Fuck,” she thinks aloud, “I’m going to", she states as she stares directly into Clarke’s eyes.

 

Clarke bites her lip and moans through the bite in anticipation.

 

“Just in case, we need a safe word,” Lexa tells Clarke. She is hoping they don’t have to use it, but they need to have an exit strategy just for safety.

 

“You mean like something that will completely interrupt what we are doing and not let anything else happen?” Clarke over-asks, “Something like… Octaven?” she says humorously as she joins ‘Octavia’ and ‘Raven’ in one word.

 

Lexa chuckles. “That will definitely work,” she says and goes back to kissing her.

 

Clarke wraps her leg around Lexa right away.

 

Lexa loves the way Clarke’s body begs for her, the way she lifts her hips and chest to meet her, the way Clarke is clawing at her back to pull her down against her. She feels her own clit throbbing every time she lifts her hips and lowers them back down against Clarke’s lingerie, grinding against her rhythmically.

 

Lexa switches back to Clarke’s neck. Clarke throws her head back to let Lexa do as she pleases. Now that she has her permission, Lexa bites hard on Clarke’s neck when she feels like it.

 

Clarke spreads her legs to get more friction between them. She can feel her cunt clench every time Lexa lowers herself on her and rubs against her. She wants something inside her…which reminds her of something.

 

“I want you to use something,” she lets out in a short breath to Lexa.

 

Lexa pulls away from Clarke’s neck, which she has already left red and covered in bite marks. Her teeth with surely leave hickeys on Clarke’s skin, but neither one of them cares. They both want the marks to show: Lexa wants everyone to know Clarke is hers and Clarke wants the same. Lexa will get to brand the rest of her skin with her teeth soon. For now, she looks at Clarke, waiting for her to continue.

 

“It’s in the drawer, bottom shelf,” Clarke instructs.

 

Lexa lifts herself from Clarke and goes to check the drawer. She pulls out a box and smirks.

 

“A gift from Octavia and Raven,” Clarke explains.

 

“When did they give you this?” Lexa asks with a smile.

 

“Aden’s party,” Clarke answers.

 

Lexa grins. To her, that means that Raven and Octavia have known about their chemistry since at least as long as that, so Clarke has definitely had feelings for her at least since that party.

 

“After every interruption of theirs, we deserve this gift,” Lexa comments.

 

Clarke chuckles, “Yeah we do.”

 

“I’ll be right back,” Lexa excuses herself to go wash the strap-on dildo before they use it.

 

“I have more toys, just in case,” Clarke comments.

 

Lexa raises an eyebrow and waits for what follows.

 

“On top of the closet, in a shoe box,” Clarke informs her.

 

Lexa makes her way to the bathroom. She washes the strap-on and goes to the closet. She stands on her toes to reach the top of the closet. She pulls out the only shoebox up there that doesn’t have other boxes piled on top of it. She opens it and finds lubricant, a flogger, feathers, four pairs of handcuffs, a vibrator, a blindfold, candles, other types of bondage and other sex toys as well. She wishes she could use all of them right now but with Clarke’s shoulder and ankle the way they are, it is unlikely that she can. Either way, she brings the box out to the room.

 

“Kinky,” she comments to Clarke. “I like it,” she adds with a smirk.

 

Clarke bites her lip and whimpers impatiently.

 

Lexa slips into the strap-on and tightens it up.

 

She makes it back to the bed. She crawls her way up to Clarke, leaning in and out just before reaching her lips, making Clarke seek her out more. The blonde pulls Lexa’s body to her harder and lets small groans of impatience escape her lips.

 

Lexa lifts Clarke’s chin up and kisses her quick before she turns Clarke’s face to the side so she can lick her neck up entirely from her collarbone. Her tongue travels up the neck slowly and deliberately. Clarke’s inconsistent breaths leave her mouth as it falls open in moans. Once she pulls away, Lexa moves lower and she slowly pulls Clarke’s underwear down her legs and tosses it away.

 

“Turn over,” Lexa commands as she gets on her knees.

 

“Okay,” Clarke responds.

 

Lexa grips her hard from her neck in a choke. “Okay what?” she asks with slight heat and plenty arousal.

 

Clarke moans at the feel of Lexa’s hand on her throat. She grabs the brunette’s wrist to encourage her. She considers the question Lexa has posed. She intuitively thinks she knows what Lexa wants.

 

“Okay, Commander,” Clarke says, hoping she is right in her intuition.

 

“Good girl,” Lexa rewards her with the compliment and a squeeze on her neck before letting go so Clarke can do as told.

 

Clarke turns over, and Lexa pulls her against her own front and returns her hand to Clarke’s neck. Clarke’s back is now firmly pressed against Lexa’s front.

 

Clarke can feel Lexa’s erect nipples against her and Lexa loves the feel of Clarke’s warm flesh against her.

 

She presses on Clarke’s throat, and the blonde throws her head back against Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa nibbles at Clarke’s ear and the blonde moans softly. Their lips meet soon after and in the process, Lexa unbuckles Clarke’s bra and replaces the sponge in the blonde’s breasts with her own hand.

 

She lets her hand adjust to Clarke’s large breasts. She squeezes them and her grip gets stronger as their kiss continues. Her hold on Clarke’s breasts is strong enough to leave bruises but the blonde does not make any noises of complaint, only of pleasure.

 

Lexa bites on Clarke’s tongue and then lip as she pulls away. She makes no effort to be gentle about it. She lets Clarke’s breasts go and abruptly pushes the blonde’s head down, leaving Clarke on all fours and her ass up.

 

She caresses Clarke’s ass and without warning, she spanks her hard.

 

“Ah!” Clarke gasps as she closes her eyes and grips the sheets. _Fuck._ “Again,” she begs.

 

Lexa growls and caresses her ass to soothe it.

 

Clarke bites her lip at the sound of Lexa’s growl. She loves the way it comes from deep down Lexa’s throat, from somewhere raw and animalistic.

 

Lexa lifts her hand and it falls back on Clarke’s ass, stronger than before, but on the other cheek this time.

 

“Ah..ahh.” Clarke’s moan breaks in two from the feel. “Fuck,” she curses.

 

Lexa grips Clarke’s ass hard. She cannot even help it, her fingers act all on their own, but when she notices, she grips even harder just because she can.

 

Lexa bends down and licks Clarke’s ass cheeks. She then blows on them to soothe the pain. Clarke moans at the air when she feels the effect of it on her sore behind.

 

Lexa moves in and bites Clarke’s ass because she wants to. With a groan and bare teeth, Clarke pushes further into her when Lexa bites.

 

The brunette pulls away, ready to fuck Clarke.

 

She sets herself right behind Clarke. She reaches her hand down to the blonde’s wetness and spreads it around. She teases at Clarke’s entrance with a few strokes of her finger.

 

Clarke’s wetness feels even better than she imagined it would on her fingers. Touching her feels so much better than she could have ever imagined. Every stroke keeps her clit swollen.

 

Then, Lexa grabs the dildo and lets it slide between Clarke’s lower lips to get lubricated- with this much wetness, she doesn’t need any lubricant cream. She makes sure the tip of the dildo moves all around Clarke, and she makes sure to push it a little hard against the blonde’s clit to tease her even more.

 

Clarke quietly moans her way through Lexa’s teasing. She pushes her ass back into the brunette but Lexa does not rush. Clarke begins to groan in frustration, her clit is throbbing and her cunt keeps clenching, demanding to be filled with something.

 

At last, Lexa places the tip of the wet dildo at Clarke’s entrance and slowly begins pushing inside. Clarke moans and pushes her head down against the mattress when the latex item starts to enter her.

 

Lexa doesn’t push all the way in to allow Clarke to adjust. She pushes in a little, pulls back out and then starts pushing back in, making it a little further each time. Clarke wants it all right away, not caring if she can handle it, so Lexa has to hold her in place from her hips to stop the blonde from pushing herself beyond her capacity.

 

“Fuck, yes,” Clarke lets out her biggest moan yet when Lexa is completely inside her.

 

Lexa lets out a small moan every time Clarke says anything or makes a sound. She can feel herself getting wetter and wetter. She could come from any slight friction at this point and they’ve only just begun.

 

She pulls out from Clarke slightly, but not all the way. “Keep your head down,” she orders.

 

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke responds immediately.

 

Lexa begins fucking Clarke at a slow pace.

 

She pushes in and out of her at a torturous rhythm.

 

“Touch yourself slowly,” she commands.

 

Clarke obeys and moves a hand to her clit. She begins rubbing slowly with every ounce of self-control she has. She wants nothing more than to rub hard and fast until she comes. She finds herself to be incredibly sensitive and though she is not in the habit of coming when things are slow, she might just come right now from how turned on and wet she is.

 

Lexa starts speeding up and increasing the force of her thrusts.

 

Clarke’s wetness slurps against the dildo and her own fingers, making Lexa grip her harder from the sides.

 

Clarke can tell Lexa wants to fuck her faster and harder but she’s holding back to torture her.

 

“Faster and harder, please Commander,” she begs the brunette. Her voice is needy and helpless.

 

“Only with your clit. But not too fast,” Lexa cuts her some slack.

 

Clarke begins rubbing herself fast, too fast.

 

Without notice, Lexa spanks her hard.

 

“What did I demand?” Lexa asks strongly.

 

“Fuck. I’m sorry,” Clarke apologizes.

 

Lexa spanks her once more. Harder this time.

 

“Ah!” she gasps, “Commander,” Clarke adds as she realizes she forgot the title.

 

Clarke slows down on her clit. She is going faster than before, but not as fast as she wants to and it is still torment. 

 

“Lexa, please. I can’t fucking take it,” she begs seconds later.

 

“Beg me harder,” Lexa states with no sympathy.

 

“Please, I fucking beg you. I beg you to fuck me hard and fast, please. Please, I want to come,” Clarke supplicates.

 

Lexa bites her lip and takes a deep breath. She grips Clarke’s hair and uses it as leverage as she starts pounding into the blonde at full speed.

 

“Fuck,” Clarke moans when the brunette starts to fuck her like she wants. She speeds up on her clit as she closes her eyes and focuses purely on the pleasure of the stimulation from her fingers and Lexa’s dildo.

 

Lexa growls again, not intentionally, but she doesn’t care. She slams into Clarke faster and faster, trying to go deeper too, pulling Clarke back into her with one hand while holding Clarke’s hair with the other.

 

“Fuck! I’m gonna come right now,” Clarke warns her.

 

“I’ll count you down from ten, don’t come before it,” Lexa orders.

 

“Fuck,” Clarke says as she tries to hold her orgasm back.

 

Lexa fucks harder and faster. “Ten…” she begins counting. She takes her time and Clarke groans when she hears how slowly she is going.

 

The blonde closes her eyes hard and grips the sheets harder to stop herself from coming. Lexa clearly likes to be in absolute dominance and if she spanked her that hard only for forgetting to call her Commander, she can only imagine what she will do if she comes before she lets her.

 

“Six, five…” Lexa continues. She groans every number through closed teeth because she wants to see Clarke come already but she also wants Clarke to come when she allows her to, not before.

 

“Three… two… one,” Lexa finishes, to which Clarke comes right away.

 

“Ahhhhhh, fuck, fuck, fuck,” Clarke moans. Her entire body convulses when she orgasms, clenching on the dildo over and over, her cum flowing out.

 

“Fuck,” Lexa moans as she watches Clarke come. She slows down her thrusting but keeps going for a while longer to prolong the orgasm, watching carefully how Clarke’s body responds.

 

Lexa pulls out eventually when Clarke stops convulsing.

 

Clarke turns over and lays on her back. She smiles at Lexa. “Fuck, that felt so good,” she tells the brunette.

 

Lexa grins arrogantly and moves to kiss her shortly.

 

“Tell me when you’re ready to go again,” Lexa states between their small kisses.

 

Clarke nods as she kisses her back.

 

Lexa lays next to her and they get back to their short kisses as soon as she is settled. Clarke intertwines their legs together while they kiss. They pull each other closer and closer even though they are already flush against one another.

 

Their kisses get deeper as they regain their energy and their arousal begins rising once more.

 

Clarke pulls away with a smile, “I’m ready to go now,” she says.

 

Lexa raises an eyebrow, “Damn, you are horny,” she comments.

 

“So are you, and it’s your fault I’m this way,” Clarke says with a small shove. Lexa smirks and laughs.

 

She pulls Lexa in from her hair, “Now, fill me with your cock,” Clarke says boldly and crudely.

 

Lexa bares her teeth, “Well, fuck. Ask me again” she remarks as she gives her another kiss.

 

“Fill me… with your big cock,” Clarke repeats to please Lexa.

 

Lexa gets back on her knees and pulls Clarke to her, helping the blonde straddle her.

 

She grabs Clarke from the back of her head and pulls her in for a deeper kiss than before.

 

The blonde caresses Lexa’s back as she kisses her. She lets her hands roam free through the brunette’s body, she lets them entwine in Lexa’s hair, she lets them grasp Lexa’s ass, she lets her nails scratch all over Lexa’s side.

 

She begins grinding against Lexa, wanting more.

 

“I want your cock inside me, please Commander,” Clarke begs as she pulls away from the kiss.

 

“You have a way with words,” Lexa responds. She is taken away by how tempting Clarke is. She hardens her grip on Clarke’s ass and starts moving it, controlling Clarke’s movements against her, making sure the blonde keeps the pace she wants her to.

 

Once Clarke has a rhythm, Lexa lets go of her hind side and reaches for the dildo to accommodate it. She presses it against Clarke’s entrance and slides it inside.

 

Clarke moans.

 

Lexa starts thrusting slowly again, but harder this time. This time, she makes deep, firm thrusts.

 

“Tell me how you feel, describe it,” Lexa says to her.

 

“I feel so… full,” Clarke says as she tries to find words through the desire overcoming her.

 

Lexa closes her eyes at Clarke’s words. She leans into her and thrusts once, hard and fast.

 

Clarke gasps and throws her head back. “Fuck, that feels… so fucking good,” she states between whimpers.

 

Lexa pushes back in roughly.

 

Clarke moans again. “Keep going,” she pleads.

 

Lexa leans on Clarke’s neck, she sucks on it and her earlobe. She keeps her thrusts steady.

 

The sound of Clarke’s moans are intoxicating. Lexa doesn’t want to stop hearing them.

 

“I’m going to come,” Clarke notifies again after abundant pushes inside her. 

 

“You seem to have forgotten…” Lexa says with a thrust, “who is in charge,” she thrusts again, harder. “You will come,” she pushes into Clarke, making her gasp for the third time in a row, “when I allow you to come,” she finishes with yet another hard thrust.

 

“Sha, Heda,” Clarke responds, giving in to her completely.

 

Lexa makes her thrusts more frequent but equally rough and deep, until the blonde begins to shake, unable to hold off much longer.

 

“Please,” the blonde pleads to her.

 

“Come now Clarke,” Lexa allows, and the blonde’s entire body responds to her. Clarke throws her head back, her hips grind uncontrollably against Lexa and her mouth falls open in silent moans as she reaches her orgasm.

 

Lexa lets the ripples fade off Clarke’s body.

 

Lexa stares at her and grins arrogantly, then lets Clarke fall back on the bed.

 

She leans into her skin, begins covering her in gentle kisses, and not-so-gentle bites.

 

Clarke lays on her back and hums softly while she keeps her eyes closed.

 

Lexa latches her teeth to every part of Clarke that she can. Her mouth wanders to Clarke’s torso, her thighs, her calves and every other place worth biting.

 

Clarke gives her entire access to her body and encourages Lexa with small moans.

 

The blonde begins warming up again. She moves her own hands to her breasts and squeezes them, she pinches her nipples and grips her breasts roughly when Lexa bites harder on her.

 

When Lexa looks up and notices Clarke’s actions, she moves back up, pulls Clarke’s hands away from her breasts, and instantly replaces them with her mouth.

 

Clarke gasps and arches her back while Lexa sucks on her nipples.

 

The brunette moans at the feel in her mouth and closes her eyes to enjoy the taste of Clarke’s tits when she swirls her tongue around them and sucks on them freely.

 

She uses her other hand to massage the other breast and pinch and pull every now and then, but she maintains most of her focus on the breast she has in her mouth.

 

Lexa finds herself grinding against Clarke automatically and pushing her body against the blonde’s harder.

 

She relishes in the feeling of watching Clarke’s nipples get hard and red and the way Clarke loves it too. The blonde grips Lexa’s hair and pulls her entire head impossibly closer, wanting Lexa to take more and more of her boobs into her mouth. The full breasts give Lexa enough to suck on and grab and anything else she wants to keep herself entertained.

 

Lexa switches to the other side, but first, she bites around the nipple. She licks in circles around it as well, teasing Clarke.

 

The blonde squirms and groans in complaint. She wants Lexa’s lips on her other nipple now.

 

She scratches at Lexa’s back and grips her hair tighter to urge her to give her what she wants and the brunette complies, but not without first giving her a satisfied gloat.

 

Lexa begins sucking on Clarke’s other nipple and the blonde relaxes her hands which were tightly holding on to Lexa. Clarke lets her take her time and meanwhile, she grinds back against Lexa.

 

Once Lexa has had her fill of Clarke’s tits, she makes her way down, grazing her teeth by Clarke’s skin until she reaches the blonde’s center.

 

Clarke bites her lip at knowing what is coming and she adjusts herself by opening her legs.

 

Lexa growls at the sight of Clarke, soaked all over again, her scent radiating strongly. She wastes no time in using the pressure of her tongue to pleasure Clarke.

 

Clarke gasps immediately and lifts her hips at the first feel of Lexa’s tongue on her clit. She throws her head back and is tempted to just lay there while Lexa’s tongue expertly circles and flicks her swollen clit, but there is something she wants just as much.

 

“I want to taste you too,” Clarke moans to Lexa.

 

The brunette pulls away from Clarke and looks up at her. “I’m not finished tasting you,” Lexa tells her.

 

“I didn’t say stop,” Clarke says, hoping Lexa will understand what she is inclined to do.

 

“Okay,” Lexa responds with a smirk and she rises on her knees.

 

Lexa makes her way until she is kneeling by Clarke’s face, and then she straddles it before leaning down on Clarke and returning to licking at her clit.

 

Once Clarke has Lexa’s cunt right above her, she impulsively bites at one of the labia and pulls at it. It’s the first thing her mouth compels her to do when she sees how wet Lexa is. Lexa’s cum is already dripping down her leg from all the things she has done to Clarke and it makes the blonde want to taste her even more.

 

She does not even bother controlling how hard she bites Lexa and only notices that she has done it quite hard when Lexa responds by biting softly at her sensitive clit.

 

“Ah!” Clarke gasps and her entire body jerks at that.

 

She feels Lexa smile into her and she rolls her eyes at how cocky the brunette can be.

 

She then begins returning the favor and sucking on Lexa’s clit.

 

The brunette rotates her hips on Clarke’s mouth while the blonde grinds against Lexa’s mouth.

 

Clarke makes sure to grip Lexa’s ass in the process as well as suck up all the accumulated cum Lexa has so far.

 

She releases the clit from her lips and begins licking up and down Lexa’s pussy and soon after, she pushes her tongue inside Lexa.

 

Lexa grunts and follows by pinching Clarke’s clit, making her jerk, and then pushing two fingers inside Clarke.

 

Clarke grips Lexa’s ass tightly as she tries to keep herself in check. She almost pulls out from Lexa because of how good the brunette’s fingers feel inside her, but instead, she pushes her tongue further inside Lexa and wiggles it around.

 

Lexa comes into Clarke’s mouth at the feel. She was already ridiculously stimulated; she knew she was not going to last long.

 

She is relatively quiet when she comes with low curses, but her body says it all when it shudders. Her cunt tightens around Clarke’s tongue and the blonde moans as she drinks up all of Lexa’s fluid.  

 

Clarke does not stop when she sees that Lexa can take more and they continue as before.

 

They find themselves in a pleasurable cycle of pushing each other deeper and deeper into the pinnacle of desire. When Lexa curls her fingers, Clarke twists her tongue. When Lexa thrusts faster and deeper, Clarke rubs Lexa’s clit harder and faster.

 

Lexa inserts a third finger into Clarke as soon as she warms her up with the previous two.

 

“Fuck!” Clarke can’t help but pull away to gasp at the feel and she can’t help but push her hips against Lexa’s fingers in response, which only pushes them deeper into her and which in turn, makes Clarke tighten around the brunette’s digits repetitively.

 

“I love the way your cunt clenches at my fingers,” Lexa states as she rotates her fingers inside Clarke, leaving the blonde paralyzed in pleasure once more.

 

Lexa pulls out moments after, not allowing Clarke to revel in being filled. The blonde groans and lifts her hips up, begging for more of Lexa.

 

“I did not allow you to stop licking or touching me,” Lexa states to Clarke as she grips her ass with her nails in a warning.

 

“Fuck,” Clarke moans as she returns to her previous task of savoring the brunette; not that she is complaining.

 

“Do not come Clarke and do not stop, or else,” Lexa orders as she pushes her three fingers back inside Clarke.

 

The blonde moans and whimpers into Lexa’s cunt as she uses her tongue in the best way she knows how.

 

Lexa starts slow, but she does not take long before she begins driving her fingers quickly into Clarke while she sucks on the blonde’s clit at the same time.

 

Clarke has no choice other than to keep pleasuring Lexa while the brunette pumps into her, making it difficult to do anything.

 

Lexa thrusts deeper into Clarke, curling her fingers in her pussy.

 

Clarke stops her licking will when Lexa hits her g-spot. She feels her orgasm building and she wants to come, but she prevents herself from coming.

 

When she stops, Lexa pulls out, lifts her legs slightly, and spanks Clarke hard twice.

 

“Ahh!” Clarke gasps.

 

“I said, don’t fucking stop,” Lexa scolds.

 

Clarke does not even waste time apologizing and returns to making Lexa feel her wanting tongue on her cunt.

 

Lexa continues with her pattern of deep thrusting and curling her fingers every now and then.

 

Clarke whimpers every time, but does not stop moving her tongue inside Lexa or massaging the bundle of nerves.

 

Clarke’s legs begin clutching at Lexa’s face when she feels on the edge of climaxing, but Lexa grips them hard and pushes them apart. The hard grip on Clarke’s thighs is enough warning to remind the blonde that she must not come.

 

Clarke uses every shred of will power to stop her orgasm but when Lexa hits her g-spot for the third time in a row of thrusts, she is helpless to the waves the climax sends through her and the movement of her hips that she has lost control of. She pulls out of Lexa as she comes but she replaces her tongue with her fingers.

 

Lexa doesn’t punish Clarke for coming, she wanted to make her come while not letting her in order to make it more blissful.

 

Simultaneously, Lexa comes for the second time and this time, the feeling is of much more ecstasy as she feels the clenching of Clarke on her fingers and enjoys Clarke’s fingers inside her. The thickness of two fingers is enough stimulation at the right time to push her into orgasming.

 

They both pull to a rest once their bodies halt their shuddering.

 

Lexa moves to the side and lays next to Clarke with their heads next to each other.

 

Both of them lay in silence, exhausted from the workout. 

 

Lexa sits up and removes the strap-on dildo after some minutes of relaxation. “I’m going to clean up if that’s alright… Unless you want to go again,” she says to Clarke with a wink.

 

The blonde chuckles. “I’m glad you’re so energetic. With the right hormones acting up, you and I could go on for days,” Clarke responds.

 

Lexa smirks and then laughs softly at the potential future and then makes her way to the bathroom.

 

“May I borrow some clothing?” Lexa asks once inside.

 

“Sure. Actually, I have your clothing from the night of the hotel in there so you don’t need to borrow anything,” Clarke remembers and states.

 

Lexa searches for the clothes Clarke borrowed the night of the swimming accident and slips into those. Once she is back out, Clarke sluggishly gets herself out of bed to clean up herself.

 

Lexa chuckles as she sees Clarke struggle to walk to the bathroom when her legs wiggle and barely hold her up from how weak she feels due to the workout.

 

“Shut it,” Clarke tells her jokingly.

 

After Clarke cleans up, she lets herself fall on the bed next to Lexa once more.

 

She smiles at the brunette and lays a soft and lazy kiss on her lips. Lexa returns it and smiles back.

 

“Sleep?” Clarke asks, too tired to say much else.

 

“Sleep,” Lexa agrees.

 

Clarke smiles then lays on her side, facing away from the brunette because that is her comfortable sleeping position for the night. Shortly afterwards, she reaches one hand back to Lexa without looking.

 

She fumbles around for Lexa’s hand.

 

Lexa smiles when she feels Clarke’s hand on her. She’s not quite sure what is she is going for at first so she lays there while Clarke identifies the part she is touching. When she blonde finally reaches Lexa’s hand, she pulls it towards her and Lexa knows she is urging her to put it around her, so the brunette wraps her arm around Clarke and cuddles her, interlocking their fingers.

 

Lexa missed this warmth. Being close to Clarke could feel like the only right thing in a world of turmoil, misinterpretations, and miscommunication.

 

She presses her lips on Clarke’s cheek and gives her a tender kiss.

 

The blonde hums to it. In a matter of minutes, they both fall asleep comfortably.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The bathtub scene was taken and adapted from the show Lost Girl (season 3, episode 12) because I love that scene and I loved the show.


	19. The Day After

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry for the delay and the short chapter, but I hope you will enjoy it.   
> The next chapters will mostly likely take a while too, but rest assured, I have vowed to finish this fic! 
> 
> Didn't have much time to proof-read this one so bare with me.

Clarke opens her eyes Sunday morning when her alarm rings at around five a.m. for her to get ready to pick Aden up from his school since he returns from his camping trip today. The tone and volume of the alarm is low and soft so it does not wake Lexa, who is still laying at her side. She checks just to make sure she did not imagine the whole thing. 

She rises from bed and sits by the edge for a moment to gaze at the brunette. She looks remarkably beautiful in her sleep. 

Clarke makes her way to the bathroom to get changed. She notices in the dim light of day all the newly formed marks and yet-to-develop bruises from the night before. She makes sure to cover them up with jeans, a long sleeve shirt and a light scarf though the weather does not call for it. 

When she steps back into the room, ready to go, she gently rocks Lexa to wake her up. 

The brunette opens her eyes and finds the blonde changed into some casual clothing, bag in arm and ready to leave somewhere. 

“Aden comes back from his camping trip in a bit. I have to go pick him up from school. Go back to sleep and I’ll be back before you get used to being alone in the bed,” Clarke whispers to her. 

Lexa simply nods and closes her eyes. 

Clarke leans and places a long-lasting kiss on Lexa’s forehead. She smiles and pulls away and goes to pick her son up.

\--

She finds herself back at her house with Aden at about seven. Aden is exhausted and Clarke tells him to go directly to his bed and sleep a little longer if he wants, and that is what he does when they step inside their home. 

Clarke walks back to her bedroom to find Lexa there, still asleep. 

She smiles and after removing her scarf, she works herself back into the bed, facing the brunette. 

She puts their foreheads together and her hand on Lexa’s face. 

Lexa smiles when she feels Clarke against her. She was not really sleeping. She had already gotten up and washed her face as well as brushed her teeth but she decided to lay back in the bed and wait for Clarke. In the bed, she could smell the scent that Clarke left on it from sleeping on it countless nights. 

“I missed you,” Clarke murmurs. 

“I missed you too,” Lexa murmurs back before leaning in to bring their lips together, her eyes barely open. 

They kiss without a hurry for a moment, feeling the ease of being with each other freely. 

“How is Aden?” Lexa asks. 

“He’s good. Exhausted. Went straight to his bed,” Clarke answers.

“I wanted to make you both breakfast but I didn’t know when you’d be back,” Lexa says. 

“Thank you,” Clarke says with another kiss. “We have some time before he wakes up. I don’t plan on letting him sleep too long because he has school tomorrow,” she explains. 

“Okay,” Lexa mumbles between their kissing. 

Clarke wraps one leg around Lexa and pulls her closer. Lexa pulls her in too and they lay there, gently pressing their lips against one another. 

Clarke hums into their kiss while Lexa grabs her behind and squeezes it as her hands go all over Clarke’s back from time to time. 

The blonde starts swaying her body back and forth against Lexa as her fingers lock in the brunette’s hair.

They continue in their pattern for a long time, taking small breaks where they keep their foreheads pressed together until they catch their breath to return to kissing. 

When Clarke finally checks up on the time, enough of it has passed to wake Aden up. 

“I don’t want to get up,” she complains. 

“Me either,” Lexa responds, “But let us go. I am sure you are hungry,” she says as she begins rising, pulling Clarke with her. 

The blonde groans and Lexa chuckles as she helps Clarke out of bed. 

Lexa pauses as the small rays of light coming through the window light up Clarke’s skin. 

“Your neck. Shit,” Lexa says as she looks upon Clarke’s neck and finds her teeth inscribed on it. 

Clarke smiles and licks her lips as a little embarrassment hits her, “It’s fine. You’re gonna stand there and pretend you didn’t know they would be there today after what you did?” She reminds Lexa that she didn’t seem to even think twice about branding her the night before. 

Lexa smirks, “I thought you might have a few marks but these are rather considerable and pronounced.”

“Is that a problem?” Clarke teases.

“Well, generally I wouldn’t mind, and it seemed like a good idea last night, but you are in the public eye. That is a lot of people knowing what we’re into,” Lexa points out as she considers what the media will make of all those bite marks. “And what about Aden?” 

“Fine, I’ll wear my scarf outdoors and indoors. But it won’t be my fault if anyone sees,” Clarke says playfully. 

Lexa smiles and shakes her head lightly. “I want you all to myself, that’s all,” she explains. 

Clarke smiles at her, “I know, you don’t have to explain. I want to be all yours,” she says. 

Lexa grins. 

“I’ll go wake Aden up,” Clarke tells her as she readjusts the scarf to her neck. 

“What about him seeing me?” Lexa inquires upon a new issue as she stops by the door and turns her face back to Clarke when she reflects on how she is about to greet Clarke’s son in his house while in her pajamas. 

“Don’t worry. You’re dressed and all. And I think he should get used to seeing you around here. Don’t you?” Clarke responds as she makes her way to Lexa by the door and hugs her from behind.

Lexa smiles wide and nods. “Okay,” she says endearingly. 

Lexa heads to the kitchen to prepare breakfast for the three of them as Clarke wakes Aden up and drags him downstairs. 

He’s still a little sleepy when he sees Lexa in the kitchen in shorts and a loose shirt. 

“Hello Aden,” she greets. Her eyes bounce from him to Clarke as she waits for his reaction. 

“Hi,” is all he says sheepishly as he sits on the kitchen table. 

Aden reacts naturally to the situation. Lexa lets out a small smile and so does Clarke. 

Clarke helps Lexa prepare the table. They all eat soon enough and Aden is completely awake by the time they finish. 

Lexa and Clarke clean up the table with his help. About half way through picking up the table, Aden turns to his mom. 

“Mommy?” he calls her attention. 

“Yeah, sweetie?” she asks. 

“Are you and Lexa girlfriends now?” he asks openly. 

Lexa looks up from doing the dishes that are accumulating and Clarke turns rosy as she swallows and shuffles around in her spot. 

“Well,” Clarke looks from Aden to Lexa and licks her lips. “Mommy would like to be Lexa’s girlfriend but that’s up to her, if she’ll have me,” Clarke says without looking away from Lexa.

Lexa looks at Clarke. The blonde can’t tell what she’s thinking because she has her poker face on.

“Yes,” Lexa says, not two seconds later, “We are girlfriends now.” 

Clarke smiles widely and Lexa responds with the same smile. 

“Really?” Aden yells out as he drums on the table, “Yes! Yeah! Woohoo!” he yells in excitement as he jumps around. 

Clarke chuckles and Lexa walks up to her and pulls her in. 

Clarke lets out a small gasp when Lexa pulls her against her.

“Is it alright if I kiss you in front of Aden?” Lexa asks. 

Clarke smiles as she leans into her. 

“Yes, of course it is,” she tells Lexa.

The brunette smiles and kisses Clarke slowly. 

Lexa pulls away just as she hears her phone ring upstairs. 

“That might be Anya. I should get it,” Lexa says. 

Clarke kisses her again and reluctantly pulls away, “I guess.”

Lexa’s grip on Clarke’s shirt lingers as she pulls away and goes to answer Anya. 

“Hello Anya” 

“You sound cheerful considering the news that came out just this week,” Anya responds. 

Lexa can hear her filing her nails through the phone. 

“Well, maybe I’m just a little more relaxed knowing what will be printed on Monday,” she responds. 

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about actually. What are we telling the news? They’ll be calling non-stop for comments obviously. I already have a statement on your behalf but I thought I’d be kind enough to ask,” she says. 

Lexa gives a short chuckle, “I imagined you would. We’re telling them the truth,” she says just as Clarke walks into the bedroom. 

“And what is that darling?” Anya asks. 

Lexa puts the phone on speaker. 

“That Costia and I have finalized a divorce that has been underway for almost a year now. That Clarke and I met during set,” she nods to Clarke as if for approval to what she is saying, 

“Congratulations on the divorce darling! I’m so happy for you!” Anya cuts in.

Lexa smiles. “Thank you Anya.” 

“I’m going to start preparing a divorce party. Who do you want me to invite?” Anya asks. 

Clarke chuckles. 

“Anya, there will be no divorce party. I’m quite serious about that,” Lexa responds instantly. 

“It’ll be fun! No sad divorcés I promise!” Anya presses. 

“Absolutely not. I do not want a party,” Lexa insists. 

“It’ll be a small thing. Two hundred people tops,” Anya keeps going.

“Anya, I am not saying this so you do the opposite. I sincerely do not want a party and I do not approve of you throwing me one,” Lexa enunciates.

She hears Anya groan. 

Clarke continues chuckling in the background as she hears the ongoing conversation. 

“Fine. No party. But you better make it up to me,” Anya gives in at last. 

“Of course I’ll make it up to you for not throwing me a party I didn’t want in the first place. It’s the only acceptable thing on my behalf,” Lexa responds with complete sarcasm. 

“Good,” says Anya. “Also, I called to ask about a statement regarding your girlfriend Clarke and the other guy. I already knew what to say about Costia darling. Is blondie there with you? I hear someone.”

“Yes, she is,” Lexa says as she smiles at Clarke. 

“Hey. It’s good to finally meet the famous Anya,” Clarke says to her. 

“Yes, I know. I get that a lot,” Anya responds casually, making Clarke smile and Lexa roll her eyes at the arrogance. 

“She’s even more arrogant than you. Who knew such people existed?” Clarke teases Lexa in a low voice. 

Lexa raises her eyebrows and tilts her head at Clarke.

“I heard that,” Anya says through the phone. 

“Ooops, sorry,” Clarke responds shyly.

“Don’t be. I like women who speak their minds,” Anya says. “We’ll talk in a bit, for now, back to your little boy-toy,” she says regarding Finn. “What’s our story? Even with Costia outside of the picture, I can’t maneuver a story with you two with pictures of Clarke and him together at the same time. I mean I could, but the press would sell what works for them. We need something that they’ll believe.” 

Lexa and Clarke look at each other. 

“Um, well the truth is that Finn and I were never really exclusive and you could say that or that we were in an open relationship and that now it’s just Lexa and I. I don’t know if that would work,” Clarke says with caution as she looks at Lexa, gauging for a reaction.

“I could work with that,” Anya says. “Lexa? Thoughts?” she asks for consent. 

“Whichever of those works I suppose, so long as it does not create another mess. Please try to stick to the truth the most you can Anya,” Lexa states as she smiles at Clarke. 

“Okay. We’ll back up Costia with what she said and I’ll release this statement when the press comes knocking,” Anya says. 

“Great,” Lexa states. 

“Before I go, take me off speaker phone. I want to talk to blondie for a moment,” Anya says mysteriously. 

“Okay,” Lexa says with curiosity as she does what Anya asks and hands Clarke the phone. 

“Are you there?” Anya asks Clarke. 

“Yeah, this is Clarke, how do you do?” the blonde humorously responds in a serious tone. 

“Listen carefully. If I had met you sooner I would have told you to fuck off from Lexa,” Anya gets right to the point. “It might not look like it, but I can tell when she is not okay, even when she doesn’t talk to me. And I know, I fucking know, that you have been the reason for her feeling like shit lately.” 

Clarke stays quiet and walks to the balcony to avoid Lexa’s eyes. 

“I’m…” She tries to apologize but Anya doesn’t let her. 

“I’m not finished. Speak when I finish,” Anya states firmly. 

Clarke takes a deep breath as she hears Anya tear her apart but she takes it like the mature grown up she is trying to be. 

 

“I was on the verge of knocking your door down and sending you to the hospital, although I suppose karma took care of that from what the news shows,” she references her recent injuries. “The only reason I didn’t was because I was giving you a chance to fix the damage you had done. Now, from the sound of Lexa, you have seen the error in your ways, but this is the only chance you have to never fuck this up again as far as I’m concerned. And in case I am not being clear enough, I am telling you, do not fuck with Lexa or I will make sure you never see her again and then I will destroy you,” she finishes menacingly. Her tone is harsher by the last sentences and Clarke swallows audibly through the phone. 

“Can I talk now?” Clarke asks. 

“Go ahead,” Anya allows.

“You’re right. Karma got me and I deserved it. Probably deserved worse actually. I want you to know that hurting Lexa hurt me too. It killed me inside and I never want to repeat that experience. And I also want you to know that if I ever fuck up again, you have my permission to kick my ass and destroy me,” Clarke responds. 

There is a silence through the phone. 

“There might be hope for you after all, Clarke,” Anya speaks at last, clicking her name in her tongue in the end.

Clarke lets a breath out. 

“I’m glad Lexa has people like you to watch out for her,” Clarke says to the intimidating voice across the phone. “And now she has me. I’ll try to be worthy of her.”

“I’ll be watching,” Anya says with a little seriousness but Clarke thinks she hears a bit of an uplift in her tone that means she is giving her a chance. Clarke hopes she can build on that and eventually have her approval.  

Anya hangs up and Clarke walks back inside. 

“She threatened you didn’t she?” Lexa asks right away. 

“Yep. It was terrifying,” Clarke tells her. 

Lexa smiles, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. She should do that. She really cares about you,” Clarke comments. 

Clarke walks to Lexa and the brunette meets her halfway to their embrace just as Clarke trips before she reaches her.

The blonde chortles at her clumsiness and Lexa smiles after the worry fades.

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she responds.  

“You know what I just thought of?” Lexa asks.

“What?”

“How you didn’t call 911 the day you fell in the shower,” Lexa points out. “That was madness.”

“You didn’t call either!” Clarke responds a bit loud. 

“I know. Would you believe me if I said that it didn’t even occur to me until I was in the hospital searching for a nurse to come and get you?” Lexa tells her.

Clarke smiles, “Would you believe me if I said it didn’t occur to me either?” 

Lexa smiles and Clarke leans on her shoulder. “We should probably remember to do that if anything like that ever happens again.”

“I’ll be okay. I got you after all, my knight in shining armor,” Clarke says as she hugs Lexa tightly. 

Lexa smiles and hugs her back. 

\---

After breakfast, they all head to the living room. 

Clarke sits between Lexa’s legs on the couch as the brunette wraps her arms around her and leans on her shoulder. Aden sits on the other side while they watch a movie. 

Clarke pulls a cover on her and Lexa and nearing the ending of the movie, Lexa leans into Clarke’s neck and begins nipping on it softly. 

Clarke licks her lips and smiles secretly as she glances over at Aden, who is wholeheartedly paying attention to the movie playing. 

Lexa moves to Clarke’s earlobe and tugs it as her hands move to find Clarke’s thighs. 

Clarke leans into Lexa as the brunette squeezes her thighs.

Lexa’s hand then unhurriedly begins moving to the inside of Clarke’s thighs. Lexa knows what Clarke is expecting, and she wants to make her wait so she takes her time on her delicate thighs before reaching her center and cupping her.

Clarke bites her lip to stop herself from making a sound and she looks back at Aden to make sure he is focused on the movie, which he is. 

Clarke takes her hand and places it on top of Lexa’s, which she holds and leads inside her pants. 

The brunette follows along Clarke’s direction and smirks when the blonde takes her hand exactly where she wants it. 

Clarke begins guiding her movement, urging Lexa to touch her. Lexa’s hand moves upwards and downwards with Clarke’s hand on her own. 

Clarke closes her eyes at the feeling and moans softly.

Lexa shushes her lowly, “If you make a sound, we’ll have an audience.” She reminds Clarke that Aden is around. 

Clarke purses her lips in complaint and muffles her sounds. 

Lexa’s hand moves upwards and downwards at a slow pace but pressing hard to give a good amount of friction.

She knows this will only get Clarke warmed up. At some point, Lexa intends on switching to circles directly on Clarke’s clit. 

Clarke pushes her legs open, a little wide, as she enjoys Lexa’s fingers on her. She follows in her head the paces of the strokes. 

_… upwards …. downwards…._  

_… upwards …. downwards…._  

_… upwards …. downwards…._  

…

“Did you see that? What did that mean?” Aden asks regarding the ending of the movie which he did not understand. 

Clarke turns quickly to him and Lexa pulls her hand out of Clarke’s pants and returns it to Clarke’s torso as if she simply has her arms around her under the poncho.

“Um… yeah, I um… I don’t know. I didn’t get it either,” Clarke responds, trying to act casually though her face has gone pink. Aden does not notice, but she knows the truth about what she was doing and on its own, that makes her blush. 

Lexa hides her face in Clarke's shoulder as she sneers and avoids breaking into laughter because she can tell how nervous and embarrassed Clarke is right now at getting caught, sort of getting caught. 

“Yeah, I didn’t get it either. Anyway, can we go eat something? I’m hungry,” Aden says. 

“Of course,” Clarke says as she and Lexa begin to rise from their seats along with Aden. “Why don’t you go down and heat the kettle up, we’ll be right down,” Clarke tells him anything to get a moment with Lexa.

As soon as Aden is down, Clarke shoves Lexa, who is still sniggering. 

“You fucker!” Clarke exclaims humorously. 

“Oh, come on, that was funny. You’re adorable when you blush,” Lexa teases. 

Clarke shoves her again and then pulls her back in with an eye roll. “Adorable huh?” she teases back. 

“Mhm,” Lexa agrees as she leans in and kisses her. Lexa sways them to the pop song playing from the credits of the movie.  

The brunette pulls away and twirls Clarke to the rhythm, taking the blonde by surprise and making her gasp. 

Clarke laughs as she accommodates to the dance and Lexa pulls her back in. 

“Shit,” Clarke says unexpectedly.

They both break their dance and Lexa checks her. “What’s wrong?” 

Clarke shakes her head, “Oh, um, nothing, this is perfect, it’s just that I now remember that we have to call Marcus and tell him about our accidents. I don’t know if we can film like this or if we should.” 

“Right. Especially you,” Lexa states. 

Clarke picks her phone up from the table and texts Marcus to call her when he is available. 

“Okay, he’ll call when he can,” Clarke says as she adjusts herself next to Lexa as they were before. 

“Okay,” Lexa says with a smile. 

“Mom? Lexa?” Aden calls from downstairs. 

“We should go. He’s hungry,” Lexa says. 

“Order in or homemade?” Clarke asks. 

“I can make something quick,” Lexa suggests. “I’ll try to teach you not to burn it down,” she jokes. 

Clarke stares at her and then spanks her as she hurries downstairs in an almost run. 

“You’ll pay for that later,” Lexa threatens jokingly. 

Clarke turns and bites her lip, “You promise?” she teases. 

Lexa bares her teeth as her imagination begins working, “Fuck yes,” she responds as she follows her down. 

 

\------

After eating, Lexa and Clarke play with Aden for a decent time, from Legos to building car tracks to tiny foosball and bowling. 

By the end of it, it is time for him to go to bed. 

Clarke begins walking him to his room and Lexa almost follows but then falls back and lets Clarke and Aden go alone. 

Clarke takes him to his room and tucks him in. 

“Can I ask you something sweetie?” Clarke asks. 

“Yeah”

“How do you feel about Lexa being here a lot? About you seeing her a lot? She means a lot to me and she’ll hopefully be spending a lot of time here,” Clarke says. 

“It’s okay, she can be here a lot,” he answers. 

“Well, more than just being around here, do you think that maybe in the future you’ll be okay with her being a bigger part of our lives?” Clarke inquires. 

“Yeah, sure. I’m okay with it,” Aden says. 

“How about letting her maybe tuck you in sometime?” Clarke asks. 

“She can tuck me in now,” Aden responds. 

Clarke is shocked by the response. Aden has never been accepting to many tucking him in. He was only okay with a handful of people including Abby, Wells and her. On rare occasions, he had let Raven do it, but only when Clarke was there too. He had never let Finn do it for instance, and Finn had known Aden since Clarke had adopted him, so had everyone else he wouldn’t let tuck him in. This was definitely unexpected. 

“Really?” Clarke double-checks for her sake.

“Mhm,” Aden says with a nod. “Do you love Lexa, mommy?” he asks after. 

Clarke smiles. “Yes, I do,” she answers him softly. 

“I think I love her too,” Aden confesses as his eyes begin to close against his will. 

Clarke smiles wider. “Good. It’s important to me how you feel about all this in case my relationship with Lexa becomes more in the future,” she tells him. 

“Like getting married?” Aden asks, taking her by surprise. 

She had not even gone that far yet, in her head, she was only thinking as far as moving in, but now that he had brought it up, the idea of marriage with Lexa sounded like something she would agree to in a heartbeat. 

She grins. “How would you feel about that?” she wonders and asks. 

“Angela from school has two mommies. She says it’s awesome,” he responds. 

She chuckles lightly.  _Good enough._ “Okay, go to bed now. Sleep tight,” she says as she kisses his forehead and walks out. 

She will let Lexa tuck him in another day. It didn’t matter that she hadn’t done it now because with how her brain was running on fire at the thought of her and Lexa’s future, the brunette would have plenty of time to tuck him in later on. 

She makes her way back to Lexa. 

The brunette greets her with arms wide open. 

“Lexa, I need to ask you something,” Clarke begins as she gets comfortable next to her and the brunette wraps her arm around her. 

Lexa nods and waits. 

“Do you forgive me?” Clarke asks. “For everything I did. For the way I behaved. I’m done fucking up. I’ll be communicative now, I promise. No more reckless teen Clarke,” the blonde says. 

She appears to have more to say but Lexa stops her, “Stop. You don’t have to keep apologizing. I forgave you long ago, before you even asked,” she tells her with a peck on her forehead. 

“You did?” Clarke asks in disbelief. 

“Of course I did,” Lexa assures her.

“Why?” Clarke inquires. 

“Because,” is all she gets. 

“Tell me why,” Clarke pushes with her soft voice. 

“You know why,” Lexa holds.

“Tell me anyway. I want to hear you say it,” Clarke states.

“Because I love you Clarke,” Lexa declares.  

Clarke’s eyes begin to water as she smiles widely. 

Lexa pulls her in gently, “Don’t cry,” she whispers as she smiles as well. 

Clarke tries to hold her tears but a couple fall anyway. “You have no idea how it feels to hear you say that,” she says as she puts her arms around Lexa. 

“Well, if you say them back, then I will,” Lexa murmurs. 

Clarke chuckles, “I love you too, I love you so much,” she declares back as they both lean in to kiss each other. 

It’s a soft, tender kiss and once they pull back, Lexa smoothly wipes Clarke’s tears.

“I know exactly how it feels to hear that,” Lexa says as she beams at Clarke. 

Clarke is the first to move in for a hug and Lexa holds her tightly when she does. 

Clarke closes her eyes hard as she hugs the brunette. She almost doesn’t believe how lucky she is, and how it all worked out after all. 

Lexa holds Clarke and they both find the position that works for them as they sit in the living room.  

They look at each other and simultaneously, they both think the same thing as they smile widely and lean in for a kiss.

_I could get used to this..._


	20. Coming Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it's taking me long to finish. I've been very busy lately but I'll try to make time and get this done.

Clarke and Lexa explain to Marcus and Abby what happened when they return from their weeklong vacation. They both show the expected concern and disappointment at not being told sooner, but Clarke was adamant on not ruining their week and she has no regrets other than her injury being inconvenient for filming.

 

After having spent some days walking on her leg and a checkup of everything, she thinks that she is ready to go back to work. The movie doesn’t require any more arduous physical activity anymore anyhow and her doctor and Lexa’s have approved of them going back to work so long as they continue with their respective methods of recovery and don't put too much strain on themselves.

 

“You spend three months practicing an impossible dance and you end up nearly breaking your everything by slipping in the shower? Classic you,” Octavia teases Clarke the following Monday as Clarke changes out of her clothes so that Raven can do her makeup for the first scene of the day before Murphy gets her what she will be wearing for shooting the upcoming scene.

 

Clarke simply chuckles and hides a bigger smile that she has had since she walked into work this morning.

 

“You’re in a good mood,” Octavia notes as she drinks from a smoothie.

 

“Yeah, too good. Are you on something?” Raven jokingly asks as she preps her makeup.

 

“I’m just happy, can’t I be happy?” Clarke says ambiguously through the openings of her changing room door.

 

“Okay…” Raven and Octavia respond as they exchange glances. They find it odd that in the course of a week Clarke has gone from borderline depressed back to her happy, perky self.

 

“Have any of you seen Lexa today?” Clarke asks.

 

“No,” they say one after the other.

 

“How are you two doing with the whole Lexa thing?” Raven asks in concern.

 

Clarke steps out of the small room into her powder room in nothing but her underwear, as usual, so that Raven can apply makeup all over her body equally.

 

Raven gasps in surprise when she sees the blonde.

 

“We’re… not bad,” Clarke says with a smirk.

 

Octavia looks up and chokes on her smoothie.

 

Clarke casually sits in the chair for Raven to work on her.

 

“So… I suppose all these bruises, bite marks and what I know from experience are hickeys are the result of some… consensual action involving Lexa?” Raven says as she eyes the marks all over the blonde’s body from Lexa.

 

“You are correct in your supposition,” Clarke responds arrogant as ever.

 

“Well shit!” Octavia remarks. “Good weekend huh?”

 

Clarke nods.

 

“And here we were all worried about you while you and Lexa where being kinky as fuck,” Octavia says.

 

“You could have warned me you know,” Raven nags. “We needed to come in early for this shit. I mean to have time for you to tell us all about what we missed and for me to have time to cover all this up with makeup.” In that moment, she picks up Clarke’s arm and lifts it slightly to show one side to Octavia. “Actual teeth indents,” she points out in surprise, and to annoy Clarke.

 

Octavia shakes her head, “damn Clarke. Give me your phone,” she demands.

 

“Why?” Clarke wonders.

 

“Just give it to me,” Octavia presses.

 

Clarke gives her the phone unlocked.

 

Octavia messes with it for a short while and then returns it.

 

Clarke notices that Octavia has changed Lexa’s name on her contacts as ‘Commander’.

 

“After all those marks, I’d say she deserves the dom title, don’t you?” Octavia teases.

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, but she agrees with her internally.

 

“Get to it then. We gotta know,” Raven pushes, eager to hear the details.

 

Clarke finally lets the smile she has been hiding loose and gets ready to fill them in on everything they have missed during the weekend. Octavia gets comfortable in the room and Raven works while she listens.

 

\------

 

An assistant knocks on the door of Clarke’s powder room for the second time to ask if Clarke is ready but Raven turns her away.

 

“So, who knows about you guys?” Octavia asks.

 

“Just you guys now. I’m going to tell my mom. And the rest of the gang but as for everyone else, well, I don’t know. It’s not like I have to make some announcement about the people I’m dating,” Clarke comments.

 

“Yeah, true. Only announce to close friends and family,” Octavia responds.

 

“Yeah, I think I’ll do that. People are going to find out anyway actually because of Costia talking to a magazine and what not. Niylah and Lexa’s manager are releasing statements too,” Clarke says.

 

“I think you have till about noon to tell everyone that matters before social media explodes,” Raven states.

 

“Yeah,” Clarke agrees.

 

Nearly finished, Raven abruptly stops working on Clarke for a moment, “Wait! Does this mean I have this much work to do on Lexa too?” as she considers that she’ll have a lot more work to do just as she thought she was almost finished.

 

“No. I…” Clarke blushes slightly, “I was mostly on the receiving end. But you might find some scratches,” she says timidly.

 

Raven smirks at Clarke, chuckles, exchanges a look with Octavia and gets back to the finishing touches.

 

As she finalizes, a knock on the door is followed by Lexa opening it.

 

“Hello, may I come in?” she asks.

 

“Oh yes! Come in Commander, Clarke told us you wanted to thank us for the dildo!” Raven shouts out to her in her usual uncensored way.

 

Lexa walks inside and shuts the door quickly before anyone hears anything. She hides her blush very well.

 

Clarke immediately jumps in to talk, “I didn’t tell ’em we used it!” she almost shouts in self-defense. “She’s just trying to make you uncomfortable,” she says as she shoves Raven.

 

“You just did,” Octavia points out when Clarke confirms that they used the dildo by denying telling them about it. “You’re welcome by the way,” she torments.

 

Clarke goes redder than she already was, but Lexa maintains her poker face, with a tiny one-sided smile.

 

“Since you’ve been discussing me,” Lexa begins as Clarke bares her teeth with some humor, “I hope it’s all been good in the least,” she says confidently.

 

“Oh it has been, you have nothing to worry about. Clarke has nothing but good things to say so your reputation is safe,” Raven comments.

 

Lexa simply responds with a smile and small nod. “May I have a moment with Clarke?”

 

Raven packs her things up, “So long as you don’t mess up my work. It has taken me a lot of effort to get rid of all the blues and purples and make her entire skin match again,” she teases one last time as she leaves the room.

 

“Is everything okay?” Clarke asks as she stands and meets Lexa half way in a hug.

 

“Yes. I feel like I owe you an apology,” Lexa says.

 

“Woah, are you breaking up with me or something?” Clarke says jokingly but a with a little tension at whatever Lexa means.

 

The brunette smiles at the tiny joke, “No. I simply mean that you apologized quite a lot for not being communicative and all other mistakes and I think I should take part of the blame on that so…” she raises her finger and her eyebrows to stop Clarke from talking because she knows the blonde is about to interrupt her to tell her not to apologize, “let me just promise that I too will be communicative about my feelings and anything else. Communication is a two way street and if we were not communicating, it was partly my fault as well.”

 

Clarke smiles, “Okay. Good. I want that. And as for all the shit that has passed, well, we’re past that. Agreed?”

 

Lexa smiles wide, “Agreed.”

 

Raven pops her head into the room, “You guys know that I need to work on Lexa now right? Murphy needs to work on Clarke too.”

 

Lexa turns her face to the door, “I’ll be right there Raven,” she says.

 

The girl’s head disappears from view.

 

“Oh, one more thing before I leave you to get dressed,” Lexa says, “I told Anya **never** to speak to you the way she did again. And she won’t,” she states firmly.

 

Clarke hugs her tight. “Thank you babe. That means a lot. Even though I get why she did it,” Clarke justifies Anya.

 

“I don’t. It was unacceptable and I’m never letting anyone speak to you in that manner again if I can help it,” Lexa reiterates.

 

“How do you know what she said anyway?” Clarke asks.

 

“I called her and she told me, almost word for word. I was very upset and she has promised not to repeat that,” Lexa says.

 

Clarke nods and hugs Lexa harder, “I love you so much,” she reminds her.

 

“I love you too,” Lexa responds with a peck on the lips.

 

“So um, I was thinking we should tell everyone about us before they find out from someone else,” Clarke says afterwards.

 

“Alright. As you wish. Now?” Lexa asks.

 

“Oh, well I’m still in my underwear but after I guess. I feel kind of weird making it so formal, I just don’t have time to personally tell them all because by the time I try to get someone alone to tell them as friends, the next person would have checked the news and they’ll be offended that I didn’t tell them you know,” Clarke explains.

 

“I understand. We could just make out in front of them and they’ll get the message,” Lexa jokes.

 

“You think? Maybe we should have sex just in case anyone isn’t clear on it,” Clarke jokes back.

 

Lexa raises an eyebrow, “You’d like an audience? You’re kinkier than I thought,” she says as her hands move down to Clarke’s ass.

 

“You have no idea,” Clarke says as she bites her own lip.

 

“Out of curiosity, did you tell the girls about our safe word?” Lexa asks Clarke.

 

“God no! They’ll kill me if they find out we use their names mashed up as a safe word,” Clarke says as she shakes her head, with her eyes widened at the thought of Raven and Octavia finding out.

 

“You what now?” Raven says as she intrudes.

 

“What the hell?” Clarke reacts. “Were you eavesdropping?”

 

“No, we are running late thanks to both of you being into rough play so I came to get Lexa,” Raven says.

 

“Do you think you’ll ever start to filter yourself?” Lexa asks amicably.

 

“Uh, no,” Raven responds with a wink. “Now let’s go please,” she tells Lexa.

 

Before she leaves, Lexa gives Clarke another peck while the blonde looks at her with thinned eyes in pretend anger at bringing the subject up and getting them caught.

 

“As for you, you are so busted,” Raven goes on, “I’m telling Octavia and we will talk about you using our names, especially mine as a cockblock later! If anything, my name should be used as a way to turn you on!” Raven yells out jokingly as she leaves the room with Lexa following her.

 

\------

 

During a short break while filming, Clarke finds her shot to tell her friends on set about her and Lexa. Raven and Octavia help gather the gang to make the announcement. 

 

She gabs Lexa’s arm softly and gives her a knowing look.

 

Lexa moves closer to her and grabs her hand.

 

“Guys,” Clarke calls their attention.

 

Their friends turn to face her and Lexa.

 

“So, Lexa and I wanted to tell you all something before you found out about it tomorrow in the news,” Clarke begins.

 

“They’re dating!” Raven hollers out, making everyone turn to her with wide eyes.

 

“Thanks Rae,” Clarke says awkwardly, “Uh, yeah, I guess that was it,” she adds with a shrug.

 

Lexa casually glances from Raven to Clarke and smiles.

 

Raven takes the chance to make an announcement herself. "Dinner at my place tonight everyone! To celebrate this and you know, to chill," she says. 

 

“Alright!” Lincoln cheers, breaking the silence. "Power couple and food. Awesome!"

 

Everyone laughs.

 

“Anyway, we just wanted to tell you because you guys mean a lot and that’s it, so in the words of the great Marcus Kane, let’s get back to work everyone,” Clarke says, ending with an imitation of their producer.

 

They get back to work promptly, some of them teasing Clarke with looks or small elbow bumps.          

 

\-----

 

At the end of the day, Clarke and Lexa go back to Clarke’s house. Abby picks Aden up from school that day.

 

"Clexa," Clarke says.

 

Lexa turns to Clarke with an eyebrow raise, "What?"

 

"Clexa, That's our power couple name," Clarke clarifies.

 

Lexa chuckles and leans into Clarke and kisses her forehead. "Gosh, you are absolutely adorable," she remarks.

 

Clarke holds her tight and smiles with a small blush. "You make me feel like a teenager, all blushing and stuff," she says.

 

Lexa simply smiles back.

 

"Who is left to tell?" Lexa asks Clarke about their news.

 

"Um, I called my mom during lunch and Jasper will find out from Monty. I guess that's it for close people," Clarke answers uncertainly, but after a moment of thought, she begins to say something else, "except for..." She pauses.

 

Lexa tries to figure out who is left. She doesn't want to say his name but she knows he is the only person left. "Finn".

 


	21. Mutually Agreed Upon Arrangement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let's get this whole Finn thing over with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go. (I think)

 

“Yeah, Finn,” Clarke says, noting Lexa's discomfort. “We need to talk about him,” says the blonde, almost reluctantly. 

"Regarding what?" Lexa asks. 

"Well, he's part of my group of friends. He is my friend actually. I've known him since I was young so he's been a big part of my life," Clarke says cautiously. 

"He's your ex," Lexa notes, her tone stern. 

"Our romantic relationship is over. It's absolutely done, it's perished, like it never happened," Clarke tries to convince. 

"You can't pretend it never happened," Lexa responds. 

"Trust me, I feel nothing for Finn," Clarke insists.

"You might not but what about him? What if sometime in the future we fight and he's there to comfort you? What if you start to miss him and he's there for you... “as a friend” and then the romance grows again?" Lexa showers her in her doubts. 

"Babe," Clarke grabs her face while Lexa holds her from the waist, "listen, please. The thought of Finn literally disgusts me now. Every time I think of how I was with him, I throw up a little in my mouth. No offense to him, but he does not compare to you at all. I'm completely, undoubtedly, madly in love with you and that's not going to change if we fight or if he's around in any way, no matter what," she finishes, staring directly into Lexa's eyes, hoping the brunette is sold on her words.

Lexa sighs. "I understand everything you are saying. I feel the same way about you, but I can't help but be uncomfortable with him around you. I can't help but think of how he used to touch you and kiss you," Lexa's face progressively worsens, showing repugnance and sadness as she spoke of things she didn't want to think of. 

Clarke sighs back. She tries to explain one more thing softly, "I can't just kick him out of my life. He's in my friend group. He's friends with everyone I'm friends with. He hangs out with us sometimes. I can't put everyone in a position to choose me or him. It's not that I want to spend time with him, it's that I'll tear the group apart."

Lexa can see Clarke's distraught face. She knows Clarke is not trying to defend Finn. She knows it's not only about staying friends with someone she has known for over a decade, which is actually understandable because Finn has been her friend for a long time. It’s about how the all Clarke’s friends, who she dares call her own friends too now, would have to get rid of one member to make room for her. She wants to be understanding, but the clash between friendship and romance is troublesome for her. She can't bare to be around him all the time. But it's not fair to also make everyone have to choose. How could she ask people to get rid of a friend they've known for so long for a reason that mostly affects her?

Lexa sighs again. 

Neither of them know what to do. And there is along moment of silence.

Clarke thinks back to when she broke up with Finn. Then she thinks back further to another kind of situation. She thinks back to when she adopted Aden. She thinks that if a single friend had made Aden uncomfortable, she would have been willing to end their friendship.  

"Hey," Clarke calls Lexa's attention with her soft voice. "If you can't be around him. I won't make you choose. When I broke up with him I was one hundred percent ready to let him go entirely for you. I had no doubt that if I had to choose between you two, I'd choose you. So say the word, and I'll let everyone know that if they want to spend time with us, and I'm saying  **us**  because I am fully committed to you and it's not just me anymore, then they'll have to find a way to make it work." 

Lexa is surprised at the answer. What if all her friends refused to make it work? Would she be willing to let them all go? Lexa doubts they would ever do that, but if they did, would Clarke let them all go for her? 

"I... I don't want to make you choose between your friends that include your ex or no friends at all," the brunette says to her.

"You're not. If my friends love me they'll understand," Clarke assures her. “He's not around all the time anyway. He has a different job and stuff," Clarke points out. 

"I know he is not around all the time. I suppose I could handle seeing him once every... ten years," Lexa finishes with a joke. 

"You know he admires you right?" Clarke says more than asks. Her sentences jump from one thing to the other but Lexa is used to it by now. 

"He admires me?" Lexa is shocked. "I doubt that."

"He does. He told me in his own way. He thinks you're amazing," Clarke says recalling his words when she told him she was dating Lexa. 

Lexa doesn’t respond. She's not sure what to make with that piece of information. She can still barely tolerate him, and even if he is a fan of hers, it doesn't change her feelings towards him.

"I get it okay. I need to talk to him, now," Clarke says. 

"Now? To tell him what?" Lexa wonders. 

"Yes. Now. We're together aren't we? And he needs to know what that means. I'm going to talk to him so he can be okay with this. I think that’s a better way of handling it than avoiding him all of a sudden and him not understanding why," Clarke says. 

The blonde pulls away from their embrace. 

"Can I leave you with Aden?" Clarke asks her. 

"Of course. Are you sure you want to go now? Alone?" Lexa checks.

"Yeah. Don't worry. I'll make this work. You trust me right?" Clarke asks. 

"Implicitly. Him, I'm not so sure about," Lexa says. 

"I know. But you're biased. You're in love with me, of course you'd hate my ex," Clarke says with some lightheartedness. 

The blonde goes to Aden's room. He's laying on his bed. Abby put him to sleep early. She sits next to him and leans in, gently rocking him awake. "Sweetie, I'm going out for a bit. You think you'll be okay with Lexa here to watch over you?" 

"Mhm," he answers faintly. 

She smiles, kisses his forehead and leaves his room. She grabs her things and gives Lexa a quick peck on the lips. 

"I can't do this via the phone. I have to do it in person, you know?" she explains.

"You don't have to say anything. I understand," Lexa responds. “Clarke,” she calls back.

The blonde turns. 

“Thank you,” she says. 

Clarke smiles. “Don’t thank me. I think you’re being reasonable, so thank you for that,” she says kindly. She turns to leave but turns back once more, “oh, and I love you," Clarke reminds her.

"I love you too Clarke," Lexa assures her. 

They smile and Clarke makes her way out to Finn's house. 

On the way there, she practices everything she's going to tell him. She's not sure how he'll take it, but she thinks if she talks to him first, and they find a solution that works for them both, she won't have to drop a bombshell on all her other friends by making them figure out how to handle both Finn's friendship and Lexa's newfound relationship with her. 

She makes it to his apartment building and rings on the doorbell. He takes a while to open the door to the building, but he eventually does. She makes it to his apartment and notices the open door her left her. She walks in and all she sees are boxes, newspapers and tape. His apartment never had much anyway, but it's a lot emptier now. 

“I guess you're the first to know,” Finn says as he steps out of another room with some items he is wrapping in newspaper. He puts them down on his coffee table. 

“Know what? What's going on? Getting evicted?” Clarke jokes, hoping she's not right. 

Finn laughs. “Nope, getting promoted,” he answers with a grin on his face.

“Really? That's amazing!” Clarke exclaims. 

“They told me this morning, they want me to start ASAP,” Finn tells her as he works on opening more boxes to fill. “I've been packing all morning so I didn't have time to call anyone,” he says as he starts putting some of his things in an empty box. “Figured I'd tell everyone tonight at Raven's thing. I got a text about it. That's still on right?” he asks as he disappears behind other boxes.

“Yeah, that's still on,” Clarke assures him. “You're moving,” Clarke states what he has forgotten to. 

He rises back up from behind the cardboard. “Yeah. To Canada,” he lets her know with a face that shows his surprise at an idea that never crossed his mind.

It seems like her problem has just been almost completely solved. Finn’s presence has been reduced significantly and she didn’t have to make anyone uncomfortable, except for Lexa. She feels a little guilty about the situation she put her in even though the brunette said she understood.  For a moment she considers not telling him anything at all. But even if he is leaving, he needs to be aware of how their relationship is about to change even more than it already has. 

“I’m really happy for you Finn,” she begins, “but I kinda came to talk to you about something. You mind giving me a minute?” she asks. 

“Um, yeah, sure,” he looks a little confused as he makes his way to the fridge and grabs a beer, one of the only things left in there. “You want one?” he asks. 

“No,” she shakes her head.  

He nods back, opens his and waits for her to talk. 

“Well, I’ll get right to it. Lexa and I are officially together now,” she introduces the subject.

“Like publicly?” he interrupts.

“Yeah, I’ve told everyone and the news will be out tomorrow,” she nods. 

“Cool! Good for you guys, or should I say girls,” he comments. 

“Right. Thanks. Anyway, the point is, she… feels uncomfortable with you around me because you’re my ex,” she puts it out there with no subtleties. 

“Oh,” he responds in small surprise as he stops from taking a sip of his beer.

“Yeah. And I mean, you get why, right?” Clarke tries to get him to see it the way Lexa does.

“But I’m your friend too. I’m friends with everyone else. What am I supposed to do, just not hang with anyone ever again cuz she’s around?” he questions, a little riled up. 

“I know you’re friends with everyone but you’re still my ex. What if you were her?” Clarke pushes him a little.  

He looks around, unsure of what to answer, “I don’t know. I’ve hung around you with your other boyfriends before and it was fine.”

“That was because they didn’t know about us. I never told them,” Clarke points out. “Lexa already knew from before and even if she didn’t, I’d tell her. She deserves to know.” 

He swallows. “I mean I get it,” he says a little loudly, “But, what… what do you… you want me to just never hang out with you again?” he stumbles on words. 

“I was thinking we could limit our encounters to like… birthdays and big events where we’d be there at the same time. You can still hang out with the boys. I’ll be spending most of my time with Lexa more than the gang now, and you’ll be in another country so it’s not like you’ll be around often,” Clarke says bluntly. 

“I know I’ll be in another country but what about when I visit? Do you not want to be friends with me anymore, at all?” Finn asks directly. “You wanna be like strangers.”  

“Finn. I’m in love with her. It has already been kinda hard asking her to be okay with us being friends even just a little because I understand her perspective but I also know we are friends. I don’t want to be a dick to you but…” she sighs as she tries to let him down easy, “you’re moving and I’ll see you sometimes when you visit. She might be okay with that if I convince her, but it’s complicated to keep an ex in your life. Especially when it’s been so long and we were on and off, and there’s so many variables going on. I think if I were her, I wouldn’t be as understanding as she’s being. I’d think I’d ask her to get rid of her ex entirely if I were in her position. What would you do if you were madly in love with a girl and she was uncomfortable with me? I’d understand if she wanted me gone completely,” she pauses to let him consider all she has said. “So, between never seeing me again and seeing me when you visit, I think you should take the second option,” she finishes. She tries not to make it sound like an ultimatum. 

He sighs after he hears her out. “You think she’ll agree to even let me be around you when I visit?” 

“She will. She’s always considerate of me like that,” Clarke says with a smile. 

He nods and presses his lips together as he looks down, trying to be okay with this new development. “Alright. I guess that’s better than nothing,” he says at last with a little sadness.  

“Yeah, thanks,” she says with a small smile. “Okay, I gotta go. See you at Raven’s thing,” she says. 

“Okay, see ya,” he says. 

She doesn’t go for a hug as she might have in the past. She simply smiles and makes her way back home to Lexa. She misses her immensely. 

\-------

She rushes up the stairs to find Lexa in a shirt and loose pants that she no doubt borrowed from her closet.  _She needs to bring some clothing here. Although, she looks hot_ _in my_ _clothing._  

“Hey,” she says as she puts her bag down and flashes to Lexa’s open arms. 

"Hey," the brunette responds as she embraces the blonde. 

“I missed you so much,” Clarke tells her, being fully aware that she was not gone for that long. 

Lexa smiles, “I missed you too. How did it go?” she asks.

“Would you be willing to see Finn ten percent of the times we’d hang with everyone else? For birthdays or special occasions and stuff?” Clarke asks prudently before answering. 

Lexa sighs as she contemplates it. It’s a reasonable number. “I suppose I can do ten percent,” she agrees. 

Clarke smiles and looks up at her. “He’s moving,” she says. 

Lexa furrows her brows, “Moving? Where to?” 

“Canada,” she answers with a light chuckle. “He’d only visit here every now and then so you’d barely have to see him,” she says. 

Lexa smiles. “Ten percent of the time,” she says affirming the earlier part, reminding Clarke this is all she’s agreeing to. 

“Maybe even less. Like, five percent,” Clarke responds with a smile of her own. 

The air is lighter now and they can both finally rest with this agreed upon arrangement. 

Clarke’s hand finds its way to the back of Lexa’s head and she leans in for a kiss. 

Lexa does not deny her the touch and she pulls Clarke closer from her waist. 

The brunette leans her head to the side and deepens the kiss. 

Clarke smiles into it and grips Lexa’s hair a little tighter. 

Lexa pulls away less than an inch from Clarke’s mouth, their foreheads still pressed together. “I really love you. So much. You cannot even imagine the depth of my love for you,” she whispers to the blonde. 

Clarke lets out a breath at the profound words. She does not think she’ll ever get used to hearing Lexa say things like that to her.

“Show me,” she whispers back as wraps her arms around the brunette’s neck. 

Lexa leans back in and lays another kiss on Clarke before she pulls back only to carry Clarke from her waist. 

The blonde quickly wraps her legs around Lexa and lets herself be carried to the bedroom. 

They kiss gently while Lexa walks to the bed and lays Clarke on it. 

The brunette removes her shirt and lets down her pants to end up in nothing but boxers. Her hands slowly find their way to Clarke’s shirt and she pulls it upwards while the blonde is sitting, staring at her physique.

Lexa loves the way Clarke’s hair falls back once she removes her shirt and she smiles at the sight of it a little messed up. 

With that smile, Lexa’s fingers reach the hemline of Clarke’s pants. She undoes the button and pulls down the zipper. Clarke lifts her lower body on the edge of the mattress so that Lexa can remove her pants, which she does. 

Once Clarke is in nothing but underwear, Lexa gets on her knees right in front of her. 

Clarke bites her lip at the site of Lexa between her legs. Scent begins to radiate from her center.

Lexa notices the marks on Clarke's body from their previous time. She doesn’t bother apologizing for them, on the contrary, she's close to gloating. She's proud of them. Even more, she wants to add to them, but if she continues at this rate, her old marks won't heal and Clarke will never have clear skin again. She decides she'll take it easy on her for now, at least until they are close to fading. 

Clarke has no problem showing off her branded body. She likes that it probably reminds Lexa of how she's completely hers for the taking. 

Then, the brunette’s hands travel from Clarke’s ankles, up her calves, slowly and smoothly. Clarke closes her eyes to focus only on the touch of Lexa. 

The brunette’s breathing quickens as she grips Clarke’s calves a little before releasing them and continuing her exploration upwards. She wants to bite, she knows it will be near impossible to commit to not rebranding Clarke, but she needs to let the bruises heal. She'll make a sacrifice and stick to a couple areas only. 

Lexa’s hands move on the side of Clarke’s thighs, her fingernails trace the skin as she makes her way to the edges of Clarke’s underwear. Then she moves her hands beneath the underwear to caress what she can of Clarke’s ass, gripping it as well. 

Clarke moves further from the edge of the bed, pushing her lower body against Lexa’s torso. 

Lexa leans in and kisses Clarke’s stomach, to which the blonde lets out a small gasp.

Clarke opens her legs wider while Lexa takes her time, kissing her abdomen as her hands roam from Clarke’s buttocks to her back. 

After a little, Lexa tangles her fingers in Clarke’s underwear and she begins pulling on it. Clarke immediately responds and does as she did with her pants and lifts her hips, leaning on her hands to allow the panties to be removed. 

Lexa lets the underwear fall by the edge of the bed before she pulls Clarke back to the position she was in before, on the edge of the bed, pulled close to her while she is, in turn, on her knees. She wants to have her as close to her as possible. 

Clarke helps Lexa along by removing her brassiere. 

She would have let the brunette do it, but she is burning in desire now and her frustration gets the better of her. 

Lexa straightens her back while she remains on her knees so that she can reach Clarke’s bust. 

She pulls the blonde from her back so that she can take a nipple into her mouth. 

Clarke’s hands immediately find their way to Lexa’s hair, pulling her in, encouraging her.  

Lexa sucks on Clarke’s breast, moaning with her eyes closed as she takes pleasure in it. 

Clarke’s clit is throbbing by now, and the wetness is beginning to accumulate between her legs. 

Lexa switches to the other breast as Clarke begins to rock herself against Lexa, looking for friction.

Lexa grips one breast with her hand and sucks on it hard, grunting as she does. Her tongue around the nipple brings out her more animalistic side. Her fingernails dig into Clarke’s back as the heat of her body rises. Clarke gasps in response, grimacing, but enjoying the feel. 

The blonde grabs Lexa’s face and tilts it upwards while she leans down to kiss her urgently. 

Lexa sets the pace of the kiss. She does not want to rush so she keeps it slow and deliberate and makes Clarke go along. Once they are in tune, they take their time to revel in each other’s lips, the way they brush against each other, the way their breath draws in and pulls their lips to one another. 

Lexa bites Clarke’s lower lip to lead the blonde to open her mouth, which she does. Just as soon, Lexa’s tongue finds home in Clarke’s mouth. 

Clarke moans as Lexa’s tongue caresses her own, twirling around it, feeling as much of it as she can, claiming dominance over the territory, and Clarke is happy to let her claim what she wants. 

Clarke eagerly sucks on Lexa’s tongue to entice her even more, to show to her how much she enjoys having their tongues collide together. 

Lexa half-moans and half-grunts at the action and it finally invites her to move forward. 

The brunette begins to stand. One hand goes to the bottom of Clarke’s thigh and the other to Clarke’s back as she rises and pushes the blonde back on the bed, joining her in it afterwards. 

The kiss does not brake entirely; Lexa merely tilts her head the other way as they both move up the bed. 

Clarke’s hands lower themselves on Lexa’s firm buttocks and she grips it while pulling it in. 

Lexa leans into the blonde as her body requests, connecting their intimate areas. 

Clarke lifts her left leg and wraps it around Lexa, giving her room to enter her at any point hereafter. 

Their interlocked lips keep begging for one another and they take enough time to inflate their arousal even more. 

Lexa eventually moves her lips to Clarke's neck, nipping at the marks already there from before. Clarke gives her unlimited access to it without being asked. 

Lexa’s hips begin rising and falling against Clarke’s, grinding down at the end, and then repeating the motion. 

Clarke’s already present moans become more frequent and she rotates her hips against Lexa as best she can while her leg is still around the brunette. 

Lexa’s tender lips pull away from Clarke’s neck and she pulls her head back enough to get a good look at the blonde’s face. 

Clarke looks up at her. She wants to tell her how beautiful she is, how much she is in love with her, how her look makes her burn inside, but all the words she can think of seem too modest, lacking. She has no words for the feelings that Lexa inspires in her and as she opens her mouth to say something, she falls silent, overtaken by everything. 

Lexa smiles and caresses the side of Clarke’s face. She sees Clarke was about to say something but holds back. Lexa thinks words are not necessary right now, she can do without them. What they have in this moment, what they feel, is enough, more than enough. It will always be.  

Lexa moves her right hand to Clarke’s center and as she gazes directly into her eyes, she starts caressing her clit. 

Clarke’s eyes close automatically as she finally gets the contact she was seeking. 

Lexa bites her lip at seeing how Clarke reacts to being pleasured. 

Soon, Lexa moves her fingers down Clarke’s sex, to her entrance. 

The brunette has no trouble lubricating her fingers with Clarke’s abundant fluid, and she pushes two fingers inside the blonde. Lexa closes her eyes on impulse to focus on how Clarke’s walls pulsate around her digits, begging for them. 

Clarke lets out her loudest moan yet and pushes her hips up against the brunette, driving Lexa’s fingers deeper into her. 

Lexa get familiar once more with being inside the blonde. She moves her fingers around, testing the limits of Clarke’s senses. 

She curls her fingers inside Clarke just to make sure she has complete control of the blonde, and she is satisfied when Clarke jerks, her chest rises and a breath exists her body in delight. 

Lexa gains rhythm right away, pulling out, though not completely, and then pushing back in.

She goes slow but gradually increases the force of her thrusts.

They kiss again, paced at the same time as the movement of Lexa’s fingers. 

Lexa’s thumb brushes Clarke’s clit and the blonde moans into her mouth. 

Lexa takes the que and begins rubbing it at medium speed. 

As their kiss intensifies, so does the rubbing and the thrusting. 

The brunette begins pushing harder into Clarke, intensifying her gratification. 

She goes a little faster, then harder and deeper. She presses down harder on the throbbing bundle of nerves as well. 

Clarke grips on to her tightly, her leg pulls Lexa harder against her and her hands do the same, indicating to the brunette how close she is to her climax. 

Lexa goes about curling her fingers inside Clarke every few thrusts, and not long after she sets that pattern, Clarke is fighting everything to prolong the moment and not come. 

Just as Clarke is about to let go, Lexa speaks softly but commanding, “Come now, but keep your eyes open. I want to see you come,” she says. 

Clarke does her best to obey. She lets herself go but keeps her eyes open. 

Lexa stretches Clarke with a third finger and she watches her orgasm, she pays close attention to the way Clarke’s pupils dilate when she peaks, but she does not forget to enjoy Clarke’s cunt closing on her fingers and the oncoming juices she releases. 

Lexa’s own cum drips down her, as it has been for some time, mixing with Clarke’s as she pushes inside her. 

Clarke can’t control herself and by the end of it, her eyes close, her body rises from the bed and shudders for a while as the orgasm overtakes her body. Lexa stops stimulating her once she’s done. 

The brunette waits for Clarke’s body to fall back on the bed and for the blonde to regain her senses. 

Once she’s done, Clarke opens her eyes again and looks at Lexa. She gives her a satisfied smile and pulls her in for a deep, wanting kiss. 

Clarke then pushes Lexa to the side so they both lay adjacent, and she pulls Lexa’s leg on top of her. 

It's her turn now. 

She wastes no time in reaching Lexa’s clit and rubbing it. 

She kisses Lexa deeply as she does and they continue this way for a short while until the brunette comes, pushing against Clarke’s fingers and lips, moaning softly. 

After it’s done, they lay next to each other, their heads pressed together. 

“I love you,” Clarke breathes out first. 

Lexa grins when she hears it. 

“I love you too Clarke,” she responds.  "So fucking much," she adds.

Lexa chuckles, "I love you so much too," she replies.

"Like, I really really love you," Clarke repeats. 

Lexa chuckles once more and kisses her again, "you are the biggest dork. And, I reall really really love you too, so much," she finishes. 

Clarke grins and kisses her again, pulling her closely.

After some short kisses, they part. 

"We have to get ready for Raven's thing tonight," Clarke says. 

"Yeah. We need a shower though," Lexa says as she begins to rise. "Care to join me?" She asks temptingly. 

Clarke bites her lip and nods, "absolutely," she says as she gets up and follows the brunette into the bathroom.

 


	22. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our story comes to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am TERRIBLY SORRY for the delay. I hope you all forgive me.  
> Mind you, this is not very well edited. Hope it's not too bad.

 

“We’re going to be late for Raven’s thing tonight,” Clarke says as she’s against the shower wall with warm water falling down her skin, the steam is enough to fog up the glass shower door. 

 

Lexa leans in, her right hand just above Clarke’s head, “So?” she says with a smirk before she kisses the blonde freely.

 

Clarke smiles into Lexa’s lips as she lifts her hands faintly to grab the brunette from her neck - she’s exhausted from their latest activities in the shower. Lexa presses her nude body against Clarke’s.

 

“She’ll be pissed. We’ll never hear the end of it,” Clarke says with the smile still on her face once they pull their lips away from one another.

 

“Can’t have that, can we?” Lexa teases as she presses her wet lips against Clarke’s once more.

 

The blonde chuckles and kisses back with a light head shake to answer Lexa.

 

“You’re really making me not want to go,” Clarke states when she has room to speak.

 

Lexa can barely half smirk before Clarke is kissing her again.

 

“Alright,” the brunette gives in and pulls back. “Shall we go?”

 

Clarke nods.

 

They let the water wash off the sweat and other fluids recently emitted from their bodies before exiting the shower.

 

The blonde takes her time preparing herself so Lexa steps into her suit quicker than Clarke does into her dress.

 

While getting changed, Lexa catches a glimpse of the box above the closet that contains all of Clarke’s sex toys. Their toys now, she figures.

 

“I think I’ll skip the underwear today,” Clarke says in a low, husky voice to Lexa as she finally grabs hold of her dress from the hanger Lexa is holding out for her. The brunette knows without looking at Clarke’s face that she’s using her sexy tone with her.

 

Clarke takes the dress and begins getting into it.

 

Suddenly, she finds the brunette’s front pressed against her still bare back. Lexa’s arms wrap around her waist and torso, and she leans into Clarke’s shoulder. “I have a better idea,” she states in the dominant way that makes Clarke’s insides tingle every time.

 

“Why don’t you…” Lexa pulls away and reaches up for the box, brings it down, and opens it, “wear this instead,” she says as she pulls out the vibrating panties she recalled were there from when she first opened it.

 

Clarke blushes right away and she unwillingly bites her lower lip when she hears Lexa’s words and feels her wide eyes upon her, igniting more every second.

 

 _Normal people would say that with an interrogatory tone,_ Clarke thinks when she gathers her thoughts. But she knows that in this regard, Lexa is not great with asking things. Not that Clarke minds. But it gives her just the right opening to tease.

 

“I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be a question,” Clarke bothers the brunette.

 

“No, it wasn’t,” Lexa states as she lowers herself on one knee before the blonde’s feet.

 

Clarke feels her body temperature rising already. She wants to wear them. But right now, she wants to annoy Lexa just a little more, she wants a little role swap from their usual dynamic.

 

“Ask me again, or should I just say ‘ask me’. Nicely this time,” Clarke conditions. 

 

Lexa’s jaw tightens. She has no problem asking Clarke things nicely, just not usually when it is about romance. In this, she wants her commands followed, no questions asked. In this, she has no interest in being nice, but Clarke is nothing if not challenging, and that turns her on more than frustrates her.

 

She takes a deep breath. “Please,” she manages to say.

 

Clarke smiles, “Please what?” she pushes further.

 

Lexa growls, by accident. Her breathing quickens. “You are so damn stubborn. You do know I’ll make you pay for this?" she says.

 

“Now that was almost a question,” Clarke jokes. “Now, ask me nicely. From the start,” she adds. She can’t help but smirk.

 

Lexa leans into Clarke’s cunt and licks her once as well as she can.

 

Clarke jerks and gasps in surprise and arousal as her eyes close, “Ahh!”

 

“Can you _please_ wear this?” Lexa says when she pulls back. It sounds half way between a question and a demand, but Clarke is suddenly in no position to play as if she’s in charge after her demonstration of how much control only Lexa’s tongue has over her.

 

Clarke says nothing more as she steps into the vibrating panties. Lexa has her _Commander_ on and they both know it. Clarke didn’t think she could last long playing dominant but she definitely did not give Lexa enough credit because the brunette took back her authority in less than thirty seconds. _Thirty seconds._ _That’s embarrassing,_ Clarke thinks.

 

Lexa rises back up with a taunting smirk and helps Clarke into her dress.

 

They finish up, and just before they leave, Lexa downloads the app necessary to have control over the panties.

 

They head down to the garage and naturally walk to Lexa’s car. Clarke is not driving in her dress.

 

Lexa opens the car door for Clarke and helps her in. She follows her into it on the other side and turns the engine on.

 

Before they head off to Raven’s, she glances at Clarke.

 

“Your punishment starts now,” she states firmly as she turns the panties on the lowest function available and leaves them steady.

 

Clarke moans softly in her seat and smiles wide. “I love being punished,” she comments.

 

“We’ll see how much you love it in public,” Lexa responds with a grin as they make their way out.

 

"Don't you remember? I love an audience," Clarke reminds her with a lip bite.

 

\----------

On the way, Clarke gets a text from Octavia, who has evidently already arrived at Raven’s.

 

            Octavia: RAVEN HAS A DATE!!!

 

“Raven’s got a date,” Clarke fills Lexa in.

 

“Oh yeah? She forgot to mention that,” Lexa says.

 

“Yeah. She’s usually all about sharing,” Clarke agrees.

 

            Clarke: How did we not know this??! Maybe she rented her for the day. Hahaha!

            Octavia: Thats what I’m looking into. Apparently it’s kind of serious. She wont stop blushing when I try and get her to talk about it. It’s the “hot blonde” from way ago in that club, remember?

            Clarke: Oh! You mean that blurry figure in the background that one time?

            Octavia: Haha, yeah! Apparently. Anyway, I’m strictly telling you this so you help me bother the hell out of her when you get here.

Clarke: Of course ;)

            Clarke: So what’s she like?

            Octavia: she’s not here yet, but Rae accidentally let it slip that she’s coming.

            Clarke: ah. Well if she gets there before we do, send a pic.

            Octavia: will do.

            Clarke: be there soon. Is Raven grumbling about how we aren’t there yet?

            Octavia: When isn’t she grumbling about something?

            Clarke: hahaha. Ok. we’re nearby. See ya in a bit.  

 

“It’s this blonde she met a while ago. Octavia says it seems kind of serious,” Clarke shares with Lexa.

 

“Good for her,” the brunette comments.

 

“I’m really curious to meet her. I wonder who could possibly meet her standards,” Clarke wonders aloud.

 

\---------

"You sure you don't want to talk about it?" Lexa asks Clarke.

 

On the way there, the blonde remembered a nightmare she had and it seemed to shake her up.

 

"It's fine. It was just a bad dream," Clarke assures Lexa as they make it to Raven's doorstep.

 

“Now I have two reasons to kill you,” Raven greets them both.

 

“Two?” Lexa wonders.

 

“Yes, two. One for being late, and one for using my name as a safe word during sex!” she exclaims. Octavia is not far within ear shot and she joins the conversation in the moment.

 

“Our names,” she corrects, “and yeah, what the hell guys?” she questions.

 

Clarke thins her lips and shrugs it out, unsure what to answer whereas Lexa stands there trying to hide her smile.

 

Raven stares them down and Octavia squints at them both.

 

“So, is it love?!” Clarke jumps into the teasing and changes the subject, but she accidentally emphasizes the last word too much because Lexa bumped up the strength of the vibrator in that moment and it comes out more like a statement than an intended question. 

 

Raven and Octavia stare at her, trying to figure out what was with the high pitch all of a sudden.

 

Clarke glances at Lexa who is smirking casually. The blonde doesn't want to give anything away and clears her throat, then asks Raven the same question once more.

 

Raven gets serious and her face goes pink when the focus is on her. 

 

“Oh my gosh, you really do blush when it comes up!” Clarke exclaims in surprise as she glances from Raven to Octavia. She and Octavia recognize how odd it is for Raven to blush at being the center of attention.

 

“I told you!” Octavia reminds with a nod.

 

“Shut it, okay,” Raven responds in her usual sass.

 

“So who is this mystery woman? Introduce us why don’t you,” Lexa joins in.

 

“She’s on her way,” Raven says when she glances behind Lexa and Clarke, who’s backs are facing the entrance, and sees her date arrive. “Actually, here she comes,” she says with a huge grin on her face.

 

Lexa and Clarke slowly turn around but not before Raven moves past them and momentarily blocks their view of the mysterious blonde  as she greets her.

 

“Well, I’ll be damned,” Lexa comments in shock as she lays eyes on the women, who is now within close range. 

 

“Um, are you usually going to let your mouth fall open when you see other pretty girls in front of me?” Clarke says with humor. 

 

Lexa turns to Clarke for a second, “Oh, no that is not it,” she tries to explain.

 

“Well of course that’s it. I make people’s mouths drop, why wouldn’t I. And for your information, I’m not pretty, I’m stunning,” Anya states.

 

“Anya,” Clarke says as she recognizes her voice and attitude.

 

“Yes. Me,” repeats the manager.

 

“What’s going on? You guys know each other?” Raven asks as her eyes move from person to person.

 

“Yes. We do. Anya is my manager,” Lexa lets Raven and Octavia know.

 

“I’m to thank for keeping her famous, making her money, and making her look good etcetera, etcetera, etcetera,” Anya says cockily.

 

Lexa smirks and chuckles. “Something like that,” she responds.

 

Octavia stands there taking it in.

 

“Hello Clarke,” Anya greets the blonde.

 

“Hi, Anya. I hope you’re doing well,” Clarke responds cordially with a head nod.

 

“I am. Better than I’ve ever been,” Anya says as she looks at Raven and the young woman smiles to her and locks their arms.

 

“I’m glad. I’m really happy for both of you. It’s my turn to give you the threatening speech now,” Clarke jokes.

 

Anya nods, knowing what Clarke is talking about. “About that, I’m … sorry,” she apologizes, though she’s not used to doing that much.

 

“Hey, don’t worry about it. It’s in the past,” Clarke says kindly.

 

Anya nods in a symbolic thank you.

 

“I’m Octavia by the way,” the black-haired woman adds as she reminds everyone of her presence.

 

“Nice to meet you,” Anya responds.

 

“Well, now that we’ve all met. I have to introduce my girlfriend to other people, excuse-moi,” Raven says as she pulls Anya and they walk away.

 

“Did you hear that? Girlfriend,” Octavia says to Clarke and Lexa once the couple is gone.

 

“I know. I heard. Raven looks completely smitten,” Clarke says.

 

“Kinda like you two,” Octavia points out.

 

Clarke and Lexa smile at each other.

 

“Gustus is here!” Octavia says.

 

“Gustus is invited?” Lexa asks.

 

“Yeah. You’re part of the gang and that means Gustus is too,” Octavia says as she gives Lexa a smile and goes to greet him by the door.

 

Lexa watches from afar as Gustus is also taken by surprise to see Anya with Raven. Lincoln meets up with the small formed circle and so does Bellamy as they all say hello to Gustus and Raven introduces Anya. They all look very comfortable with each other. Gustus looks like he's been friends with them for years Lexa concludes after some moments of observation.

 

Clarke turns to Lexa, who is smiling wide, beholding the site.

 

Lexa feels like this group of friends have really become her own, and she could not be happier that they’ve included her family and friend too.

 

“You okay?” Clarke asks the brunette.

 

“I’m wonderful,” Lexa responds while smiling as she pulls Clarke closer to her. “Let’s go say hello to everyone else,” she says.

 

“Okay,” Clarke agrees and they join the gang.

 

\-------

Later on, Finn arrives.

 

He makes his way to the group of friends gathered around.

 

Lexa, Gustus and Anya are separate by another table.

 

The brunette observes as everyone interacts with Finn. She notes that Raven shoves him for being late and that everyone’s face shows some surprise after he says a few words. Presumably he has just told them the news about moving to Canada.

 

Lexa turns to Gustus and Anya, “Would you guys be alright with your significant other spending time with their ex?” she asks.

 

“Who are we talking about?” Gustus asks.

 

“Clarke and Finn. But I want to know your personal opinions,” Lexa states.

 

“Depends on the ex,” Gustus says.

 

"Have you talked to her about it?" Anya asks instead of answering.

 

"Yes, I have," Lexa responds.

 

"And?" Anya wonders.

 

"I told her that I preferred if she did not spend time with him because I don't trust him," Lexa explains.

 

Gustus grimaces and Anya's shakes her head before speaking, "You told her you didn't trust him?" The blonde almost scolds.

 

Lexa furrows her brows, "Yes, is that a problem? I told her I trusted her," she justifies as she looks from her brother to Anya.

 

"Big mistake," Anya comments as she takes a sip of her drink.

 

Gustus nods.

 

"Why? What have I done?" Lexa asks.

 

"Telling someone you don't want them to spend time with some other person because you don't trust that person is the same as telling them you don't trust them!" Anya states.

 

"That's not it. I trust Clarke, in every way, implicitly," Lexa responds, slightly irritated by Anya's comment.

 

"It's not implicit if you have to tell her to stay away from her ex. It makes it sound like you don't trust her, no matter what you say," Anya says.

 

Lexa tightens her jaw. She glances at Clarke, who is chatting and laughing with her group of friends. _Have I made her think I don't trust her?_ Her breathing quickens. She never wants Clarke to think that she does not have enough confidence in her. _I can't have her think that._

 

"I did not intend to make it appear that way. I do trust her," Lexa states affirmatively without looking away from the blonde.

 

"So, you're telling me that if they were both drunk off their asses, and he threw himself on Clarke," Anya begins speaking and grabs Lexa's attention right away with her words. "If he got naked and put his hard dick in front of her and offered himself to her...", she goes on crudely.

 

Lexa winces, "thank you for that unnecessary image," she interrupts. The thought makes her hold her breath in aversion to what is being said.

 

"Yeah, thanks," Gustus agrees.

 

Anya gives a side smile simply because she likes making people uncomfortable, and then finishes her sentence, "as I was saying, if they were completely vulnerable, alone, together, friendly, drunk and you were halfway around the world and having problems, would you trust her to say no to him?"

 

Lexa breathes out as she instantly knows the answer to the question.

 

"Yes," she says clearly and assuredly. "Yes, I would. In every and all situations. No matter the circumstances."

 

Gustus and Anya smile.

 

"Well, damn, not sure I'd trust someone that much," Anya says. "Well, depends on the person I suppose," she says as she glances at Raven.

 

"What are you waiting for?" Gustus says as he shoves Lexa lightly on the shoulder. "Go tell her that."

 

Lexa smiles and nods and then makes her way to Clarke, stopping the vibrator before she reaches her. 

 

Clarke turns to search for her as she stops feeling the friction between her legs.

 

"May I speak alone to you for a moment?" Lexa asks her as she reaches her.

 

"Yeah, sure," she responds. She turns to her friends, "Be right back guys."

 

Clarke leads the way in Raven's house since she knows the place well. She takes Lexa to Raven's room and sits on the bed. "So what's up? Sexy time?" Clarke wiggles her brows as she pats Ravens bed suggestively.  
  
Lexa shows a half smile. "No. That’s not why I wanted to speak. I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry I made you choose between Finn and I. I was saying I had not made you choose, but I really did make you choose in the end. And for that, I apologize."             
  
Clarke is about to speak.             
  
"Let me finish please," Lexa says kindly, "As I think of it, I have come to realize that the reason I did not want you spending time with Finn was because of my own insecurities. Insecurities I should not put on you. I said I trusted you but as it has been recently pointed out to me, if I did, which I do, I would be okay with you spending time with your friend, which I now am. I would prefer not to spend time with him but I will for get-togethers and what not, but you can spend time with him if you want, or not if want to, alone or with friends. It is entirely up to you because I do trust you, in every way. And I promise, I will never put you in that position again. I suppose it was not really about Finn. It was me. I am..." her voice breaks, "scared of losing you."

 

Lexa looks down for a millisecond, but lifts her head back up because it is not like her to show when she is down. Clarke does not answer, but she takes Lexa's hands in her own. The brunette continues speaking, "I am aware that it is not an excuse… I wanted everything to be perfect. I want us to be perfect but we have not had the smoothest road you and I. I am learning to be okay with that, to be okay with not getting it right the first time. It will be a learning curve, but I promise, I will learn."

   
Clarke stands and holds Lexa's face. "Hey," she says softly, "It's okay. We'll get things right at our own pace. It's a learning curve for me too. And thank you, about the Finn thing. I appreciate it."  


Lexa looks at her dearly. Clarke smiles before speaking again, "I'm scared of losing you too," she confesses. "That nightmare I had," she brings it up, ready to talk about it now, "it was about you and I. We were in the post-apocalyptic world like in your movies. And like we are now, we didn't exactly have a smooth road. From what I remember, it was a mess of betrayal and feelings and duty, much more intense than our real lives," she jokes, "Anyway, after I finally had you, you died," her voice nearly cuts off at the last word, making it barely audible. She appears to be about to tear up. "It was fucking horrible, the way it happened, and your last words were about how life was about more than just surviving..."

 

Lexa hugs her instantly. "It's okay. I'm here. Fuck that dream."

 

Clarke lets out a small chuckle as she holds back her tears, "yeah, fuck it."

 

Lexa sighs in relief. "I’m glad that’s not our universe."

 

Clarke smiles back, "Yeah. Me too. I like you better when you’re alive."

 

Lexa smiles at that.

 

They hug for a long while, just to feel safe in each other's arms.

 

After some minutes, Clarke’s hands slowly move from Lexa’s back to her front. She makes space between their bodies and reaches inside Lexa’s jacket pocket.

 

Lexa lets her do as she wishes since she is unsure of what Clarke is doing.

 

Clarke reaches for Lexa’s phone and from the locked screen shortcut, she activates her vibrator again.

 

Lexa smirks, grabs Clarke from her jaw to lift it and kisses her. She takes her phone from Clarke, and without looking, turns the vibrator all the way up.  


Clarke gasps once at the feeling between her legs. She has been hiding her frustration well but she’s honestly ridiculously sexually frustrated at the moment.

 

Lexa kisses her deeply and pushes her back slightly into the bed. She wants to switch the vibrator for her hand but with Clarke in a dress it would be difficult. Just the same, she gently leads Clarke back against the mattress and places her leg between the blonde’s thighs, pushing against the middle and pressing the vibrator harder against Clarke.

 

“Ahh,” Clarke gasps again, louder this time.

 

The vibrations feel so much deeper at the highest level and with Lexa pushing harder against her. She knows she’s drenching her underwear as she pulls the brunette harder against her whole body and keeps kissing her, feeling her lips part just to give her room to push her tongue inside and capture Lexa’s. Clarke grabs the brunette from the back of her head and closes her eyes, ready to give in and come but then the vibrations stop and Lexa pulls away.

 

Clarke is taken aback as the brunette stands and smirks.

 

“What the hell?” Clarke comments.

 

Lexa’s smirk does not disappear, “If I let you come, it wouldn’t be much of a punishment,” she states as she pretends to straighten up her appearance though there was no need for it anyway.

 

Clarke throws her head back into the bed and grunts angrily and in higher frustration. “I hate being punished,” she groans.

 

Lexa chuckles and leans in for a quick peck, “I enjoy it,” she says as she plants it.

 

Just then, Raven walks in.

 

“Seriously!? Sex in my bed you guys?” she says as she rolls her eyes and complains.

 

Lexa pulls away quickly and Clarke follows. “No, we weren’t having sex, Raven,” Clarke assures her. “If only,” the blonde murmurs under her breath, to which Lexa grins slightly.

 

“You were about to. Good thing I walked in when I did. Now let’s go. Everyone is asking about you guys,” Raven says as she waits by the door to make sure that the two of them exit the room and head down.

 

Clarke holds on to Lexa’s arm and looks at her before looking at Finn. Lexa nods in understanding that Clarke is about to go speak to him and the blonde goes.

 

She touches his shoulder from behind.

 

“Hey,” she calls his attention.

 

“Hey,” he says back as he turns around.

 

“So listen, about the whole not seeing you and stuff. Forget about it okay. We can be friends, regular friends who see each other whenever they want. But only friends of course,” Clarke says.

 

He raises his brows in surprise at the words, “Oh yeah? What happened to Lexa and all that?”

 

“Well, she trusts me so she came to her senses and said that you and I could be whatever I chose and I choose friends,” Clarke states.

 

“And her?” Finn asks.

 

“You’ll find out from experience I guess,” she says.

 

Lexa joins them in the moment. “Finn,” she greets formally with a head nod.

 

“Hey, look, I just want to put it out there that I totally get what you and Clarke have and I would literally never mess with that,” he says.

 

Lexa rolls her eyes internally at his choice of words. _Goodness, he is the definition of articulate…_ she thinks sarcastically.

 

“Good,” she responds and then adds something to his own quality of speech, “And I just want to put out there that if you ever come on to Clarke I will literally break your most essential bones,” she says somewhere between lethal and comical. She can tell he’s confused and can’t tell if she means it or is joking and the air gets a little tense before she smiles. “Excuse me,” she adds with a smile and walks away.

 

Clarke lets out a chuckle to ease the strain in the air but doesn’t clarify anything. She simply walks away too and leaves Finn hanging.

 

The situation is comical to Lexa, who hides a smirk from them both.

\------

After a while, Marcus calls everyone’s attention. Since it is mostly cast and crew, he takes a moment to announce the premiere date of the movie and also to thank everyone for their work. Everyone cheers and celebrates and the party continues.

 

When it gets late, Lexa steps outside to get the car while Clarke finishes her goodbyes.

 

She finds Abby outside on her own.

 

“Abby, is everything alright?” she asks.

 

The woman turns to her and smiles, “Oh, yes, it just got a little too hot inside and I needed some fresh air. Menopause and all,” she half-jokes.

 

Lexa chuckles.

 

“Are you two leaving?” Abby asks.

 

“Yes, we are. Clarke is just behind me,” Lexa comments.

 

Abby nods.

 

“Abby, may I ask you something?” Lexa poses the question seriously. She is about to ask her regarding some very important concerns. Certain matters have been on her mind lately and she wants to know what Abby thinks sooner rather than later.

 

“Of course, how can I help you?” Abby wonders.

 

“I would like to marry your daughter. Not now, not this moment. But in the future, not too distant future. And also, I would like to adopt your grandson. I would very much like to be his mother as well. And I would like your blessing for it all. So my question is, do I have your blessing to marry Clarke and adopt Aden?” Lexa says without a glimpse of hesitation.

  
Abby looks surprised for a moment as she takes it in and then she smiles wide and lets out a short happy laugh. She tears up slightly. “Of course you do. Of course you do,” she repeats as she leans in and hugs Lexa. “Promise me you’ll take care of them both. Promise me you’ll do your best to make them happy,” she asks of Lexa.

 

Lexa smiles as she holds Abby in the embrace. “I promise. I have every intention of doing so. Thank you, Abby. Your blessing means a lot to me,” she tells her.

 

They pull back. Abby can’t stop smiling. She could not be more content that her daughter has found someone like Lexa and she’s thankful for it.

 

“Alright, I’m ready to go,” Clarke says as she steps outside.

 

Abby turns around and wipes the newly formed tears from her face before Clarke notices and she gives herself away.

 

“Alright,” Lexa replies to Clarke then turns to Abby for a “goodnight”.

 

Thankfully, the darkness does a good job of concealing Abby’s slightly ruined makeup. Clarke hugs her mother goodnight and they get into the car.

 

“Let’s go home,” Lexa tells her.

 

Clarke grins.

 

“What is it?” Lexa asks.  

 

“You said home,” Clarke says, the grin still wide.

 

“Yes I did,” Lexa says with a smile of her own as she takes Clarke’s hand and intertwines their fingers.

 

“My place is home?” Clarke asks.

 

“Well, in a way. More like, us together, you, Aden. All of us together. That’s home,” she replies.

 

Clarke chuckles, “Okay, let’s go home,” she says.

 

Lexa turns the car on and they drive off. But not before turning the vibrator up to full speed.

 

“You have permission to come now. You have until we get home,” Lexa tells Clarke, who is too busy relishing in the vibrations against her clit with closed eyes.

 

“Thank you,” she breathes out as she grips Lexa’s hand harder.

 ******

They arrive at Clarke’s. They thank Wells for watching over Aden and get to their bedtime rituals.

 

They lay on the bed together, facing each other.

 

“I love you more than anything,” Lexa tells her.

 

“I am head over heels for you,” Clarke responds.

 

“I want nothing but you, for now and the rest of my life,” Lexa counters.

 

 _Woah, was that a marriage proposal?_ Clarke thinks as she beams like a child. She wouldn’t mind that. The thought doesn’t scare her, quite the opposite, it excites her, gives her butterflies. She could almost feel a ghost of a ring on her finger at this moment. It wasn’t hard to imagine herself in a beautiful white dress and Lexa in a suit.

 

She breathes out in contentment.

 

They tenderly plant a kiss on each other’s lips before adjusting and falling asleep soundly in each other’s arms.

 

*********

*********

A couple months fly past and so do many events.              


The movie has been edited and finished and the world premiere is set to be in London in two days.

 

Clarke, inspired by many things, has been working on her music album as well. At the pace she’s at, the album will be finished soon and it will be by far the quickest album she’s ever written.

 

Abby and Marcus got married and have returned from their honeymoon three days ago.

 

Things have been moving fast, in a good way. Lexa has redecorated one of the rooms in her apartment for Aden. Clarke has some things there and they spend time in it when they want to. Lexa’s place is a little warmer now. The walls have color since Clarke painted them. It’s a little messier than it used to be with kid toys around and Clarke’s jacket lying about. Everything else looks almost the same, the only difference being that it’s no longer cold and impersonal, it’s now their second home and it feels just like that.

 

Lexa thinks about that when she wakes up Sunday morning in Clarke’s house as she goes down to the kitchen to make herself some tea and some coffee for the blonde.

 

This place is her home too now. She could feel it from before, but now it looked like it too. She stands there by the end of the stairs and looks around.

 

She looks at the new photographs that have been added. One is of her and Clarke when she proposed a month ago. The other is of her, Clarke and Aden holding the adoption letter that officially declared Lexa as Aden’s second parent. There is a painting of the entire group of friends and now family that Clarke painted not long ago. She thinks about Aden’s drawings in the kitchen door which now include her too.

 

She can’t help but smile wide and take a breath of pure bliss.  

             
Meanwhile, Clarke calls Aden down for breakfast and Lexa hears as Aden turns the TV off right after she hears the news feed he was watching about their upcoming premiere. There are no scandals, no criticisms and no dirty tricks. It was a clean report. The rumors and buzz that tangled her, Clarke, Costia and Finn into a complicated mess had long faded. Lexa smiles at the sound of the nickname the media adopted for them. _Clexa_. So the blonde got her wish.

 

And Lexa got everything she wanted too.

 

She smiles as she waits for the blonde to come down the stairs. The mere thought of seeing her and hearing her makes her grin. She can’t wait to marry her. She would have done it already but with everything going on they decided to leave it until after the movie was released. Also, it would have been a ridiculously quick engagement. Not that either one minded but they chose to take their time, or at least pretend to take their time while they plan the wedding and its necessary details.

 

She closes her eyes for a moment and she pictures it. Clarke in a wedding dress, twirling around, smiling, her blonde hair flying around. She imagines carrying her inside their house as a married couple, laying her on the bed and making love to her. She imagines family trips with Aden to the beach or Disneyland. She thinks of maybe having a child with Clarke and making an addition to their family, thinks of Aden having a brother or sister. Her mind almost flashes before her a life she has yet to live, a life she cannot wait to live.  

 

“Lexa,” Clarke calls.

 

Lexa opens her eyes. Clarke had been calling her for a while but she had been too distracted with her thoughts.

 

“Yes?” she asks.

 

“Breakfast, you coming babe?” Clarke says as she lifts her arm and opens her hand for Lexa to reach for.

 

Lexa beams as she takes Clarke’s hand and intertwines their fingers and follows her into the kitchen. “Yes, right behind you love.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all for your comments and for reading. I tried to take your comments into account, working on improving the story with them so consider yourselves co-writers of this. 
> 
> I hope you liked the story, I did my best to deliver the happy ending we all know they deserved. :)


End file.
